DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.
Please don't hate me.
BPOV
For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself. Not only had I been able to fend off the skanks that were looking to get their claws into my husband, but I had just seen off Jacob as well. Edward, had given me the reassurance I needed, but had in essence stayed out of the confrontation.
That was until Jacob overheard the two of us talking about the welfare of the twins, which I'll admit was a stupid thing to do. But that was at the very back of my mind right now.
Jacob had hit Edward, causing him to stumble back before Jacob grabbed the front of his shirt, yanking him back to him and snarling something in his face. I knew that I had to do something, but Jacob had shoved me aside in his efforts to get to Edward and I'd hurt my ankle. I couldn't stand up on it.
But all that flew out the window as soon as I heard Edward gasp for breath. I looked up at him, and I felt my blood turn to ice in my veins as he fell to the floor. I knew that look. I had seen it once before and it was a look I never wanted to see again.
I didn't register anyone else around me as I slid off of the chair I was on and crawled my way to Edward, panicking, calling his name, hoping against hope that he would hear me and register that I was there. To come back to me.
I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping that he would recognise my touch. He seemed to stir slightly and I found myself unable to hold back the tears that were now streaming down my face and onto his jacket, leaving large wet splodges on his arm and chest.
"Edward, love." I leaned over as far as I could, what with my belly getting in the way. "Edward, can you hear me?" I thought for some way for him to let me know that he could hear me. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, love." I took his hand in my own, thankful when I felt pressure on my fingers. He could hear me. He was going to be alright, wasn't he?
"Bella." I heard my name escape his lips softly and I leaned over, pressing a kiss to his temple.
"I'm here." I whispered, running my nose gently through his hair, savouring his scent.
"Can't …… feel…" He whispered and I let out a choked sob.
I sat up, looking over him and I gently rolled him over onto his back, wrapping my arms around him securly, lifting him up to my chest as I had done so many times in the past. He would be okay. He had to be okay. I couldn't live without him here. He was my life.
"Bella." I looked down at him, seeing that he had opened his eyes again and I smiled at the love I could see in them.
"Hang on, love." I whispered, leaning down so that only he could hear me. "Help's coming." I didn't know what was happening around me, but I had to assume that someone was smart enough to call for an ambulance. "You're going to be okay."
"No." It was incredibly faint, but I definitely heard it. He knew that he was going to die. That was something that I could accept. I would never accept it.
Never.
He was my Edward, and I needed him. I needed him here.
"Yes, Edward." I nodded, looking down at him, my tears dropping down onto his cheeks, making it look as though he was crying as well. He might have been, but my own eyes were too teary for me to be able to tell. "You're going to be okay. You have to be okay. I need you and …… and you're going to be a daddy. Your babies need their daddy."
He didn't reply with words, only looked up at me, his beautiful green orbs filled with despair and pain. I couldn't imagine how much pain he was in at the moment. He had to be okay. I felt the backs of his fingers gently caressing my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch. He needed to know that he was going to be okay, that he was going to live a long, happy and healthy life. That I wasn't going to give up on him. So I did the one thing that I knew gave him hope. I kissed him gently, pouring all of my love and care into that one kiss.
When he didn't respond I knew that he was right. He was dying and there was nothing that we could do about it. I was losing the love of my life, my husband, the father to my children and I was powerless to stop it.
As I pressed my lips to his one last time, I felt him go limp in my arms as the hand that he had held to my face fell and hit the floor beneath us with a hollow thud.
I kept my lips pressed to his for a moment longer, wanting to delay the moment I knew had to come for as long as I possibly could. How was anyone supposed to deal with the deal of the other half of their soul. I didn't think it was possible. I opened my eyes to see his beautiful green eyes staring lifelessly back at me. It was such a strong contrast to only a few minutes ago. He had been laughing and teasing, musing over what we would be doing when we got home later and now…there was nothing in those eyes. They were empty. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't hold back the enormous cry of despair, longing and grief that escaped my throat at that moment in time.
I sat there, on the floor of the cafeteria, rocking the lifeless body of my love backwards and forwards, somehow wishing for the last few minutes to rewind and never happen. If only we had stayed in bed this morning like he wanted to. Or if we had gone to sit outside like we would have normally seeing as the weather was sunny. If only Jacob had left well enough alone. He now had what he wanted. He had Edward out of the way, and it only took killing him to do it.
It seemed like an eternity before someone approached me. I wanted to scream that them to get back. Not to touch me, but that meant that I would have to turn away from the body of my love, lying in my arms.
"Bella." It was Carlisle. Of course he was here. He was in the school today and someone had obviously called him down to the cafeteria. There was nothing that could keep him away. This was about his son, everything else could wait. He grasped my shoulder tightly, but not painfully as he looked upon his dead son, tears falling freely down his cheeks. I had never seen Carlisle like this before, but then again, its not every day that one of your children dies, is it? "Bella …… he's gone." He whispered and I could hear how much he didn't want to have to say those words, knowing he had to. He's gone."
"No," I squeaked, holding him ever tighter to me, looking at Carlisle, but unable to see him clearly through the my tears, and shaking my head in despair. "He can't be gone. He just can't be. It's not fair. He didn't deserve this. He deserved to live a long, happy, healthy life. After everything that he's been through. We......we just got him back!" I needed him here. I needed to know that he was okay. I needed to know that we were going to be a family. I needed him. His children needed him.
I was in hysterics now. I didn't care. I didn't care that I was sat on the floor of the cafeteria with practically the whole school watching my breakdown. I didn't care that people were staring at me. They could stare all they wanted, it made no difference to me. All I cared about was the boy in my arms. The one that I had shared dreams and hopes with. The dreams and hopes that had come so close within reach, that were growing inside my belly, and yet they were nowdreams that he would now never be able to fulfill.
All I wanted was the love of my life back.
I wanted Edward.
I wanted him to suddenly take a huge breath, blink his eyes and smile that crooked smile that I loved at me, stating that he couldn't hold his breath any longer. I wanted it to be a joke. I would have thought that it was the meanest joke in history, but I would just be happy that he was still here.
That was all I wanted.
But I knew that wasn't going to happen.
Stuff like that only happens in the movies and in novels. This was real life, and there are no miracles in real life. There are no second chances. You got what life threw at you and you dealt with it.
You didn't have a choice.
I remember Edward once telling me something. Something that makes a lot of, if not perfect sense to me now: Death is peaceful. Easy. Life is harder. He had no idea how true is words were to me right there and then, watching his life slip away from me, feeling it ebb from under my fingers and knowing damn well that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn't save him. No one could.
I heard people around me sobbing and sniffing. I wanted to turn around and tell them all to fuck off. That none of them other than his family had any right, or were allowed to mourn him. They had all been so cruel to him. All because of some stupid rumours that people had made up out of jealousy and cruelty. I had no doubts as to who were behind them. They shouldn't be allowed to mourn and grieve for him. This perfect creature in my arms. The one who had been through so many hardships in his short life, overcome them and still come out stronger. It didn't seem right for them to mourn him. It was all out of place.
Looking at him as my how tears spilled down onto his lifeless face, I looked into those beautiful eyes that had left me breathless and weak at the knees so many times before. I found nothing. Nothing of my love remained there.
We thought that we had beaten it. That everything was okay. All those months in therapy, that time at the clinic, all those tears that had been shed, and the months apart. The teenage years that he had lost, that we had thought we could attempt to get back. All that was for nothing. We thought that we were stronger than that.
We were wrong.
In the end the strain of everything that had happened over the last few months, well over the last few years had taken its toll on his body and heart. He couldn't take the strain and stress of life. He hadn't been strong enough like we had hoped, like we had thought he was.
The illness had won.
____________________________________________________________________________
Time stood still.
I didn't know how to cope.
He was gone.
That was all I registered.
He was no longer here, yet I could smell his sweet scent on the pillows that he had used. It intoxicated me everytime I stepped into the closet or sat inside the Volvo. It would be gone soon, so I had to drink in every moment I could.
All I knew was the walls of my room.
The scent of him on the pillows.
The feel of my babies kicking inside me.
And the sound of the song on the stereo system.
I'm so tired of being here.
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave.
I wish that you would just leave.
'Cause your presence still lingers here.
And it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears,
I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.
You used to captivate me by your resonating light,
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts,
My once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away,
All the sanity in me.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.
In life, it had suited Edward perfectly, symbolising his struggles to release his pain and grief.
Now, in death, it had become my personal anthem.
All I had to live for was the two tiny little lives growing inside my belly.
I had nothing else.
Don't hate me! Please!
