Chapter 78
He came within five feet of me. "Hi," He said softly looking at me.
"Hi," I said softly back. I looekd at him. I kept my eyes locked with his. And I kept feeling. In short bursts. I jsut felt something. I looked at him. He smiled. "What?" I asked.
He took another step towards me. "I was jsut rememering the first time we talked. You looked at me the same exact way." He said. Then his face got soft. Gentle. His eyes so sweet tonight. "You look beautiful tonight, Elisa."
I looked down. Nodding. "Bennett," I said. "I'm sorry, but I can't hear you say things like that anymore."
"Why?" His voice so honest. I looked up at him. I held eye contact with him. This time when he sensed fear and terror in my eyes I wouldn't hide that from him. I couldn't stop looking into his eyes.
"We broke up," I said. "We would have never lasted. We both want so many different things. I jsut want you to knwo that I care about you still. I cared about you more than anyone I've ever met. And you were right. If we could have let go then, it was better that we broke up instead of now."
"What is now Elisa?" He asked. "I don't even know why you wanted to break up with me in the frist place."
I held my eyes there. It got easier. "You're going to college. I'm stuck here." I said. "I'll be here for another year. And I'm not going to be the one who holds you back. I could never do that to you. I care about you too much to hold you back like that. You could change so many people's lives. You changed mine. I mean, before we met I was a shy nobody. You made me become someone. You taught me how to really feel. And I never took you for granted once."
He was quiet. Not saying anything.
"What did Rainie tell you?" I asked suddenly curious.
"She said that you were going ot break up with me so I didn't have to." He said. He stepped closer again. "I can't believe I even let myself break up with you. I don't know why you could think that." He paused. "This whole thing was just over college?"
"Is that all she said?"
He paused. "No," He said. "I left and went to you before that. I couldn't force myself ot listen to it anymore." He shook his head. "I screwed up. So badly." He moved away. And was mad at himself. "I was so fucking stupid. I've been wasting myself wondering what went wrong. Waht happened. God, why didn't you tell me Elisa?"
I looekd at him. "I don't know," I said. "I didn't know what you would say. I didn't know if you would tell me something I didn't want to hear."
He looked at me. "Elisa-" He was hating himself for this.
"It wouldn't have worked out," I said to try and save things. It did nothing but hurt us more. "We wanted different things."
He looked at me. His eyes changed. I had jsut hit him somehow on the inside. He shook his head. "Elisa..." He said softly. "Yuo couldn't see it could you?"
I looked at him. Confused out of my mind.
"We've been practicing and writing. We got a call from this little recording thing asking us if we had enough stuff to do an EP. I mean in a little while we're going on a little tour. It's stupid, it's a long shot, but it's all I got. I'm throwing my life away on a stupid dream but all I want is to make it so I'm not gone. We are goign to try and do the band tihng. And if it doens't work out then, fuck we'll give up, but we're give it a try." He said sounding desperate and small. Bennett was never like this in all I'd ever known him. Except for on moment when he was the same person.
Telling me he couldn't let me use him if I wa.s And that he wanted what Paul had. To be the guy to beat the crap out of the "other guy" who was who Bennett was. Always. Until those words came out of my mouth. This means everything.
I stared at him. My eyes wide. My heart throbbing with pain. My heart twitching- a corpse in my half living body.
"I'm not going to college Elisa." He said. "Not now. I mean, I don't even have the money to. My mom has been trying to save up for it, but it's jsut not enough. And my dad he is helping me with the band thing. And that's what I want to do. It's a stupid dream. And it'll probably end in me failing again, but you can't give up before you try."
I looekd at him. He stopped closer to me. I stepped back. He took another step. I stepped bakc again. My back pressed against a little fence. He put his hands on either side of me. "Elisa," He said. "I want to try. Becuase all I want is to be here with you. I can't live without you. I need you. I just... I'm-"
There was a burst of sound. We turned and looked. Paul slid out of his car. Right to Rainie. She was smiling. They kissed. In love. I saw what they were feeling. no I felt it in myself. My heart. I felt it. I looked at Bennett. I felt so small. I felt my own blood fill my viens in place of the icy water. And touched my face. My heart bursting to life in my chest pounding fast. So fast it barely moved at all. But I felt alive.
He lips were then right there. We started kissing. The sun rising. And we listened to the last Sunday Drive song we ever heard live. And all of this energy exploded within us. I felt it. I felt myself finally connecting to him. I had always been. But now I felt it. The string thattied my heart to his. And we moved apart. My hands in his hair. And he jsut looked at me. His eyes not darign to look into mine.
"Bennett," I said softly. He kissed the corner of my mouth. And then he leaned back. Looking at me. We were so close. He looked down at me. I opened my mouth to speak again. Only a tiny bit.
He beat me.
"I love you, Elisa." He said suddenly. "So much."
I smiled. Looking into his sweet brown eyes. "I love you more than anything." I said.
And he smiled kisisng me again. His arms around me. I was in love. We had finally caught up with Rainie and Paul.
