Total Chef Island
Summary: Chef takes over Camp Wawanakwa and hosts his own reality show! Day one: the campers arrive, and Wawanakwa goes to war!
Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Wawanakwa or Chef Hatchet. I do own all 22 original characters that will be featured in this story, and anyone who uses them without my permission will suffer a fate more horrible then death, by which I mean Chef's cooking! Mwah ha ha!
The time has come! Who will go home a war hero, and who will fall in the line of duty? Let's find out!
Total Chef Island
Chapter 3: Wawanakwa at War
Inside the Screaming Beaver base...
The Screaming Beaver base was nothing fancy. Just a simple one room brick building. In the center was a large cardboard box. The teens opened it and found eleven red paintball guns, helmets, and goggles.
"So," Kelly said as she strapped her helmet on. "Which one of you idiots has a plan?"
Most of the other Beavers exchanged glances.
"Let's put it this way," Shane said. "Does anyone have any experience playing war video games like Call of Duty or Rainbow Six?"
More glances were exchanged. Shane sighed. "Well, looks like once again it's up to Shane to save the day. Okay, here's what we should do; there are eleven of us. I think six of us should form two groups of three, while the other five go off on their own."
"Why do you say that?" Kayla asked. She was fiddling with her helmet, and noticed something. "Hey, there's a radio transmitter on my helmet strap."
The others checked their helmets. They each had transmitters on their straps as well.
"Perfect," Shane said with a smile. "Now we have a way to communicate with each other. And to answer your question, the groups of three can take on the other team head-on, while the other five can be sneakier, performing more covert operations."
"Makes sense to Rolf," Rolf said with a shrug. His other teammates voiced their agreements.
"So what were the groups you had in mind, General Shane?" Rusty asked.
The asshole chuckled. "General Shane. I like the sound of that. Hehe," he looked around at his teammates. "Hmm, I was thinking that Cera, Trucy, Casey, Rolf, and Kayla should be out on their own. Mikey and Victor, you guys are with me. Kelly, you're with Rusty and Rika."
"What?!" Kelly screeched. "You expect me to work with Tweedledum and Tweedledumber over there?" She jerked a thumb over her shoulder, pointing to Rika and Rusty, who were playing with their radios.
"Ksssh," Rusty imitated radio static, pretending to switch on his radio. "Rusty to Rika, Rusty to Rika. Do you read me, over?"
"Ksssh," Rika also imitated static, pretending to switch on her radio. "Rika to Rusty, I read you. Over."
"Ksssh. Rusty to Rika. I like going 'ksssh'."
"Ksssh. Rika to Rusty. Ksssh. Me too!"
"Ksssh!"
"Ksssh!"
"Ksssh!"
"Ksssh!"
"Ksssh!"
"Ksssh!"
"Look," Shane whispered to Kelly, low enough so that the others couldn't hear. "Those two are idiots. Use the right words, and they'll do whatever you say. It's the same with Victor and Mikey for me. And if worse comes to worse, just use them as human shields."
Kelly looked back at the fangirl and redneck, who were still imitating static. She sighed. "Fine."
Confessional Cam - Ksssh! Hey, it is fun!
Kelly: Hmm, this may be a blessing in disguise. If I play my cards right, I could wrap those two around my finger.
Rika and Rusty - Rusty: Ksssh!
Rika: Ksssh!
Rusty: Ksssh!
Rika: Ksssh!
Inside the Killer Trout base...
"So, anyone got a plan?" Xavier asked, trying to put his goggles on in a way that they wouldn't lay awkwardly on his mask.
"I think pairing up into groups of two would be best," Quincey said, strapping on his helmet. "Enough people so that we won't be overwhelmed by a large group or a lone gunman."
"That could work," Donny said.
"I wanna go with Donny!" All of the girls said at once.
"I wanna go with Charlotte!" All of the guys except Quincey said. The survivalist face-palmed.
"No," he said firmly. "We can't risk a member of the opposite sex getting distracted by Donny or Charlotte."
"Unless they're on the other team," Indiana pointed out.
"So what did you have in mind?" Eric asked Quincey.
"I was thinking that the pairs should be Frankie and Faith, Donny and Xavier, Morgan and Charlotte, Indiana and Eric, and Christine and Jay."
The campers glanced at their suggested partners. "I'm okay with that," Christine said with a shrug. The others agreed.
"Wait, what are you going to do?" Xavier asked Quincey. The survivalist smirked and dramatically ripped off his hunting jacket, revealing a cameo vest and his slightly muscular arms.
"I'm gonna kick some Beaver ass," he said, cocking his gun.
Confessional Cam - Don't you mean "Beaver tail"?
Morgan: (she grins at the camera, black lines painted just below her eyes) Do you know what today is? (she reaches behind her back and pulls out a paintball gun, aiming it at the camera) A bad day to be a Beaver!
Jay: (he is admiring his paintball gun) This thing's pretty badass. (he aims at the wall and pulls the trigger, but nothing happens. He looks confused, then pulls the trigger again. Again, nothing happens) Huh, it's not firing. (he points the gun at himself and looks down the barrel) Maybe if I put it close to my eye and look down the barrel... (he pulls the trigger again)
Splat!
