"Bella, what are you…?" My wondering voice was cut off by Bella's delicate finger pushing against my lips. I shuddered slightly at her touch.
"Don't talk, Edward. Just let me show you how sorry I am." Bella smiled down at me, leaned in towards me, and…
BOOM!
Thunder crashed all around me and I jumped about a foot out of my chair. My fist was clenched hard around my IPod as I looked about wildly. I took a deep breath and realized that no, Bella had not come back, I was being ridiculous. The music from the tiny speakers played on in my ears.
This is gonna
take a long time
And I wonder what's mine
Can't take no more
Wonder if you'll understand
It's just the touch of your hand
Behind a closed door
All I needed was the love you gave
All
I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you
Ain't that the truth? The dream I had just woken from played in my head. It was a very dangerous dream to be having and one that told me exactly what my body wanted out of Bella. Traitor. Thankfully, my head knew better. I just wanted things to go back to normal as soon as possible because these sexually frustrated sleepy creations would do me in if I wasn't careful.
My neck was stiff from sleeping in an awkward position so I rolled my head around a few times before standing up and stretching. I lifted my arms over my head, pushed up as far as I could and groaned.
For the rest of the night I set about my normal behaviors; making dinner, cleaning the kitchen, watching TV. It was all very mundane and was really, exactly what I needed. I slept peacefully that night; my brain had sense enough to not torture me with unrealistic dreams and I was grateful.
****************
Red numbers burned into my retinas as my eyes fluttered open. Ouch! Rolling from my back to my stomach, I groaned loudly and pushed my arms and legs out away from me. I had been asleep entirely too long. It was like I was a teenager again or something; twelve hours, really?
I showered and got dressed quickly before making my way to the kitchen. Even though it was half past noon, I was going to have breakfast. The day didn't start until you had eaten breakfast, simple as that. I fried up eggs and bacon, toasted a few slices of bread and threw everything on a plate while grabbing some orange juice.
Just as I sat down to eat there was a knock on my door, so soft I almost didn't hear it. Thank God I had turned my music down when I had taken my seat or I wouldn't have heard anything. The noise of it had drowned out whoever's engine when they arrived outside anyways.
I set my fork down, slid off of my stool, and trotted up to my front door. The heavy wood swung open in front of me to reveal a very beautiful Bella, who was wearing a timid smile. Her simple outfit of a t-shirt and jeans enhanced everything about her and I stood motionless for a moment. She always seemed to catch me off-guard.
"Hi," she said blushing. "Sorry if I'm bothering you," Bella quickly apologized, apparently misinterpreting my silence.
She started talking out of nervousness, her words sort of running together. "I just came by to see if you wanted to come with me today. I maybe should have called instead. I need to go to Port Angeles and thought that if you weren't too busy then you might want to come with me. If you are busy, which I'm sure you are, then I'm so sorry I interrupted you." Bella looked panicked. "I'll just go."
As she turned to leave, I grabbed her hand and spun her to face me with a smile plastered on my face, a smile I couldn't stop from forming.
"Don't go," I whispered. "I'm not busy at all today."
Bella's mouth crept upward on the sides as happiness replaced uncertainty in her eyes. It was a beautiful thing to watch.
"I was just eating if you can wait a few minutes." Bella nodded up at me so I led her into the house by her hand, shutting the door quietly behind us. "Do you want anything?" I asked as we entered the kitchen.
"Some water would be great, but I can get it myself. You go eat." We exchanged smiles, grinning like fools for some crazy reason. I sat down, watching Bella help herself and all at once, Bella was back where she belonged. She was moving around my home, just like she belonged there. It was almost like she never left, almost like the gaping hole in my heart had been filled to the brim, was flowing over even. Almost, except for the slightly large existence of uncertainty I was now feeling where we were concerned.
Despite that though, I was anxious to start our first day back together, just being us. I shoveled my food in quickly, probably closely resembling a wild animal. I stopped to look up and Bella was watching me with a slightly amused expression, leaning against the counter with a glass in her hand. I sheepishly swallowed, loudly, a bite that was too big and glanced down at my plate. It was very empty so I jumped up eagerly and dropped my dishes in the sink. As Bella continued to watch me, her smile got broader and she looked like she was containing her giggles.
"You ready?" she asked putting her glass down, laughter in her voice. I nodded at her and followed her out of my kitchen. I grabbed my keys from the table and locked the door as we made our way out. When I turned around, Bella was headed towards her truck. A forty five minute drive on rambling wheels…I think not.
I cleared my throat and Bella turned to look at me questioningly.
"I know that you love that…truck…like it's your child, but I don't want my butt to be numb by the time we get Port Angeles. Sorry," I apologized. My voice was sympathetic but the grin on my face wasn't fooling her.
Her face twisted into a scowl and Bella muttered, "Fine."
I chuckled as I walked over to my car and opened to passenger side door for her. I just smiled at her, leaning against the side of the car with my arms folded over my chest. Bella continued to scowl at me as she stalked to the car dramatically. I planted a quick kiss on her cheek as she was climbing in. Instantly, her eyes went wide, the scowl melted off her face and a small smile replaced it.
I felt slightly proud of myself for being able to change her mood like that, just with a simple kiss. I shut Bella's door and got into my own seat. My car quietly came to life, a stark contrast to the noise of her truck, and we were on our way. I handed Bella my IPod to let her pick the music. After a minute, I heard the drum beats of "There Is" make their way to my waiting ears. I snuck a peek at Bella and she was staring intently out of the window. I wondered why she would pick this song. It wasn't a happy song, nor romantic, or even just a plain song. It was heart-breaking, especially when I knew she had picked it out with purpose.
This
vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a
lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete
where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow
of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use
to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I
faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and
told you, but you swear you loved me more
Do you care if I
don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight will you think of
me
Will I shake this off, pretend it's all okay
That there's
someone out there who feels just like me
There is
"Bella?" I asked quietly.
She snapped out of la la land and looked over at me expectantly. "I was just curious, why did you pick this song? I mean, it's not exactly a good mood maker." I threw a sideways glance her way and saw her shrug her shoulders.
"I don't know really." Bella paused for a moment before continuing. "I was feeling really comfortable with us and how today was going already. I guess I kind of wanted to remind myself what I had done to you so that I wouldn't feel too at ease. I needed to remember why I was so worried about how this day was going to go in the first place." She looked embarrassed and I couldn't have that.
I reached over and slid Bella's hand into mine. My thumb brushed lightly over the skin on the back of her hand and squeezed gently. "Bella, I know you are worried. I am too a little. Yes, you made a mistake. You came back and said sorry though. We aren't going to be able to move past this if you keep beating yourself up over it. There is no need to keep reliving your mistake. I want us to be great again." I spoke with soft conviction, hoping she was hearing me.
We drove on quietly for a while and Bella was far off in her thoughts again. I wasn't sure if she had heard me or not.
She took a deep breath before speaking finally. "I need to go to the mall so you can just head there," she said while we were sitting at a stop light just outside of Port Angeles.
And that was it. Bella didn't bother in the slightest to acknowledge the speech I had just given, not so much as a nod. Now I was frustrated. I brought my hand back to the wheel and gripped hard. I drove a little faster and came to an abrupt stop inside of a parking space when I found one. Just then, I felt a delicate hand on my forearm. I closed my eyes for a moment to calm myself and then turned to look at her.
"Edward," Bella began, "I heard everything you said, I promise. It's just hard for me to not be mad at myself. I promise to try though. I will try my hardest. I know that I am doing the right thing now, even if I didn't before. I'm so…" Bella got stuck on her own words and a tear rolled down her cheek slowly. I rid her skin of the saltwater streak and then left my hand against her cheek.
"I'm not very good with words. I'm sorry. Music has always been the way I explain things I feel. Can I show you that way, please?" Bella had an unexplainable look and all I could do was nod. The car was filled with various emotions and I wasn't sure which one, or ten, was my own.
Bella quickly grabbed the IPod again and scrolled to just the song she was looking for. As she pressed play, her eyes lit up and she looked at me with a new intensity and a slight smile. A surprise greeted my ears, but as I listened, I understood her, every part of her.
I'm not a
perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I
continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
As we stared at each other, bursting with emotion, I formulated a plan for how our evening would go; a beautiful, and wonderful plan. Bella sang softly along with the chorus.
I've found out
a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start
over new
and the reason is you
I kissed her with passion, her face between my hands, and she returned it equally, smiling against my lips. I would never tire of this woman and the things she did to me.
I broke the kiss and rested my forehead against hers. "I hear you loud and clear, Bella, loud and clear. Now let's get what need in this damn place so we can go home." I smiled briefly and kissed her once more before hopping out of the car.
Bella and I moved through the mall as a team, tackled what she needed and got out of there. We did spend some time shopping apart though. I stopped to buy Bella something that she wasn't allowed to see. I t was a very special something that had to do with my plan and I hoped like hell she was going to like it, approve of it. I don't have the slightest clue where she went or what she bought. If I was lucky, it would be a gift for me. I smiled a little devilishly to myself at that thought as I met back up with Bella.
"Ready to get the hell out of here?" I joked. Bella nodded eagerly at me and I grabbed her hand as we practically jogged out of the mall.
Bella and I were just like we used to be during the drive home. It was beyond great and I felt lighter than air. Being with Bella was easy, comfortable, and exactly where I was meant to be.
Before I knew what had happened, we were pulling up into my driveway. Bella was back to being pouty as soon as she laid eyes on her truck and I laughed at her the whole way into my house. That thing has got to go. I threw down my stuff from our shopping and took Bella in my arms, effectively wiping the frown off of her face.
"You, my dear, are way too attached to that truck." I kissed her softly and she playfully punched me in the arm. I laughed against her mouth and my stomach suddenly growled. It was Bella's turn to giggle at me.
"I really don't feel like cooking tonight; I like this lazy day we are having. What do you say we order pizza, drink beer, and be completely useless together?" I gave Bella my best smile, slightly lower on one side, and pulled her tightly to my chest.
"Sounds perfect," she smiled back. "I'll get the phone." Bella turned to leave and I patted her butt. She laughed as she ran off.
"I'm going to grab the beer from the extra fridge," I called out to Bella.
"Alright," came her reply.
I went out to my garage and grabbed the box out of my second refrigerator. I came back inside, just in time to see Bella hanging up the phone. "All set! Let's crack those babies open and turn up the music!" Bella was radiant, smiling ear to ear, and I was so glad she was back, home with me. Like I had thought so many times before, she belonged here, her home was right here with me.
While we waited for our pizza, we cranked up the stereo and did ridiculous dance moves around the living room, having a blast and being goofy. Sometimes, it's fun to act like a kid. Things had been serious enough for the last week or so, it was time to cut loose.
Thirty minutes later the doorbell rang and I went to grab the pizza from the delivery guy. I handed him my cash and took the pizza from him, waiting for my change. Bella popped up behind me and was going to take the pizza from my hands when I heard a small gasp come from her. I looked down to see what was wrong. Her eyes were wide and she looked shocked. I felt my brow crease in confusion and I looked back to the delivery guy.
His blonde head popped up when he went to give me my change, but his hand stopped short, his mouth fell open, and his eyes were wide like Bella's. I was now thoroughly confused. What the hell was I missing?
"Mike…?" Bella whispered.
Mike? I thought. You have got to be fucking kidding me. We were finally happy together, last obstacle crossed, and this asshole has to show up on my damn doorstep.
"Uh, hi Bella…I, um, what a surprise. How are you?" Mike finally figured out how speak and was looking more excited by the second. I don't think so buddy. My free arm possessively slid around Bella's waste, hoping to send a very clear message to the jackass in front of me.
Bella looked up at me, smiled brightly, and then looked back at Mike. "I'm doing great Mike. Listen, thanks for the pizza. Have a good night!" With that she shut the door in his face and took the pizza from my hand. She walked towards the living room and I stood there like an idiot, staring dumbly after her.
Bella stopped and looked at me over her shoulder with an expectant gaze. "You coming?" she asked.
I walked quickly after her and sat down with her on the couch. She popped the top on the box and grabbed a piece, acting like nothing had just happened at the front door.
"So," I began, "that's the jerk?"
Bella's mouth was full so she nodded as she chewed. "That's him. I can't believe he is delivering pizza. Guess he got what was coming to him though," she giggled. Then she looked at me a little more closely, taking in my dumbfounded state. "Edward," she put her pizza down and moved close to me. "You are the only one I care about now. You are the only one that matters, and you are the only one I love." Bella kissed me softly and I couldn't help but notice this was the first time either of us had said the infamous L word since she had come back. My heart went flying.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her for a brief moment. "It was just a shock," I told her after we parted. "I never thought I would have to see him. I guess it just made me a little worried. Stupid, sorry." The smell of the pizza drifted to me from the open box and I sniffed dramatically. Bella giggled before picking her piece up and handing me one.
We ate quietly for a little bit and then chatted idly as we devoured the whole pizza. Well, I devoured and Bella had two slices. As we finished eating I decided it was time to put my plan into action. I got up from the couch, cleaning up our mess before moving over to the stereo and retrieving my IPod. I maybe should have been waiting longer for this but I was done waiting. Patience didn't have a place here tonight.
"Bella, do you want to go upstairs with me?" I asked when she came over to see what I was doing. An evil grin formed on her face and she nodded.
"I'll meet you up there in a few minutes okay?" she said.
"Alright." I left her there in the living room and jogged up the stairs, heading straight for my room. I took off my shoes, socks, and t-shirt. Scrolling through my music, I found the song that had been plaguing me all day and set it up to play through the dock on my nightstand. I grabbed the remote for the little speakers and then dimmed the lights in my room, waiting for Bella to join me.
Her tiny voice sounded from the doorway and I turned to see a vision of perfection, waiting anxiously for my approval.
"So, what do you think?" Bella asked me. She stood before me in a black, silky nightgown that reached the top of her thighs. Her perfect legs were calling to my fingers, begging to be caressed. A beautiful blush colored her cheeks and made her glow in the soft light.
I motioned to her with my finger and she walked nervously towards me, stopping when she was mere inches from me. My finger gently pulled her face up to look at me and I whispered "You are gorgeous."
Bella's natural reaction was to look away again but my finger wouldn't allow it. Her eyes darted around before she gave up and looked back into my eyes. "I love you Bella Swan." We both smiled broadly and I touched my lips to hers.
"I use songs to give me the words I don't have, just like you Bella. So, tonight, I want to give you a song that says everything I can't." I pressed play on the remote and tossed it somewhere, not caring where it landed. The plastic clattered noisily against the floor before the silence of the room gave way to the quiet guitar. My arms wrapped around Bella's waist as her own arms slid around my neck. I began swaying with her to the beat and leaned down to her ear.
"Just listen," I whispered. I continued in hushed tones, singing along to the music that spoke for me this evening.
You've got the
best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a
man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're
needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body
language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is
quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I
guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is
Hey,
what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in
dresses
Between the pauses, I kissed behind her ear and down her neck. My hands moved lazily over her back in random patterns, enjoying the sensations caused by the friction of my hands against the fabric. Bella's fingers were woven into my hair and she sighed contentedly.
"This isn't the most conventional love song, Bella, but if you listen closely, it is real. You and I are a mess, and it's a fight, but we are doing it together, from now on. We are a crazy, but beautiful mess, maze, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I quietly sang the end of the song to her as I guided her slowly over to my bed.
We're still
here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess
when the only answer is "Yes"
Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's
no concern when we're wounded together
And we, tore our
dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the way it
was so worth it.
"Thank you," Bella whispered. "Let me make it up to you Edward. Let me make up for my mistakes." Her eyes turned to mine as her hands came to rest on the sides of my neck.
"I'm yours, Bella. Show me everything." She smiled as I spoke and closed the distance between us, capturing my lips with her own.
I stood patiently while Bella's hands roamed over me. Light touches flowed down my chest, over my arms and to my waist. Her hands rested there while she moved her lips slowly over mine, running her tongue along my bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. A delicious chill ran down my spine at the feeling of her tongue and I pushed my body into hers. A wonderful tension formed in the air and I thrived off of it.
Bella's tiny fingers went to work on my jeans and I grasped the bottom of her nightgown. I pulled back slightly, yanked the smooth silk over her head and pulled her flush against me. My hands were splayed tightly against her back and I relished the feeling of her soft, supple skin against mine. Nothing had ever felt quite like this for me before in my life. I looked down at her bare breasts that were magnificently pressed to my body. So exquisite was her body that I stopped breathing for a moment.
Dropping to her knees before me, Bella slid down my jeans in one, smooth and painfully slow movement. There was playful gleam in her eyes and it excited me all the more. She ran her fingertips softly over my thighs and my hands found purchase in her hair, massaging her scalp gently. Her hands hooked into the sides of my boxers, ridding me of the last shred of fabric that covered me. I stepped out of the clothing that had pooled at my feet and pushed it to the side.
Soft and warm, Bella's mouth wrapped around me and the contact was wonderful, much anticipated as the pressure in my body grew and grew. Her velvet tongue swirled around the head and flattened out against the underside of me, massaging me into submission. Moans escaped my lips as she continued working on me, her head bobbing as she moved up and down the shaft. Bella sucked me gently, and then with more force. The alternate sensations were causing me to near my limit and I wasn't even close to being ready for that.
I gently stilled her movements and she released me with a pop, smiling up at me.
"Stand up, Bella," I requested quietly. She rose to her feet and slowly guided her back onto the bed, crawling up her body and hovering over her. I began kissing down her neck, humming against her skin. My tongue darted out, lapping up her one-of-a kind taste and she giggled beneath me. My eyes met her sparkling ones.
"I love you, Edward," Bella leaned up to kiss me briefly.
"I love you, too. For as long as I breathe Bella, I love you." She smiled brightly at my admission and that was my cue to continue with our night. My hands firmly smoothed over her sides and grasped onto her hips. My tongue traveled down her body, through the valley between her breasts, around her belly button, and across the top of her panties. I removed the offensive fabric, the last barrier between me and where I wanted to be. It was where she wanted me too, evidenced by her moans and pleading.
"Touch me, Edward. Make me feel what you feel. Just please….put your hands on me." Bella was growing impatient, and rather quickly too. I hadn't taken much time enjoying her body, but I could tell tonight was not a time for games. We both needed this, needed each other. We needed to heal the pain that had been caused, remove the scars that still lingered.
"Whatever you need. I can't resist you when you sound like that, so vulnerable. It is ridiculously sexy." I winked at her and ran my fingers between her slick folds. Bella's back arched off of the mattress and she inhaled sharply. "Is this where you want me?" I asked as a finger slipped inside of her.
"God yes," she breathed. I smiled to myself and moved her legs apart gently. She brought them up to rest her feet flat on the bed and I appreciated the view for a moment. She was flawless. I positioned myself at her entrance, lingering above her body.
Our eyes met and I crashed my mouth to hers as I entered her quickly. We both groaned, catching the noises in our mouths as we began moving together. Her hips rose from the bed to meet mine and before too long, we were frenzied in our movements. Our tongues battled and caressed. I rested my forearms on either side of Bella's head as I increased my pace a little more. The friction felt impossibly good and I was so close.
I moved a hand between our bodies, rubbing the pad of my thumb against her sensitive clit, willing her body to follow mine. Bella's legs clamped tightly around my waist, her back arched up into me, and her head fell back with her loud moan. "Edward!" Her body shuddered beneath me with her release, such a beautiful sight.
I pushed into her a couple more times before releasing harder than I ever had before. I tensed and groaned against her neck. When my body had calmed, I kissed her neck softly and nuzzled it with my nose. "So good," I mumbled. Bella chuckled from beneath me and I kissed her mouth for a few moments, enjoying my current state of bliss.
I finally pulled out of her and rolled off to the side, gathering her against me. "I needed that," Bella said. I nodded in agreement and held her a little tighter. "I think, if it's okay, I want to shower before we go to sleep." She looked me expectantly.
"Go for it," I told her. This gave me the perfect opportunity to set up her gift. "I'll go clean up in the guest room and be here when you get out." With one last kiss, I got up off the bed and left her alone in my room to shower.
I cleaned up at a record pace in the bathroom and slipped on some sweatpants. Downstairs, I grabbed my bags from shopping and went to work, unpacking the record player. I put it together with the previous knowledge of doing my own player and took it up the stairs. The shower turned off just as I reached my room and I started panicking a little. I wanted it ready to go when she walked through that door.
I plugged in the player and carefully placed the record onto it. The needle lowered and the music softly played. I felt triumphant at having accomplished my goal and I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Bella to join me.
Steam poured from the door and Bella emerged in the nightgown that had been discarded earlier. It showed her off in the best way possible and was still modest. I had seen her once, but she took my breath away again as she walked towards me.
"Where is the music coming from?" Bella asked, noticing that my IPod was off.
I looked over to the corner of my room where the player sat on the floor and she followed my gaze. "How wonderful, Edward! I didn't know you had one of these!" She was so excited, smiling brightly.
"Yeah, I do. Mine is downstairs with the other stereo stuff though. This one," I said, pointing to the corner, "is for you."
Bella's eyes went wide as she turned to look at me. Comprehension dawned on her features and she was positively glowing now with excitement. "Is this what you were buying today?" she asked, wonder evident in her tone.
I nodded, smiling at her. "The record is yours too. It's the first thing we ever listened to together."
"I can't believe you remember that. It feels like so long ago. Oh this is wonderful Edward!" Bella launched herself at me, throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. "I absolutely love it! I love you!" She kissed me deeply, showing her appreciation.
"I am so glad you like it. I wasn't sure if you would enjoy it but I know you love music like I do so I thought I would give it a try," I explained to her.
"It will play every day in my house!" She paused for a moment, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the Kings of Leon album. "Can we leave it on to sleep to?" she asked. She looked excited at the prospect. I never did sleep well with noise, but when she looked that happy, how could I possibly turn her down?
"Of course, sweetheart." I kissed the top of her head and then remembered a question I had running laps in my brain. "Did you buy this for me today?" I asked, tugging lightly on the strap of her nightgown.
Bella nodded, her face coloring slightly in a blush. "I love it," I whispered in her ear. She snuggled against my chest. "Let's get to sleep."
We climbed in together and I pulled the covers over us. I laid on my back while Bella sprawled out on her stomach with one arm and one leg draped over me. I wanted to go to bed like this every night, from now on. Bella had a small smile on her face as I watched her drift to sleep and I followed after shortly, hoping to see her perfect form when I woke in the morning.
**************************************************
WHEW!!! What a chapter! So, another lemon, and they are happy again! Yay! What will be next? You shall see soon. I have already started chapter 14 so hopefully it won't take me long to get up! Leave your love, let me know your thoughts!
Tons of music this chapter so here it goes: "Only You" by Joshua Radin, "There Is" by Boxcar Racer, "The Reason" by Hoobastank, and "A Beautiful Mess" by Jason Mraz. Hope you liked them! I just couldn't not use them!
