DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.
Epilogue
December 14th 2024
I sighed as I looked at the engagement and wedding bands that had adorned my finger on my left hand for the last fifteen and a half years. My heart ached when I even considered that it had been that long.
It really couldn't have been.
But it had.
Today was exactly fifteen years after that fateful day in the cafeteria, where I had mourned, sobbed and eventually been sedated and carried out after the loss of my soulmate.
There had been a hole in my heart ever since that day.
Nothing could fill it, and nothing ever would.
Not even the two beautiful children that I had given birth to the following April could fill the void left by their father. They didn't know what had killed their father. They had been told that he was sick for a long time and it became too much one day. I knew that the day would come when we would have to tell them the truth, but I couldn't bear to revisit that place. Not yet and especially not today.
"Mom." A soft voice called from my doorway.
I turned around to find my beautiful daughter, Tuesday, standing there watching me with a small smile.
"Hey, baby." I said softly and she walked over to me, wrapping her tiny arms around me gently.
"Are you okay?" She asked, pulling back from me slightly and looking up at me with her beautiful green eyes. Her father eyes.
"Hey." We both looked up to see my son, Tuesday's brother, Edward Jr. – we called him E.J. Using the name Edward hurt everybody, but I wanted his namesake to be passed down, just as I had insisted it would - standing in the doorway watching the two of us with a sad look on his face. I held out my arm, motioning for him to come in and to me and he did quickly.
We stood there for a few minutes, just … being with each other. We eventually broke apart and the three of us sat on the bed, the twins on either side of me. I looked between the two of them.
They were both so gorgeous, the epitome of their father, they had both inherited his beautiful bronze hair, matching it's shade perfectly. They both had his startling green eyes and strong jawlines and lips, but they had my cheekbones, nose and their eyes were shaped in the same way as mine.
They were both so gorgeous.
"What is it, Mom?" E.J asked me, looking into my eyes just as his father used to do. "What?"
"You're both so beautiful." I sighed, running my fingers through their hair simultaneously. They both leaned into my touch as E.J. slowly slid off of the bed and rested his head in my lap as he had done when he was little.
"I don't think E.J. likes being called 'beautiful', Mom." Tuesday smirked at him, earning a glare from her brother.
"I don't care." I whispered, looking between my two beautiful children. "You father used to hate it as well, but I didn't care. He was beautiful and the two of you look just like him."
I looked over to the dresser that stood in my room, next to the door. On it was the picture of Edward and I at the clinic. It was taken when he was happy and that was the way I wanted the twins to see him. I didn't want them to know about how utterly depressed and hopeless he felt at various stages in his life. They knew bits and pieces, but until I thought that they were ready, they wouldn't know.
The Cullens' weren't going to tell either. It wasn't something that was spoken about really. Edward was talked about whenever anyone thought about him, but his illness and what killed him was never mentioned.
I looked at my children and saw the sad looks on their faces. I knew that they longed for an opportunity to meet their father, to know what the man that gave them life was like, but it was an impossibility. The closest they could get were photographs, stories and visitng him, as we did once a year.
I had visited him every year since he had …… well, you get the idea.
I never planned to miss a year.
"Come on." I sniffed and E.J. moved his head off of my lap, standing slowly and pulling his sister up, wrapping his arms around her. I had seen the gesture made many times by the Cullens' and I knew that even though they may bicker a lot of … well, most of the time … they loved each other dearly and having E.J. near was a huge source of comfort for Tuesday. Especially seeing as her daddy wasn't here to protect her.
We walked out of the house that I owned, locking the door behind me, we made our way down to the Volvo parked in the driveway.
Ever since Edward, I had had an affinity for Volvos. I found them to be safe and comfortable, yet zippy and quick at the same time. Or at least the Volvos that I had gone for anyway. Maybe that was why Edward had loved them so much.
I climbed into the drivers' seat, while the twins climbed into the back, still holding onto one another. I knew that some part of them didn't want to do this, but another part saw this as one of the two days to see their father as a family – the other being June twentieth, Edward's birthday. They came to see him all the time and I found it incredible how that even though he wasn't here anymore, he was still such a great source of strength for his children. The looked to him as a guide for advice, going to him when they felt upset or alone as much as they did me.
I went to see him as often as I could. It wasn't the same as being with him but it was as close as I could get.
I drove down the winding streets to the cemetery, parking in the church car park. It didn't take me very long to learn the streets and roads of Chicago. I travelled the same ones pretty much every day.
We had all thought that it wasn't right for Edward to be buried in Forks, but in Chicago with his parents. It was where he would have wanted to be. After the service, Esme and Carlisle had somehow known that I wouldn't want to be away from Edward even though we were now separated by that veil that separated the worlds of the living and the dead. They had walked up to me and handed me a set of keys, telling me that the house they used to live in in Chicago was now mine to live in.
I couldn't believe what they were giving me. It meant that I didn't have to be away from Edward and I could transfer to the school nearby. It only dawned on me after I started, and people started asking about my last name did it click that I was at the school the Cullens used to go to.
I didn't know how I would survive being on my own, but only a week or so after I had started at the school, I got a surprise in the form of Alice and Rosalie appearing on my doorstep. Their parents had allowed them to move out to Illinois with me and finish up their school year here. I owed Carlisle and Esme so much.
Rose and Alice had been a godsend when people at the new school learned about my pregnancy. Unlike in Forks though, when they learned that something wasn't as it seemed, they generally left well enough alone.
The twins came along in that spring and if I hadn't had Alice and Rosalie there, I don't know what I would have done. I think I would have broken down and curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out and pulling out my hair. I was still coming to terms with losing Edward – hell, it was fifteen years later and I was still coming to terms with losing Edward – and I had two babies to look after. I would never have been able to cope on my own.
I got out of the car slowly, waiting for Tuesday and E.J. to climb out so I could lock it, before making my way up the familiar route through the graves. Tuesday was holding a large bouquet of flowers and E.J. had an envelope in his hand. He always wrote Edward a letter about what had happened in the year, burying it slightly underneath the soil so that it wouldn't blow away with the next wind. When he was younger, he had been convinced that if he buried it, his daddy could reach up and take it, reading it when they left. It was a sweet sentiment and something told me that he wanted to cling to that belief, that maybe, somehow his father wasn't truly gone.
We stopped in front of the familiar white marble headstone and Tuesday let out a small sob. Even though the two of them had never met their father, they missed him terribly. They wanted to know what it was like to have their father there with them. E.J. wanted to know what it was like to play ball with his dad in the park, to have someone to go to when he had a problem with a girl – which I should be expecting more and more of lately, because he is as gorgeous as his father, and just as humble. He hated it when someone brought his looks to attention, cringing and shrinking away from the offender. Tuesday wanted to know what it was like to have her daddy there to protect her, to sit on his shoulders like all the other little girls did. I think some part of her was even upset that she wouldn't have him threaten to shoot any possible suitors as I knew Edward probably would have done.
He was protective of me, so I could only imagine what he would have been like as a father.
I looked up at the gleaming marble that marked the resting place of my husband, tears welling in my eyes.
Here lies
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen
20th June 1991 – 14th December 2009
Died aged 18.
Beloved husband.
Devoted son.
Best brother in the world.
Through his struggles in life, he came upon the biggest treasure of all.
Love.
"Hey, Daddy." Tuesday said softly, kneeling down and placing the bundle of flowers in front of the headstone. "I really wish you were here Daddy. I know ……" I knelt down beside my daughter who was sobbing gently, trying to say what she could to her father. "I know I never met you, but I feel like I really know you. I just …… I just wish that you could be here. I …… I need you Daddy. And so does Mom, and E.J. We need you."
I wrapped my arms around my sobbing daughter, and looked up at E.J. seeing silent tears running down his face. I took his hand and noticed that he had more than just the letter with him today. He had brought his personal CD player with him.
He knelt down next to where his sister and I were sitting, placing the CD player on the ground and sighing gently. He gently moved the flowers and scraped away a layer of soil, placing the letter in the small hole that he had created and covering it over again, trying to halt his tears as he did so. He wasn't able to and I took his hand in mine.
"Hey, Dad." He sniffed, sitting back on the ground, still holding my hand. "I need your advice Dad, but it's not really something Mom wants to hear, so I'll ask you when I come and see you in a few days." I smiled at him gently and he let out a small sob like laugh. "But…… I did bring something." He reached around and picked up his CD player, placing it in his lap. "I … um … Aunt Alice told me that you used to play, and that's where I get my talent from. She said that you were always at the piano, doodling and drumming things out, not really paying attention to where your fingers fell, but still creating beautiful sounds all the same. Aunt Alice and Aunt Rose say that I have the same ability." He looked over at me, and I nodded. E.J., like his father was incredibly talented on the piano. "So, um, I …… I wrote something." He looked at me sheepishly, his cheeks colouring slightly. A trait that the twins had both picked up from me.
He pressed play and the sound of gentle strings flowed through the air, gently making way for an exquisite piano piece.
We sat in silence, listening to it as the beautiful music filled the air. I still had E.J's hand and he was turning a deeper red with every moment that passed and every note that flowed out of the CD player.
When the piece finished, we sat there in silence, listening only to the sounds of the wind running through the leaves, the footsteps of others visiting family members, the cars running on the roads just below us.
"E.J." I breathed through my tears. "That was beautiful."
"You think so?" He asked with a vulnerability that I had seen in Edward's eyes one too many times.
"Absolutely." I smiled widely at him, letting go of his hand and wrapping an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close to me. He sighed and rested his head on my shoulder and I could feel his tears gently making the shoulder of my jacket damp.
"What's it called?" Tuesday asked quietly, looking at her brother.
"Umm……" He looked down at the ground sheepishly. "It's called EdwardxBella." He admitted in a small voice and I felt myself melt. My son had written a piece of music after the two of us. "Every time someone would mention how you and Dad were together, it would just start playing inside my head, so I started playing it and writing it down and that's what it sounded like."
"It's beautiful, E.J." I kissed his forehead gently, running my fingers through his unruly hair, just like his fathers was.
We sat there for a little while longer, not really registering the freezing cold weather and the hardness of the ground beneath us, just needing to be near Edward. To be a family for a while.
The two of them looked at me, kissing me on the cheek, understanding that I needed to be alone with their father for a few minutes. They walked hand in hand out to the gate of the cemetery, slowly making their way towards the car.
"Edward." I whispered, closing my eyes and feeling my tears against my cheek as a bitter wind blew through the cemetery. "I still miss you, so much. I can't believe after everything that happened, everything that we went though together, that was all for nothing. If things hadn't gone the way they had, who knows where we could be now.
"E.J. and Tuesday need you more than anyone can say. More than I think even they can say. What with E.J. being a teenager now, he …… well, lets just say, there's only so much that Jasper and Emmett can do. I just wish that I still had you to hold me close at night, to hum me to sleep when I needed it, to reassure me that everything is going to be okay, to be there when I needed you there, to make love to me like you used to." I pressed a kiss to my fingertips, pressing them to the ground gently, tears running down my cheek. "Take care of my heart, I've left it with you."
I slowly stood up, bidding another farewell to the one and only love of my life, I turned back to the children he had given me. The ones who depended on me.
E.
As I walked with my arm around my sister towards the gate of the cemetery, a cold brisk breeze hit us from behind. Some part of me, the part that still had to grow up maybe, wanted to believe that it was my father, giving me his approval of the song that I had written for him and mom.
I looked back over the cemetery to see my mother sitting, leaning over, almost doubled over, shaking slightly. I knew that she was crying and I wanted nothing more than to run over there and protect her, to take care of her like I promised my dad I would every time I visited him.
Tuesday looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears as she broke away from me, walking towards the car.
I walked over to the steps of the church and sat down running my hands through my unruly bronze hair. My mom always told me that my dad used to do that all the time. That his hair was even harder than mine to control and having looked at some of the pictures that were dotted around the house, I didn't argue.
"Are you okay, son?" A soft voice called from the top of the stairs. I swivelled on the step I was sitting on, vaguely aware that my ass was going numb and saw a priest standing at the top of the stairs. He was old, looking as though he should have retired about a decade ago but there was something about him that told me he was easy to talk to. Even if he wasn't, my mother was just over the way and my sister was standing a little way away so I wasn't too worried.
"I'm okay, thank you." I nodded, looking up at him as he walked down the steps and sat down next to me.
"You know," he looked at me, seeming to study me for a little while before smiling and chuckling slightly. "You look mighty like a young man sat in that exact spot a long time ago."
"I do?" I asked, confused. Who could he have met?
"You do." He looked at me again. "He came visiting his parents. Poor boy." He shook his head sadly. "It had been ten years since he had been able to work up the courage to see them."
"Do you know why it took him so long?" I asked, genuinely curious as Tuesday noticed that I was talking to the priest and started to make her way over to the two of us.
"He told me …… he told me that he was afraid." He sighed, shaking his head again. "He was afraid because he thought that some decisions he'd made in his life would make them disappointed in him."
"I feel like that sometimes." Tuesday mumbled slightly, sitting down on the step at my feet. "I feel that sometimes, the things I do … will disappoint dad and that he'll be angry with me or something."
"Is that who you visit here?" The priest asked, looking at us sadly. "Your father?" We both nodded slowly, looking down at the steps. "I am sorry."
"Was he okay?" I asked, wanting to know about the man the priest had spoken to. "The man you spoke to. Was he okay?"
"I think he was." He nodded. "In time." He looked at the two of us again. "He had found that special someone to help guide him through. She made everything that he did worthwhile. He told me about her. Told me that she'd saved him, both physically and mentally. He truly loved her."
"She must have been one hell of a woman." Tuesday smiled slightly. "I wonder if mom was like that for dad." She turned to face the priest again. "Our dad was sick for a long time."
"So was this young man." He looked between us, staring over his glasses. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him. Is that when someone you love dies, you don't forget them. You make a special place for them in your heart. Something tells that that's what he did. And I'm hoping that he was able to move on."
"E.J! Tuesday!" We heard our mom calling us and we looked down at her.
"We've got to go." I said softly as we got up. We helped the priest up or he would have been stuck there all day.
"How come you were talking to him?" Tuesday asked in a whisper as the priest made his way up the steps slowly.
"You know that man we were talking about?" She nodded. "He said that I looked like him. Like I reminded him of him."
"What was his name?" She asked, looking between me and the priest. "The man, I mean?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "Wait a second. Excuse me!" I called running up the steps and catching up to the priest. "If you don't mind, what was the man called? The one you spoke to all those years ago?"
"Unusual name. Not one you hear very often, even back then." He murmured, smiling at me.
I waited for a moment. "What was it?" I asked in the politest tone I could, trying not to appear pushy.
"Edward."
I froze and saw Tuesday do the same thing. She had heard him say it as well.
It couldn't be, could it?
Could that man the priest had spoken to all those years ago, been my father? We knew that our father came from Chicago. Could it be him?
Maybe, someday, I would know for sure.
My father might not be here in body, but I know that his spirit will always be here for me, my sister, my aunts and uncles and their children and most of all he would be there for my mother. It was clear how much she still loved him, from what I knew, there had been no one before or after him. She said that she didn't need anyone else, because he was here and she had Tuesday and myself. I knew that in that, I could and I would make her proud. I would do my father's memory justice and maybe, just maybe, that through me and my achievements Edward Anthony Masen Cullen could one day be alive again.
End
I know that some of you … well, make that most of you are pissed at the ending of the story and aren't withholding on your opinions on that fact. I'm not a huge believer in HEAs because life doesn't work that way, and even though this is only fiction, it has to be somewhat believeable.
A couple of you were expressing concerns about how no one administered CPR, or more importantly, why Carlisle didn't administer CPR. The answer is simple. The fact that they didn't get there in time for CPR to be considered effective. I know that you'll all have an opinion about this, but it's my story so there.
I do have an alternate ending written out, but I'm going to say this now, it's not the whole fluff and bunnies that some of you are expecting. You know the whole Bella wakes up from a nightmare and Edward's there with her storyline. Not happening. It is a happy ending but not in the way you're all thinking. Just letting you know that now.
Let me know what you think.
Also, I'm going to be posting the opening chapters to Protecting Him's sequel soon. They're already written out, so put me on Author Alerts if you want to know what's happening in the alternate world of twilight I've created.
Until I update next – see ya!
twiXlite
