A/N- Let's see...in this chapter: Yoshimori is clueless, Sen freaks out...and then Sen freaks out again. Sorry if these chapters seem like filler, guys! I just like making them talk to each other, I guess, for whole chapters at a time. Heh heh. ...Maybe that's because nobody does much meaningful conversation in the manga...grr... Anyway, hope you can stand it anyway! -OA
Disclaimer: Still nope.
Chapter Four
Yoshimori climbed the ladder to the top of the school roof, the customary pillow tucked under his arm. With a sigh, the middle school student situated his pillow per usual and stretched out atop the roof, arms tucked behind his head. The sky was blue above him, littered with puffy white clouds here and there. It was a beautiful day.
He had wanted to sleep through his classes like normal; he certainly felt tired enough to sleep through them. But for some reason, he found that he couldn't. His professor had no doubt been startled to find Yoshimori's head upright through every class, even if the teen's eyes were fastened idly to the window the whole time. Yoshimori couldn't stop thinking about Kagemiya, wondering what the other teen was doing all this time, if he was alright. He knew he didn't really have to worry; on the off chance that something did go wrong, his father would be there to help Kagemiya.
But still…
The dark-haired teen closed his eyes with another sigh and wished that time would move at something faster than a snail's crawl.
Be careful what you wish for.
By the time Yoshimori opened his eyes again, the sun had already began its slow glide toward the horizon. The sounds of teenage voices filled the air, signifying the end of school and the beginning of after-school clubs. The middle schooler jumped to his feet frantically; how could he have slept late, on a day like today?
…Not that there was anything particularly special about today…
Yoshimori snatched up his pillow and ran across the roof to the ladder, shimmying down quickly. In his haste to reach his locker and gather his things, the young kekkaishi almost forgot about the issue that had so consumed him that morning.
He skidded to a halt at a corner and looked around in panic, searching for that long brown ponytail and praying fervently- please, have mercy, kami-sama- that he wouldn't see it. Fortunately, luck seemed to be on his side this afternoon. Tokine was nowhere in sight, which meant Yoshimori could once more put off that inevitable confrontation- which would probably take place that night at Karasumori- and try to figure out what he was going to tell her about Kagemiya. If he was going to tell her about Kagemiya.
Walking toward the gate of Karasumori with head bowed and dark eyes clouded in thought, Yoshimori almost missed the small figure leaning against the wall of the gate, hands stuffed into the pockets of a reddish coat. Then the figure shrugged away from the wall, hood sliding down to reveal familiar golden hair, and Yoshimori snapped out of his thoughts instantly. He headed quickly for the other teen.
"Kagemiya, what are you doing here?" the legitimate successor wanted to know, pausing in front of the blonde. The half-ayakashi looked away, blushing faintly.
"…Your dad is a really good cook," he muttered.
Yoshimori's stare was blank. "Eh?"
"I got tired of waiting around for you to come home," the blonde said irritably. "And your dad actually found stuff for me to eat that didn't make me throw up, so I figured it would be nice to get out…" By the end of Kagemiya's somewhat disconnected speech, Yoshimori was grinning.
"So you came to walk me home?" he finished, arms crossed over his chest and brow raised in suggestion. Kagemiya glared daggers.
"I just wanted a walk," he said peevishly. Yoshimori made placating gestures, figuring it was best not to push the issue at this point. They started down the street, heading back toward his house. "Oi, what took you so long, anyway?" the smaller teen demanded. "School got out a while ago. I had to hide so that Yukimura woman wouldn't see me on her way out."
Yoshimori scratched the back of his head abashedly. "Ah, sorry about that," he apologized. "I fell asleep on the roof and didn't realize that classes had ended…"
Kagemiya rolled his eyes. "It's amazing you can even pass your classes with all the skipping you do," he muttered.
The dark-haired teen shrugged. "I do alright," he remarked noncommittally. They walked in silence, perhaps each lost in thought. Around them, sakura petals fluttered in a breeze, children called to each other from a nearby playground, and cars drove past the inconspicuous pair on the sidewalk.