YEOW!!
Chef sat in his private trailer on the other side of the island. In front of him are a ton of monitors, each coming from a different camera in the Battlegrounds. He picked up a microphone and flipped the "On" switch.
"Campers," he said into the mic. His voice boomed out from speakers set up all over the island. "You have one hour to kick each other's asses! And that hour begins... NOW!"
The campers all rushed out of thier base buildings, armed and ready.
With Rika, Rusty, and Kelly...
Rusty ducked behind a tin trash can. He peeked over the top, looking for enemies. He saw none. He rolled across the cement over to behind an old car. He slowly looked out from behind it, once again scanning the area for enemies. The redneck jumped over the car and dove behind a brick wall.
As this happened, Kelly and Rika strolled past the trash can, car, and brick wall. They looked at Rusty as though he were crazy.
"What are you doing?" Kelly asked, arching a thin eyebrow. Rusty shrugged.
"I dunno," he said, peeking up from behind the wall. "This is what they do in all those war movies I've seen."
"That is..." Kelly was about to make her usual rude comment, but stopped herself. If she was going to earn Rusty and Rika's trust, she was going to have to be... Nice. She groaned. Just thinking of that word made her nauseous (Or maybe that's just Chef's cooking, she thought). Nevertheless, kept her lunch down and forced a smile. "Really cool."
Now it was Kelly's turn to be stared at as though she were crazy. Well, by Rika, anyways. Rusty looked excited. "Seriously?" Rika asked, skeptical.
"Y'all think I'm cool?" Rusty asked, his eyes sparkling.
"Well, y-yeah," Kelly said, speaking like each word required a great deal of strength. "You're-"
Splat!
Rika and Rusty cried out as a paintball hit Kelly in the stomach, knocking her to the ground. They turned in the direction the shot had come from, and several more paintballs whizzed past them.
"TAKE COVER!" Rika screamed, diving behind a dumpster. Rusty grabbed Kelly's hand and pulled her behind a car, nearly getting hit in the process. Rusty peaked over the car, and saw Jay and Christine shooting at them from the top of a nearby roof. Jay focused his fire on the dumpster while Christine shot at the car.
"Evil minds that plot destruction," Jay sand with a grin as he shot at Rika's hiding place.
"Sorcerers of death's construction!" Christine sang the next part with an equally large grin. "In the fields the bodies burning..."
"As the war machines keep turning!" (1) they chimed together.
"What the hell are they singing?" Kelly asked, holding her hand to her stomach.
"Got me," Rusty said with a shrug, blind-firing from behind the car. He noticed Kelly clutching her stomach and looked concerned. "Hey, are y'all okay?"
"Do I look okay?" she snapped, then winced in pain. "Dammit, that hurt!" A tear rolled down her face, and Rusty's concern turned to anger.
"You stay here," Rusty told her, putting a hand on her shoulder for comfort. He then picked up her gun, a determined look on his zit-plagued face. "I'll handle this."
With a war cry, Rusty jumped out from his hiding place, guns a-blazin'. Kelly listened to Christine and Jay's screams of surprise and rapid gunfire, and smirked.
Confessional Cam - No more war pigs of the power... Hand of God has struck the hour!
Kelly: (she smirks and chuckles) The old damsel in distress routine. Works every time. I'll have the redneck moron under my control in no time.
Rika: OMG, that was so brave what Rusty did for Kelly, even though she's mean to us! I once had a dream that I was a princess captured by an evil wizard, and Chef Hatchet was a knight in shining armor that killed the wizard and set me free. (she blushes slightly and swoons) And then he-
(We're sorry, but do to the fact that this story is rated T, we're not going to broadcast the rest of Rika's story. We will say this... The girl is into some kinky stuff. Seriously.)
Rusty: My daddy and grandaddy always taught me to come to the aid of a lady whenever she's in trouble. That's what a man does. (he grins) And really think I done proved my manliness today! (he puffs out his chest and flexes his non-existent muscles)
Christine: (she has a welt on her forehead. She touches it and hisses in pain) That Rusty has good aim...
With Trucy...
Splay splat splat splat!
Trucy serpentined as paintballs flew past her, splattering on the buildings and cars. Behind her, Indiana and Eric chased after her, firing every couple of seconds.
"You can run, but you can't hide!" Eric taunted, firing three more shots at her. The magician turned into an alley between two buildings - big mistake. It was a dead end. The magician turned around and saw Indiana and Eric pointing their weapons at her.
"Nowhere to run," Indiana said with a grin. He and his brother cocked their guns. "Where's your magic now?"
Much to their surprise, Trucy smirked. "Right here," she said, grabbing the rim of her cape and throwing it over her, as if to shield her. The twins didn't know what she was doing, but didn't take a chance. They both opened fire, and the paintballs hit her cape, smacking it up against the wall. It fell to the ground seconds later. Startled, they ran over to where Trucy's discarded cape lie, the magician herself nowhere to be found.
