I don't wanna
rush this thing
I don't wanna jump the gun
I really wanna say
those three little words
But I'm gonna bite my tongue
Yeah, I'm
just gonna lay on back
Leave it on cruise control
I'm gonna
hold it all inside
Till the right time comes down the road
I
got a feelin'
My head's a reelin'
My heart is screamin'
I'm
about to bust loose
Bottled up emotion
It's more than a
notion
It starts with an "I"
And ends with a "U"
I
got a feelin'
You're feelin' it too
I survived the important men in her life so that hopefully I may join them. I wanted to be one of the few people Bella deemed good enough to become a more permanent fixture in her life. We had been going strong for three months now and I felt like I was near to that point of being someone she wanted around for a long while. Especially after the meeting with Charlie two months ago where she had stood up for me, I was feeling confident. Thinking about that still made my heart soar. Bella and I had grown so close and now that she had graduated, we spent an absurd amount of time together. It was wonderful.
She and I had been in Port Angeles and Seattle a lot lately. As great as it was to run around the city together, Bella decided we needed a nice and quiet night in. Tonight, that meant cooking dinner together at my place. Bella took over in my kitchen and I couldn't help but notice how comfortable she looked there.
"How is the book coming?" she asked as she slid her chicken and rice casserole into the oven.
"I'm on the last chapter," I said, flashing a grin. I was putting the finishing touches on a salad to go with dinner, my grand contribution. "Once I'm done, I can send it off for editing and forget about it for a while. I'm pretty happy with it too. I feel like it's better than anything I've tried to do lately."
Bella's brilliant smile beamed back at me. "That's wonderful! So is tonight a celebration then?"
"I think that sounds like a great idea. But what's a celebration without the wine?" I asked, popping the cork on a new bottle of red wine.
"Oh yes," she teased. "There must always be wine!" Bella was laughing quietly and I playfully glared at her.
"Yeah, okay, because you don't like wine at all. That's fine then, I'll just keep this bottle for myself." I turned away from her, pretending to hoard the bottle. Her laughter rang through the kitchen as she ran towards me from the other side of my island. I escaped her tiny hands and pretended to laugh in an evil manner.
"Edward Cullen," she pointed, trying to sound menacing but it wasn't working. Between that and the cute scowl on her face, I doubled over in laughter and she caught me, snatching the bottle from my hands. I looked at her as she took a swig straight from the bottle. "Now I've contaminated the bottle. Looks like I'll be celebrating alone." Her tone was biting but her smile gave her away and I wrapped her in my arms, swiftly, before leaning down to kiss her.
"I think I'm kind of partial to your germs, thus making your evil plan devoid of power."
"Oh stop talking like a writer, show-off," Bella joked, pushing lightly on my chest. I moved to the cabinet to get glasses, chuckling at how ridiculous we were together, but loving every minute of it. She and I had been pretty lucky in our relationship with how well we got along. We hadn't had any real fights, knock on wood.
I set the wine glasses in front of Bella on the counter and watched as she carefully filled them.
"Do you still think you might wait until August before you look for a job in the city?" I asked.
Bella looked a little startled at my question. "Yeah definitely, I think I deserve the break. Why?" Her eyes were curious as she handed me my glass.
"Well, I was just wondering how much time we had left like this, where I get to see you whenever, before you rush off to become a big shot," I joked in an attempt to hide my worry. I thought maybe I might lose her when she got a taste of the real world.
"Edward, we won't lose time like this completely, I promise. There just won't be as much of it. But hey, it'll be more special when we do get to cook dinner together and just be with each other." Bella's eyes looked sure, unwavering, and I couldn't help but be comforted by her words.
"Okay," I smiled at her. "We'll just tackle that mountain when it gets here."
"Tackle huh?" Bella said, wiggling her eyebrows. I rolled my eyes at her antics but secretly wished she wanted to really tackle me. Lord knows I wanted to tackle her. Bella and I hadn't yet reached that point in our relationship so those were unsafe thoughts and I chose another road to travel down.
"How long until we eat?" I was patting my stomach in anticipation.
"Men and food," Bella said, shaking her head. "It should be out of the oven soon. Let's go ahead and have the salad so that you don't waste away before my eyes." I felt my eyes light up at the mention of salad and I rushed to get bowls, forks, and dressing.
