I'll Be Seeing You
Rated: T
Title taken from "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday
Chapter title taken from "When Your Lover Has gone" by Frank Sinatra
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, etc. You know the drill
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Blair could die. The thought will not leave Nate's head as he and Chuck wait at the police department for Lily. His blue eyes are hazy and he remains stone still; moving is too much for the young Archibald right now.
Abruptly, Chuck stands up. "I'm going to the restroom." Nate doesn't reply.
Chuck makes long, angry strides towards the bathroom and pulls the door open with a force that very nearly tears the door off of its hinges. He stands in front of the mirror and without hesitation, launches his fist into it over and over, even after the mirror shatters and shards of glass fall to the floor. He turns the faucet on and water comes streaming into the sink. He doesn't turn it on to clean his bleeding hand; no, he just needs something to hide his sobs.
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It is hours later and Chuck, Serena, Nate, Lily, and Eleanor are in the waiting room of St. Luke's. Eleanor remains silent, her lips pursed together in a thin line. In her head, she prays for her young daughter, who is still in the operating room fighting for her life. Lily's soft, comforting hand rests atop Eleanor's and she looks to Serena, saying quietly, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. You will never know how sorry I am for what I did to you." Lily is on the verge of tears as she thinks about what would happen if she ever loses her golden angel. Serena flashes a small smile as a signal of understanding and rests her head on Nate's shoulder, closing her eyes. She is tired from today's events but she cannot rest knowing her best friend is in danger.
I should have ran after her, the blonde thinks with guilt, I wouldn't have been arrested and this never would have happened. Tears begin to well in her bright blue eyes and spill down her face in rapid succession. Nate turns his head towards hers.
"It'll be okay," he assures her in predictable Nathaniel Archibald fashion.
Serena whips her head up towards Nate's. "No, Nate, it won't! Do you understand that Blair, your girlfriend, my best friend, is on a fucking operating table right now? Do you realize that if one single thing goes wrong in there she's gone forever? I can't believe how moronic you can be sometimes!" Nate bows his head in defeat. Serena is taking shallow, quick breaths, as if she is having a panic attack and Lily begins to get up to calm her daughter down. Serena holds her hand up to stop her. "I'll... I'll... I'll be... be fine." she says between the sharp intakes of air, "I... I'm just going to get... get water." Lily nods and sits back down.
Chuck, meanwhile, is leaning against the wall of the waiting room, staring out the window. The sky has turned an evil gray and it begins to downpour. How appropriate, Chuck thinks. Waves of tears crest and begin sliding down his cheeks. He hasn't cried since his father died. Resting his head against the cold, hard glass of the window, Chuck silently wishes that it was him who was dying rather than the love of his life. He can only imagine what was going through Blair's head right before she crossed that street. Somehow, he knows it has to do with him and because of that he is overwrought with grief and guilt. He hurt her again. This is all because of him. Chuck knows Blair is resilient, that she always bounces back from whatever idiot move he makes against her, he just isn't so sure she can come back from this. He feels like bursting into the operating room and taking Blair into his arms and far, far away from anything that would ever hurt her again. No, he reminds himself angrily, clenching his fists, I'm the one that causes her pain. Suddenly his thoughts are cut short when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns his head to see Serena, who is sporting bloodshot eyes, courtesy of her weeping.
"Are you okay?" she asks him with worry, her breathing less erratic.
Chuck realizes he had been crying and quickly wipes the remaining tears off of his cheeks, embarrassed. "Fantastic, sis. Best day of my life." he replies sarcastically, turning to face the window again.
"Chuck, I know what you're thinking. This isn't your fault." Serena is aware of his tendency to blame himself for anything that goes wrong in his or Blair's life.
Chuck rolls his eyes and says bitterly, "Come on, S. Everybody knows how wonderful I am at making Blair's life miserable. This is just the icing on the cake." He winces. It hurts too much to say her name.
"Chuck," Serena places her hand under his chin and turns his head towards her, making their eyes meet, "Blair's life is anything but miserable because of you. She loves you and I know that you love her."
Chuck feels like jumping out of the very window he is leaning against. He doesn't want to have this conversation right now. "Thanks for the concern little sis but I'm feeling less obliged to talked to you by the second."
Stubborn Bass, Serena inwardly complains. "I don't care what you're feeling as long as it isn't guilt." she remarks. "When she wakes up, you should tell her you love her. If you think it won't work because of Nate, you're wrong. I'll support you two. We all will, Chuck!"
"Serena, I'm the one who put her in this position in the first place. I'm the reason she got in an accident. I can't put everything into loving her the way she deserves because..." Chuck closes his eyes, trying to stop fresh tears from falling. He pauses to regain his composure. "Let me put it this way. How can I possibly love her properly when I can't even love myself?"
Serena opened her mouth to reply when she heard a voice foreign to her ears. It was the doctor.
"Are you the mother of Blair Waldorf?" he asks Eleanor solemnly.
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Cliffhanger! I suck, I know =) This was my favorite chapter to write so far, though. Anyways, this story is going to be much longer than I had originally planned, seeing as how we haven't even spanned twenty-four hours yet, but I see that as a good thing! Oh, and I know I said Blair's fate was going to be decided in this chapter, but I find this ending suited the dramatic tone of this chapter more.
MrsChairNaley: Thanks! I love me a good Chuck and Serena friendship too. And as for whether Chuck will be okay... we all know how impulsive he is. Keep that in mind!
howlsatthemoon: I know the last chapter was short but hopefully this one made up for it! I kind of like shorter chapters though; they make for longer stories and more to look forward to =)
Thanks for all the reviews everyone! They're the best!
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UP NEXT: Fate, fortune, and Chuck-Nate talk.
