A/N- Yay for angsty-Kagemiya and all his insecurity issues. -OA
Disclaimer: Nope.
Chapter Three
Everyone knows that five-o-clock is really early in the morning to be getting up. Yoshimori just never realized exactly how early it was until that particular morning, when he woke to hear someone give a muffled groan and stumble out of his bedroom. The first question that sprung into his sleepy head was…
…Why is there someone else in my room?
Like the pull of a trigger, memory came flooding back in an overwhelming wave. A wave that included Kagemiya, their night together at Karasumori, the unexpected arrival of his brother, the announcement of an impossible pregnancy, fighting at Karasumori, bonding at Karasumori-
Yoshimori blinked, sitting up slowly. It seemed Karasumori was invading his life.
That, however, was hardly the point. The point was that it was Kagemiya who was staying with him. It was Kagemiya who had just given that groan and stumbled out of the bedroom.
And it was Kagemiya's footsteps he heard rushing toward the bathroom.
-Oh. And it was definitely Kagemiya who was pregnant, as last night's visual had shown.
The dark-haired teen grumbled as he pushed the blankets off his legs and staggered to his feet, following after the other boy. He thought he remembered Kagemiya saying something about throwing up every morning; right now Yoshimori was hoping that every morning had been a little bit of an exaggeration.
"Of course, you understand that it's going to be difficult."
The young kekkaishi rubbed his eyes as he made his way down the hall; Masamori's voice just wouldn't leave him alone lately. Why did his stupid older brother have to say things like that, things that stuck with him and popped up at inopportune moments?
He came around the corner and stopped in front of the open bathroom door, watching as Kagemiya retched into the toilet. It reminded him, of course, of that night when the bug ayakashi appeared, when he stepped in front of the other boy to save him…and everything that followed. Specifically it was the stuff that followed which had ended them up in this predicament.
Yoshimori sighed and bent over Kagemiya's kneeling form, holding back pale, tousled ringlets as the blonde gripped the sides of the porcelain bowl. It was certainly not pleasant to watch his- What are we supposed to call each other now? Lovers? We only…we only did it once… Partners? Partners in what? Coworkers? Heh. Friends? Um- roommate offer up the contents of his stomach, but the taller boy figured holding the blonde's hair back was the least he could do. Besides, from all indications, it was Kagemiya who was going to have the hard job in the months to come.
I said I'd help you however I could, didn't I? So. So…it doesn't matter if Aniki says that it's going to be difficult. Maybe it will, but…that doesn't change anything, does it?
Kagemiya gasped out a breath, granted a reprieve by his unpredictable stomach. "Y-Yoshimori?" he managed, twisting his head slightly to eye the other teen. "Wha-what are you doing here?"
A dark brown rose quizzically. "…I live here," Yoshimori said slowly, head tilted to the side. Kagemiya grimaced; he seemed about to frame a response, but gagged instead and stuck his head over the toilet once more. Yoshimori waited while the blonde finished emptying his stomach, rubbing tentative circles against his back with a free hand. Kagemiya released the edge of the bowl and sat back on his heels, one arm pressed over his middle.
"That's not what I meant," the teen said peevishly, voice hoarse. "I mean, what are you doing here, in the bathroom, at five-o-clock in the morning?"
Yoshimori shrugged, running a hand through his spiky hair. "Trying to help you, I guess," he said, suppressing a yawn. "I figured it couldn't be much fun to throw up all by yourself, and I said I would help so…" He didn't think it was that difficult to understand, but the look Kagemiya gave him was one of confusion. It was the same look the blonde had given him the night before, when Yoshimori leaned over to help him up and suggested they go home.
"You're not going to leave, are you?"
Yoshimori still wasn't sure what Kagemiya had meant by that.
He snapped out of his thoughts as the other teen leaned back against the sink and released an unsteady breath, eyes fluttering closed. "Kagemiya? Are you alright?" Receiving a slight shake of the head in response, the dark-haired boy flushed the toilet and then joined the blonde on the floor, ignoring the cold of the tile seeping through his pajamas. "Can…can I…" Keh. For all his declarations of wanting to help, he had no idea what he was supposed to do in a situation like this. "Can I do anything?" Another silent no.
Useless, useless… I feel useless.
Yoshimori took the opportunity of silence between them to study the pregnant teen out of the corner of his eye. The angle of the blonde head resting against the sink revealed a stretch of smooth, pale throat, leading down to the collar of his shirt. The spare pajamas he'd lent to Kagemiya were several sizes too big, judging from the way the extra material pooled in his lap. Yoshimori's eyes drifted down in that direction, fixing on the barely perceptible swell of the other boy's abdomen. Was this the equivalent of 'the morning after,' when he had to come to grips with what had happened? The shock traveled through him afresh, the knowledge that he had a hand in this; it was his responsibility as well.
His offspring. His child.
Kagemiya's voice broke into his thoughts. "…Stop staring at me, idiot," the blonde growled, but his cheeks were dusted pink with a faint blush. Yoshimori grinned.
"Why shouldn't I stare at you?" he wanted to know. The blush intensified.
"Because it-it's stupid," the half-ayakashi muttered, reaching up to grasp the edge of the sink and pull himself to his feet. The dark-haired teen quickly followed suit, present to steady the blonde as he swayed.
"Hey, careful," he said, concerned. "You don't want to fall down or something; you might hurt yourself or the baby…"
"I'm not going to break!" Kagemiya snapped, shaking off the offending arm. "I'm still the same person, you know! I don't need you to do everything for me!"
Yoshimori frowned. A part of him was hurt at the rebuff, but another part of him could understand how the other boy must feel. It was way too early in the morning for this… "Look, Kagemiya, I'm just trying to help. I know you're still the same person, but these are big changes to get used to. I don't think anyone could do something like this alone."
Unexpectedly, the blonde sniffed and lowered his head, rubbing a too-long sleeve over his eyes. Yoshimori gaped for a split second before recovering his composure. When he thought about it, he'd seen Kagemiya crying a lot in the past twenty-four hours. "Damn it," the other teen whispered, burying his face in his hands. "Damn hormones. I haven't cried so much since I was a little kid… Maybe I'm a girl after all."
"That's stupid," Yoshimori said, crossing his arms over his chest. "You are definitely not a girl, Kagemiya." I would know… The smaller boy mumbled something into his hands, ignoring the dark-haired teen's matter-of-fact statement. Yoshimori stepped closer, straining to hear. "What?" he queried. "I missed what you said."
"…I said I hate being weak," Kagemiya said dully, hands dropping to his sides. Yoshimori didn't like the way those brown eyes stared blankly at the floor, so lifeless, so hopeless; he closed the remaining distance between them and drew the blonde into his arms gently.
"You're not weak," he said softly, cheek pressed against golden locks. Kagemiya's hair was so soft…and it smelled good, too. "You're…you're one of the strongest people I know. Strong like Tokine, and Aniki, and, and Shishio…" He felt that slim form shudder slightly against him at the mention of the late Yagyou member's name. A stab of sorrow pierced him; a life given up too soon. Shishio Gen should have lived much longer than fourteen years. That was one thing he was not going to forgive Karasumori for… But all of this was beside the point. "What you're doing now is something really difficult. I don't even know if I could do it. So don't say stuff like that, alright?" He leaned back slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of Kagemiya's shadowed eyes.
The blonde sagged against him wearily with a faint sigh; Yoshimori was surprised to feel a pair of arms twine loosely around his waist. Kagemiya wasn't usually one for displays of affection. "I knew you'd say something like that," the other teen murmured, sounding slightly disgruntled. "You always say things like that…" Yoshimori hmmed absently, distracted by the feeling of Kagemiya's slightly rounded stomach pressing against his own flat one. There was that shock again. Was he ever going to get used to this? Kagemiya blinked in sleepy surprise as the young kekkaishi pulled away from the embrace. "Yoshimori? What is it?"
The dark-haired teen shook his head, smiling reassuringly. "It's nothing," he said. Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out and brushed that small bump again, feeling the swell of warm flesh through thin cotton. "I just…can't believe it, still," Yoshimori said quietly. "A baby…our baby…"
Kagemiya yawned. "I'd like to say that I don't believe it either, but this puking-every-morning gig gets pretty convincing after a while," he said irritably. Yoshimori snickered in spite of himself and earned the blonde's baleful glare. Clearly the subject was not supposed to be amusing. "Let's go back to bed," the pregnant teen said shortly, stepping past his host into the hall. Yoshimori sighed and turned off the bathroom light, following Kagemiya back to his bedroom. The blonde was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, but the legitimate successor had a slightly more difficult time of it, once again.
He remembered glancing at the clock by his bed before drifting off to sleep.
-Mental groan- Only two more hours until I have to get up for school…
Yoshimori snatched a container of coffee milk off the kitchen counter and immediately lifted it to his mouth, dutifully inhaling the contents. If school insisted on being so early in the morning, he would obviously have to compensate with an equally early dose of caffeine. Slinging his school bag over one shoulder, the dark-haired teen headed for the front door to don his shoes, only to find that someone had beat him there.
"Aniki? What are you doing up this early?"
The older man glanced over his shoulder at his brother, dark brow raised. "Last night I told you I would be going back to Headquarters in the morning. Weren't you listening?"
Yoshimori blinked. Everything from the night before seemed a little bit hazy… "Oh, yeah," he muttered, stooping down to slip his shoes on. When he straightened, he found Masamori's eyes resting on him. "What?" he demanded, rather defensively.
Masamori grinned. "Nothing," he said nonchalantly. "I was just wondering if you always look this zombie-like in the morning."
"Shut up."
The leader of the Yagyou smirked as he rose, his own bag in hand. The two brothers regarded each other for a moment; the mirth was banished. "…Watch out for Sen until I get back," Masamori said seriously. Yoshimori nodded, looking away.
"I will," he promised, a bit sullenly. It wasn't that he didn't want to watch out for Kagemiya. He just didn't appreciate having to do so in accordance with his brother's wishes. It always galled him to obey his older sibling, whether he knew it was wise or not. With this mindset, Yoshimori was surprised to hear himself say, "I can take care of him, Aniki. I won't let him get hurt."
Damn. What the hell was that?
Masamori stared at him for a moment; perhaps behind that expressionless stare, the elder Sumimura was a bit surprised. Then again, maybe he wasn't surprised at all. He smiled. "I trust you with this, Yoshimori." And then he stepped out the door and vanished from sight.
Yoshimori shook his head irritably as he started down the street towards school. Stupid older brothers, always trying to look so cool… His thoughts derailed when he caught sight of a familiar long brown ponytail ahead of him. Ducking around a corner, he peered out and watched Tokine until she was a longer distance away.
If she saw him, she would probably ask him about the night before and what had happened with Kagemiya. And the problem with that whole line of questioning was that…Yoshimori had no idea what he was going to tell her.
Of course, ideally it would be the truth, but somehow he wasn't sure the female kekkaishi could handle that just yet.
…Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that he wasn't ready to handle that yet.
Kagemiya opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling overhead. It took a moment for memory to return, reminding him of the previous night's events, as well as the bathroom episode earlier that morning. He was in Yoshimori's home, and…the dark-haired boy was gone.
The pregnant teen pushed himself up on the futon, looking around. Further search revealed that Yoshimori's bedroom was indeed empty. The blonde took a moment to curse Karasumori- for being a school as well as a power source that needed guarding- before climbing to his feet. The room spun slightly and then settled; the half-ayakashi leaned against the nearest solid object to maintain his balance. The dizziness had been going on for almost as long as the morning sickness had, but he was better accustomed to it by now.
Almost without thinking about it, one hand drifted to his abdomen, cupping the base of that small bump. Sometimes he wondered if he could wish it away, if by not thinking about it, it would disappear. And then he had to remind himself that this was more than just an impossible position he'd found himself in; he wasn't the only one involved. Even before he considered the father of this child, there was the child itself. A real child. A baby. You can't wish babies away by ignoring them.
The blonde started, feeling hot tears slip down his cheeks. He scrubbed at his face viciously, banishing the ill-timed emotion. Once more, damn those hormones… He was going to lose his mind if the whole pregnancy turned out like this.
Why couldn't Yoshimori be the pregnant one? Kagemiya grumbled internally, divesting himself of the borrowed pajamas and donning his normal clothes. …Well, he's not half-ayakashi, so technically it's impossible… And of course, he was the one on the top, so- Heat rushed to the blonde's face, and he quickly left that particular train of thought behind, turning his attention to the problem of his clothes. He hadn't grown enough for them to be too small yet, but just the vision of it happening in the near future was enough to darken his mood. His long-sleeved black shirt did very little to hide the unnatural growth of his midsection, as relatively small as it was. He would have to find some looser clothes somewhere, before long.
Running a hand through his tangled hair, the half-ayakashi grunted and pulled the troublesome ringlets back in a small ponytail, deciding he would brush it out later. Right now he was hungry. Although, considering his recent track record of not keeping food down, that could be a problem. Everything seemed to make him nauseous lately, especially foods that he was used to eating all the time.
If this is kami-sama's idea of a joke… Kagemiya let the thought trail away, pushing open Yoshimori's bedroom door and stepping into the empty hallway. He glanced left and right, trying to remember which direction led toward the kitchen. It had been a while since all of Yagyou was stationed in the Sumimura home, so the layout was a little fuzzy. And of course he didn't remember being carried through the house the night before; his last memory was of Yoshimori's arms holding him as they soared over rooftops. Then he had awakened at the ungodly hour of five in the morning to empty his stomach. That was all.
It was a little unnerving to walk past closed doors in a silent house. Kagemiya rubbed the back of his neck, looking around. Yoshimori was at school; it was probably the same case for his little brother, Toshimori, who the blonde remembered as little more than a small dark head and a sweet child's smile. He came around the corner to the find the dining room. That left-
"Oh! Sen-kun, you're awake!"
-Yoshimori's father, for one.
The blonde started, caught off-guard. "Sumimura-san," he whispered, frozen in the doorway. Blood rushed to his head and everything started spinning- Yoshimori's father. He probably thinks I'm a- a freak, a monster, someone who doesn't belong here- and I, I d-did it with Yoshimori, and Sumimura-san knows about that, and- Kagemiya only realized he was falling a split second before he felt someone catch him. Soft, warm arms that reminded him of… Yoshimori… He lifted his head slowly, looking up into a pair of concerned, bespectacled eyes.
"Are you alright, Sen-kun? You look a little pale…" Shock flowed through the blonde as the older man shifted to free one arm and pressed his wrist against the teen's forehead. "No fever," he murmured. "Here, why don't you sit down for a bit? I'll get you some tea. I just made some for myself." Guiding the boy to a seat in front of the dining room table, the caretaker of the Sumimura household then disappeared into the kitchen, white apron swishing around his waist.
Kagemiya was tempted to slam his head down on the tabletop, if only to make sure that this wasn't a dream. How was it possible that he was surrounded by these people, people like Yoshimori and Sumimura-san, who didn't care that his condition was unnatural and maybe even repulsive? People who stood by and held his hair back while he threw up, people who kept him from falling and then went to fetch him tea… Was he going to wake up any minute? He rather hoped not, as crazy as all of this seemed.
Sumimura Shuji reappeared, coming back into the dining room with a teapot and extra cup in hand. Kagemiya realized belatedly that the older man actually had already gotten himself tea; there was a full cup sitting across the table, untouched. He watched in silence as Yoshimori's father poured the steaming liquid and handed the small cup to him with the caution, "Be careful, it's hot."
"Thank you," the blonde muttered, certain that if his face had really been pale before, it was probably beet-red now. Maybe he should have stayed hidden in Yoshimori's room for the rest of the day, or at least until the other teen came home. He wasn't sure he was brave enough to face this by himself, whether or not Yoshimori's father was being inexplicably kind.
He glanced down into the tea sitting in front of him, expecting his stomach to turn in rejection. Surprisingly, the aroma was quite pleasant. Kagemiya raised the cup of greenish liquid to his lips hesitantly and took a sip. As pleasant as the aroma, the taste was warm and comforting going down his throat.
"I used to make this tea for my wife when she was expecting," Shuji said with a warm smile, oblivious to how the blonde across from him nearly choked. "She always said it was her favorite."
Kagemiya managed to swallow and put his cup down. He didn't really trust his hands to hold it steady at this point. "Sumimura-san-"
The brunette waved a hand, laughing nervously. "Oh, please, call me Shuji. 'Sumimura-san' makes me feel so old."
The blonde took a breath and tried again. "…Shuji-san, is Chief still here?"
The older man took a drink of his own tea, frowning absently into it. "No, Masamori left this morning," he said. "I do wish he'd visit home more often, though. He's always gone for so long…" Kagemiya blinked and wondered what it felt like to be in such a position: to have one son always absent, another trying to defend the source of an enigmatic power, the third just a child in dangerous times.
That hand sought his middle again, pressed against firm, rounded flesh. Is that what it'll be like for me? Will I always be worrying, always sitting in place and wondering if everything's alright? Will I be helpless, unable to do anything? What if something happens?
He was going to cry again; he could feel the tears welling up. The small teen exhaled slowly, willing them away.
Hell no. There's no way I'm going to be stuck like that. I can take care of myself. I'll be able to take care of this…this kid too.
"Masamori said he would be back in a few weeks to come and get you," Shuji continued, unaware of the blonde's inner struggle. "Something about a doctor at the headquarters that you need to see."
Kagemiya shuddered slightly. There was something he was not looking forward to. It wasn't the physician who scared him; it was the prospect of knowing more about his condition that filled him with trepidation. Because knowing more would make it all the more real.
And of course there was the whole bit about facing Yagyou's members again…
He forced himself not to think about it and took another sip of tea, looking around. The Chief was gone, Yoshimori was gone, the little brother was gone, and he was here with Shuji-san. So where…?
Somehow, Shuji understand the intent behind those searching brown eyes. "Otousan isn't here right now," the father said gently. "He had a day trip planned and left this morning while you were still asleep. He should be back sometime tonight." Kagemiya gave a slight nod, reluctant to admit that he was relieved. At least the patriarch's absence postponed a meeting that he was terrified to have. Even faced with Shuji-san's compassion, Kagemiya didn't think that Sumimura Shigemori was going to be quite so understanding.
As if to mock his troubles, his stomach growled loudly, reminding him that he hadn't eaten in almost twenty-four hours. Shuji glanced up at the blonde's flushed face. "Oh my, you must be hungry, Sen-kun," the older man exclaimed. "No wonder, it's past lunchtime already." Kagemiya looked at the clock hanging on the wall, realizing for the first time how late it was. "I'll make you something to eat," the brunette said quickly, climbing to his feet.
"N-no, that's fine, you don't have to-" And his stomach growled again. Shuji smiled cheerfully, ignoring the pregnant teen's look of mortification.
"You need to eat, Sen-kun. It's important for you and the baby, and besides, you look a little too skinny. You have to keep up your strength."
"…How can you just pretend that this is normal?" the blonde said almost inaudibly, staring down at the table. His hands clenched into fists in his lap. "Don't you know how, how wrong it is? Wh-why are you just accepting me, just like that- that idiot-" His lips pressed together as tears overflowed once more. So much for not crying again. Damn, damn, damn those hormones… Eyes closed in a vain attempt to suppress the waterworks, Kagemiya didn't see it coming; he jerked in surprise at the feeling of warm arms pulling him into a hug, a soothing voice shhing in his ear.
In spite of the gender difference, it reminded him of his mother.
And so he allowed himself to be held for a little while, his tears making dark patches on the front of Shuji's shirt.
"You don't have to assume that just because it isn't normal we're going to leave you behind," the man said gently. "And not being normal doesn't make it wrong either."
Kagemiya hated how uncertain he sounded, how his voice trembled slightly when he finally spoke. And he hated what he said, but the words spilled out anyway, accompanied by pathetic sniffles. "You mean…you don't hate me?" Kami, I sound like a little girl…
The start of surprise that went through the other man's frame was very real. "No, no, of course not, Sen-kun," Shuji said in dismay. "I don't hate you, and neither does Otousan. You're here so that we can help you in any way possible."
It has to be a dream. It has to be. But Kagemiya felt tension bleed out of him, along with the rest of his tears; even if his mind could scarcely be convinced that this was real, the rest of him knew the truth.
Eventually Yoshimori's father pulled away, wearing that same kind smile, and ruffled already-messy hair. "You don't have to hold it in, Sen-kun," the brunette advised. "It feels better when you let it out anyway. Now, I know there's probably lots of things that you can't stomach right now, but I'm sure we can find something for you and that baby." With a determined nod, the older man got up again and reached down to help the teen up.
After a moment, Kagemiya accepted the hand. "…Thanks."
A/N- And there you have it, chapter three! Don't worry, the angst has just begun. In fact, sometimes I think this whole fic is just an angst-fest... But I just can't resist torturing my cute little Sen... -giggle- Hope you liked it! Reviews make my life... -cough- hint, hint... -OA
