I'll Be Seeing You

Rated: T

Title taken from "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday

Chapter title taken from "I Don't Know What I'm Doing" by Dean Martin

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, etc. You know the drill

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Nate clears his throat. "So how about it, Blair. Are you still my girlfriend?" She looks over Nate's shoulder to see Chuck standing in the corner, arms crossed rigidly. He asks again,"Well?"

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Blair sighs. "I'm really sorry, but I can't be your girlfriend. I'm not the same girl I used to be... I mean, I don't even know you anymore. I don't even know me."

"I totally understand, Blair," Nate replies hurriedly, nodding his head, "I just thought that... that... I don't know, I guess I don't really understand your situation right now. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."

"It's okay," Blair says reassuringly, squeezing Nate's hand gently.

All of a sudden, four cell phones chirp in unison. Chuck is the first to flip open his phone, revealing a blast from Gossip Girl.

Greetings Upper East Siders,

It seems our favorite Queen B's got a little case of amnesia. I guess that means a successor is needed sooner than expected. Who will it be? Little J? Nelly Yuki? Throw your headbands in the ring, ladies; there's an empty throne with one of your names on it!

XOXO,

Gossip Girl

Chuck's face contorts angrily. Bitch, he inwardly swears.

"How did Gossip Girl find out about Blair?" Serena asks, bewildered.

Chuck shakes his head. "I don't know, Serena, but if I found out who leaked her condition, they'll pay." he replies through gritted teeth.

Blair looks curiously from Serena to Chuck. "Who's Gossip Girl?" she wonders aloud.

"Gossip Girl is the spawn of Satan," Chuck sneers in disgust, "She lives to make peoples' lives miserable."

"Uh, Chuck's explanation is a little... vague," Serena elaborates, "People send Gossip Girl little pieces of info about people our age, usually from Constance or St. Jude's. When Gossip Girl gets the tip, she sends out a mass texts to everyone and it usually ends up causing a lot of drama. I guess it keeps the Upper East Side interesting."

Blair crinkles her nose. "Really? That sounds awful. And this Gossip Girl found out what's wrong with me? Who would even tell her?"

Chuck shrugs his shoulders. "Who knows, Waldorf. Finding out the identity of an anonymous tipper is nearly impossible. Either way, we need to make sure you don't end up on there again. It can result in social suicide," Chuck states resolutely.

"I think the old Blair's already dead," Blair counters pensively.

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A few weeks later and Blair is finally out the hospital. Her cuts and bruises have faded, revealing perfectly smooth, porcelain skin once again. She walks with a walking boot, unfashionable as it is, and continues to wrap her torso in order to help her ribs heal completely. While her physical wounds have healed, her mental wounds unfortunately have not. The memory of Blair Waldorf is still floating around somewhere in space, unattainable by the brunette herself.

Serena and Blair are shopping at Bergdorf's for the first time since Blair's accident. S is throwing a huge party at her Hamptons home and it's also doubling as Blair's first public appearance since that fateful day. It naturally follows that both the blond and brunette want to look utterly fantastic - Serena simply wants Blair to command the respect that she possessed before she lost her memory. "B, check out this dress. You would look great in it!" Serena shows Blair a deep purple Michael Kors sheath dress.

Blair shakes her head. "No, no, no... That's too simple, I want something that's going to make an impression on people," she replies, "Plus it needs to cover up this huge boot. I don't think people will think much of me if I'm sporting a hideous, gray, plastic shoe."

"Come on, Blair, you can take the shoe off for five hours! Seriously, we'll just get you some flats and then your leg won't hurt as bad!" Serena protests.

Blair searches through more racks and groans. "Ugh, fine! If I break my leg a second time, Serena, it's on you!"

Serena chuckles. "Deal. What about this one?" Serena holds up a knee-length sepia-colored Zac Posen dress. "I think this is definitely you!"

Blair takes the dress and holds it up to her frame, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She shakes her head. "You say that this is 'so me' but are you talking about me now, or me prior to colliding with a car? This dress just doesn't feel like something I want to wear. I kind of like the dress you're trying on, actually."

Serena touches her hand to Blair's shoulder. "I'm sorry, B, I just thought you would like this. It's something you... you would have liked, I guess. You really think the dress I picked out for myself is better?" Serena holds up a strapless black and tan Marchesa mini dress.

