DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS SCENES THAT ARE NOT APPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES (jeez, I sound like one of those rating ads on old videos. Anyways, it's true).

BPOV

I hate my mother.

I know that they say that "hate" is a strong word, but lying here, watching my God-like husband sleeping I could think of no better way to put it.

What could she possibly have against this perfect creature?

Other than what Jacob had told her, she had no reason to hate him. He was what every woman wanted her husband to be. He was kind and considerate, generous and gentle, caring and patient, he was beautiful and strong. He was all I needed.

And now it was all being taken away.

How could she do this to me?

All I wanted to do for the rest of eternity was watch this glorious creature sleep.

But thanks to my mother I wasn't going to be able to do that.

I gently ran my hand across Edward's forehead, brushing a few stray hairs out of his eyes. I wanted to watch him sleep, but I also wanted him to open those glorious green eyes that I loved so much. God, how I loved those eyes. They were beautiful.

A small smile graced his lips and he pulled me closer to him. I sighed and nuzzled my nose into his neck. He chuckled slightly and I pulled back, looking up at him.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked softly, wanting him to open his eyes.

"Nothing, you're breath on my neck." He opened his eyes, his smile widening slightly. "It tickles."

"Oh." I smiled. "That's okay then. As long as you're not laughing at me."

"And what would you do if I was laughing at you." He challenged me, his tone slightly mocking.

I thought about that for a moment. "I don't actually know."

"Well." He pulled me closer to him, burying his nose in my hair. "That's what I thought."

"Yeah, yeah." I giggled as he moved down my neck, placing fleeting, featherlight kisses on my skin.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing. I picked it up off of the side as Edward groaned and buried his head in my hair again. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Renee. Edward was looking up at me, seeming to plead with me not to answer the phone as if he knew who it was on the other end. I mouthed a quick "sorry" to him and answered the phone.

"What?" I answered, my voice cold.

"Where are you?" Renee's voice rang out through the speaker.

"What do you care?" I spat back, running a hand through Edward's hair gently. He sighed and rested his head on my shoulder gently, seeming to sense where this conversation was going to go soon.

"Because you're coming home." She answered just as coldly.

"I already am home." I replied, my anger wearing thin.

"Well, you're not at the Cullens'. I'm coming to that house they think they've got hidden away." Shit! Fuck! Bollocks! Every curse word I could think of ran through my mind at that moment. I pinched the bridge of my nose, just as Edward had done many many times before. It was something that I had picked up from him. He noticed my action and looked up at me, his eyes worried.

"What's going on?" He whispered quietly to me and I shook my head.

"Why are you coming here?" I asked Renee, my anger shining through. Edward's head shot up off of my shoulder and stared at me, his eyes wide with alarm.

"Because you're coming home with me. And that's final Bella." She hissed at me.

"I. Hate. You." I spat, hanging up the phone and throwing it across the room, where it broke apart.

"Now, was that really the smartest thing to do?" Edward asked, his tone curious. He looked up at me, his eyebrows raised.

"No, I guess not." I mumbled, worming my way down and pulling the duvet over my head.

I laid my head on Edward's chest as he chuckled at me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hitched my leg across his. He wrapped his arms around me as I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

His beautiful heartbeat.

Since I had come to stay at his house practically every night, it had come to be a lullaby of sorts to me. And each time I had tried to sleep without it thudding gently in my ear. It made me feel safe and secure, knowing that he was there, feeling his warm and solid beneath me.

Nothing I knew could compare to that.

He lifted the cover up and looked at me, a small smirk on his face. "You okay in there?" He asked, a slight hint of laughter in his voice.

"No." I mumbled, pressing a kiss to his chest, right above where his heart was situated. "I want to stay here forever."

"Mmmm, so do I." He pulled the duvet over his head and kissed the top of my head.

We lay there for a little while, not saying anything at all. Not needing to. Just comfortable with the silence passing through each other. All I needed was to hear his gentle heartbeat thudding next to my ear and in my mind, everything was perfect. I never wanted it to end.

But that was not to be.

A few minutes later, there was an enormous pounding on the front door. Looks like Renee's here.

I heard Edward groan, as he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Make her go away." He mumbled, his lips still pressed against my skin.

"I would love to but that would mean getting out of bed." I mumbled gently, nuzzling into his chest again. "And I really don't want to do that."

The banging continued on the front door and we smiled at each other, knowing that it wasn't going to get us out of bed. Hell, not even Emmett could get the two of us out of bed, banging on the door. And let me tell you, he's tried. So Renee was going to be in for a long wait and a very sore fist.

