Chapter Fifteen

She leaned on it for a moment, listening to his footsteps retreating, then without bothering to put the light on, she sank onto the bed and curled up.

She felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over her. She struggled to keep down great waves of panic, so intense that for a while she was afraid she was going to be physically sick. How could she have got herself into this situation?

She pulled her knees tighter to her chin. It was impossible now not to think clearly, coldly and painfully. She had come here to sleep with Will, because she had been sexually attracted to him and because Tony had hurt her. All rationalisations about wanting space and wanting to walk in the open air were so much window-dressing. She had believed that Will was offering straightforward physical pleasure, without any danger of emotional involvement, and the idea of that had thrilled her. It was unlike anything she had ever contemplated doing before. And now, not only was she horrified to find that his intentions were very much otherwise - that was desperately unfortunate, but it wasn't what worried her most - she realised that she had always wanted Tony to say the same things to her, and he never would.

After a long time she stood up, stepped out of her dress, and dropped it to the floor with a feeling of disgust. She moved slowly, her limbs hurting. The sight of her face in the mirror when she washed off the make-up made her turn away.

She climbed under the cold covers and drew her knees up to her chest.

She remembered another time when touching things had hurt, and bed was a place where she was afraid because she couldn't escape the vivid restless pageant of pain and memory. One evening she had accepted Tony's invitation to try out his beer, and stayed in his quarters until three in the morning just talking. She had no idea now what they had talked about, and they had certainly done nothing else, but for the first time she had felt normal again.

And she thought about how Tony had held her, so many times, in the middle of the night when she woke in terror from a nightmare. He was always awake and attentive as soon as she was, he never made a fuss or asked her to explain. Then she had been very ill about a year ago, and after the crisis had passed it had taken her what seemed like a long time to recover fully. He had spent every off-duty moment with her, cheering her back to strength. He had been with her at her most vulnerable times and she had always felt utterly safe. There was nothing of herself that she had to keep from him.

She had risked her life, not so long ago, to be with him when he was attacked on a mission and she thought he was dying. She remembered his joy at seeing her, and the relief when he recovered. She had been the one then to sit up all night in the medical centre, watching him sleeping.

Then she thought about all the evenings in the long weeks when nothing happened except the meticulous internal routine of Alpha, when they watched films or played complicated Earth games or just sat reading together. She often worked at the terminal in his quarters while he fiddled around with his brewing apparatus, trying to make something palatable out of hydroponic vegetable fibre and various chemicals. The strange, flat brews he came up with - she would never taste it in his mouth again, and all the fine food and wine of the Federation could never make up for that.

Her still body had warmed a patch of sheets. When she shifted, wretchedly, the bed was chilly again. She would never fall asleep.

She dreamed about her father.

It was not, as all the other dreams had been, a nightmare, a flashback to his death. For the first time she was with him as he had been when he was alive. He smiled at her, he touched her face. She knew he was dead, but she felt his love and that he was proud of her. The sense of loss, the sorrow that she would never be with him again was more intense than any emotion she had ever experienced.

"Daddy," she said, helplessly.

Perhaps she had never really believed he was dead, but had just walked around and talked as if he was. The nightmares always ended before she was sure he had died, as if she could have rescued him at the last moment. When she was awake she remembered none of it in detail, nor most of the first few days on Alpha. As she looked at him now, she knew. He clasped her hands, still smiling.

Suddenly, the dream changed to the shocking vividness of her nightmares. She was making love with Tony and for one lucid moment everything was real; his weight on top of her, the smell of fresh sweat, his tongue in her mouth.

She woke bolt upright with a gasp, not sure whether she had really called out his name.

The room was dark and quiet. She pressed a switch by the bed and raised a dim glowing light, and turned the bag she had brought with her upside down until her comm badge fell onto the floor. She knelt there, looking at it in her palm.