Yoshimori found it all a little too commonplace; how was it possible for the world to be so oblivious to the recent, foundation-shaking developments in his life, in Kagemiya's life? Were they really the only ones who felt the difference? The teen cast a dark-eyed gaze to the side and took in the profile presented to him by his blonde companion. For a minute, he saw the other boy through the eyes of an unknowing observer; if he forgot what he was looking for, it was difficult to see any change. The long red coat did an admirable job of concealing any physical indications of the blonde's pregnancy. Without any knowledge of Kagemiya's heritage or the secret breeding capabilities of male half-ayakashi, no one would ever guess.
"You're doing it again," the object of Yoshimori's attention growled; the dark-haired teen started.
"Doing what?"
Both hands shoved deeper into coat pockets. "Looking at me as if you've never seen me before," was the terse reply. Yoshimori tilted his head to one side, wondering if there was anything particular that had Kagemiya so on-edge.
"Sorry," he offered slowly. "I was just…thinking." He changed the subject. "So, Otousan cooked for you?"
Distracted by a stray cat climbing a nearby tree, Kagemiya nodded absently. "It was great. I haven't been able to eat anything good without puking it up in forever." This statement sent a stab of something- pain, regret, sadness?- through Yoshimori; he had a feeling there were things Kagemiya hadn't told him about the last three months, bad, suffering types of things. "You're a lot like him," the blonde added. There was a strange quality to his voice, as if he had forgotten that Yoshimori was even there, and wasn't really addressing him at all.
The legitimate successor blinked. There was one he didn't hear very often. "How am I like him?" he wanted to know. Now it was Kagemiya's turn to be caught off-guard. He gave Yoshimori a wide-eyed look, apparently just remembering exactly who he was talking to. Yoshimori raised a brow. "Well, how am I like Otousan?" he persisted. As far back as he could recall, no one had ever told him that he reminded them of his father. It wasn't that being likened to Sumimura Shuji was a bad thing; if he forced himself to dwell on the issue, Yoshimori admitted that there were things about his sire that he admired. It was just a comparison that'd never come up.
Kagemiya looked away quickly, flushing. "Uh…" The blonde slouched slightly, shrinking farther into his coat with his head dipping toward the ground. He studiously did not look at the boy walking beside him. "I thought he'd be angry," the smaller teen mumbled, barely audible. Yoshimori had to lean closer to catch the words falling from reluctant lips. "I thought he'd be disgusted or hate me or something, but…" A brown-eyed glance shot in the dark-haired kekkaishi's direction, and the words were even softer. "…He didn't leave."
One pair of feet continued down the sidewalk, almost quickening their pace to escape the conversation. The other pair slowed, eventually coming to a halt. Yoshimori stared after Kagemiya's back, trying to digest what he'd just heard.
"He didn't leave."
"You…you're really not going to leave, are you?"
So. This was crux of the matter. Incidentally, it was something Yoshimori had still been wondering about, wondering what Kagemiya had meant by that. And here it was again, that enigmatic statement, this time addressed to his father. So.
Kagemiya turned back finally, his face mirroring his impatience. "Are you just going to stand there all night?" he inquired. Receiving no answer, he marched back to the other boy's side, grumbling to himself. "Oi, Yoshimori!"
"You said that before."
The blonde stared at him. "…What?"
"You said that before," Yoshimori repeated, lifting his head to look at the smaller teen. "You said it to me last night: something like, 'You're not going to leave?' And just now you said that Otousan didn't leave, either." He eyed Kagemiya curiously. "Why did you say that? I don't really get what it means."
For a moment there was silence between them, except for the sound of heavy breathing. Yoshimori realized the latter sound belonged to Kagemiya, and watched with some level of concern as the blonde ran a trembling hand through tangled hair. Whether he was angry, or…or something else, the kekkaishi didn't know.
