Stranded in this spooky town
Stop lights are swaying and the phone lines are down
Floor is crackling cold
She took my heart, I think she took my soul
With the moon I run
Far from the carnage of the fiery sun
And it's coming closer…
I woke up in the morning with a faint smile and the memory of how amazing the night before had been. Bella loved me, too.
As I began coming out of the fog of sleep, I realized I was quite alone in my bed. I sat up halfway, looking around, trying to become coherent. Bella wasn't in bed and her clothes were gone. I felt awkward without her next to me. I listened for noise downstairs; maybe she was up making breakfast. I didn't hear a thing but the kitchen was a ways away so that didn't mean anything. I quickly threw on some sweatpants and trotted down my stairs. Seeing no sign of her beautiful face in the living room, I continued into the kitchen, where I was greeted with the dishes in the sink from the night before and not a single thing else.
Well, I thought with a deep sigh, maybe she left to get something for breakfast and she'll be back. I searched for a note on the counters, on the table by the front door, and then back up in my room. Not a damn thing. I sat down on the edge of my bed for a moment to process things. Bella had to be coming back or had a very good reason for disappearing.
After a few moments of convincing myself that these were the only valid options, I decided a shower would be best for soothing the tension I had caused myself. Taking a towel out of the linen closet, I shuffled into the bathroom and then tossed the towel over the shower door. I turned the water on full blast, hot, and as the bathroom began to steam up, I pushed the sweatpants down my legs and climbed in. The heat and steam calmed me considerably as I stood under the stream of water. I took my time running the soapy washcloth over my body. Maybe if I took enough time, she would be waiting for me when I exited the bathroom.
When the water ran cold I reluctantly turned off the faucet and felt an overwhelming sense of dread flood every part of me. I took several heavy breaths as I toweled off and walked to my closet. Bella wasn't waiting for me in the bedroom, but that didn't mean she wasn't somewhere else in the house. I put a pair of jeans and a t shirt before descending the stairs with much less enthusiasm than the last time. I wanted to hope, so badly, but a big part of me knew that I shouldn't
Traveling through the rooms, I lost my last shreds of that hope and began to worry. What if something had happened with her father and she had to rush off to help him? I glanced at the clock and noticed it was 10 o'clock. Charlie got off a few hours ago and God knows how long she had been gone. She might have had to go to him, and she was bearing that burden alone.
I ran back up to my room and grabbed my phone off the charger so that I could be there for Bella in case there had been trouble. Her phone rang two, three, four times before her beautiful voice came across the line, telling me to leave a message. Frustrated, I hit the end button and redialed. I didn't want to be annoying but I was really starting to worry and I needed to know she was okay.
This time when I called, the voice mail chimed in midway through the second ring. She forwarded my call? What the hell was going on?
I decided another tactic needed to be tried and I dialed her house phone. Charlie picked up, making me feel slight relief that was quickly followed by confusion.
"Hello?" came the deep voice.
"Chief Swan, its Edward. Is Bella there? Can I talk to her?" My words came out hurried.
"Oh, Edward," Charlie's voice now sounded slightly uncomfortable. "I'm afraid Bella isn't here. She left about an hour ago."
"Left? Where did she go?"
"I'm not sure she wanted you to know that. I'm sorry Edward. She packed a bag and set off and I'm not sure when she'll be back. She'll call you when she's ready. Best give her some space." Charlie was somber as he delivered a verbal blow to my chest.
It took me a moment to find my voice. "Thanks, Charlie. I'll just…I need to go." I hung up before he could say anything else. I didn't want to hear his pity for me ooze through the phone. I felt dazed and I stumbled backwards until my legs came in contact with the bed and I collapsed onto it.
My mind tumbled around, searching for any clues that might lend themselves to solving this mystery. I ran over then events of the night, right down the last detail. Bella had uttered the words I wanted to hear, and it had sounded sincere. Her eyes reflected the same love that I knew must have been in my own. I know she enjoyed it all like I had. Nothing could help me even try to understand why she had run off. Maybe it had nothing to do with me….but then why wouldn't she want me to know? Wouldn't she have told me if something else was going on?
I sat on my bed, staring out the window, and hours passed, the sun drifting from one side of the sky to the other. A nagging ringing broke me out of my trance. When I realized it was my phone, I lunged toward the floor where I had dropped it earlier. I looked desperately at the screen only to find my sister's name instead of Bella's. I let it go to voicemail. I felt a little bad about it, but I really didn't want to fake happiness right, nor did I want to explain why I wasn't happy.
I felt like such a girl but couldn't bring myself to care too much. I was moping about a situation I didn't understand, which was highly unlike me. But I didn't know what to do with myself. Bella had an inexplicable hold on me and without her to anchor me, I was drowning. I felt utterly helpless, pathetic, and yet I didn't want any help. Wallowing sounded so much better for now. Sympathy coming from anyone would make everything worse and I knew Bella was the only who could've pulled me out of the dark well I was now residing in.
My phone chirped with a voicemail and I reluctantly put the speaker to my ear. Alice's voice beamed through the phone. "Hey Eddie! I guess you're busy writing your next best seller, or maybe romancing the socks off of Bella. I still need to meet her by the way! Anyway, I hadn't talked to you in a while a wanted to see how you were. Everything is just fine with me and the hubby. Call me soon, love you."
My heart dropped a little farther at the mention of Bella's name and how damn chipper Alice sounded. It wasn't her fault, she had no idea, but I couldn't help but be annoyed by my sister. Perfect timing, Alice, I thought, way to rub it in. I was being ridiculous and petulant. Considering recent events though, I decided it was not only allowable, but highly appropriate.
Finally the sun began to sink and as my room became tinted with orange hues, I rolled all of the way onto my bed and yanked the sheet up over myself. Pushing my face into the pillow, I was overwhelmed by Bella's scent and I groaned in desperation. My bed was tainted. I grabbed the other pillow, the Bella-free one, and trudged down to the guest room. I wasn't going to stay in that bed and have to smell her, remember her moans, or think so hard that I could feel her body against mine.
I shook my head to rid it of the vicious and traitorous thoughts before sliding underneath the sheet and blanket. I didn't sleep well that night, tossing and turning, replaying the events that had taken place a mere 24 hours ago. I was still searching for an explanation and my brain refused to rest until it could make since of this debacle.
And it seems
you've disappeared, though you're not that far away
Please tell me
it's not true, I didn't mean that much to you
And it's love
and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be
going
Now I'm just going through the motions
Where everything
is you, everything is you
What did I do wrong? Nothing, I treated you like an angel
******************
BPOV
My eyes fluttered open at an unnatural hour due to the horrendous dream that had plagued me. I hadn't had that dream in months, three to be exact. Not since I met Edward. But now, the night Edward and I had declared ourselves and cemented everything, the terrible images were back. Flashes of Mike behind his desk, pushing into his secretary, standing on my doorstep to beg for forgiveness, and my own hollow eyes staring back at me through the mirror ran through my mind like a slideshow, a very disturbing slideshow.
The room was still dark, I was covered in a cold sweat, and Edward's rhythmic breathing came from under my draped arm. I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand, the green numbers indicating it was only 5:15 in the morning. I groaned quietly and rolled over onto my back, away from Edward's warm body. I was wide awake now, thanks to the memories, and I threw the covers back and gently sat up. I thought I was past all of this now. I looked over at Edward and different memories flooded my mind now. Edward's beautiful voice whispering adoration, how complete I felt when we were together, falling asleep in his arms, and they were all wonderful. That is, until my brain started mixing them with other thoughts and comparing them to a past relationship. Mike had been the only other person I had made love to, though I wouldn't call it that anymore. He took everything from me and made me think he loved me too.
With that, my mind began twisting Edward into something different. Yeah, okay, he said the three little words, and as great as it had been to hear them, didn't it feel that way last time too? He had made love to me tenderly, but again, wasn't it like that with Mike, too? My mind was muddled with sleep and I was confused. I wanted to trust Edward but I was suddenly feeling very scared that he would do the same horrible things to me. Who knows, I could come over one day and find a lace thong hidden in his sheets, and of course it wouldn't be my thong. My feelings began spinning out of control and I felt my breathing quicken. I couldn't handle this right now. I don't know what I was thinking because someone was always going to hurt me. I had been telling myself that I was just going to stay on my own, and then Edward showed up. I gave into his charms because honestly, who wouldn't? But I was out of the trance now and I had to get away from here before I wasn't able to and he ditched me instead. It didn't matter what things Edward had told me, it would all end the same, and I couldn't take it again.
I quickly and quietly got up from the bed, tip-toeing around the room and gathering my clothes. By now, I had been thinking for 45 minutes and the sun was beginning to creep up. I dressed as fast as I could, praying Edward wouldn't wake up. I made sure to keep up the silence as I gathered by things and shut the front door gently behind me before creeping down his front steps.
Oh crap, I thought. My truck was going to be loud no matter what. I took my chances anyways because what choice did I have? The door creaked as I eased it open and slid into the seat. There was a noisy roar when the engine turned over and I left as quickly as my truck would allow. I made it home by 6:30, just before Charlie could get home. I ran inside, throwing stuff in a bag so that I could get out of town. Essentials and a few changes of clothes were tossed around as I jogged back downstairs and dropped the bag off by the front door. I went into the kitchen and got Charlie's breakfast started. He needed one good meal before I abandoned him for a while.
I kept my hands busy as I cracked eggs into the frying pan and threw bread into the toaster, pulling the lever down to burn the slices, just how Charlie liked them. I didn't stay still because I didn't want to think about all of the horrible things that had happened and the repeat I was headed for. The toast popped up and the front door opened.
"Hey, Bells," Charlie called out. "Do I smell my favorite?"
I smiled a little at his question. "Hey, Dad, you sure do. Do you want to eat in here or in front of the TV?"
Charlie walked into the kitchen. "Are you going to eat?"
"No," I shook my head. "I'm not really hungry."
"Alright, well I guess in with the TV."
After plating his food, I put on my best smile and handed Charlie his breakfast. The look in his eyes told me I wasn't fooling him, but I could only do so much when I knew my own eyes would be off.
"Bells, what's wrong?" Charlie asked as he followed me out of the kitchen and through the living room. I turned around to face him and saw his eyes drift over to the bag by the door. "And where are you going?"
I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment before answering him. "Look, I need a break from things. I'm going to go see Jake for a bit, clear my head."
Charlie's eyes widened at my omission. "Did Edward do something to you? You look like you did when…" Charlie's voice trailed off as he thought better of bringing up what had become an unmentionable around me. "Well you don't look like yourself is all."
"No he didn't do anything. But I don't want him to either. I just need to think for a while, far away from the reminders of this place." I just stood there, hoping he would understand and not question me anymore.
"Okay, at least I know you'll be in good hands with Jake. When are you leaving?"
I looked at down at myself, gross. "Well, I need a shower. I didn't think about that before I packed. I guess whenever I'm done with that. I'll call Jake from the road."
He looked at me as though he didn't approve but he nodded his head anyway and moved to sit down on the couch with his food.
Grabbing my bag, I climbed the stairs and locked myself in the bathroom. I avoided the mirror, afraid of what I would find there, and was thankful when the steam from the shower covered the piece of glass. The shower was calming, which was nice at first. But then my thoughts went back to this morning and I felt panicky again. I ended my shower rather abruptly.
After drying off, I wrapped the towel around myself and threw my hair up in a messy bun. I went to my room and put on the first clean thing I found, anxiousness was taking over. I needed to get out. I grabbed my stuff again and went to say goodbye to Charlie.
"Okay, I'm all set." I gave Charlie a brief hug and a quick kiss on his cheek.
"Be careful and let me know when you get there." Charlie looked a little sad and I wished I didn't have to make him worry.
"Will do, Dad. I love you," I said, waving to him from the threshold of the house.
"You too, Bells." That was about the most I ever got out of Charlie. I hopped back in my creaky truck and felt a little relief as I realized I was going to make it out of town with no trouble from Edward. I quickly maneuvered through town before getting onto the high way and heading for California. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. Wow, 9 already.
I dialed Jake to beg for help from an old friend. On the third ring he picked up and he sounded groggy, "Hello?"
"Hey Jake, it's me. I'm really sorry if I'm waking you but I really need your help right now."
I heard rustling over the line and assumed he was sitting up in bed. A cough resounded from the speaker before Jake spoke, sounding much more alert. "What's wrong?" His tone was so concerned, bless him.
"I just needed to get away from everything. Would you mind if I came to stay for a few days?"
"Of course you can, Bells. Did Edward do something? Because I threatened him and I have no problem following through. Just say the word and I'll…"
I cut him off before he could get too worked up. "No, no, no, it is nothing that he's done. Not yet, anyway. This one is all me. I just have to get out of Forks. I'm already on my way so I guess I'll see you tonight."
"If you say so. Alright, well I'm going back to be for a little bit then. I'll see you when you get here, call me if you need some help staying awake." Jake was already yawning and I couldn't help but chuckle a little.
"Talk to you later, sleepyhead." I was still laughing as we both said goodbye. The silence in the cab of the truck caught up with me though and soon I was restless again. I turned on an oldies station, thanking God that my radio still worked. Oldies always put me in a good mood.
About an hour into my drive, my phone started vibrating on the seat. I looked down at it and my breath caught in my throat. I knew he would call, of course he would. I just hadn't decided what to do about it. I ignored it and hoped that would be it. Thirty seconds later it was vibrating again, blinking Edward's name up at me from the cracked vinyl. This time I hit the button to forward it to voicemail and prayed he got the message.
I drove on, singing loudly to the radio to drown out my thoughts. I stopped for food finally because my stomach was revolting against me. I used the restroom and got gas. Feeling refreshed, I returned to my truck and I was slightly mollified with the fact that Edward had left me alone. My irrational side told me he had given up on me already because I wasn't worth the trouble. Well, that was fine, it was easier that way. But I also wanted him to keep calling, if only in a small way. I wanted, almost needed, to know that he wouldn't just let go of me that easily. I wanted him to prove that he felt more for me than Mike ever did.
But if I really believed that, I wouldn't have left. This was all so confusing and conflicting. I should have never let myself get into this mess, even if I was the one making it into a mess in the first place. But what could I possibly do at this point? My heart wanted nothing more than to be back in that bed with Edward but my brain new so much better than my heart. My head had the memory of being screwed over and wouldn't stop bringing it up, though my heart had long forgotten the trouble Mike had caused me. Edward had healed my heart, almost replacing it with a new one that was solely his. But I just couldn't rationalize that.
After what felt like days of driving, I pulled up to Jacob's apartment building. I could see his car a few spots down and smiled at the instant comfort it brought me. I rested my head on the steering wheel for a moment and suddenly felt I might pass out from exhaustion. I hadn't slept much last night, and not well either. I needed a bed, now.
I shoved my door open and drug myself out of the cab, pulling my bag with me. Staring at the stairs of his building with disdain, I heaved myself up them, one horrible step after another. Why did he have to live on the third level? Reaching the top of the stairs, I knocked a few times and waited, my eyelids drifting downward of their own accord.
The door flew open and an entirely too happy Jacob greeted me. His smile was huge and he gave me a crushing hug.
"Bells! How is my best friend, huh?" Jacob's voice boomed in my ear and I suddenly felt awake again. Fantastic, I thought, just what I needed. I suppose I shouldn't blame him for trying to make me better.
I knew my voice sounded pathetic but I just couldn't do any better right now. "Hey, Jake, I'm alive. Thank you so much for letting me crash here for a bit. I'm really wiped from the trip so if it's okay, I think I'm just going to pass out on the couch now." I gave him the best smile I could manage, because I could feel myself sinking, on an emotional level, more and more by the second.
"Of course sweetie. But you're taking my bed, and please don't argue. I already changed the sheets for you and everything. You know I don't ever let you sleep on the damn couch anyways." Jacob smiled at me but I could see the worry in his eyes.
Despite myself, I felt my own lips curve up just a little more at how wonderful he was and how lucky I was to have a friend like this. "I'm too tired to protest. I'll see you in the morning."
Jacob simply nodded at me, gave me a small squeeze and let me go. I shut the door to his room quietly, dropped my bag and my jacket, kicked off my shoes, and collapsed on his bed. Alone in the silence, my thoughts drifted back to Forks, and Edward. My heart sunk a little thinking about how he had let me leave so easily; two phone calls and I didn't matter anymore. Or maybe I was just being paranoid. He could have talked to Charlie and decided it was no use to keep calling someone who wasn't going to answer. I felt bad for up and leaving him like that, no explanation, but I couldn't face the enormity of it all right now.
I don't remember falling asleep. I only know it was very deep sleep. So deep that I didn't have a single dream and I was out longer than could possibly be healthy.
I don't know
what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told
me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
There were
sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and
this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
***********************
A/N: *waves white flag to surrender* Please don't kill me, please. It'll get better, scouts honor. But there had to be an obstacle. Otherwise, why read?? Let me know your thoughts please! I love feedback! A lot of you have me on alerts so I would really like to hear what you think and what you like. Also what you don't like so that I can fix any problems.
Also, let me know how I did with BPOV. Sorry to those of you who really liked that I did his POV only. I had to use hers to make the story flow. She'll only be around a few chapters.
One last thing, I have all of the songs listed on my profile now if you like any of the lyrics and want to remember or whatnot.
Songs for this chapter: "Closer" by Kings of Leon, "Everything is You" by Eli Young Band, "Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins
