Rose fretted around for a week, waiting, just in case she was just 'late.' She snipped at the Doctor, avoiding him at work, making excuses not to get lunch together. Friday after work she took the car while the Doctor was napping and drove home.
"Rose! What are you doing here, sweetheart?"
Rose dropped her bag and fell into a chair at the kitchen table, dropped her head into her hands and burst into tears.
"Rose! What's wrong? What's wrong, darling?" Jackie rushed over and wrapped her daughter in a hug, rubbing her back. "Rose, tell me what's wrong so I can help!"
"I just don't know what to do! I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do—I don't know..."
"What happened? What's wrong?"
Rose sat up and wiped her face.
"Oh, don't do that, sweetheart; here, use a tissue."
Wiping her eyes and blowing her nose, Rose took a deep breath.
"Now tell me everything. What's wrong?" Jackie took a seat next to Rose, staring intently, worry written across her brow.
"It's.... It's nothing... At least, not anything life-threatening, Mum," Rose mumbled. "I... I'm just making a mess of everything!" She slammed her hands on the table. "Mum, I'm screwin' everything up! I'm wreckin' it! Oh God, it's all gonna blow up in my face."
"What is, sweetheart? What's going wrong?"
"You were right, Mum. I am pushing him away. I can't... I can't handle it! He's not him! He's not my Doctor! I don't know if I can love him!"
Jackie sat back with a sad smile. "Oh Rose..."
"You don't get it, Mum! If he doesn't have me, then he hasn't got anybody here! He'll be just as alone as I was. And I can't do that to him. I can't."
"Sounds to me, Rose, like you already love him..."
"I don't! Well, I do, but then I hate him! He'll say things that.... that the real Doctor said to me once upon a time, and.... and I just break! I can't take him saying those things, Mum. He's not the same person, so it isn't right!" Tears streamed down her face.
"Well why do you try to treat him like the same person?"
"Huh?"
"You keep saying they're different." Jackie shrugged. "Treat them like two different people then."
Rose dropped her gaze to the table, thinking. "I never thought of that..."
"'S what mums are here for, dear," Jackie said with a smile.
Looking stricken, Rose continued, "I still... I still don't know if I can do it."
"It's just like him reminding you of an ex-boyfriend. That's all."
Rose gave a short bitter laugh. "An 'ex-boyfriend?' Try 'the one' that got away..."
"Rose...." Jackie took her daughter's hands "I know you've been trying, sweetheart, but you can make this work. He loves you! That's all you wanted, innit?"
"I...." Rose drew back. "I need time, I think. I gotta work this all out in my head."
"And your heart, Rose," Jackie said softly. "You can't keep him guessing. It's cruel."
"I'll take a week off. I have to go...somewhere. I need to get away for a little while. You understand, yeah?"
Jackie nodded slowly. "Of course, sweetheart."
"Thanks, Mum." Grabbing her bag as she stood, Rose left. Driving to the Torchwood office, she put in for the week off and headed home to pack a bag.
"Rose?" The Doctor wandered out of the bedroom, his hair a mess, shirt rumpled, and rubbing his eye like a sleepy child. "Where were you?"
"I went to visit my mum, dear." She walked up to him, guilt heavy in her mind. Kissing him lightly on the lips, she smiled. "I'm going to be gone for a week."
This woke him. "Gone?"
"Yeah. I'm taking a personal week. I... I need some time."
"Oh. Okay." He smiled at her.
"I'm not staying here. I'm... I'm going to go away for a week."
"Oh." His smile fell.
"Yeah..." Rose dropped her eyes, moving in, wrapping her arms around him, resting her head against his chest.
He hesitated and then put his arms around her. "Well, have a nice vacation then."
She pulled away, giving him a close-lipped smile. "Of course. I'll be back soon, you know."
Pulling a pouty face, the Doctor folded his arms. "It'll be lonely without you, you know."
Rose had to laugh. She gave him a playful push. "I know. I don't know how you'll get by without me. You better not leave me all the dishes in the sink. Even undomesticated, you can do that much."
He grinned broadly. "Brilliant! Does that mean I can leave my socks lying around?"
Rose rolled her eyes. "Only if you pick 'em up before I get back," she groused. "Now. I got to go get a bag ready." She moved past him into their bedroom and pulled out a duffle, stuffing a week's worth of clothes and stuff into it.