If she dared to use the transporter she need only call the Enterprise and she could be beamed right out this hotel and this situation in a moment. But, though she was almost sure she could control her molecular structure so that the transporter beam wouldn't harm her this time, the risk that she might not was too great.

Equally, she could speak to Tony right now just by tapping the badge and hailing him. It was impossible. She started to shiver, a breeze from the open window chilling her. He had made it quite plain that he would not forgive her if she did this, and why should she expect him to? If their places were reversed, she would have been heartbroken. There was nothing, now, that she could do or say to make things right again.

Even so, she could not stay here.

She jumped to her feet and ran along the silent corridor to Riker's room.

He opened the door to her knock immediately, fully awake. "Hi," he said with a grin, holding open the door. "I couldn't sleep either."

Not wanting to talk out in the corridor, she accepted his invitation and stepped into the room. It was only when she was inside and he had closed the door and turned to her that she realised how he must interpret her coming here.

The bedside light was on, he was in his pyjamas but he had clearly not been asleep. Of course, he was waiting for her.

She glanced down at herself and saw that the nightdress barely covered her. Confusion drove what she had been determined to say out of her head. "Will - " she began.

"It's okay," he said, taking hold of her.

Maya both felt and heard a crack, as something slammed against her arm. The pain was the last thing she remembered.

Helena was woken by the other side of the bed depressing. A moment later, cold arms slid round her. She was startled and groggy. She reached out for the bedside clock and saw that it was what she would call two in the morning. She had no idea where he had been, but for a disorientated moment she assumed that he had come off a late duty before she remembered where they were.

He said nothing.

He must know that she was awake, since she had looked at the time, and she didn't want to go to sleep in silence. So she got up to go to the bathroom, and when she went back through she could see in the light through the door that he was watching her.

She sat on the bed, facing away from him, and waited for him to do something. She was finding it hard to be controlled, even remotely pragmatic about this. She didn't want to cry in front of him, as it was degrading and achieved nothing, but she could feel tears threatening again. She had hoped she'd got that over with.

He put his arms round her from behind and kissed her neck. "Sorry," he said.

"Uhu."

"Is that good enough?"

"It's a start." She turned round to look him in the eyes. She felt shaky, but more in command.

"I realise I reacted badly, but it was a shock," he continued. "I never expected you to do anything like this, Helena."

"Why not? You knew the way I felt about it. You must have realised... time was running out."

"I never thought about that," he said, suddenly touching her hair tenderly.

"Oh, John."

"I saw us as a partnership, taking a united stand."

"I know. But we don't always think the same, or want the same things."

"I thought we did. Everything I've done over the past six years has been for you, for us. None of it would have meant anything without you."

"I feel the same, but I wanted - more. Not more than you, but the next stage - a child as well, maybe more than one."

"With me or without me?"

"I - didn't mean that, John. I'm sorry I said that."

"Would you have taken it that far, though?"

"What?"

"I want to know. If it had come to that, would you?"

"Do you mean, would I have left you because you didn't want a baby?"

"No," he said, frowning. "If it had turned out I couldn't father one?"

She looked at her small hands wrapped in his, which always seemed too large in contrast, and up at his face. She saw immediately that he was in earnest. "You thought that? John, why?"

He sat back, taking away his hands. "I never told you. All this time - I guess it's the only thing I've kept from you." He paused. "Jean and I did try to start a family, four years before she died. It didn't happen."

"What was the reason?"

"We never found out. Jean didn't want to go to the doctor. She was always fatalistic about these things, she said that if it was meant to happen then it would. And she had a friend who'd undergone years of fertility investigations and treatment, and suffered a lot, and still didn't have a baby at the end of it. She said she didn't want to go through all that."

"But there could have been some quite simple, easily correctable reason why you didn't conceive."

"I know that. Jean might not have wanted anything to do with it, but I read up on infertility, and one thing the books made quite plain was the fifty percent of the cases are due to the man. So, it could have been me. I should have told you, but I knew how you felt about wanting a baby someday. While someday was still in the future, I didn't have to face the possibility of losing you."