"Of course you don't get it," the pregnant teen snapped, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. Okay, maybe he was angry. "It's 'cause you're just like him, just like-" He cut himself off, and Yoshimori was left wondering what name the blonde had been going to say. Otousan? Or…someone else…? "You don't seem to realize that it isn't normal," Kagemiya said tightly; the vein pulsing in his temple spoke of barely-maintained self-control.
And Yoshimori was still a little bit lost. "What's not normal? You being…pregnant?" It felt strange to say, foreign words on his tongue. He gave a shrug. "So? Aniki explained it well enough. It's just like, like-" He cast around for a good analogy. "-Like another special ability, or something." Yeah, yeah, that was good. "And I'm used to meeting people with different special abilities, so-"
Kagemiya swore under his breath and reached forward, grabbing the middle school student by the collar and yanking him forward. Eye to eye, centimeters apart. "You're. Missing. The. Point," the blonde hissed.
Yoshimori stared at him, waiting for the point to be made, and thought absently that in this light, Kagemiya's eyes looked a good deal like chocolate. Rich, creamy milk chocolate, the kind that went good in cakes.
"It's not normal for you to stay," the half-ayakashi added darkly. He searched Yoshimori's face, looking for a reaction, and jerked away when he didn't find what he was searching for. Frustration and confusion raged across the blonde's expression. "Why did you do it?" he cried. "That's what I don't get! You know, we hadn't seen each other in three months, and w-we only s-slept together one time, and you didn't know that anything could possibly result from that, and we- we're just kids! You had to know that Chief would find some place for me to go if you didn't want to handle this responsibility. And hell, it didn't have to be your responsibility, because really, it wasn't even fair to you, so-"
Yoshimori fixed on the solitary, crystalline tear that started tracing its way down Kagemiya's pale cheek. He didn't think the other boy was even aware of it.
"-So why didn't you leave me?"
And in that moment, it was as if someone had switched Yoshimori's spine with a lightning rod. Shock flowed through him, accompanied by a jolt of relief as well. Finally, finally he knew what Kagemiya had been talking about, now that it had been spelled out for him.
Abandonment.
Is that what you expected I would do to you? Do I seem like that type of person? Please, how could you think that I would ever hurt you…?
His feet moved without conscious permission, carrying him closer to the blonde. A hand reached up, thumb brushing away that lonely tear before it could go any further. Wide brown eyes shifted from the ground to his face, confusion still clear in their depths. Arms lifted, wrapping around the blonde's slender frame and drawing him forward into a strong embrace.
"Because I don't want to."
There were so many other things he could have said, things difficult to explain, things caught up in the emotions he was experiencing, things that might not have made sense. Thoughts wove a complicated dance through his mind, flitting from one neuron to the next, filtering out awareness of his surroundings. His attention was riveted on only one thing, one person, the form of the pregnant teen he held in his arms.
Why would I? Why would I leave you? What reason could I possibly have to do something like that? Didn't I say that I wasn't going to let you get hurt? Didn't I say that I wanted to protect you, to help you, because this thing you're trying to do seems so impossibly hard?
You're the only person I've ever shared…this feeling…with.
I don't want to leave you.
"…Don't…want…to…?" He heard Kagemiya whisper, warm breath ghosting against Yoshimori's neck. The smaller boy shuddered slightly, leaning farther into the embrace. His fingers, pressed against Yoshimori's chest, tightened around the material of the school uniform. "You idiot," came the muffled continuation. "I don't get you."
Yoshimori smiled briefly, mouth resting in golden hair. "S'okay," he said lightly. "I'll explain me to you sometime." He laughed as Kagemiya growled and shoved him away, dissolving the tender mood. He didn't mind. Only so much could be said at one time, especially so early on, when they didn't even have things figured straight in their own minds. But he wasn't concerned, either. They would both understand eventually.
The pair started walking again; they had to get back to the Sumimura house sometime, or certain people would start to wonder what was taking them so long. Yoshimori yawned, his body reminding him that a nap on the school roof was not enough compensation for his usual weariness. Maybe he could manage another one before he had to come back to Karasumori… He groaned. Kagemiya shot him a curious look.
"What is it?" the half-ayakashi asked shortly. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself after their recent conversation. Yoshimori rubbed a sleeve over his eyes, shaking his head.
"I still haven't figured out what to tell Tokine," the young kekkaishi said miserably. He walked a few more steps before realizing that Kagemiya wasn't following; turning back, he found the other boy still standing in place, staring at him with a strange look on his face. It was almost like…fear. "Kagemiya, are you okay?"
The blonde was shaking. "T-tell the Yukimura woman?" he choked out. "You want to tell her?!"
Yoshimori came back to the other teen's side, frowning. "I don't think we're going to be able to keep something like this a secret for six months," he said slowly. "And Tokine knows you were at Karasumori last night, and that I went to find you, and neither of us saw her after that. So she'll want to know what that's about. And she'll probably figure out that you're staying at my house if she sees you around enough…" He let the rest of it trail off, noticing that Kagemiya's face was a rather unhealthy shade of white. "What's wrong? Oi, Kagemiya!"
The pregnant teen sucked in a breath. "…I think I need to sit down," he managed, wavering. Yoshimori panicked, looking around frantically.
"Eh, um- ah!" He spotted a bench to their right, stationed innocently at the edge of a children's park. Target sighted, the dark-haired boy quickly drew one of Kagemiya's arms over his shoulder and wrapped the other one around his still-slender waist, leading him over to the blessed seat. Thank you, kami-sama, for letting that bench be there… "Okay, okay, here, sit down," Yoshimori said hastily, guiding the other boy carefully. His concern coalesced into full-fledged worry as blonde didn't reply, only gripped the edge of the bench, breathing heavily. "K-Kagemiya?"
Something's wrong, something's wrong, something's wrong-
What do I do?!
"Stop making…that face," the half-ayakashi said, exhaling slowly as Yoshimori started out of his panicked thoughts. The dark-haired teen shot his companion a wild look, as if wanting to know how the other could possibly make such a demand of him.
"Are-are you okay? Are you alright? Is the baby fine? Should I carry you home?" The kekkaishi's questions were fired off point-blank, leaving no room for responses in between. Kagemiya grimaced, turning to grab hold of the other teen's shoulders.
"Oi, calm down," the blonde said irritably. "I…just got dizzy for a sec. The baby's fine, and no, you shouldn't carry me home. It's still daytime, idiot. People would see you. Normal people can't leap over rooftops, remember?" Yoshimori had no comeback for this, only studied Kagemiya with that look on his face, the one he always wore when he thought it was his fault that someone got hurt because he hadn't done something to prevent it. It drove the blonde crazy.
Why do you think it's your duty to protect everyone?
And why are you under the delusion that it's even possible for you to protect everyone?
"I'm sorry," Yoshimori said suddenly, and Kagemiya blinked, the line between thought and conversation blurring for a moment. "I didn't think about how you would feel if we, y'know…told Tokine about you being…pregnant. If you don't want anyone to know…" His voice trailed off briefly, and Kagemiya could tell the dark-haired boy was trying to think of a way to accomplish this. "…Then we'll figure out how to keep it a secret," he finished finally. "If that's what you want, then that's what we'll do."
Kagemiya closed his eyes and leaned back against the support of the bench. Now he just felt tired; there had already been so much drama today, and he wasn't used to it. And neither were his hormones, but they were doing their damnedest to take advantage of it. He opened his eyes to find Yoshimori watching him again, with that same worried look on his face. Blush. "I'm fine," he mumbled. "It's just…"
"What?" the other prompted gently. "What is it?"