"She can bang all she wants." Edward mumbled gently as I smiled at him. "I'm not getting out of this bed."

"Me neither." I sighed, closing my eyes.

After another moment or two, the banging stopped and we grinned at each other. Seemed as though she had finally given up. Maybe she would actually see that there was no way she was going to split us up and had left.

That was shortlived.

My eyes flew open, meeting Edward's angry eyes as we both heard something smash downstairs. No doubt the smash had been the elegant glass door that led into the house.

"Oh no, she did not!" Edward growled before shoving the duvet away from his head and grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"What the hell was that?" I asked, watching Edward storm out of the room. I grabbed my panties and slid them on, before I found Edward's shirt from last night and slid it on, buttoning it up as I walked down the staira.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?!" Edward was almost shouting at Renee. "Who the hell do you think you are?! You can't just break into somebody's house because you feel like it! What if we hadn't been here, huh?!" I didn't need to see Edward to know that he was pissed. I didn't want to go down because I didn't want Renee to know I was actually there, but I didn't want Edward to have to face her on his own. I didn't want him to be under any more stress than he had to be. I still worried about his heart. I always would. "Well? What would you have done then? Would you have gone snooping around? Help yourself to something you like?"

"I am only here for my daughter!" Renee snapped.

"Who also happens to be my wife!" Edward spat back at her. I had no idea that Edward could speak with such a venom in his voice. Who knew he could be so strong? I should have.

"For now." Renee hissed.

"You can't do anything about it." He replied as I stepped down the last few steps. Neither of them had noticed that I had come down the stairs yet.

"The hell I can't." Renee sounded smug at this and she looked it as well.

"Actually no, you can't." Edward shook his head. "You can't get an annulment if the marriage has been consumated and you can't get a divorce on behalf of someone else, so…" He nodded at her. "You're kind of at a loss here."

"What do you mean 'you can't get an annulment if the marriage has been consumated'?" Renee's eyes were going wide now. "Are you saying that the two of you have……?"

"What did you expect, Renee?" I asked her smugly, walking up behind Edward and wrapping an arm around Edward's waist. "That we'd get married and not touch each other for the rest of our lives?"

She looked at me as Edward placed a kiss on the top of my head. I could see that she wanted to explode at us, possibly tear Edward limb from limb, as she was looking at me wearing Edward's button down shirt, that barely skimmed my thighs, covering my arms and not much else.

"You, young lady, will get dressed and out that door right now!" She pointed at me and then out the door. "Or else, he and his family-"

"Hey!" I shouted back. "They're my family too now! They have been since before Edward and I got married." I saw her cringe when I mentioned the "M" word. "Yes, Renee, Edward and I are married. Get used to it."

"No." She snapped back. "Now, get your ass dressed and into that car or else I will be calling the state police. We are leaving now, or else your pretty little husband will find himself in a cell."

"Alright!" I screamed at her even though I knew it was breaking Edward's heart as much as it was mine. "Fine! You want to be a manipulative scheming bitch and have it your way, fine! But I am not sitting in a car with you! I will be riding with Edward. And if they want to, the rest of the Cullens will be coming too!"

"Not a chance!" She scoffed at me.

"Tough shit!" I shouted at her, the only thing stopping me from launching myself at her was Edward's arm around my waist. I could tell that he was as pissed as I was, but he knew now wasn't the time for violence.

I looked up at him and saw a look of pure fury on his face. I had hoped never to see that face, and from what I had heard, before Edward had gone into the clinic he had worn that expression many times. That one mixed with depression and despair. I didn't find either of the other two on his face, but then again, I couldn't see his eyes, so I had no idea what they were holding.

I turned to walk back up the stairs, gently taking Edward with me. I didn't want to do this, but I knew that I had to. There was no way out for me. I couldn't stay here. Who knows how far Renee would take this. And that was not something that I was willing to put to the test. Not with Edward on the line.

When we got up to our room, he locked the door and pulled me close to him, capturing my lips in a soft kiss. It wasn't desperate or needy, it was filled with passion and longing. He didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave. The Cullens' and Charlie didn't want me to leave. I knew on some level, not even Jacob wanted me to leave.

But Renee.

She was in a world of her own.

She was the only one who wanted me to leave.

And for whatever reasons they were, I didn't know. But I was sure as hell going to find out. That was the only time I was going to speak to her all the time I was in Phoenix.

I was going to get the information I needed, and then ignore her until I could come home.

She thought that Phoenix was my home. Phoenix had stopped being my home as soon as I found Edward. Now, my home was wherever he was. It was that simple.

"I love you." He whispered gently as we broke apart.

"As I love you." He rested his forehead against mine. "Edward." I opened my eyes and looked into his beautiful emerald orbs. "I will always love you. No matter where each of us is, we are always connected." I placed a hand over his heart and took his hand and placed it over mine. "We will always be together."

He sniffed and wrapped his arms around me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I felt something drop onto my shirt and opened my eyes to see that he had a silent tear running down his cheek. I brushed my thumb across his cheek, wiping it away and looking at the drop that clung to my skin. Slowly, I put my thumb into my mouth, tasting his tear, tasting him, before pressing my lips to his in a long, slow, lingering kiss.

I pulled away from him slowly and picked up my jeans from yesterday. I didn't bother with underwear, even though I knew I'd pay for it tomorrow. I picked up my bra and spid my arms out of the shirt, but not taking it off. I managed to slip my bra on and put my arms back into the sleeves of the shirt in under a minute. Edward was wearing a small smirk as I walked back over to him. His eyes were still full of sadness and grief. I just hoped that he would be okay.

"What are you thinking?" I asked softly, looking over at Edward to see that he had also gotten himself dressed, looking as gorgeous as ever in a pair of faded jeans and grey t-shirt.

"I was just remembering Emmett musing over how women could do that." He chuckled and I frowned at him. "Put a bra on without taking off their shirts first. Apparently, it's always something that's bugged him."

"I can imagine." I smiled, resting my head on his chest. "I just want to stay here forever."

"As do I, my love." He kissed the top of my head and rested his cheek there, sighing.

"Unfortunately we can't." I sighed, lifting my head up and looking up at him. "She's probably going to storm her way up here and destroy something else if we don't get down there soon."

"I don't understand……why……she's doing this." He sighed, closing his eyes tightly. He hated this. He hated anything that upset me, just as I loathed anything that upset him. Call us crazy, but that's how we work.

"I don't know." I mumbled. "What I don't understand is how she can believe Jacob over me. It just……I don't know. He must have told her something horrible for her to do this. Normally, she would just worry and fret, but going this far … it's ridiculous."

"If murder wasn't a crime, I would happily murder Jacob right now." He mumbled quietly, his voice full of malice.

I looked up at him, shocked. "Edward!" I had never heard him say anything like that before. I looked into his eyes and they were filled with hurt and betrayal.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, shaking his head gently. "I know it was wrong of me to say that, but, I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"I didn't mean that you shouldn't think that way." I smirked. "I was just hoping that you were going to wait for me to be around before you did."

He smiled at me, pulling me back to him. We stayed there for a few more moments, before I heard Renee shouting at me to come down. Why the hell couldn't she just leave me the fuck alone?! She thought she was doing the right thing, but what she didn't realise was that she was only ruining a hell of a lot of lives. And because of some mangy mutt with a little crush.

"I'm stealing your shirt by the way." I mumbled into his chest, pressing a soft kiss to the fabric covering his smooth muscles. "I hope you don't mind. I just …… wanted something of yours …… you know?"

"You have something of mine love." He whispered into my ear gently. "You have my heart."

I buried my face into the crook of his neck and sighed. "Is that your way of saying that I can't have your shirt?"

He chuckled softly. "No, you can have it." He looked down at me. "It looks better on you anyway." He pressed his lips to mine gently and I sighed softly.

"Come on." I whispered, putting on my shoes and taking his hand. I didn't want to do this. I could feel my heart breaking with every step I took down the stairs.

I glared at the woman who dared to call herself my mother, and then behave this way. I had always had to be the adult out of the two of us, but that was usually because she was always too caught up in whatever phase she was obsessed with. But now……now she was just being too childish for words.

I didn't look break eye contact as Edward and I walked up and stood in front of her.

"You can expect a bill for that window by the way." Edward stated coldly.

"I don't think so." Renee shook her head.

"Really?" I looked up at Edward and saw him raise his eyebrows, challenging Renee. "Maybe we should get Charlie involved on account of breaking and entering?"

She scoffed at him and shook her head. "Fine, then."

He smirked at her. "By the way, crystal glass ain't cheap." He smiled smugly at her as she scoffed and shook her head again.

"Come on, Bella." She looked at me and glared at Edward again. "Let's go."

"Is there something wrong with your memory?" I asked her, cocking my head to the side. "I told you: if I have to go, then I'm going with Edward. I don't want to have to spend any more time with you than I have to."