"Dammit!" Eric cursed, stomping on the cape. "How the hell did she do that?!"
"I think I have an idea," Indiana said, pointing to a hole in the wall near the ground, behind where Trucy was standing. It was small, but large enough to allow a crouching human to fit through.
"Well, what are we waiting for?!" Eric ducked down and started to climb through.
The twins crawled through the hole, into the building. It was empty and barren, much like bases for both teams. The twins started to wonder if all the buildings were like this on the inside. They also wondered where Trcuy was - the magician was nowhere to be seen.
"Now where is she?" Eric asked, looking irritated.
"She couldn't have gone far," Indiana said, looking around. "Look for another hole in the building, maybe she-"
"Yoohoo!" three sweet voices said from above.
Indiana and Eric looked up - and were pelted buy a storm of paintballs. From the rafters, Trucy, and a waiting Kayla and Casey cackled as they shot at the two Trout boys, who were running around, frantically looking for a place to hide. In the confusion, Eric frantically shot at the girls. Each of his shots missed their intended target, but hit something else.
A green blur fell from the ceiling, hitting the cement with a 'thud'. All three looked over to see a green Wawanakwa Typewriter lying on the ground. Indiana, the closest to the weapon, made a mad dash for it, picked it up and turned to shoot at Trucy, Kayla, and Casey. They shrieked and dashed across the rafter, both of them jumping out of a glass window. They landed on the roof of another building, panting heavily.
"Well, that backfired a little bit," Kayla said, trying to catch her breath. Trucy adn Casey nodded in agreement.
With Shane, Mikey, and Victor...
"No vay," Victor said to Shane, glaring at the boy with the pink mohawk.
"Oh yes way!" Shane shot back, glaring at the beefcake. "It's one of the laws of nature itself!"
"Is not! Even if it vas, it vould still be wrong!"
"Nu-uh!"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Nu-uh!
"Yuh-huh!"
"Okay, this could go one forever! There's only one way to settle this!" Shane looked ahead at Mikey, who was walking ahead of the two of them. "Mikey, tell Rambo here that in a fight between Samus Aran and and Master Chief, Samus would totally win!"
"Bullcrap!" Victor snapped, smacking Shane upside the head. "Master Chief vould kick her as all across zeh galaxy! Tell him, Mikey!"
"You're both wrong," Mikey said, confusing them both. "Everyone knows that in a fight between the Cheif and Samus, Chuck Norris would win."
The two stopped and stared at the prankster like he had two heads. "Where did Chuck Norris come from?" Shane demanded, crossing his arms.
"Hey, you wanted to know who would win," Mikey replied with a nonchalant shrug. "So I told you."
"But Chuck Norris vasn't even in zat fight!" Victor protested. "How can he-"
Splat splat splat!
"Gah!" the trio screamed, nearly being hit by paintballs. They turned to see Charlotte, aiming at them from near a car. They fired at her, but she sidestepped and all three shots missed. In the process of dodging the red paint packets, she dropped her gun.
"Whoops!" she squealed, bending down to pick up her weapon. Most people would have taken this opportunity and shot her down. But at the moment, Charlotte was bending down in a certain way, giving the three Beaver boys a very good view of her... Uh, assets. Shane, Rusty and Victor stared, drool leaking out of the corners of their mouths. They didn't see Charlotte reached up, turn on her radio, and whisper "Now!"
Splat splat splat splat splat splat splat!
The trio were pelted by a flurry of green paint. Morgan, Xavier, and Donny had popped up from inside the car and opened fire on them with two Wawanakwa Typewriters and a paint shotgun. The Beavers screamed and ran, Mikey and Victor dropping their guns in the process. The four trout laughed triumphantly, high-fiving each other.
Confessional Cam - The curse of male hormones.
Charlotte: (giggles and winks at the camera) Way too easy.
Morgan: I don't exactly approve of Charlotte's tactics... (she shruggs) But, what can I say? They get the job done.
Donny: Maybe I should try something like that on the ladies...
Shane, Victor, and Mikey stopped to catch their breath. They were covered with paint and welts were already starting to form on their exposed skin.
"Everyone okay?" Mikey asked, his hands on his knees. "Damn, a fat kid shouldn't have to run like that."
"I think so," Victor said, trying to get paint out of his hair. "Dropped my gun, zough."
"Yeah, me too."
"Oh, perfect," Shane groaned, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "Just frickin' perfect! You know, if you two hadn't have been ogling Charlotte-"
"Hey, don't try and pin this all on us!" Mikey interrupted, glaring at the asshole.
"You vere doing just as much ogling as us," Victor added.
"Yeah?! Well..." Shane tried to think of a comeback, but Mickey and Victor had him. He sighed, then smirked a perverse smirk. "She did have a sweet ass, though."
"Oh yeah," Mikey grinned an equally perverted grin.
"No doubt about zat," Victor grinned, his far more perverse then Shane and Mikey's.
Splat!
A paintball hit Victor square in the forehead, knocking him down. Mikey and Shane screamed.
"What the-" Mikey began.
Splat!
Another paintball hit Mikey in the gut, knocking him back. Panicking, