Sorry this took so long to anyone who is actually reading this story! My life has been a little crazy, but school is over now! Woo! Anyway, I'll try to update more often now! Enjoy!
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Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so,
Come feel this magic I've been feelin since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmmm I can't help myself
I jumped in, head first, with no uncertainty about my actions. She had captured me and I couldn't deny that she was everything I wanted, and I barely knew her. But Bella was nervous and I could understand. Love is a scary thing, an overwhelming feeling. I wasn't too worried though. I could tell she wanted it too. I wanted to respect her wishes and take things slow, even though every part of me was screaming to be with her day and night.
The weekend was here again and I hadn't seen her since Monday. I called her last Sunday, the day after our date, and we talked for hours. We had so much in common and we made each other laugh. I went into my favorite diner on Monday night, keeping up the short lived tradition, to see my favorite waitress. We had the same playful banter but she seemed a little more guarded. It all made so much since now, but at the time, I was a little confused. I thought she felt all of the same things as me and then, suddenly, she seemed to be pulling back.
So here it is, Friday night, and I'm lying in bed, thinking about our conversation from Monday night.
I was sitting in "my booth", waiting until close and she came to say goodbye. I wasn't ready for goodbye yet though.
"Hey Bella, do you want to come over for coffee? I thought maybe we could talk a little."
"Um, sure." She seemed hesitant and guarded again.
"Can I wait for you here or do you have a lot to do before you can leave?" I asked her.
"Oh you can just go home. I'll meet you there in an hour if that's ok. I want to go home and get out of my diner clothes," she laughed.
I laughed with her but had a sudden thought of me getting her out of her diner clothes. As soon as I realized what I was thinking about, I shook my head and made myself move on. I mean, we had only kissed.
"Alright then, I'll see you in a bit," I told her.
"Ok," she smiled. I was on my way out the glass door when she called my name.
"Edward," I turned to look at her. "I don't actually like coffee just so you know. I don't want you wasting anything on me," she offered with a smile.
"How about a glass of wine then?" I asked her.
"Sounds wonderful."
With a smile and a wave, I left. I stopped on the way home to buy a new bottle of wine and took my time driving. Sitting at home waiting for her would make me crazy and I really didn't need that. I wanted to know, so badly, why she was acting reserved. I would ask her after the wine started flowing.
Tonight was slightly chilly so I started a quick fire in the living room and got out the glasses. I put on some quiet music and sat down to wait. Thankfully, I only sat alone with my thoughts for a few minutes before jumping at the sudden sound of my doorbell ringing. I went to open the door and what I saw there made my breath catch in my throat.
Bella was different tonight from any other time I had seen her, and I loved it. She had on jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Nothing special, but they fit her just right. Her hair was wet and a little curly, making my hands tingle with a need to be wrapped up in it. My eyes settled on hers and they were sparkling with the light from the porch light.
"Hi Bella," I breathed, moving out of the way to let her in.
"Edward," she smiled and walked through the door, stopping to wait for me. I turned to her with one corner of my mouth pulled up. My hand drifted to the side of her face and I bent down and gently touched my lips to hers. An electrical shock ran through me at the simple touch and I could hear her breathing stop. I quickly grabbed her hand and brought her into the living room.
We sat on the couch together and I poured the wine. Handing Bella a glass, I slid back into the couch.
"How was your shift tonight?" I asked.
"It was good. I made a lot of money tonight so I can't complain," she grinned. "There is this weird guy that keeps coming in every night though." Her smile got bigger.
"Weird guy huh?" I asked "That's fine, I just won't come see you anymore," I joked.
Bella laughed, softly. "What did you do all day, Mr. Writer?"
"You think I don't do anything all day don't you?" I said with a smile.
"No, no! That's not what I meant at all. I just really don't know what you do all day." She had a slightly frightened expression on her face; like she was scared she might have offended me.
I chuckled lightly and put my hand over hers, bringing them to rest in my lap. "Bella, take a deep breath. I was only joking." She seemed to let out a small sigh, relief. "I finished unpacking the house over the last two days. Nothing exciting, that's for sure. I plan on sitting down tomorrow to start a new book. I haven't actually worked in a while," I acknowledged, smiling at her. "To be honest though, I don't know how much work I'll be able to get done."
Bella's brow furrowed slightly. "Why is that?"
"Well, I don't mean to be too forward; I don't want to scare you or anything. But I sit here by myself all day and I'm left with my thoughts. Most of the time, I find my thoughts drifting off to you." I looked down at our linked hands and hoped my confession wasn't too much for her.
Bella's breathing picked up and she squeezed my hand slightly. "That's not too forward, Edward." Her voice was very quiet, but also reassuring. My eyes slid up to hers, hoping to see happiness there. She did look happy, but also scared.
"I have the same thing going on. Focusing on my school work is not as easy as it should be because my thoughts are clouded with you." She blushed furiously and I felt my own face light up as a huge grin spread across my lips. Unfortunately, that scared look was still lurking behind her eyes. She dropped her eyes to her lap, looking a little ashamed. I used my finger under her chin to lift her face.
"Bella, why do you look scared?"
She shook her head and tried to look away again, but I wouldn't let her.
"Bella?" I questioned again.
"As excited about this as I am Edward," she took a deep breath, "I got hurt really badly about 6 months back. I can't help but be scared. I hate that I have to think twice about this….about you, but I really can't just let my heart take over after what happened." She turned her eyes to mine. "Do you understand?"
How could I say no to that? She was being upfront and honest with me, which is what I had wanted from her. My looming question had been answered; I understood why she was apprehensive. "Of course I understand. We can take things as slowly as you need. If it is ever too much for you, let me know. I don't ever want to make you feel rushed, or scared."
I tried my best to reassure but I knew my words would only get me so far. Bella was going to have to learn to trust me on her own, and that, I knew, was going to take time.
"Thank you Edward," she smiled at me and it touched her eyes. "You are already so good to me and it's only been a little while. Why is that?"
"I can't really explain it Bella. You have a hold on me I've never experienced before, and I want nothing more than to make you happy and I'll do whatever I have to so that you can be." I ran the back of my hand across her cheek and then cupped it. Bella's eyes closed as she sighed and leaned into my hand.
"Thank you," she told me again.
I leaned forward and put my lips next to her ear. "You don't have to thank me Bella. This right here," I turned my head and kissed her cheek, "is all I need. I'll do what I have to so I can keep it."
I went to move back to where I had been but Bella's hand on the back of my neck stopped me. I looked at the side of her face and then she turned to look at me. Our lips met softly and I couldn't breathe. It was so simple and yet it took my breath away.
We had kissed before, and those had been great, wonderful, but this was on a different level. There was so much passion in our small union. What started out as sweet and innocent soon escalated to heated and exciting.
My hands held Bella's head firmly as my mouth claimed hers. Her hands clutched at my back and I moved over her, stretching out on the couch. Our bodies were crushed against each other and I was in Heaven. I pulled back from Bella's mouth grudgingly, but continued moving my lips against her skin. Over her jaw, down her neck, across her collar bone and she was moaning softly.
"Oh Edward," she whispered, while her hands pushed against the back of my head. I couldn't get close enough to her either, and my name slipping from her lips in pleasure was almost more than I could handle.
My hands ghosted down her sides before gripping her hips and pulling them against mine. My lips moved back to hers and she swirled her tongue through my mouth, causing me to moan against her lips.
Just then, my conscience kicked in, and its timing couldn't have been worse. But hadn't I just told Bella that we could go slowly and everything would be on her terms? No, she wasn't pulling away. In fact, she seemed to be a willing participant. But after the talk we just had, I felt like I was already betraying her.
I pulled back, breathing heavily, and rested my forehead against hers. Bella's eyes fluttered open and I saw confusion there. I touched my lips gently to hers once and settled back against the couch, still holding her close to me.
"Why did you stop?" she whispered, a blush coloring her cheeks.
"I think we agreed on taking it slow. As amazing as all of that felt," I grinned at her, "I don't want to rush into the physical stuff. It is my experience that the physical aspects of a relationship only make everything that much more confusing. It will come soon enough."
Bella nodded and took a deep breath. "You're right," she confessed. "But damn was it amazing."
We chuckled together for a moment. I dragged a hand through her soft hair and we laid there for a while, enjoying each other's embrace.
It hadn't been nearly long enough but I knew it was getting late. "Don't you have school in the morning?" I asked her.
Bella sighed heavily. "Yes. I should probably get home. But I really don't want to," she groaned. I didn't want her to either but it had to be done.
I helped her out the door that night and I hadn't seen her since. The phone conversations were all that was tiding me over until now. Lying here in bed was going to slowly take away my sanity if I wasn't careful. When I spoke to Bella tonight, I confessed to her that I needed to see her. She giggled and I could hear the blush in her voice. It was adorable. We agreed to go out tomorrow night, so I just had to make it through this one.
I thought back to our small make-out session on the couch and how she felt against me. My happy thoughts lured me to dreamland. I would see Bella tomorrow.
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna touch you
You wanna touch me too
Every day, and all I have is time
Just put your hands on me
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Songs for this chapter are "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift and "I Wanna" by All-American Rejects. PLEASE REVIEW! I had trouble writing this because I really have no idea what people think, so please take a second to review. It would make me really flipping happy!