Understanding everything, and moved by relief to tears she no longer tried to restrain, Helena held him in silence for a long time.

"You thought I didn't want us to have a baby?" he said eventually.

"Well, the way you clammed up when I tried to talk about it made me wonder."

"Of course I've always wanted to, I just didn't believe it would ever happen. I still don't know what we're going to tell people."

"Don't tell them anything, nobody will work out the timing too exactly. Everyone will assume we lost no time in celebrating our rescue."

"Then perhaps we'd better do so."

Helena smiled in acquiescence, but they were interrupted at the first kiss. A quiet, but somehow arresting warble from the communicator badge at the bedside made them both start. She could feel John's muscles tense and lock, and she probably did the same. They were still alert for an emergency.

John sighed, visibly forced himself to relax, and reached over her to tap the badge. "Koenig here."

"This is Captain Picard. We have a situation, Commander. I would like you to report to the observation room as soon as possible."

"A situation? Involving me?"

"Involving one of your officers. Please be here immediately. Picard out."

Helena stared at John and saw the same thought on his suddenly grim face. "It must be Tony," she said. "Oh God, what has he done?"

"Get dressed. Let's go."

When they reached the observation room, Helena was astonished to find the Lanthenon King, the Federation Ambassador and the young Princess Amarantha with Captain Picard, his alien security officer Lieutenant Worf, and the android Data. Picard said in brusque greeting, "Mr Koenig," and nodded at Helena with a slight frown. "Dr Russell." Helena realised that he had not expected her. "Please sit down."

"What's going on, Captain?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you, Commander, that your science officer has been kidnapped on Lanthenon by terrorists, and that she and my first officer are being held hostage in an unknown location, and that conditions - and threats - have been issued by the group responsible."

"Maya?" said Helena, bewildered.

"What does this mean?" said John, glancing between Picard and the Lanthenon party. "What terrorists, what threats?"

"I must explain to the Commander," said the King. "We have always had strong royalist factions on my world, people who have never believed that the monarchy should have ceded power to an elected parliament. Some of these groups have extreme methods. They take offence at the fact that my daughter is going to marry what they term an alien, and they're prepared to do anything to sabotage the wedding. It appears they plotted and planned the kidnapping of Commander Riker some time ago - his intention to visit our planet was communicated nearly two months ago."

A look passed between the King and Picard.

"Neither myself nor Commander Riker had any reason to suppose that there were security implications surrounding shore leave on Lanthenon," said Picard evenly. "Starfleet officers do not generally need to worry about making hotel reservations on planets which belong to the Federation."

"Are you saying that these terrorists are holding Maya and Commander Riker hostage to try and stop the wedding?" said John.

"Those are the conditions they have issued."

"What can they hope to achieve?" said Princess Amarantha suddenly, in her quiet voice. "It's so awful."

Ambassador Trewhella put his hand over hers.

"And what are they planning to do if you go ahead?" asked John.

"They threaten to kill them both," said Picard, his face expressionless.

Helena gripped the edge of the table.

"Two years ago, when we were on the verge of concluding negotiations to enter the Federation, the Crown Guard - as they call themselves - kidnapped, and did murder, a senior member of my government," said the King. "They issued the same kind of simplistic ultimatum, and although we tried to negotiate, we refused to concede. Lady Calcutha died, bravely, for the cause she fought so hard for."

"Nobody's going to die because of Eddie and me," said the Princess, with a sideways glance at her father. "We'll postpone the wedding if we have to."

"We will do no such thing," said the King. "You don't appreciate the political implications of giving in to these people. Riker's a top Starfleet officer, they won't dare harm him."

"They killed Calcutha, and she was a Minister of State! Why do you think they'd take any more regard of Commander Riker, an off-worlder? And what about his friend? She doesn't even have the protection of being somebody important. Father, I want to postpone the wedding."