"I love you," the Doctor said, leaning against the doorjam.
Rose's hands paused. "Quite right, too...." she murmured. Flicking a glance at the Doctor through her lashes, she saw the hurt and regret rush across his face.
"Can't let that go, can you... Rose Tyler.... I—"
She laughed quickly. "I'm just kidding, you great lug." Looking up, she met his gaze, his soft brown eyes wary. "I love you too," she said quickly.
"Don't go too far, Rose."
"Too far? I don't know where I'm going yet. I'm just going to go to the airport and get a ticket to somewhere. I'll be back in a week. You'll be fine." She finished stuffing belongings into the bag, mindful of the taxi that should be there shortly.
"I know. Just..." He shook his head. "Just come back to me soon."
Come back to me soon. His words echoed through her mind as she sat on the plane to Norway (she knew exactly where she needed to go). He knew. He knew all along. Of course he knew. He was no idiot. A genius. A sometimes surprisingly dense genius, but an intuitive genius who knew Rose thoroughly. She was the idiot, thinking he didn't notice anything. Come back to me soon. Rose sighed.
"You alright, dear?"
"Hm?" She looked at the older woman next to her.
"You've been sighing this whole time. Is something bothering you? Not, of course, that it's any of my business, but I know it sometimes helps me to talk things out."
"Ah,... Sorry if I'm disturbing you. It's... Sorry. I've just got a lot on my mind."
"Of course, dear. I'll listen if you care to talk."
Rose smiled politely. "No, thank you. That's fine. It's just some... relational issues."
Eyes crinkling up as she smiled, the old lady chuckled. "I figured it might be something like that. A pretty young girl like you..."
Rose blushed. "My... My boyfriend and I are having issues. Well. I'm having issues. It's not his fault..."
"Oh?"
"I... love him, you see, but he..." Chewing her lip, Rose paused as she tried to think how to explain the situation. "He's almost exactly like an ex-boyfriend of mine who was, you know, the one?"
The old woman nodded for her to continue.
"So while I love this bloke, he's always reminding me of another guy I can't ever have because he... he's dead."
"Oh gracious... I'm so sorry, dear..."
Rose shook her head. "It's just hard, is all. I love this man, but the one I want is unavailable to me, so I feel like I'm settling for this substitute who I just keep hurting because he reminds me of another man. And he knows it. He knows he's only a substitute..."
"You should end it."
"End it?!"
The old woman nodded. "That would be better for both of you."
"I can't—We..." She didn't have anything to say. Looking back out the window, she let the conversation die. Should she end it? That wouldn't be right. He stayed here for her after all...
Rose got off the plane and took a taxi out to a little bed and breakfast where she checked in, dumped her gear and then took off on foot towards the coast. A mile and a half later, she happened onto Dårlig Ulv Stranden. Where it had all ended and then begun. Sitting on the cold sand of Bad Wolf Bay, she drew her knees up to her chest. It couldn't keep going like this... Something had to change. Dropping her head on to her knees, Rose closed her eyes...
You're the one thing I've always believed in, Rose...
We're the stuff of legend.
Lookit you! Having the one adventure I can never have! Rose Tyler, you are brilliant!
I need you, Rose. He needs you, and that's very me.
He needs you, Rose. He's always going to need you. -I need you, Doctor...- I know. I know, but right now he needs you more. And you need him, Rose...
She woke with a start, tears cold on her cheeks. "Doctor?" She stood quickly, looking around. Her hopes fell when she saw she was alone. Of course she was alone. It was only a dream. She turned to trudge back to the hotel, mulling over her life and man she wanted but couldn't have and the man she had but couldn't quite want.
She returned to the beach the next day. And each following day for the rest of the week.
Two days after she arrived, her monthly came.
"It's the last day I'm coming here, Doctor...." She whispered to the open air. "I can't come back any more.
"Roooooossseeeeee..."
She shook her head. "I have what you left me. And that's all I've got of you." Rose blinked. "All I've got of you..."
"Rooossee Tyleeeeerrrrrr...."
"You called to me, Doctor. You called to me back then. I listened. It was all I had. I think... I think I understand now, Doctor. This is what you've given me. You couldn't give me yourself, so you've given me the next best thing. And better yet, we'll be together. Forever, yeah?" Rose gave a short bitter laugh. "I wanted the stars with you, you know. I wanted all of it. I would have stayed with you forever. Now it's you stayin' with me. Forever. I don't think you'd like it all that much—staying in one place. But... But I guess that shows how much you love me, yeah?" Her voice caught and her eyes burned again as she looked towards the sky to stop the tears. "God... I wish I could have stayed with you and the TARDIS..."