We sat at the island in the kitchen instead of going to the dining room table. It felt like Bella belonged here, in my kitchen, cooking with me, like it was our kitchen. Eating together like this had become a comfort to me. The oven dinged and Bella moved to get the casserole out.
"Do you want to just eat in here? We're already here and I think maybe I like it better in here." I couldn't help that I sounded unsure of myself, and I really hated that. I had been that way all night though. Something had changed with us, something big. I knew what the something big was, but I wasn't sure if she knew. Since we had taken the "go slow" route, I didn't want to allow my head to go to the place my heart was already in. I was steadily losing that battle though and I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to reign it in.
"Sure, I kind of like it too," Bella said with a shy smile. Maybe she was there too. I was going to kill myself with the maybe's.
Bella and I sat together, eating, laughing, talking, and touching. We held hands or our legs brushed. They were simple gestures, things I should be used to by now. If this were any ordinary relationship, I would have gotten over the butterflies of touching after about a week. This was clearly no ordinary relationship though. I'd never been this deep and felt so much, it was amazing and scary.
"Why don't you take your wine to the living room," I leaned in to give her a kiss, "and I'll clean up a bit in here." I gave her another brief kiss before she smiled up at me.
Bella nodded at me. "Music choice is mine though," she called to me, then winked and skipped through the door.
I smiled to myself and shook my head; what was I going to do with that woman. I put the food away and cleaned the counter tops off. The sound of Eric Hutchinson bounced into the kitchen while I closed the refrigerator. Good choice, Bella. Those lyrics said so many things I thought about her.
You don't have
to believe me I'm just speaking my mind
you look lovely as always
you get that all the time
you don't have to believe me when I tell
you that I'm impressed
but you sure better believe me when I say
you deserve the best
After I cleared our dishes, I stood at the island with my hands braced on the side and my head down. I needed a moment to collect myself, needed strength for what I was about to do. I just couldn't hold it in anymore.
Realizing that I was truly in love had knocked me off into left field and I was completely content being lost there. Bella was home, so wandering around with her was all I needed. And she needed to hear all of that instead of me rambling in my head, alone in the kitchen.
I took a deep breath before shoving off of the counter top and grabbing my glass of wine. My bare feet padded lightly against the hard wood floors. I stopped in the doorway and watched Bella's beautiful frame. She was standing in front of the fireplace with her back to me, the fire giving her a soft glow. Her hips were swaying slightly to the music and I was momentarily entranced by her. She was perfect, standing before me, lost in her thoughts, in the music. Bella was breathtaking.
I walked up behind her after a minute or two, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her tightly to me. Bella's soft hair was hanging down her back so I used my free hand to brush it out of the way. She leaned back into me and I trailed my nose, whisper soft, up the column of her neck. My lips pressed gently to the spot just below her ear.
"Bella," I whispered. She turned around in my arms and wrapped her own around my neck. I rested my forehead against hers and took a deep breath to gain the courage for what I wanted to say.
Looking into her eyes, I began to tell her what my rambling thoughts had been screaming at me. "I know we've been together a short time, but I can't help the way I feel about you."
My arms tightened around her waist a little more as her eyes widened at my words. "Bella, I love you. I understand if it's too soon for you and you don't have to say anything. But I have to tell…"
My voice trailed off at the sight of her ear-to-ear smile. I hadn't scared her, hallelujah!
"Edward," she began. Her eyes were cast down at first, but when she looked up, there was something in them that I had never seen before. "I think that I love you too," Bella confessed quietly.
I picked her up and crashed my lips to hers. I couldn't have hoped for anything more, or anything that wonderful.
Bella's small, but strong legs wrapped themselves around me firmly, mashing her against me in the most perfect way. I was sure neither one of us could wait one more moment to show our love for each other. I turned and began walking out of the room before Bella pulled her lips from mine. I stopped and looked at her with a puzzled expression.
"Um…I know that it's really cliché and all…" Bella's voice trailed off and she was looking down. She was adorable when she blushed, became shy.
"What, Bella?" I encouraged her. I pushed my forehead against hers to make her look at me. Finally, her eyes met mine.
"Do you think we could stay in here, with the fire? It's warm and just so, I don't know, perfect." I smiled at her and she took it the wrong way. "Oh I shouldn't have said anything! I'm such a loser," she cried and covered her face with her hands. I dropped her slowly to the floor and waited for her to get over her embarrassment. After waiting for a full minute, she still wasn't budging. I reached up and pried her hands away from her face and bent to look her in the eye.