Blair appraises the dress a second time and nods vigorously. "Yes! This is exactly what I want! I've been getting the feeling that I'm supposed to be this boring little conservative thing... But I've been stuck in a hospital, I've been stuck trying to figure out who the hell I am, and all I want to do is be free for once!" She is getting emotional and so Serena guides Blair into one of the fitting rooms. The two sit down on the little seat inside of the room and Blair drops her head to her hands, crying.

Serena isn't quite sure what to say. She notices that Blair has the same biting sarcasm as she's always had, and she also notices that the brunette has the same covert fondness for Chuck Bass. The problem, Serena notes, is that Blair doesn't have the same interest in being Queen B. She doesn't care about perfect grades, or being prim and proper, or exacting revenge; Blair Waldorf only cares about not being Blair Waldorf.

"B... Tell me what's wrong," Serena coaxes her friend, who looks up with sad eyes.

"I just feel like everyone has this idea of who I have to be! I can't be Blair Waldorf because I don't remember that person, you know, S? I don't like all the same things that I used to like and I apparently don't want to dress the way I used to dress. There are just so many little quirks that compose this 'Blair' person and I can't possibly manage to possess every one of them," Blair sighs, defeated. "I really don't know how to describe it, Serena. What if I don't ever return to being who I used to be?"

Serena puts a comforting arm around Blair's shoulder and leans her head on top of the brunette's, her golden waves intermingling with Blair's coffee-colored curls. "Then you're the new and improved B, okay? There's nothing wrong with feeling different right now, Blair. I promise you none of us will judge you for who you become. Non-judging breakfast club, remember?"

Blair laughs through her tears. "Amnesiac, remember?"

"You know what I mean, B. We'll always be there for you no matter what," Serena replies soothingly. "Now try on that dress because we have a party to get ready for!"

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The girls arrive back to Serena's home in the Hamptons with shopping bags in hand and hair freshly styled. Blair ends up with the Marchesa dress that Serena had originally picked out, and Serena chooses a silver Ralph Lauren strapless. "You really do look fantastic in that dress, B," Serena comments happily. Her golden waves have been straightened for the party tonight.

Blair smiles. "See! I don't know why I always dressed so boring. Looking through my closet the other day, I wanted to burn every last piece of clothing." Blair's hair is styled in a low side ponytail, the crown of her head teased a bit.

"Yeah, you definitely don't look like the old B," Serena remarks. "Anyways, I can't wait for tonight. People will die when they see these shoes." The blond takes out a pair of silver stilettos that will only accentuate Serena's long, tan legs.

Blair observes Serena and then looks down at her own short, pale legs. "Lucky bitch. Look at these stumps and tell me anyone is going to look twice." Blair's shoes are simple black Prada flats. Her leg is still heavily bruised and so she decides to slip on a pair of tights to hide the injury. "Ugh, I really wish I didn't have to wear these," she remarks, disappointed.

Serena begins applying her make-up and gives Blair a side-eyed look. "Come on, B, you look beautiful. Trust me, people will be looking. And talking, at that. If you need anything you know I'll be there for you."

Blair stares at herself in the mirror, turning and posing, trying to appraise her look better. "I guess I don't look half-bad. But what am I even supposed to say to these people? I don't even remember any of them. I'm going to be the laughingstock of the Hamptons!"

"Blair, listen to me. I know you aren't confident right now. I understand that. But people don't know that. Fake it 'til you make it, right?" Serena reassures her friend.

Blair's eyes burn into those of her own reflection, trying to see inside of herself to find something that isn't there. "Right," she replies absentmindedly.

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Short chapter but I have some fun ideas for the next chapter so it'll work out just fine =) No worries, Chuck will be there! I thought for this chapter it is more realistic that B and S are together. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I hope you are enjoying the story as much as I'm enjoying writing it!

Nyx Underwood: The sad thing is, Nate actually would think that Blair would still want to be with him. He's not the sharpest crayon in the box, as we all know. I felt I had to accentuate that in order to show why he isn't meant for our B!

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UP NEXT: Serena's soiree and some sweet, sweet Chuck and Blair time