I crossed my arms over my chest as she stood there seething. She knew that she couldn't win this argument. I knew that it had been her plan to get me away from Edward as soon as possible, and that was not going to happen. I wanted every minute I could get with Edward.

"Now, if you'd kindly remove yourself from my house…" Edward gestured towards the door, signalling to Renee that he wanted her to get the hell out of the house, although he was too polite to put it that way.

She glared at him and stormed out of the house and stood out by her car, staring at the two of us. I made a show of putting my arms around Edward's neck and pressing my lips to his. I felt him smile against my lips before he pulled away.

"Now, now, don't be petty." He scolded me, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Why not?" I scowled at him before I turned to face my mother, holding onto Edward's hand.

I stalked over to the Volvo, Edward following behind and he opened my door for me, shutting it for me after I got in and walking over to the drivers' side. Neither of us took any notice of Renee as Edward made his way down the driveway, and turned towards the Cullens' house.

I smiled smugly at him and he returned it as we turned up the driveway, Renee following closely behind.

"You know, I would stop the car without warning, teach her a lesson about tailgating but……" He shook his head solemnly. "I like this car too much."

I laughed and kissed his hand gently, causing him to chuckle.

We pulled up to the house and Edward climbed out of the car. He was around at my door and opening it before I even had the chance to get my seatbelt off. I knew that he wasn't showing off for Renee. This was how he always behaved. My perfect gentleman.

"What on earth are you playing at?" Renee practically screamed from behind me.

"Um, I'm seeing my family." I retorted as Edward and I walked up to the house.

"And you can stay outside." Edward smiled smugly. "I don't know if we can control Rose. Especially after yesterday."

We closed the door behind us, leaving Renee standing there gaping at us in disbelief. If the situation wasn't so serious then it could have been amusing.

"Bella? Edward?" Carlisle's voice rang out through the foyer. "She's making you leave isn't she?" We turned and saw him and the rest of the family coming through various doors. We both nodded sadly and Edward squeezed my hand a little more tightly.

I threw an arm around Carlisle and pressed my face into his shoulder. "I don't want to go." I sobbed, sounding like a child that just doesn't want to go to school.

"I know." He comforted me. It would have been easier if I had both hands free but I refused to let go of Edward's hand, so he would have to deal. "We don't want you to go either."

I stepped back from Carlisle and looked at the rest of my family. "Can you guys do me a favour?" I looked around at them and they all nodded and I heard murmurs of agreement. "Can you come to the airport with us?"

"Of course honey." Esme replied, a hand on her chest as though I had just insinuated some enormous crime if they hadn't. "We wouldn't dream of staying here."

"Okay, good." I nodded and tried to smile at them, but I think it turned out as more of a grimace.

I winced as I heard a horn honking from outside. She was really getting on my nerves now. I had the urge to ask Rosalie or Alice or maybe even Esme to go out and knock her out, so that I wouldn't have to leave. Maybe we could do that, and then chain her up in the basement until I'm eighteen and then let her go because she can't do anything then. I just wished that she couldn't do anything now.

"Sounds like someone needs that horn shoving up her ass." Rosalie snorted and I smiled.

"Rosalie." Carlisle scolded her, but he was hilding back a small chuckle himself. I would miss this family so much. And Renee would see how much I missed them, once we got to Phoenix. She might call it "home" but it was not home for me anymore.

My home was with Edward.

We all walked out of the house and Edward and I climbed into the Volvo again, Carlisle and Esme got into Carlisle's Mercedes, Carlisle opening Esme's door, just as Edward had for me. The other's climbed into the Jeep and I turned to notice that Emmett was holding open a door for Rose and Jasper was doing the same for Alice.

"Hm." I hummed gently. I didn't think Edward would notice, but as always, he was finely in tune with everything I did.

"What?" He asked, giving me a curious look as he turned on the ignition.

"I just noticed Em and Jazz holding open the doors of the Jeep for Rose and Ali." I smiled at them as they walked around to their own sides.

"Yeah." He grinned at me. "Have you never noticed that they do that before?" I shook my head. "Have done ever since they were big enough to open a car door."

"Something Esme drilled into them?" I laughed and he shook his head. "What then?"

"They saw it on some kids' movie and thought that it looked like what a proper man would do so they started doing it for Rose and Alice. Roped me into doing it as well, of course." He chuckled.