A heavy sigh. "Keh… She probably won't believe us anyway. What does it matter?" Yoshimori opened his mouth, about to protest, but Kagemiya gave him a sharp look. "Look, I guess you don't like keeping secrets from her because she's your childhood friend and everything, but I don't want to tell anyone. Not yet." He shuddered. "Just give me a few days to prepare for the revulsion, alright?"
Yoshimori did not appreciate that last part, scowling his disapproval. "There isn't going to be any revulsion," the middle schooler snapped, actually sounding angry. Kagemiya was mildly surprised. "You're not supposed to say stuff like that, remember? And Tokine isn't just some random person on the street; she knows better than to freak out about stuff that doesn't make sense at first." He stopped and released a breath, calming down as Kagemiya watched. Anger never seemed to last long in Yoshimori. "But I won't tell her yet if you don't want me too. I won't tell her at all if you don't want me to." He turned and looked at Kagemiya, dark eyes serious. "It's your decision."
The blonde didn't really know what to say. "…Thanks," he murmured finally, studying the ground. His boots shuffled against the gravel, disturbing rocks and dirt. It was easy for Yoshimori to want this out in the open with some people; he wasn't the one who would resemble a balloon sometime in the near future.
And Yoshimori hadn't been at Headquarters when word got around. He hadn't seen the looks Kagemiya had received, hadn't heard the whispers.
Even Shuu. Even Shuu looked at me differently…
Kami, I don't want to go back there.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Yoshimori's voice cut through the silence, bleeding concern. Kagemiya sighed.
"I told you, I'm fine." He wasn't used to this, wasn't used to having someone worry about his well being in this way. He wasn't used to having a reason for someone to worry about his well being. Being in Yagyou wasn't the same. It wasn't that the members didn't care about each other; they just knew that most everyone in the squad had the ability to keep themselves safe in times of danger. In some way, each individual had their own special method of defense. So this whole experience was a far cry from anything he'd known before. Because with this…
His hand moved of its own accord, straying from the edge of the bench to his abdomen. He had never been so grateful for the extra folds of his coat before now. He knew that no one else could probably tell the difference, but it was his body, after all. He felt it, felt it all the time. The change.
And because of that change, he didn't trust himself so much anymore. Hell, even before this he'd admitted to not being the strongest fighter around; maybe that was why he needed rescuing all the time… Nasty thought. But now it was worse. Now…he didn't even know if he'd be able to keep himself safe, if the situation called for it. And it wouldn't matter so much if there wasn't the other side of the equation to consider, the tiny being that had taken up residence inside of him.
Would he be able to protect that being if he had to?
The blonde was vaguely aware of dropping the hand from his stomach and clenching it into a fist atop his thigh, mimicked by its twin. The hell was wrong with him? Only a few hours ago he'd been sitting in the dining room at Yoshimori's house, telling himself that he was perfectly capable of taking care of his unborn child. Where had that resolution gone?
It's the hormones. It's got to be the hormones.
I…I'm not like this. I'm not…weak…
He was so lost in the gloom of his thoughts that he didn't feel the dark-haired teen shift next to him, was completely unaware until a strange hand gently pried one of his fists apart. Kagemiya looked up into those dark eyes, so dark they were actually black.
"Let's go home," Yoshimori suggested. He seemed to be adept at breaking long silences. Kagemiya was glad the other boy didn't ask what he'd been thinking about, because he wasn't sure he was ready to talk about his inadequacies just yet. Or rather, again, because hadn't they already discussed it that morning, in the bathroom?
I swear, if hormones had ayakashi forms, they would be so torn to pieces right now.
"Alright," the blonde replied, rising to his feet. He felt the gentle pressure of Yoshimori's hand against his lower back, supporting him, and decided he wasn't sure what he thought about anything anymore. Except for sleep. Sleep sounded really, really good.
A/N- No, you're not mistaken; I did write a 7-page-long (on Microsoft Word) scene and post it as its own chapter. Oh the angst. Review if you like it, hate it, or are indifferent to it. I'll be grateful any way. Thanks! -OA