"Stuff of legend... I need you..."
Rose sighed. "I think I can love him," she admitted. "Really love him. For real. Not half-way. You told me to have a fantastic life. And I plan on it. With him. Just to show you. You had faith in me, Doctor. Always. So I'm going to follow through and have a fantastic life. With what you've left for me. Because you wouldn't have done that for just anyone." She turned and headed back towards the road, pausing a minute. "Goodbye, Doctor. I loved you."
"I love you...."
Rose stepped out of the taxi, hurrying into her building, somewhat glad to see London rain hadn't changed. She trudged up the stairs and opened the flat door, dropping her bag by the door and kicking off her shoes, shedding her jacket. "Hello?"
"Hey, sweetheart," her mother's voice called from inside the apartment.
"Mum? What are you doing here? Where's the Doctor?" Rose set the umbrella down to dry.
"He left," Jackie said simply.
Rose's heart stopped beating. "What?"
"He's gone. Why?" Her mother's head was turned towards the window.
"Mum!"
"It's really raining, isn't it…"
"Mum!" Rose panicked. "Answer me!"
"I hope he didn't get caught in the rain."
"What does that mean?!" Rose waited impatiently for her mother to answer before letting out a frustrated shriek, grabbing her umbrella as she rushed towards the door. With shaking hands, she flipped it open. The umbrella stupidly got caught on the door so Rose dropped it and ran down the stairs to the street, spotting a familiar figure in the rain. She ran.
"Doctor!" She yelled his name over and over again, running through the blinding rain, soaked through within minutes. "Doctor! Doctor wait!"
The figure up ahead paused.
"Doctor please! Please don't leave!" She shouted through the thunder. "Please! Please wait! I love you! I do! Please don't leave me!"
The figure turned towards her. "Rose?"
"Doctor!" Rose cried in relief, the tears already mingled with rain. She ran at him, jumping into his arms, wrapping her own around his shoulders, her legs around his waist.
"Rose! Rose, what's—"
"Please don't leave! Please! I love you! I do! I really do! I just want you—I just want you to stay with me!" She kissed him roughly, burying her face in his neck. "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorryI'msorryI'msorry!"
"Rose…" The Doctor half-laughed, trying to comfort her. "Rose! Shh, Rose, it's alright! I'm here! Shh, it's alright. It's okay; I'm here."
Rose ran her hands over his face, along his cheeks, through his hair, over his shoulders, memorizing his features with her hands, making sure he was real, sobbing.
"Rose! Rose, calm down!" He kissed her gently. "It's alright."
She held to him tightly, sobbing against his shoulder. "Doctor…"
"Rose, let's get back inside. Come on now." He made his way back to their house. Jackie left quietly, giving the Doctor a smile and a nod. He brought Rose upstairs, stripping himself and her of their wet garments and lying her down in their bed. He climbed in next to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Rose. My fantastic Rose." He smiled gently, stroking her hair, pushing the wet locks out of her face. "I love you."
Rose hiccupped softly, burying her face against his shoulder. "I love you, Doctor. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... Don't ever leave. "
"Never," he agreed softly, pulling the covers up around them both.
She pulled back sharply. "Where were you going just earlier!" She demanded, eyes watering up afresh.
"Rose. Rose…" he said gently, caressing her cheek. "Rose, I was going out to buy you some flowers. That's all. You know. To welcome you home. Your silly earth traditions..."
The tears overflowed as she began sobbing again. "You stupid git! It's all my mum's fault..!"
"Jolly old mum, right?" He grinned like a kid with a new toy, the light back in his eyes.
Rose gasped. "You—! You planned this! You and my mum!" Smacking him on the arm, she rolled away from him.
"Rose... Wait—Rose! I—Rose, I—"
She sent him a sly glance. "Just you wait, Doctor. Your turn's coming."
The panicked expression left and undiluted joy lit his face. "I can't wait!"
"Good. Because we're going to get married."
He gaped like a fish out of water, eyes wide as panic once again took hold of his features. Rose could see the pure happiness in his eyes though as he bent to snog her senseless. And that was fine.
