Total Chef Island

Summary: Chef takes over Camp Wawanakwa and hosts his own reality show! Day one: the campers arrive, and Wawanakwa goes to war!

Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Wawanakwa or Chef Hatchet. I do own all 22 original characters that will be featured in this story, and anyone who uses them without my permission will suffer a fate more horrible then death, by which I mean Chef's cooking! Mwah ha ha!

Wow! I got two whole reviews! :D I feel so loved! Maybe I'll get more with this chapter. Enjoy!


Total Chef Island

Chapter 2: Call of Duty

After the campers had all dried off, they sat down on the stumps by the campfire pit. Chef stood behind the podium on the opposite side of the pit.

"Campers," Chef said to the twenty-two teens. "I'd like to welcome you all to Total Chef Island! Over the next month, you'll all be competing in some of the craziest challenges you've ever seen. I'm not gonna lie - these challenges will be brutal. In fact, there's a chance that some of you won't survive!"

The campers looked nervous at this statement. Chef noticed their looks and grinned. "Nah, I'm just kidding, none of you are gonna die."

The campers all looked relieved. "At the very most, you'll be horribly maimed."

He picked up a clipboard. "Now then, when I call your name, come stand on my right side here... Rusty!"

"Whoo," the redneck cheered, running up next to Chef.

"... Kayla!"

The scientist smiled and took a spot next to Rusty.

"... Kelly!"

The spoiled brat grumbled and stood with Kayla and Rusty, though she stood as far away as possible.

"... Cera!"

The loner sighed and stood by Chef. Rusty and Kayla smiled at her, but she turned away.

"... Shane!"

"Booyah," the asshole said, standing between Rusty and Kayla.

"... Rolf!"

The foriegn kid nodded and stood with the others, his loyal animals close buy. Kimi the chicken went up to Kelly and started pecking at her feet, much to her annoyance.

"... Casey!"

The rocker joined the others, casually strumming her guitar. Tony the goat snuggled up to her.

"... Rika!"

"YAY!!" the fangirl squealed, standing as close to Chef as possible. The cook shoved her away and read the next name.

"... Victor!"

"Sweet," the beefcake said, strutting over to his teammates. He grinned at Casey, who made a 'gag me' pantomime.

"... Mikey!"

The prankset grinned and ran up to join his teammates. Rika growled at him, and he shrunk back in fear.

"... And Trucy!"

The magician smiled and stood with the group, shooting Shane a brief glare. Chef produced a rolled-up red banner and tossed it. Mikey caught it.

"From now on, you eleven will be known as..." Mikey unrolled the banner. In the center was a yellow circle, which held the silhouette of a red, intimidating beaver. "The Screaming Beavers!"

"Yes!" Mikey cheered. "That is awesome!"

"Hehehe," Shane chuckled, a perverse grin on his face. "Beaver. Hehehe-"

Trucy slapped him upside the head. "Pervert," she sneered.

"The rest of you," Chef said to the remaining eleven campers. "Come stand on my left side! Quincey!"

The survivalist walked up to Chef's left side and adjusted his glasses.

"... Frankie!"

The tomboy stood next to Quincey. She offered him a high five, but he just scowled.

"... Faith!"

The daredevil joined the first two, and she was kind enough to return Frankie's offer for a high five.

"... Indiana and Eric!"

The twins shared a smirk and joined the others.

"... Charlotte!"

The femme fatale gave a wink to the boys as she joined the others. The guys swooned, and the girls rolled their eyes.

"... Donny!"

The romantic gave a wink to the girls as he joined the others. The gals swooned, and only Victor rolled his eyes.

"... Morgan!"

The little person stood in the front of the group.

"... Christine!"

The machine buff stood with her teammates.

"... Xavier!"

The horror buff stood buy the others. He didn't notice the people he stood buy slowly back away from him.

"... and Jay!"

The stoner shrugged and joined his fellow campers. Chef produced a rolled-up green banner and tossed it. Frankie caught it.

"From now on, the eleven of you are..." Frankie unrolled the banner. In the center was a yellow circle, which held the silhouette of a green, mean-looking fish. "... The Killer Trout!"

"Isn't that the Killer Bass logo from last season?" Quincey asked, pointing to the logo on the banner. Aside from the color, it did bear a striking resemblance to the Bass logo.

"Since we only have a month before you punks go back to school," Chef continued, completely ignoring Quincey's question. "Every day, we'll have a challenge where you two teams will be competing against each other."

"You can keep us here into the school year," Shane quickley said.

"Yeah, we don't mind," Mikey added.

Chef rolled his eyes. "Nice try. The winners of each challenge will receive a prize. The losers will be sending one of their own down the Dock of Shame to catch the Boat of Losers, and leave Total Chef Island... Forever!"

He turned towards the two cabins. "The Killer Trout will be staying in the east cabins, and the Beavers are in the west. Girls get the left side of each cabin, and guys get the other. You all have a half hour to unpack, after which you will report to the mess hall for lunch, followed by your first challenge!"


Confessional Cam - If Chef is the host, is Chris the cook?

Chef: If you want to confess anything to the world, just use the Confessional Cam here.

Cera: (looks at the camera with a deadpan stare) So far... this sucks.

Rusty: A confessional outhouse?! Cool! (he takes a long sniff, then sighs happily) Reminds me of home!

Morgan: (only the top of her head is visible at first. She has to climb onto the seat to be fully visible) This contest is mine! I'm gonna show the world just what a little person can do! Those guys on TLC ain't got nothing on me!

Mikey: (he is placing a whoopee cushion on the toilet seat, snickering) This is gonna be good!

Kelly: (she sits down, and a loud farting sound is heard. She turns red with embarrassment, then notices the whoopee cushion. She turns more red, but this time it's rage red) Dammit, Mikey!!


Screaming Beaver cabin, boy's side...

"Dammit, Rolf," Shane screamed, swatting Tony away. The goat had tried to eat his shirt. "Will you get these frickin' animals out of here?!"

"No way," was Rolf's reply as he unpacked his clothes. "They're not hurting anyone! Besides, Rolf's animals have to sleep with him when we go someplace new, or else they'll get nervous."

"I don't give a damn!" Shane swatted one of the chickens off his bed. He turned to the other Beaver boys. "Guys, help me out here!"

"I don't mind," Rusty said, petting the cow.

"Me neither," Mikey said, letting the chickens play with his own rubber chicken. "They're kind of cute."

"Und useful," Victor said, lifting the pigs up as though the were dumbbells. "Zey're like mobile workout equipment!"

"Oink oink!" one of the pigs said as it was lifted up.

Shane groaned, stomping out of the cabin.


Confessional Cam - We hope Chef doesn't try to cook Rolf's animals.

Shane: Great, I'm gonna be sleeping with a bunch of animals! (he sighs) Now I know what Paris Hilton feels like on a daily basis. (he grins) Zing!

Pig: (oinking with English subtitles) That guy with the bulgy arms has sweaty palms.


Screaming Beaver cabin, girl's side...

"And I don't want any of your freak stuff touching my stuff," Kelly snapped at Cera, Casey, Kayla and Trucy as they unpacked. "Got it?!"

"Fine, whatever," Kayla said, trying to ignore the spoiled brat.

"Not gonna be a problem," Casey said, also trying to ignore Kelly.

"Hmph," Cera simply grunted in response.

"Fine," Trucy sneered, trying to do the same as Casey and Kayla. It wasn't working as well for her, however, as she was getting very angry very quickley. "Anything else, your highness?"

"Just stay away from me and don't talk to me, and we won't have any problems," Kelly said, crossing her arms. Rika walked in, saw her roommates, and grinned.

"YAY!!" she squealed, wrapping her teammates in a bear hug. "OMG, I HAF THE BESTEST ROOMMATES EVAH!! WE CAN STAY UP LATE AND GIVE EACH OTHER MAKEOVERS AND SHARE SECRETS AND PLAY BOARD GAMES AND BLAH BLAH BLAH...!"


Confessional Cam - We should totally crash that sleepover.

Kelly: (she groans and picks some gunk out of her ears) That psycho went on and on for ten minutes! Ugh, why did I get stuck with a bunch of freaks?!

Trucy: Kelly pisses me off to no end! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's jackasses like her and that Shane dude.


Killer Trout cabin, boy's side...

Quincey, Xavier, and Donny opened the door to their side of the cabin and were immediately blinded by a cloud of smoke. Jay, Indiana, and Eric were already inside, each one sitting on their beds, holding a joint. It was painfully obvious that they were high.

"H-hey," Eric said, chuckling stupidly. He raised a shaky finger and pointed to Xavier. "Look, it's uh... Uh... Uuuuum... Micheal Myers! Hahaha!"

"Watch out that he doesn't go into your dreams and kill you with his chainsaw," Indiana added, sounding just as stupid as his brother. He threw his head back and laughed loudly. But he did it too hard and fell back onto his bed. "Whoa man, I'm toasted..."

"Mmm..." Jay said, drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth. "Toast..."


Confessional Cam - It's like Jay and Silent Bob meets Cheech and Chong... Wow, that would be an AWESOME crossover!

Quincey: (sarcastically) Great. I'm sharing a room with Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest. Donny's not so bad, but that Xavier dude gives me the creeps. (he sighs) Maybe I should just take my blanket and sleep out in the woods.

Donny: (he coughs some smoke out of his mouth) I wonder if the Screaming Beaver guys would mind if I stayed over in their cabin?

Xavier: Note to self; when those guys are sober, explain to Indiana and Eric all the things that were wrong with their statements.


Killer Trout cabin, girl's side...

"I call top bunk!" Frankie said, tossing her backpack onto a top bunk.

"Me too," Faith said, dropping her skateboard and climbing onto another top bunk. She noticed Christine unpacking a skateboard, and arched an eyebrow. "You skate?"

"Not me," the machine buff replied. "My brother does, though. I'm working on building a sick off-road skateboard."

"Off-road skateboard?" Faith and Frankie asked in unison, both of them now interested.

"That's right," she pulled out four rubber wheels, slightly larger then skateboard wheels. She sighed. "Of course, it hasn't been going so well. I tried going down a hill, and I fell flat on my face."

"Did you add breaks?" Faith asked.

"Huh?"

"When you're dealing with an off-road board, you've gotta have breaks. You can reach some pretty high speeds going down those hills."

"Really? I never thought of tha-"

"Hi guys!" Charlotte said, interrupting their conversation. She walked into the cabin, unaware that Faith's discarded skateboard was lying on the floor in front of her. "What's everyone talking abo-" she stepped on the board and slipped forward, falling flat on her face. The board slipped out from beneath her and went flying backwards, and hit the approaching Morgan in the face.

Frankie, Faith, and Christine watched the scene unfold, then burst out laughing.


Confessional Cam - Wawanakwa's funniest home videos.

Charlotte: (is holding a tissue to her bloody nose) Not funny, guys. Why'd I have to share a cabin with a couple of tomboys?

Morgan: (is holding an ice-pack to her black eye) You think this hurts?! Ha! No skateboard to the face is gonna stop Morgan! I'm like a diamond; small and pretty to look at, but tough as nails! (she punches the outhouse wall)


After the campers had all unpacked, they gathered in the mess hall for lunch. The campers had heard stories of Chef's vomit inducing, slightly sentient food, but they all figured that it couldn't be that bad, right?

And it wasn't. It was worse. Far, far worse. The teen stared incredulously at the brown and gray slop that was placed on their trays, wondering if what they were looking at was even food at all.

"I am not eating this crap!" Kelly snapped, slamming her tray down on the floor.

"Me neither," Christine groaned, poking the slop with her fork. It jiggled like jello. "This looks like something you scooped out of the septic tank."

Mikey stared at his for a minute, then gagged. "I think mine just blinked at me," he groaned, pushing it away.

Donny and Jay (now sober) stared at Quincey as he ate the slop without the slightest hint of disgust. Quincey noticed their stares. "I've been out in the woods for weeks," he explained. "Living only of dirty stream water and dead squirrels. I can handle anything." he continued to eat, then suddenly stopped. He let out a sick burp and turned green. "I - urp! May have spoke to soon..."

"You don't have to eat what I give you," Chef said with a shrug and his usual sadistic grin. "But it's the only food you're gonna get, so choose carefully."

"Hmm," Cera muttered, holding up her hands like they were scale pans. "Eat Chef's food or starve to death..." she noticed Rusty trying to poke his food with a fork. She stared at the slop as it squeaked and scurried away. "So far, I'm like the starving option..."

"Methinks that Chef keeps the good food back in the kitchen," Indiana whispered to his brother, pointing to the kitchen door. Eric grinned.

"Indiana, I know what we're gonna do today," he whispered back, not taking his eyes off the door.

"Alright, maggots," Chef announced. "Hurry up and finish eating, 'cause your first challenge starts right after lunch!"


After the teens had forced down their food, Chef led them on a hike through the woods. He wouldn't tell them where they were going, which frustrated a few people.

"Hey Chef," Shane snapped, pushing some branches out of his way. "You gonna tell us where we're going or what?!"

"DO NOT QUESTION CHEF'S WISDOM!" Rika snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Shane.

"My feet hurt," Kelly whined.

"I think I stepped in poison Ivy," Victor groaned, scratching his ankle.

"Will you kids stop your complaining?!" Chef bellowed, pushing his way past some thick bushes. "It's right through here."

The campers pushed through the bushes and found themselves staring at what seemed to be a collection of ruined buildings. Placed along the stone streets were rusty old cars and other vehicles. It looked like a war zone.

"Welcome to the Battleground," Chef said, sweeping his arm to the buildings. "The sight of your first challenge, which I call 'Call of Duty: Wawanakwa at War!"

Chef walked over to a cardboard box, opened it, and pulled out a blue paintball gun. "For this challenge, you're going to go out into the Battleground and basically shoot the crap out of each other," he pulled the trigger, shooting the wall of one building. It splattered with blue paint.

"At both ends of the Battleground is a special building; one painted red, the other green. These will be your bases. The Beavers will start out in the eastern red building, and the Trout will start in the western green building. Inside each base, you'll find eleven paintball guns, helmets, and goggles. The Beavers get red equipment and paint, and the Trout get green."

He dropped the paintball gun and walked over to the box again. "Oh, and when you're out in the field, you might wanna take the time to look around. I've hidden some paint refills for your guns and... Five special weapons."

He pulled out a larger paintball gun. "A paint shotgun. Doesn't have much ammo and is slow, but it's powerful," he shot at the wall. It made a bigger splash then the regular gun.

He dropped the paint shotgun and pulled out a smaller paintball gun. "A paint sub-machine gun, or as I like to call it, the Wawanakwa Typewriter. It isn't powerful, but it's fast with a ton of ammo," he multiple shots at the wall, writing his name in paint.

He dropped it and pulled out yet another gun. This one was roughly the same size as the regular gun, but it had a scope and the barrel was longer. "The paint rifle. Great for long distance shots."

Rather then shooting the wall again, Chef aimed and fired into a nearby tree. Less then a second later, a squirrel fell to the ground, it's belly covered in paint. It stood up and chattered angrily at Chef, shaking it's tiny fist at him.

Chef dropped the paint rifle, but rather then pulling another gun out of the box, he pulled out what looked to be a blue grenade. "Paint grenades, which are pretty self explanatory," he pulled the pin out and threw it at the wall. It exploded, coating the wall with paint. The campers waited for him to produce the final weapon, but Chef did nothing.

"Well?" Mikey asked.

"Well what?" was Chef's reply.

"You mentioned five weapons. You only showed us four."

The cook cackled. "I think I'll let you guys figure out that fifth weapon yourselves. Right now, you all have to report to your bases. You have ten minutes to suit up and figure out a strategy. When I declare the battle over, I'll judge your teams based on how covered in paint you are. Now MOVE!"

The campers quickley complied, the Screaming Beavers headed east, the Killer Trout headed west.


Confessional Cam - This is a call to arms!

Quincey: (he smirks, adjusting his glasses) This is going to be interesting...

Victor: (he smirks and rubs his hands together) Zis will be zeh perfect opportunity to knock Donny down a couple of pegs. Let's see how much zeh ladies like him after I paint his face red!

Trucy: It's a shame Kelly and Shane are on my team. I wonder if there's a penalty for friendly fire...

Rika: I LUV YOU CHEFFY BABY!

To Be Continued...


The teams have been divided, the campers have settled, and the first challenge has been explained! Next chapter, the teams talk strategy, and the shootout begins!

Later!

-XXTheCakeIsALieXX