"Bella, we can do whatever you want. That whole confession from a minute ago, I still mean that. I love you. Please don't be embarrassed to tell me what you want." I took her face in my hands and kissed her softly. I pulled back to make sure she understood and Bella nodded at me. "Then tell me, what do you want, Bella?"
She grasped my hand with her own and walked the both of us back over to the rug in front of my fireplace. Bella turned to face me and then slid slowly to the floor, taking me with her. I knelt before my beautiful girl before leaning over her and guiding her to the floor, melding my lips to hers. Bella's hands wrapped around my neck and wove into my hair. I caressed her side with my hand and then rested it on her hip. My other hand held her face to mine as my tongue explored her mouth and she returned the favor.
I hovered over Bella and my hands crept underneath her shirt, fingertips grazing over her stomach and sides. Her skin was so smooth and soft and I just wanted to look at her, all of her. My hands moved her shirt up and Bella arched her back up to aide me in my effort. When I freed Bella from the fabric, I ran my hands over her again. She took the hem of my shirt in her hands and sat up slightly to remove it. I went with her as she lied back down and our skin met. It was perfect, and I wanted more of it.
I wedged my hands under her back and quickly undid the clasp on her bra. I kissed down Bella's neck, licking and sucking along the way, as I pulled the straps down her arms and discarded the bra. My lips continued their journey of discovering her body and adorned her body with love. My tongue snaked out of my mouth and wrapped around her nipple, making it hard in my mouth. I massaged the sensitive nub with my tongue and bit down gently. Bella's moan reverberated in her chest and I could feel it on my lips. I was spurred on by her reaction and I moved to her other nipple, giving it the same attention. By now, Bella's fingers were tugging at my hair, causing me to moan against her skin.
I ran my lips down her body, over her stomach, and to the button on her jeans. My fingers worked quickly to undo the button and slide down the zipper before hooking into the sides of her jeans and panties and slipping them off her legs.
My eyes raked over Bella's body and I was captivated, awestruck, breathless, and an utter mess. She captured my heart with every breath she took and seeing all of her like this, vulnerable and open, made my heart still and my hands shake. I wasn't supposed to be nervous, but there it was.
"God you're beautiful," I whispered. Bella smiled shyly and her cheeks flushed and she looked away. My hand gently turned her face back towards me. "Please, Bella, look at me. You've made me so defenseless and so raw, and I need for you to see it, see me."
Bella nodded into my hand, turning her head slightly to kiss my palm. I lifted her leg to my shoulder and kissed from her ankle to her hip. Making the same trip up her other leg, I heard Bella sigh in contentment. She sat up and took my jeans in her hands.
"Lie down Edward," she directed. I followed her request and my back met the plush rug. Her tiny hands peeled my jeans and boxers from my body and then she brought her talented lips to my neck. Bella nipped at my skin; then she bit a little harder, inflicting delicious pain before soothing my skin with her velvet tongue. Delicate fingers traced over my chest and then the rest of her body followed. Her beautiful mouth descended on my waiting erection that begging for her to taste it. Soft warmth surrounded me and her tongue swirled around the tip of me. Bella's head began moving up and down gently and a moan slipped out of my mouth as my head fell back. Her hand was pumping me now and then her mouth joined it, working in tandem to drive me absolutely crazy.
I had been waiting so long to be with her in this way that I wasn't sure how much of her mouth I would be able to handle before embarrassing myself. I decided that now was enough and pulled her lips off of me gently with my hands. "Come up here," I said quietly, smiling at her.
Bella smiled back as she slipped into my arms and I began covering her face with simple and sweet kisses. I touched her eyelids, her nose, both cheeks, and finally lingered on her lips. Bella giggled, a song in my ears, as I rolled us over. Slowly, she spread her legs under me and I settled comfortably into the space she had made for me. As I kissed her deeply, my hand slipped between our slick bodies and into her warm folds. My fingers glided over her bundle of nerves and she shuddered beneath me.
"Edward," Bella breathed out. My name sounded like music when it fell breathlessly from her lips, beautiful music.
