All characters are Stephenie Meyers. I don't own them I wish I did ;o)
Still in EPOV. Not much to say here. I am going to try to update every Wednesday if it allows. I am still trying to finish Christmas Wish. I am having writers block still. But I did start another story. I am finished this one. I just have to type it. Enjoy!
~munchkin1978
Why?
Chapter 3
I kept an eye on Charlie all day. Each time he woke up I was there checking on him. I told him we sent Bella home to rest because of the day she had and the flight. He didn't really want her hanging around the hospital from his thoughts I was picking up. The last time I checked in Charlie was chatting away which was a good sign that the recent hospital visit would be over soon.
"Did you two talk yet?"
"Yes Charlie. Bella is not impressed with me anymore. In so many words I don't think she would be in the same room alone with me." I told him.
"She'll come around. She always does."
"I don't think she wills this time Charlie." I heard fabric rustling and turned to see Bella with her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her scent hitting me like a ton of bricks. I tried to read her mind and still nothing.
"Leave it alone dad." She told him with a scowl.
"I'll leave and let you two talk."
I walked out of the room glancing at Bella as I left. She was still mad. Although her eyes were not as mad as they were before. I headed to the nurses station and pretended to look at a chart. I was reading Charlie's mind for the pending conversation. I knew Bella knew I was listening. I knew she wouldn't talk about anything to do with us.
"Dad what are you not telling me? Are you worse than you told me?"
"I didn't want to upset you honey. I have had some bad spells now and then."
"Didn't you think I needed to know?"
"I know I should have told you."
"And dad, drop the Edward stuff. I'm still mad at him. Don't push it. I'll be mad for a long time."
"Life is too short Bella."
"I know Dad. God do I know." The last part was said under her breath.
I heard Carlisle coming back into Charlie's room. He must have snuck by the nurse's station. I quickly went to update him and all of us were in the room with Charlie flat out on the bed.
"Well Charlie that last episode was the worst one you have had. We can't afford to have another like it."
"Carlisle are you asking that dad stays here from now on?" Bella asked.
"No he can go home but anymore episodes you will have to stay here. So we can track and monitor them."
Bella was quiet. She didn't know what to think or do. I wanted to reach out to her and let her cry on my shoulder. She needed to just let it out. I could tell from watching her that she would crack and break down at any moment.
"Bella you can take him home but if there is any hint of him loosing sight or movement of any kind call me. We will come and get him for you."
"Okay Carlisle." She understood our version of come and get him. She knew Charlie wouldn't but she did. Her tears were about to brim over her eye lids.
"It will be okay Bella." I finally said to her.
She just glared back at me. It was going to take some time. How much I had no idea. I watched as she gathered her father's things and helped him out of the bed. I held the wheel chair and helped Charlie into it for her. She was trying to ignore me but it was starting to dwindle. Just a little though.
Bella put Charlie in the car with my help and came around to the driver side where I was waiting for her holding the door open. I took the off chance that she may want to talk so I asked.
"Bella can we talk tonight?" I asked her as she slipped into the car.
"Why do you want to talk?"
"I want to make it up to you. Because I still care for you. Because I never stopped."
She was quiet for a moment. She was thinking. Her eyes were bright and the chocolate brown I loved to see was sparkling and still brimming with tears. "Okay for a little bit. I'm not leaving the house. I'll leave the window open." She fully slipped into the car now and started the engine. She pulled away before I could say another word.
I headed back into the hospital to close off my shift. Carlisle didn't have another shift so he had come back out of the hospital with me. Of course it was still cloudy and raining as it mostly always was.
"Edward be very careful with Bella. She is fragile still. You know what Charlie said about her."
"I know. I just want to make things the way they used to be. The way they should have stayed. I just hope she will trust me again."
"She will come around. She's going to need you in the coming weeks. I don't think Charlie will last longer than a few weeks. He is a fighter but in this day and age he could last years too."
"I know I can smell it in his blood. The poison has reached a higher level. She is going to be crushed."
"That is why she'll need you. Doctor or not she'll need you. I can see that now."
I headed to my car. I still had a Volvo but a newer version. As did Carlisle. He got into his Mercedes and sped off with me not far behind him.
Arriving at home was different because everyone was asking about Charlie. Alice hadn't spilled about Bella yet which was good. I wanted us to talk first before they knew she was home. I walked in and headed to my room to contemplate what was going to be said tonight.
I must have sat there for a while because dusk had settled and the thunder had rolled in. My mind wandered again and it had settled on the ball game I took Bella too. The only ball game I took her too. James had chased and tracked her because of that ball game. I would never ever forgive myself for that day.
I rose out of my chair and sat at my piano thinking about Bella and her lullaby. It was a beautiful piece of music. I hadn't composed a piece in a long time. Not since hers. If things were different I would have played more often. I would play for her and only her.
I rose from the bench and got ready to go. As I was leaving I headed to Carlisle's office and said I was going. He was the only one besides Alice that knew Bella was back. He smiled and said good luck. I hoped I could answer all the questions she had. I left the house with out interruptions from anyone and ran through the forest to her house.
