Chapter 77
I pulled into the feild. Seeing Cass. Her hair a sweet brown color. A dark one with a gold tint to it. She was wearing her purple dress. She looked so pretty. We had apologized and become friends again. I got out of my car pakring in the circle. The sky was lightening. And I started walking over to her and Miles. Everyone was still in their prom clothes.
I saw Rainie. She looked gorgeous. Wearing this bright yellow dress that made her stick out. Attached at the hip with Paul. She didn't overshadow him. He was there. Together. They were a perfect image. They were in love. The both shone equally. But I kept walking. Over to Cass.
She waved to me. "Hey," She said smiling.
I hugged her. "You look gorgeous," I said smiling at her weakly. "I'm jealous. I'm sorry I missed it."
She hugged me again. "I'm so sorry, Elisa." Those words rang in my ears as Cass' voice but I heard someone else's. "I didn't mean to be such a bitch to you."
"It's okay." I said. I smiled a little. "Things have gotten better."
That was a lie. I hadn't spoken to Bennett. I hadn't seen him. And he was officially graduated. I would probably never see him again. Maybe if fate allows it. But not now. I had to let life run it's course. We weren't meant to be. I hoped somehow whoever was waiting for me to come and find them was still waiting. I wanted what Rainie and Paul had. I wanted ot be connected to someone no matter what.
Miles came over to us. Smiling. Someone was blasting music and all of these drunk couples were dancing now. The sun rising. I watched them go out. And they danced. I think they have a chance. And I watched girls in bright dresses or dull ones dance. with whoever they let themselves love for tonight. We fall in and out of love I think.
Only a few times in our lives we find love that lasts through everything. And that is the love that we can never let go of. The love that tugs us in our chests till death stops it's beating. And I felt my heart beating lightly in my chest with hope. I looked watching the colors go by. I didn't care I was alone. Or would be until I could finally breathe without struggling.
In high school, I knew that Rainie and Paul were special. Lucky. They were just standing there. The way I had first seen then together and known. Her arms around his neck, his around her waist. They talked softly to eahc other. Nobody is ever that lucky. They were made for each other. They were meant to be together. And sometimes. Life is jsut life that. That's how fate is.
There is no reason. They just fit. They came together perfectly and lived through everythign together. The love eahc other more than anyone could probably. Bennett and I could have never beated the looks in their eyes right now. From far away I could see it. The lived for each other. They were in love. True love. I envied them of that yet again.
I saw his eyes. He was standing there. In a dark flannel shirt. He crossed his arms and looked at me. I watched him out of the corner of my eyes. He was still. Just watching. I felt a sharp pang in my chest. A burst of something. Air. But I kept my mouth closed tight. I'm not sure how that breathe entered my body.
I wanted to say goodbye to him. Wish him good luck at college or wherever he was fate had in store for him. I wanted to figure out what I was going to say to him. I wanted to tell him how much he had once meant to me. How much he'll always mean to me. But it just was never meant to be. We wanted different things. Things that couldn't happen no matter what. I could have loved him. And I may always jsut a little.
But it never amounted to anything like what Rainie and Paul were. They were meant to be. Even though now I could never see myself with anyone but Bennett, I knew that would pass. I wasn't over him. All I needed was time. I needed time to breathe and to think. I needed to figure out who I was. I needed to find that person he once showed me I could find inside of me.
The music stopped and changed to another and everyone came back. I started talking to Miles and Cass. miles going off to say hello to someone. And I was with Cass. My back to everyone talkign to her. Abotu how prom was. She stopped tohugh and looked over my shoulder. "Hey, I have to go tell Miles something really fast." She said.
"What-"
"Two minutes," She said. "Give him two minutes."
I turned. And I was led into a trap. Zapped by my own emotions. There was no warning he was right there. I felt a terror in me. Not of who he was. Bennett Williams. He was always Bennett to me now. It was jsut that I felt pure fear. I was scared not of the fact that he was approaching me but the fact that I was feeling something. And in one second my mind went numb. A different kind from the past one month, eight days, and twelve minutes.