I nudged Bella's head to the side with my nose. I kissed her neck, sucking in various places, and then bit her ear lobe gently. Air was sucked quickly through her clenched teeth and it spurred me on. I moved down her body to give her proper attention, and maybe earn some more moans. I pushed her legs a little farther apart and bent down to drink her in. My tongue parted my lips and delved into her, settling on her clit. I slipped to fingers into her as my tongue worked and Bella's legs began closing around my head.
"Oh God, Edward. You make me….feel….so damn good." Bella struggled to speak between gasps for air. I smiled against her and curled my fingers inside of her, making her buck her hips towards my face. I used my free hand to hold her down, opened her up with my other, and thrust my tongue inside of her. Her moaning and gasping became more frantic. Finally, Bella began trembling, her legs clamping around me tightly as she came in my mouth. She was mouth-watering.
Bella stilled after a moment and began to catch her breath. "Damn," she whispered. I chuckled in response and moved over her once again. Her hand moved to wrap around the back of my neck and pulled my mouth forcefully to her own. I pulled back slightly to look in her eyes as I positioned myself at her entrance.
"I love you, Bella," I spoke in hushed tones. Bella smiled up at me and cupped the side of my face gently. I pushed into her, gasping slightly at the sensation of being fully sheathed by her. I stayed still for a moment, reveling in the feeling and both of us looking at the other with an immeasurable amount of passion.
Moving in Bella was better than any experience of my life, all experiences together really. There was something so sensual about our shared pushing and clutching, next to the clichéd fireplace, as she had called it. I don't care how it sounded, it was, by far, better than anything I had dreamed of since the first day I saw her.
Bella's breathing picked up at the same time as the rhythm of our hips increased. My arms slithered underneath her back and I held her tightly to me, settling my face into her neck. Bella's fingers pulled on my hair causing electricity to shoot through me with every tug.
"You feel so good, Bella, wrapped around me," I whispered into her skin.
"Harder please, Edward. I'm so close." Bella's words made me feel proud. I was causing this reaction in her.
"I want to feel you cum around me. Let go, Bella, let go." She unraveled in my arms, making the most amazing sounds, calling out my name.
Her muscles clamping around me brought me closer to my own climax, and her name left my mouth like a prayer, precious and delicate. A few final thrusts and I spilled into her, claiming the last piece of her as my own. I had been hers from that first kiss, but I felt like she had now given everything to me now, her whole self.
We continued to cling desperately to each other for the moments that followed our lovemaking.
I brought my head up and looked at her. "You are so beautiful. Nothing I have ever seen, or heard, or read, compares to the beauty you hold." I brushed a few strands of her off of her face and kissed her gently.
"Thank you for helping me find myself again, for making me feel beautiful, for….everything you have given me." Her smile was shy as she gazed up at me through her eyelashes.
"You deserve it, all of it, and so much more. I just wish I could have been here sooner. Maybe you wouldn't have gotten hurt."
Her fingers trailed up and down my back and she looked thoughtful. "I think that all of that needed to happen, you know? I can appreciate you so much more now than I would have been able to and I am so lucky to have you. You saved me."
I kissed her again before asking, "Are you tired?"
"Maybe a little," she confessed with a small curve of her lips and half-lidded eyes.
I grudgingly pulled myself out of and off of her body, before picking her up and standing. I traveled down the hallway and through the door of my room before laying her on the bed with care. I climbed in next to her, covered us both, and curled up behind her, placing my hand on her hip. My nose nuzzled her neck and I placed small kisses behind her ear.
"I love you, my beautiful girl." I wanted that to be the last thing she heard before sleep overcame her.
"I love you too, Edward." Bella's voice was groggy in her reply. My arm wrapped around her waist and I pulled her back tightly against my stomach before drifting off in the best sleep of my life, thanking God for this wonderful gift.
Everyone has their obsession
Consuming thoughts, consuming time
They hold high their prized possession
That defines the meaning of their lives
You are mine
There are object of affection
That can mesmerize the soul
There is always one addiction
That just cannot be controlled
************
A/N: Sorry that this chapter took me a while! I have been a dark place lately and so it's hard to write mushy stuff when you're miserable. But I think it still came out good! Please leave reviews and let me know your thoughts. They would make me feel significantly better! Also, sorry this isn't as long as the last two chapters have been but there is a big something coming up next and it needed to end here.
Songs for this chapter are: "I Got A Feelin'" by Billy Currington and "You Are Mine" by Mute Math