"I've seen." I smiled at him as we started moving, following Carlisle's Mercedes. I took his hand and pressed a kiss to each of his knuckles before I let our hands fall between us. I looked out of the window as the road vanished underneath us.

Renee was taking me away from the only man I had ever loved because she felt that he wasn't good enough, for whatever reasons that Jacob had told her. And I would be finding out what he had said. That would be the only conversation I had with Renee whilst in Phoenix, and maybe I would have it on the plane with her, making it so I don't have to even talk to her after we land.

It took us a little under an hour to get to Port Angeles. Somehow, Renee had managed to keep up with the crazy Cullen style of driving. Something told me that the suspension on her rental wasn't faring too well though. It wasn't as up to date as the Cullens' cars were.

I slowly got out of the car when Edward opened my door and clung to him for dear life. I buried my head into his chest, wanting this to be a dream, well a nightmare. I was so desperately hoping that this was one of those nightmares that ended just before I had to walk through the gate to get on the plane. My conscious mind knew that that wasn't going to happen though. Nothing like that ever happens in real life. It was all in the movies and novels that that stuff happened.

Nothing ever goes right in real life.

Or, if it does, it's soon ruined by some external factor that doesn't like how good your life is going and would rather it filled with chaos.

I sat down in one of the uncomfortable plastic seats pulling Edward down with me as the rest of the Cullens' sat down around me. I didn't want to cry, but I knew that I was going to. This was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do. Of course it wasn't by choice, but that's not the point. Even having to leave Edward in the clinic hadn't hurt even a fraction of the amount that this did. At least then, I knew he was within driving distance, and I mean within a few hours, not a few days drive.

Renee sat down next to Esme a smug smile on her face. Esme turned away from her, obviously disgusted at her behaviour. What I wouldn't give to see Esme land one on Renee right now. She could do that and then we'd all run, disappearing in our fancy cars while Renee tried to get hers started.

I heard Edward telling Carlisle about the window that basically made up the front door, and I saw Carlisle and Esme sitting there, trying to control their anger. I could tell that launching themselves at Renee was becoming a very interesting idea. Renee had no respect for the Cullens' or their property. I suspected some of it was jealousy, probably from the fact that Carlisle was the head of cardiology at the Forks hospital as he had been in Chicago and Esme had her own interior design company and Renee was a kindergarten teacher. Might have something to do with it. Even so, what she had done to the front door, my front door, was unacceptable and I will be giving Edward the address and phone number to Renee's house so that the glaziers can send their bill to Renee. It's the least she could do.

I heard a boarding call and Renee stood up, looking at me. "Come on, Bella!" She sounded exasperated and every single one of the Cullens', including myself, turned to glare at her. How she withstood such a glare I don't know. Most people I know are pissing themselves after a glare from Alice, let alone all of the Cullens' put together.

I hugged each and every one of them, as the tears began falling. It took forever to get a sobbing Alice to let go of my arm. I eventually handed her to Jasper, who also had tears falling from his eyes. They were all so sad that I was leaving. They really were my family and I loved them.

I took a deep breath and turned to Edward, who was standing there, a little way away from the rest of the family, tears streaking down his face. He looked so lost and broken and all I wanted to do was take him home and reasssure him that everything was going to be okay. I couldn't do that though. Renee's threat of the state police coming down on the Cullens' was too much for me to think about.

I placed my hands on either side of his face and pulled him down crashing my lips to his. This wasn't a kiss full of lust or want. It was a kiss of longing, passion and love. I needed him to know that I was here, always with him. I gently sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, biting down softly, before easing my tongue into his mouth.

His tongue met mine in a gentle caress, seemingly telling me the same thing I was trying to tell him. That I was always going to be there. That I would come back.

We grudginly broke the kiss when we both realised that we still needed to breathe. If that hadn't been a problem then we could have stayed like that forever.

"I love you. So much." I whimpered, pressing my head into his chest and sobbing into his shirt.

"I will never stop loving you." He whispered, wrapping his arm around my waist and placing a hand on the back of my head.

I leaned my head back to look at him. "Edward." I whispered. "I will come back. I promise you that. I will be coming back. There is no force on earth that will keep me away from you." He nodded and pressed a kiss to my forehead. He was so overwhelmed that he couldn't even speak. This had happened a couple of times, and it was never under good circumstances when it did. "Which is why …… I'm not saying goodbye to you."

"What do you mean?" He asked, puzzled, tears still streaming down his face. It wasn't right for his beauty to be marred the way it was. He was so beautiful. Too beautiful for tears.