"You will do what I judge best."

"It's my wedding, I'm the one getting married."

"And I am your father and your king."

"Oh, but we're a democracy now, I thought that was the point."

"Ama," said Ambassador Trewhella, "we've got to stay calm. We'll find a way to rescue Commander Riker and his friend, even if we don't reach an agreement with their kidnappers."

The Princess looked down, her brief flare subsiding into abashed silence.

"Indeed," said the Captain. "Your Majesty, you are probably already aware that my powers to act in this situation are limited by Starfleet's policy of non-interference with the internal affairs of any world - "

"Then a lot of good you are, Picard," said the King, with a sudden rise of temper. "I had expected that the Enterprise being here would stop any attempt by the Crown Guard to cause trouble during the wedding. Instead, your first officer exposes himself by swanning off on holiday with some woman who isn't his wife, gets himself kidnapped, and you can't do anything?"

"I didn't say I couldn't do anything, only that I have to work in conjunction with you... and take your advice. And I will say it one more time, to both of you - Your Majesty, Mr Ambassador - we should have been warned of a danger you both anticipated. You know very well that Lanthenon would never have been accepted into the Federation if we had known the extent of your terrorist problem. That's the wider issue. The immediate problem is that you failed to inform me, specifically, that the Crown Guard had a history of kidnapping and ransom demands of this nature. If I had known, I would never have allowed Commander Riker to go on shore leave. So please, let's put aside remonstrations and concentrate on how to tackle this problem."

He looked up.

Helena turned to follow his gaze. Deanna Troi had come into the room. She took an empty seat beside the Captain and leaned on the table, shaking back her hair, her face impassive.

"Counsellor," said the Captain. "I'm sorry to disturb you at this late hour, but you may well prove invaluable. Counsellor Troi," he said to the Lanthenons, "has the ability of her species to sense emotions in others, and to determine, for example, to some extent whether someone is lying or not. She is also a close friend of Commander Riker's, and so would be attuned to his presence. She may be able to help locate him if it comes to a surface rescue mission."

"All right," said John. "What's going to happen now?"

"The group made contact at 0200 hours, shipboard time, demanding to speak to me personally. I work the call in my private quarters, as I was woken by the bridge. The spokesperson was a woman, and she had two accomplices with her. I saw Commander Riker, and Maya. They appeared to be unconscious. The woman told me that they had been drugged with a gas to allow their capture without Commander Riker attempting to transport to the Enterprise."

"In that case, how do you know they're all right?" said Helena.

"I have to assume that the terrorists recognise that living, unharmed hostages are more valuable than dead ones. They said that they would make contact again at daybreak their time, when we had considered our position."

"When will that be?" asked John.

"In about two hours."

"And when exactly is the wedding?"

The King said, "The day after tomorrow."

"Okay," said John. "You tell them you'll call it off - they release Maya and Riker - then you go ahead anyway, how will they stop you?"

"They want my daughter to broadcast a statement to the whole of Lanthenon renouncing Ambassador Trewhella, and vowing never to ally the Royal House to any - ah - alien. They will only release the hostages if she does this, and then only after midnight on the appointed day."

"I couldn't do that," said the Princess, in a very low voice. "I don't mind putting off the wedding - that doesn't matter - but I couldn't do that. If I gave my word to the people, I couldn't break it, and Eddie would have to leave."

"Nonsense," said the King. "You are not going to do anything of the kind, so stop upsetting yourself about it."

The Princess stood up and left the room, in a sudden swift movement. Ambassador Trewhella followed her.

The King looked around in obvious embarrassment. "I do apologise," he said gruffly. "She's been under strain, what with all the preparations and exposure - disconcerting to see your own face on every damn box of biscuits. This is a disaster."

"We must act as carefully as possible to make very sure that it is not a disaster," said Captain Picard. "We are not at the moment even considering the possibility of giving in to the terrorists' demands."

