Chapter 74

I was in a pit of hot tar. I moved around my house slowly fighting. The world pushing in on me all around me. I was dealing with all of this pressure. All of this hot tar just engulfing me into this vortez of emptiness. I was hollowed out on the inside. My mother came home finding me sitting again my bed on my floor. Wrapped up into a tiny ball. My eyes were red and blotchy. Like I had been punched in them- I would have preferred any pain other than this.

She remained silent for a few seconds. My CDs were untouched. I couldn't touch my stereo. The mix-CD he had given me last week was in there. I couldn't read. That e. e. cummings book had his handwriting in it. I couldn't speak. He had slit my vocal chords. And I couldn't feel. All I had ever felt he had taken away.

My mother knew. For the first time she did what I wanted her to. She was my mother for a few minutes. "Oh Elisa..." And she helped me up and hugged me. Her arms not the same as the ones that held me together, but they were the ones that let me know someone in the world actually cared in the least likely place. I didn't cry I just closed my eyes and fought down the hot water. It was like torturing myself. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.

I skipped work a couple times. Calling in sick. I skipped school for a few days but my mother finally forced me to move on. I tried. Five days I had distanced myself from reality. And now she was pushing me back into the world. As my mother. She dropped me off at work. And was going ot come back to drive me to school. Making sure I went.

I put on my apron. And when I saw Becky. Her neon blue nails glittering. She forced a weak smile. And hugged me. Cass had hugged me for so long. She had been my sister when I told her. And she apologized. I don't know why people do. Apologize. I was dumped. That's the right word. Dumped.

I made coffee for people. Trapped in a daze. The World. Was. Now. Numb. And I was just a piece of rubber in the middle of everything.


When I saw Rainie I had ducked behind the curtain. Listening to her asking if I was working. Becky said no. Rainie asked if she could please jsut talk to me. Becky said no. Rainie asked if she could try and help me. Becky said no. That's when I could hear Paul. "Come on, Rain, you can't fix everything."

Then I heard it. The distress the pain the hurt in her voice. "But I have to fix this." She said.

"Come on, Rain," And then the bells rang twice as the door shut them out finally. I peeked out seeing them. He held her close and she leaned against him. Like at the Sunday Drive concert. He held her up.

I needed somebody to hold me up. But there was something I needed to do first.

I walked down the Senior hallway. Everyone watched me. Their eyes traveling down ahead of me. Seeing where I was heading. And I stopped at a locker. His. I knew for sure. And I took out an envelope and slid it in.

Then kept wlaking. Forcing my feet to carry me. The halls watched me with paralyzing eyes. I was alone now wherever I went.

I had Cass. I had Miles. I had Becky. I had my mother. I had Amber. And of all things, I had an empty seat across from me. Across the room. Nobody said anything. It's been five days. And that seat is empty. Cass noticed me watching that seat. Starign at it. Hoping he would appear. Smile at me wekaly or something. But it remined empty. Until Cass at down across from me. And I couldn't see that desk anymore.

This was Day Six.

And the summary of Day Seven. And Day Eight without the school part and just adding Amber. I'd wake up each morning with my eyes numb. It got better. I had Twelve Days. Twelve Days without him. Like that last Twelve Minutes. But I was able to heal enough. So that when I caught a glimpse of him finally it killed me. But I didn't drop dead.

I was already dead inside. On the outside I was a zombie.

People didn't stop staring. And they didn't stop talking.

"Elisa Simmons is pregnant."

"I heard, Elisa Simmons slept with Paul Spinella once when they got wicked drunk, and Rainie didn't find out but Bennett did. So he dumped Elisa. And I bet her and Paul are going ot be going around for a while now. Someone shoudl tell Rainie. She'll fuckign hate Elisa- ten bucks she stays with Paul though. Elisa's such a slut."

"That kid Sean whose best friends with Bennett, broke up with his girlfriend for Elisa but she didn't know what to do so she dumped Bennett and now Sean's going out with that Senior from Coolen."

"Bennett got Christine pregnant and she got an abortion so they aren't talking anymore."

"Elisa Simmons is gay."

They were all stupid. I wasn't pregnant. I wasn't gay. I would never sleep with Paul Spinella or date Sean. I was jsut a zombie. Hearing all of these whispers. These words. "Pregnant... slept with... Bennett... Rainie... lesbian... whore... emo... abortion last week... Dave Mandeville." The rumors got worse when Dave was invloved. Because he started hearing I liked him again. And he called me.

"Hey Elisa, it's Dave. I heard about you and Bennett and I'm so sorry about you too. You really cared about him. And if you need to talk to someone about it, you know I'm always here for you. Okay, call me back if you want to. Goodbye." That's what his message said.

On the Twelfth Day I was driving home from Cass', I came to our streetlight. And I stopped at the stopsign. I started driving again, but I caught a tall skinny figure in my headlights. We both stopped. And he jsut looekd at me. His eyes dark marbles from where I was sitting. He smiled a little. And started walking, lifting a hand to wave. I jsut stared at him.

My heart was dead so there was no pain. Just numbness. My body was always so cold. Twelve Days I was alone. And I've been alone ever since.


A/N: Now I don't say this much but I check in a lot with the new stuff on this catagory, and I was reading this new story by this girl. Niki FM. Check it out. It's a pretty cool story I think. Now, I haven't been writing this a lot. But I hope this chapter was alright. Which coupel did you like better Rainie and Paul or Elisa and Bennett or any other coupel in these stories. I'm curious. I stand by Rainie and Paul.

BTW: Once this is done ten bucks there will be a "Perfect Kisses" Rewrite.