"I am coming back, make no mistake about that." I nodded, looking deep into his eyes, making sure he knew that I was telling the truth. "And I will be back the first opening I see. So …… I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying …… see you later."

"See you later?" He smiled one of the saddest smiles I had ever seen and it nearly broke my heart all over again.

"Yeah." I nodded, trying to stop the tears that were flowing. "See you later. It means that I am definitely coming back." I sighed, kissing his jaw gently. "Edward, I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, and you know that if I had a choice, I would stay here each and every single time. But, as it turns out, fate hates us and I don't have a choice. But nothing, nothing she or anyone else does will ever make me forget you. No one can tear us apart, unless we want them to."

"As long as we're strong, we've won." He whispered, lowering his lips to mine again.

"Bella!" Renee practically shouted at me, causing me to fist my hands in Edward's, now soaked t-shirt. "We have to go!"

"I have to go." I whispered to Edward.

"I get that." He sighed, pulling me to him. "I just wish I knew how to stop it."

"So do I." I mumbled, as a fresh wave of tears broke over the dam. I stood up on my tiptoes ans whispered in his ear, exactly what I did when I had to leave him in the clinic. "Look after my heart. I've left it with you."

I heard a choked sob come from him as I pulled away. I walked away from him, not looking away from him until finally our fingers no longre touched. I instantly felt incomplete. Like someone had ripped away the other half to me. I was no longer complete.

I needed Edward for that.

And I wouldn't have him for God knows how long.

How would I survive?

EPOV

It was unbearable having to watch her walk through the gate.

She was gone.

She was gone and I was going to have to go on like everything was normal. I couldn't do that. I had just had the love of my life ripped away from me. There was no way that I could act "normally".

I didn't care that I was crying in the tiny airport in Port Angeles. I didn't care what people thought of me. All I cared about was the fact that the love of my life – my wife – getting on a plane, being forced on a plane, to somewhere she didn't want to go.

I turned around and walked out of the airport, not caring about the looks I received from my family. Nothing else mattered to me at that moment in time. All that mattered was her and the fact that she wasn't here anymore.

I climbed into my Volvo and turned the ignition as my family walked out of the airport. I sped out of the parking lot, not looking at them, not wanting to see their looks of pity and sympathy. I didn't need that. I needed Bella.

I don't know how long I drove for.

I don't know where I drove.

Everything just seemed to meld together into one big green swirl.

I didn't pay attention to anything at all.

I let myself become numb.

All I knew was that sometime later on in the day I was pulling into the driveway of my old home. I sighed and climbed out of the car, walking slowly up to the house and placing my key in the door. I walked in to find the house very quiet. Which was unnerving.

The house was usually so alive and bouncing with energy. This quiet was making me nervous.

I walked through into the kitchen to see Alice, Rose and Esme sitting there, at the table. It looked as though they had been crying pretty much all day, which I didn't doubt. They had all become very attached to Bella. Almost as attached as I was.

"Edward." Esme breathed, getting up and walking over to me. She placed a hand on my shoulder in a loving way and I tensed. I didn't pull away and she smiled at me. "Where have you been?" She asked me, a worried undertone to her voice. I shrugged, shaking my head. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"Just drove around for a while." I told her honestly. "Needed some …… time."

"It's okay, sweetie." I sat down at the table and crossed my hands on the table before leaning my head on them. I felt someone rubbing my back gently, but at this moment, I was too emotionally, physically and mentally drained to freak. Normally, I probably would have done, but with everything that had happened today, I just didn't have the capacity to do so.

"Edward." I heard Carlisle's voice enter the room, filled with relief. Him just saying my name like that told me that what he thought I had been doing. He must have thought that I was trying to figure out another plan to try and kill myself. I wouldn't do that. Not when I had Bella's promise that she would come back. When I didn't know, but I knew she would come back.

Wouldn't she?

What if when she's in Phoenix, she realises that I am a waste? That I'm not worth her time after all?

I don't know what I would do.

She wouldn't think that though, would she?

No matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise, the thoughts that she would forget me wouldn't leave. They were like a plague.

"Come on," Esme said softly. "Let's get something to eat."

"I don't want anything." I mumbled, sitting up and leaning back in my chair.

"Edward." Carlisle said softly but an edge of warning in his voice. I looked up at him and saw the reservation in his eyes. I wasn't going anywhere til I'd eaten something. The next thing I knew he'd placed a glass of water and a smal pill in front of me as well. "You probably haven't taken this this morning." I shook my head and popped the pill into my mouth, drinking about half of the glass of water. I placed it back down on the table and Carlisle smiled a fatherly smile at me. I really didn't have the energy to give one back, but I think he knew that. "Right." He looked around at everyone. "Let's go eat."