"Certainly not," said the King.

"There, we have two hours until we might be forced into our next move by the terrorists' contact, two hours in which to gain an advantage. Mr Data?"

"The transmission originated from the same planetary sector as the hotel where Commander Riker and Maya were kidnapped," said Data. "The terrorists used an unsophisticated but adequate masking technique on the signal which made it impossible for the Enterprise computer to locate it precisely in the time available."

"Could you do better next time?"

"I can try, sir."

"Well, the first thing we can do is move the local security forces into the hotel - though I doubt they're still there. Are your people standing by?"

"Of course they are," said the King.

"Get them to search the hotel - I'll send down a complement from my crew to assist. Mr Worf, you lead that party."

"Aye, sir."

"Counsellor, go with him. You're looking for any evidence from the place and the hotel staff to indicate exactly what happened when they were abducted. From what the terrorist spokeswoman said, it seems that they knew about Commander Riker's booking, which means that someone connected with the hotel is working for them, unless their computer could have been accessed. Find out. Report back here in two hours."

Worf and Troi went out without comment or questions.

"Mr Data, work with his Majesty to correlate known data on this terrorist group with patterns of other political kidnappings, to build up a probability picture of how they might proceed - and a psychological profile. I also want a map of the area, if we have to go down there and look for them ourselves. Your Majesty, is there a news blackout on Lanthenon?"

"Naturally."

"Keep it that way. Will you assist Mr Data?"

"If I can. I'll get my security advisor Ankara up here too, she's the expert on this group."

"Excellent. We'll meet back here in two hours."

"Excuse me, Captain," said John, as Picard was preparing to leave the table. "What can we do?"

"I don't think there's anything you can do, Mr Koenig," said the Captain, focussing on him as if he had forgotten he was there. "I know this is hard on you, but you must leave it to us. We'll keep you informed, of course. I'll expect to see you here in two hours."

"One of my people is down there, and you're telling me to go away and not to worry?"

"You recognise, I'm sure, the wisdom of leaving a mission to those most qualified to undertake it - not necessarily those most anxious to see it succeed. Oh, there is one thing you can do to help."

"What?"

"I would appreciate it if you didn't let this situation become general knowledge. At the moment - King Bahu agrees - we're restricting information to those directly involved only." He glanced at Helena, and she realised that he was actually annoyed that she had come with John to the meeting.

It hadn't occurred to her not to. She was so used to being at the centre of power on Alpha, the Commander's consort.

They walked out of the observation room together in silence. Helena shivered, and John put his arm around her. Neither said anything until they were in the turbolift.

"We leave it to Starfleet and the Lanthenons, like the Captain said," John said abruptly, answering her unspoken question. "He's a clever and capable man, I can see that. No doubt he knows how best to go about it."

"John... he was cutting you out."

"He's just doing his job. I think it's a big embarrassment to him that Maya got caught up in this - he sees us as a complication."

"We just go back to our quarters and sit it out?"

"For the moment." He folded his arms and leaned against the wall.

The turbolift stopped at their deck.

"John - we'd better go and tell Tony."

"No." He stopped and turned to look at her. "It's better if we keep him out of this."

"We can't!"

"Helena, I feel awful that I can't do anything to help Maya - how do you think Tony's going to react if we tell him what's happened, and then tell him this time he can't get into an Eagle and rescue her? Do you think he'd accept it calmly and go back to bed?"

She knew he was right in a way, but it was far from the closeness they had shared as a command team on Alpha. It was another symptom of their loss of control over their own lives.

"We can't afford to antagonise these people," said John. "They're our lifeline to the kind of future we dreamed of on Alpha. That's more important than ever, now," he added, in a gentler tone.

Helena shrugged, then leaned against him. He kissed the top of her head.

"Picard's not letting the ship know about this - we can keep it from Tony. I'm sure they'll find her and bring her back in no time. Come on, let's go and get some coffee to keep us awake."