Chapter 76

Cass was starign at me like I was Rachel. That look like I was a complete idiot and a phony. I looked back at her. "What?" I asked. I had told her about Dave asking me to prom. And me considering saying yes.

"One month ago you were this new person, and now you've become this completely hard bitch, no offense." She said. "You loved Bennett didn't you?"

I stared astonished back into her eyes. "What the hell?" I said loudly. "What's wrong with me going to prom?"

"With the guy who cheated on you, hurt you," She said ticking them off on her fingers. "And then you cheated right back and left him for Bennett Williams." She stared at me. "You don't see whats wrong with this at all do you?"

I shook my head. Angry suddenly. "I didn't love Bennett."

She rolled her eyes. "Stop lying Elisa." She said. "You're saying you're fine. You moved on. God, you never have a chance of moving on let alone this fast. Rainie came to me." I opened my mouth to interrupt. "She said Bennett's really fucking himself up right now. And you don't even seem to care."

I gritted my teeth. I do that a lot now. And I looked up at her. "Bennett doesn't care anymore." I said, "What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Do something!" She said. "You used to be so quiet and then he completely changes you and you become this. Elisa, you need to figure out what you want."

And it started all over again. What did I want? This time I didn't know the answer.


I sat outside of the school. Finishing my English final. I crossed my arms and looked out across the front of the school. I was waiting. And the door opened yet again. My hopes weren't so high anymore. But I heard the footsteps pause. I turned and he was there. We both jsut stared at eahc other. At least for now we were still in high school.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," He said back so softly. He looked at me hard. His eyes jsut taking me in. He didn't move. He just kept looking at me. My heart struggled ot beat. It twitched in my chest. Once a second. I felt the sharp pain that followed each movement. I stood up. Crossing my arms when I did loking down. My hair falling into my eyes.

"How are you?"

"Fine," I heard his voice crack. He swallowed. "What about you?"

"Fine," I said. My voice steadier. I forced a smile.

He looked down. Silently. His hands in his pockets. I inhaled. Forgettign to breather or just chosing not to. "Can we be friends?" I asked softly. He looked up. His eyes were just small brown marbles. Taking me in. I didn't look into them scared to discover if I could still ell what he was thinking or not.

"Yes," He said. "We can be friends."

"Okay," I said. I looked up forcing another smile. "I'll see you around."

I started walking. "Hey Elisa," He called. I turned my shoulders. y body pivoted away from him but I looked at him. He stared out over the school. Not lookign at me. "Do you remember when you asked me if I ever felt regret?"

"Yes," I turned towards him.

"I lied." He said. "I had no fucking idea what regret's like." He looked at me. "I'm so sorry Elisa."

I nodded. I turned and started walking. The cold ice in my veins melted. And he rubbed salt into my wounds. The salt entered my veins as well. The hot water came out and I started wlaking away swiftly. My feet carrying me away. Leaving him behind. I knew we couldn't be friends. That's like Rainie and Paul saying they didn't love each other. It's impossible. They could never mean it. We could never mean it. We could never fulfill it. They never could either.


I sat in my room. With my phone in my hand. I dug up his number dialing it. And waiting. Two rings and Dave answered. "Hello?" He said.

"Hey Dave about prom," I began. I closed my eyes. My chest ached so badly. Feeling regret. I lied. I had no fucking idea what regret's like. This is regret.

I'm so sorry Elisa.