"Dinner will be ready in five minutes." Esme announced softly.

Dinner? I really had been gone all day. I was surprised that I hadn't ended up somewhere across state. But then again, I probably had, turned around and come back without even realising it. I just couldn't focus.

"If dinner's in five, I'm going to go and freshen up." I said standing up and walking out of the kitchen, past my very worried looking family.

I walked up to my old room, and found that it was practically bare. Everything of mine had been moved into my new house while Bella and I were away on our honeymoon, courtesy of my family and Charlie. That's probably how Renee knew where the house was. Through following them.

I walked into my bathroom and closed the door behind me, locking it. I looking in the mirror and ran the water.

Slowly, I lifted up my tongue and took the pill out of my mouth, holding it between my thumb and forefinger, looking at it momentarily.

How could something so small make me feel the way I did?

How could something so tiny manipulate someone's emotions in the way that it did?

How could it strip away the hurt and pain, how could it make everything that should be huge seem like it didn't really matter?

I didn't know.

All I did know, is that it wouldn't be doing it to me anymore.

No more.

I didn't want to hide away behind the pills anymore.

They weren't doing me any good.

All they were doing was shielding me, just like everyone always does.

They were shielding me from the outside world.

Well, how am I supposed to live in the world, if I have no idea what's really going on?

I threw it into the sink and watched as it made it's way down the drain. It was oddly satisfying to watch it disappear.

I'm done playing by everyone else's rules.

"Yo! Eddie!" Emmett shouted through the door. "Dinner's up!"

I sighed, not answering him before he made his way back downstairs and looked at myself in the mirror again.

I was a wreck.

My eyes were red and sore from all the tears that I had shed throughout the day. I washed my face and ran my hands through my hair, attempting to tame it, but achieving nothing. I dried my face with a towel before I unlocked my bathroom door and walked downstairs.

The others were already seated at the table and Esme was dishing out dinner. Lasange. Even though I had grown used to most foods now, lasange was still one that I wasn't really fond of.

I looked over the room and saw that the only seat left empty, other than Esme's at one of the ends of the table was one next to Carlisle and opposite Emmett. Obviously to ensure that I do in fact eat something. I knew they wouldn't believe me, but I actually wasn't hungry. But hey, who trusts the recovering anorexic? Anyone? Didn't think so.

I sat down as a plate made its way in front of me. I gave Esme a small smile and she returned it, but it didn't reach her eyes.

Nobody was talking, and the silence was overwhelming. I ate a few bites before I took to playing with my food with my fork. I could tell that Carlisle was watching me, but I didn't take any notice.

"Edward." He said softly. "You have to eat more than that."

I didn't acknowedge him, and I knew that the others were looking at me now, watching me for any signs of recurring behaviour I bet. I didn't care. All I wanted was Bella back. I wasn't going to get it was I? Probably not for a long time.

"Edward." His voice was louder now, harsher.

"I know, Carlisle." I looked at him, pleading with him to just let me go at my own pace, if only for today. "I know."

"You have to eat up." He pushed. I know he was only trying to help, but it was becoming incredibly annoying. "What would Bella say if she knew that you were ……" He didn't finish the sentence as we all knew where it would have lead.

"Well, for starters, she'd tell you all to stop staring at me, because that doesn't help." The others looked away, but Carlisle and Emmett still kept their eyes trained on me. "I'm not going back to that, okay?" I sighed, looking down at my plate. "I've just had to say goodbye to my wife for … God's knows how long …… I think I'm entitled to feel a bit depressed."

"Not to the extent where you stop eating Ed." Emmett replied in a soft voice.

"I'm not stopping eating, Emmett." I looked up at him again, my green eyes meeting his worried blue ones. "I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Come on." Carlisle pushed my plate towards me a little more, before turning back to his own meal, signalling that the discussion was over and that I wasn't going anywhere until I had finished what was on my plate.

I sighed and shook my head, before turning back to my plate, resigning myself to the fact that I had to eat it all or else I was going to be sat here forever.

After everyone had finished their dinner, desert was brought out and after a mini argument with Carlisle and Emmett, it was decided that I didn't have to eat it. I was glad because it was chocolate mousse and that was something that really made me feel sickly, even if it was Esme that made it. I don't know what it was, but I just didn't like it.

