All characters are Stephenie Meyers. I don't own them I wish I did ;o)

Sorry everyone my computer crashed. See the note at the bottom. I will be hoping to do more updating soon. I want to finish typing this out. I have 5 full chapters of Truth to type and I have to finish Christmas Wish.

Scarletappy--- thank you for your pm—also for the information that you provided with the buying and selling of houses. It is much appreciated! Sorry I didn't get back to you. I would have but my computer crashed. Thanks again!

Here is the much anticipated next chapter. If you don't want to read the last chapter here is a quick short update.

Here is the last little bit from the previous chapter.

"Carlisle is going hunting. Will you be okay for a while?"

"Yes. Go have fun." She paused. "I guess I have been kind of dominating you the last few weeks haven't I?"

"Not at all, my love. I'm yours Bella. Forever."

"Go hunting. Go have fun. I am just going to read for a while."

"You're sure?" I had to ask.

"Yes go before I dominate you more." She let out a chuckle and shooed me out of the room.

I kissed her and said my quick goodbyes. If I had long ones she would start to wonder. I hope what I was about to do wouldn't hurt her. It was better this way. It was better and I had to make her see that.

~munchkin1978



Why?

Chapter 22

BPOV (finally…. LOL)

I watched Edward slip out the door in his un-natural vampire way. Quiet as a small mouse. I had a quick laugh at my errant thought. If there was a mouse in this house Esme would have a fit. I giggled again. It felt good to laugh. I settled down and opened my book back up. My mind drifted too early in the day. The house sold rather quickly and I was glad for it. Edward said it would go quickly but I didn't think it would go that quick. Mind you I had no idea. I had never sold a house nor really moved into one that wasn't in my parents name or the Cullen's which I just did. I turned back to my book. I was reading one of my many read and re-read books again. I knew Edward would scold me for re- reading it again but I like the classic novels. I opened it to the page I had dog eared and started to read again forgetting all thoughts and reasons I was in this spot.

It must have been hours later when I woke to Alice and Esme both trying to wake me from my slumber. Esme had taken my book and marked the page and placed it beside me. They both had grim faces.

I yawned and sat up, blinked and starred at them. "What is going on? You two look…."

"Bella we have…" Esme started as I yawned again.

"Where is Edward? He is the one who usually wakes me, or lets me sleep till I wake myself."

"He didn't come back with Carlisle…" Alice said quietly. "I didn't see it coming Bella. It was too late. My vision was too late."

"What do you mean he didn't come back?" I sat up ram rod straight and looked both of them in the eyes. Where was he? He knew I was waiting for him.

"Bella they ran into some Nomads. Edward was protecting your scent because he had it all over him. He didn't want a repeat of last time. There was a fight. Carlisle was too late. The other vampire killed Edward." Alice said quietly.

"What…."

No……

That can't be right. Edward always looked out for himself. He killed Victoria. How could he be killed? "No your wrong. He's coming back. He's coming home. He has to come home." I stood up before collapsing on the bedroom floor in a fit of tears. No, he had to come home to me. He had to. He….. "He promised never to leave me again….." I sobbed out. "He promised me. He promised…" This couldn't be happening. I had to be dreaming. Wake up Bella, wake up from this nightmare. I tried pinching myself a second later. Alice was watching me. I could feel her eyes on me. I looked up to her face through my tear filled eyes. She was somber. Esme's face was the same. If they could cry I'm sure they probably would be.

"Why?" I asked as I gasped my sobs. I curled my knees under me and started rocking. Rocking was good. Soothing. Edward used to rock me.

Oh my god…..

I wouldn't do this again. I promised myself. I promised I wouldn't do it again.

"No…. You can't leave me….. You can't….. No……No….."

I don't remember anything past that point. I don't remember being placed on the bed, having food, having my clothes changed. I was in a daze. It was like I was in-between planes of reality. I was here nor there. I stopped crying shortly afterwards and I just rocked. But I had started crying again. All day I rocked. Not paying attention to anything, starring at the wall or nothing at all. I was in this state because of him. He left me a second time. This time my sub conscience knew he wasn't coming back. I knew it but my heart didn't want to believe it. He wasn't going to come back for me. He wouldn't change me. He wouldn't kiss me or love and caress me like he had. I was destined to be alone.

I was alone…..

My memories played in my head over and over again. I needed to touch him. Feel his face close to mine. I needed him. I wanted only him.

I sat and cried for days before Alice had forced food into me and changed my clothes. It was another 2 when I stopped crying entirely. I didn't have any more tears in me to cry. I vaguely remember her changing me into clothes I didn't want to be in. They were black. Death was black. Black was the meaning of my life with out Edward. I was nothing without him. The floor came faster than I thought as I fell to my knees for the umpteenth time. I felt gentle but firm fingers pull me back up. I was face to face with Alice and Jasper.

Jasper took my arm and led me towards the door. Wait….we were leaving? I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go anywhere. I wanted to stay in this room. I wasn't leaving him. He was going to come back I had finally told myself. He was on an extended hunting trip. I had to tell my heart something to tide it over till he came back. He was coming back, he had to.

Jasper put me into the car and Alice got in beside me. Where were they taking me? I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with Edward. Somebody had to wait for him to return. I started rocking again. I hummed the tune that I so often heard him hum. It wasn't working. I wasn't calm. I wasn't falling asleep. I don't think I slept in days. If I closed my eyes I would miss if he came home.

I must have blacked out. I must have closed my eyes. They betrayed my order to stay awake. It must have been for just a minute. Did he come back? Where was I now? I glanced around when I spotted it. A coffin….raw earth….flowers….. No……

No…..

I couldn't do this….

Not so soon after…..

I let out a sob as I watched as he was lowered into the ground. I felt lost, withdrawn, not worth of being in his presence. Even in death. I was ready on the other hand to yell, scream and shout to the world. To anyone who would listen. Anyone to answer my simple question. Why?

I curled into the arms that held me in place as the casket reached its final destination. The tears flowing freely now. Why? Why did it have to be you? Anyone else but you. I was struggling to go forward. I was ready to fling myself in with the casket, to be buried with him forever. We had too short of time together.

Roses were dropped into the depth that held the casket. I didn't dare move against the arms that held me in place until he released me from his grasp. I rushed forward and dropped the arm load of flowers, each one with a note attached. For the after life I had told myself. I didn't trust myself to come back to the strong arms that held me before so when I felt them tug me back to my chair I moved with his touch.

I watched through the tears the handful of dirt that was thrown, the final prayer said. The finality of it dawning on me. Life. His life. The closing of his life, the final farewell. Everyone rose to leave, not wanting to linger. I stayed. I stayed in my chair as the rain started turned to a pour. The heavens crying as I was crying.

He will get wet I screamed at everyone that had remained for a few moments. He will get wet. Did you not hear me? He will get wet. He will get wet. No body was listening. I was alone. I was alone in this world now. I wouldn't have anyone to care for me like he did. Why?

"Bella, come on you need to get out of the rain."

I felt his strong arms grasp my shoulders, bringing me to my feet. They were making me leave him. I didn't want to leave him. Not yet. He wasn't safe by himself. Some one had to stay. I wanted to stay. I fought against the arms but lost. They pulled me away from the spot I'd remember. The person I'd remember indefinitely. Through the tears I saw an umbrella. I was under a black umbrella. The strong arm pushing me towards the sleek black car that was waiting with the door open. No I would not go in. I couldn't leave him. I wasn't ready. I moved to the right slightly to go back only to be stopped and placed into the car with a gentle touch. As soon as the umbrella went down the car took off. I was trapped. I couldn't go back. I couldn't die with him.

I wanted the driver to turn around so I could go back. If they could turn back time, I would wish that too. Just a year and I'd be happy. Realistically it would be perfect but I knew. I knew it would never happen. I felt the strong arms pull me closer. Pull me into his world. He was worried. Worried that I could snap at any time. His touch was tense yet gentle. Worry was evident.

"Just a little bit longer Bella." The voice said. I wasn't registering anybody. I was focused on one person today.

We arrived moments later. The car pulling to a slow stop. Cars lined the area on both sides of the street. The voice I had heard moments ago stepped outside the vehicle and held the umbrella up waiting for me to exit. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to go back. I wanted to see him. I resigned and moved forward taking the hand that was offered to me. I looked back at the car I just exited. Black. I knew this type of car. It had a death about it. I turned to face forward as the strong arms caught me as I collapsed. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be the strong one now. I couldn't face anyone else today. I can't be the strong one like you asked. I just wanted to curl up and die.

Jasper took me into the house. I didn't know who else was there to see me. I didn't care. He wasn't coming back. My Edward was gone. Life as I knew it was gone. I didn't have a family.

"Bella please stop. You will be okay. We will always be here for you." Jasper said as he laid me down.

"He's gone…. He's not coming back….. He's gone….. He's not coming back…." I repeated over and over. Jasper was trying to change my emotions. I wouldn't let him. I curled my legs under me again and started rocking again.

I wasn't paying attention to the conversation Alice was having with Jasper. I didn't care. They could be talking about the moon, and I didn't care. There was somebody else there. I couldn't see them. They were hidden. The shadows had come out. I finally laid my head down and my eyes closed. He didn't come. I didn't see him. It wasn't like before. He left me behind. I tried to drown out the conversation going on but bits and pieces were coming through.

"She's not going to snap out of this. It was too much too soon."

"I couldn't change her emotions. She tossed me aside and blocked me. I don't know how, but she did."

"She will snap out of it tonight. Alice prepare for the next stage okay."

That voice…..

That voice…. That familiar god like voice. How I could listen to it every day. How could I not see this person? How did I know this person? I needed to hear that voice. It was familiar. It was home. The voice of my home. Home was……. Edward.


Well what did you think?

Wow it's been a while. I know I know. I'm sorry. My computer crashed. Well sort of. The hard drive fan decided it was going to clunk out and then my computer wouldn't boot up. So we thought it was the hard drive. I hadn't backed anything up. It is a good thing I keep all my chapters on the secondary drive because I would have screamed bloody blue murder if I lost them. So thank god that did happen. We took it to be repaired and the guy turned it on and it started with no boot problems. I could have screamed. I went almost 2 whole weeks with out my computer. It happened New Years Eve. So I was off to a great start in 2010. Now I'm all better.

I love my computer, I love my computer, I love my computer!!!!

Can't you tell ---- I love my computer!

If you haven't read Truth go read it--- It is 9200 words for the first chapter but it is all human and the first chapter is in Edwards's eyes. I like it and it was begging to come out and be born. Please read and review that one too!

Please read and review. Let me know what you think!

~munchkin1978~