Arriving there I noticed the window was being flung open by Bella. Good she hadn't changed her mind. I gingerly stepped out of the forest making sure no one noticed before scaling the wall. I waited to hear if Charlie had gone to bed. He had I waited tell her scent reached my nose and settled before I entered her window. I stepped inside and waited by the window. I surveyed her old room. Nothing had changed. Everything was the same. Just as she had left it from before.
"I didn't change anything if you're wondering." Bella said coming back into the room and closing the door to drown out our voices.
"I noticed." I said.
"Well you wanted to talk, so talk. It better not be the same bull shit you tried to tell me in Carlisle's office."
"Bella I don't know where to begin."
"How about starting again with why?"
"I wanted to keep you safe. So I left. I wanted to keep Victoria away from you. So I left to draw her away. If she thought you and I were not together then it was easier for me to track her. I wanted you to be safe from my world. Safe from her."
"Why didn't you come back then?"
"I'd made a promise. I didn't want to break it."
"Why did you come back now?"
"The hospital had asked for a specialist for a case. They had asked Carlisle to come back from before." I looked away from her. Giving her some time to process what I had just said to her. She didn't say anything so I continued. "Bella I will be forever sorry. I didn't want to leave you. I had to do something. I couldn't just let Victoria finish what James had started."
She was starring at me the hate in her eyes dissipating as tears started to fall.
"I will not do this again. I can't be like I was. I don't have it in me anymore. I haven't had a life since that day. I haven't been with anyone since that day. I am too afraid that they will be another you." The last sentence she was whispering. The tears were falling down her cheeks onto her white shirt.
I moved from the window to stand in front of her. I held out my hand and wiped away the tears that remained on her cheeks.
"Don't Edward. Don't' do it if you're going to leave again. I don't want this again. I can't do it again."
"I don't want to leave again. I won't leave you again Bella."
"I don't trust you. You told me you didn't want me."
"It was a lie Bella. I'm sorry. I had to."
I had lied to her. In all my years as a vampire I wanted nothing more than to go back and change that. Make things like they used to be. I reached out to her again and held her warm tear stained face in my cold marble hands.
"Don't Edward." She told me as I released her face at the sharpness of her voice.
I looked at her. Her voice said it but her eyes were searching. The chocolate orbs that were filled with tears were searching. They weren't mad with hate. I raised my hands again and wiped the tears away again. I heard her heart pick up and skip a beat when I touched her this time. She was trying to convince herself that his wasn't what was happening.
"Bella?" I asked to see if she wanted me to move. She didn't say anything. She didn't move against my hands that now held her face. My thumbs automatically wiping the tears that were still falling from her beautiful eyes.
"Don't leave me like this." She said quietly.
"I won't leave again Bella." I pulled her face to mine and kissed her. The tears kept falling as I pulled back to see if she had accepted my kiss.
"I can't do this Edward. Not again." I waited as she pulled back. "I can't trust you not to leave."
"It's alright Bella. I am making you a promise and this promise if I ever break it you can take me to the Volturi." I paused. "I promise you that I'm not going to leave you. I need to make it up to you. I want you to trust me again. I want us to be us again." This was a promise I would keep for all of eternity.
"It just doesn't happen over night Edward. There has been a lot that has happened. I don't trust you anymore. How am I to trust that you won't leave again once something else comes along for me."
"If I leave again you can have Alice rip me to shreds. She is first in line right now. Well behind you of course." I pulled back and stepped away to give her room.
"I don't want to rip you to shreds Edward. I may be mad but it is more at the situation than anything else. We should have handled it better. I should have handled life better by now." She paused and I watched her as she contemplated what she was going to say next. "I can't do all this by myself. I need help."
"I'll be here for you Bella. I'll prove to you that you can trust me again."
I watched her as she sat on the bed. I didn't dare move from where I was. I didn't want to push her. She was already upset and I didn't want to make it worse.
"Edward, tell me everything."
"About?" Where was she going with this?
"After you left."
"There is not much to tell Bella."
"All the same I still want to know. I really was crazy all those years ago. They should have sent me to the nut house."
"No you were not crazy Bella. I am at fault for that. You should blame me. I caused it."
"You didn't make me think all those things I was dong. I did all sorts of things Charlie and you would not have thought I would. I was crazy. I was hearing voices every time I did something dangerous. I didn't keep my promise."
"You're alive Bella. What could you have possibly done to endanger yourself that badly?"
"Don't get mad."
"Bella?"
"I jumped off the cliff in LaPush."
"What were you thinking Bella?"
She was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "Of you actually." She said quietly.
"What???" Did I just hear her right? She was thinking of me while jumping off a cliff. This didn't sound good at all.
Well what did you think?
I still have Wednesdays off till the end of October. So I hope I can get lots of updating done. What did you think of this chapter? I like it. They talked. Got some stuff out. Well Bella did and Edward too. Please read and review. Let me know what you think!
~munchkin1978~