I sat there while everyone ate, thinking of nothing really in particular. Instead of my brain being on total overload, it was like someone had pulled a plug and there was nothing left. I didn't like it.

After everyone had eaten, I didn't think that I could stay there. Yes, everyone was upset over Bella's departure, but I dodn't think I could sit there with them. Besides, all of my stuff was in mine and Bella's new house, so I had to return there sometime. It might as well be now.

"Hey, I'm gonna head off." I said softly to Carlisle.

"Are you sure?" He asked me, his forehead creasing.

"Yeah." I nodded. "All my stuff is at the new house and I've got to go sometime. Might as well be now."

"You don't have to, you know?" He smiled at me, letting me know that I could stay if I wanted to.

"I know." I nodded, giving him a small smile back. "But I just think to be …… alone, at the moment. I need to …… I don't know … get my head around all this."

"Okay." He smiled at me again, a hint of sadness in his eyes. I knew that he was trying to keep it out of his expression and voice while I was there, hoping not to upset me in any way. Did he not realise that I was already past upset? He probably did, but didn't want to push me any further. "You can come back any time you want to."

"I know." I nodded.

"Don't forget these." He handed me the bottle of medication that I had left and a notepad. It was a food journal that I'd had to keep since I'd come out of the clinic, and everyone had made sure that I had kept it. I opened it and saw that Carlisle had already added in the dinner that I'd had. They wouldn't be happy that I hadn't had anything else today.

"Thanks." I smiled at him as I walked past.

I said goodbye to everyone and grabbed my car keys out of the bowl on the side before slipping on my shoes and walking out of the door and down to my Volvo.

I drove down the small roadway that Esme and Carlisle had created between each of the houses, so that if we needed each other at any point, it would be easier access. It was much quicker than going down the driveway, down the road and back up my driveway. A lot less hassle.

Walking up to the house, I saw that there was a wooden board covering where Renee had smashed the window. One of them must have done that when I was out driving. I smiled thinking of the lengths my family would go to. I really was lucky to have them, even now. I walked into the house and an overwhelming wave of despair washed over me.

What the hell was I going to do?

I didn't know if I could live without Bella. She had become such an intrical part of my life. She was so important to me, that I didn't know if I could function without her.

She meant so much to me.

She was my life.

I walked up the stairs and stopped at the bedroom Bella and I had made love in last night. I walked in and leaned against the wall, looking at the bed, still in its disarray from this morning.

I slid down the wall, feeling the tears sliding down my cheeks. What the hell am I going to do? I need her! I couldn't help the thoughts that were going through my head. She was my anchor. She was the one I thought of, the one I could turn to when I was feeling my lowest. And now she was gone. I didn't have anything left.

My anchor was gone.

What was I going to do now?

I looked away from the bed, turning my head to the side when something caught my eye. Of course! I thought. It was so simple. I had to get my control back.

I got up slowly, not really registering what I was doing. My thought processes had stopped working earlier that evening. Maybe it was because all along in my head, I knew that this was the only way to get around Bella leaving.

I walked into the en suite that was attached to the bedroom, whether or not it was mine and Bella's bedroom, I didn't know, but at this moment in time it didn't matter. I didn't care. All I knew was that I had to have something I could cling to now that Bella was gone. When she wasn't there, what else was there?

I knelt down in front of the porcelain bowl and lifted the lid. The part of my mind that had been dormant, been squashed and clouded, for almost a year was screaming out in victory, telling me to do it. To get it over with. To regain that sense of purpose through this action.

And I was willing to comply.

I didn't even need to put my fingers down my throat anymore. In the beginning I had had to, but later on, and even now, that was not an issue anymore. That was how often I had had to use it. All I needed to do was initiate my gag reflex and everything would come up.

And it did.

I carried on until I was empty inside. Until there was nothing else left in my stomach. I could feel the emptiness in my stomach. It felt familiar.

It felt right.

I sat down on the floor and whacked the flush on the toilet, revelling in the rush of endorphins that comes right afterwards. That was why some people did it. Because they feel low, they stuff their emotions down with food, and then release the emotions by purging. The endorphins kick in and they feel great. Not me though. Even though the endorphin rush is good, that wasn't why I did it. But now, all those reasons were coming back and the reasons why I stopped didn't seem to matter anymore.

People say that life is what you make it. That the future changes depending on the decisions and choices that we make.

Well, this is my choice.

And I'm sticking to it this time.

Not really much to say on this one.
Other than please leave me a review. 'Cause you know I love them :D
xx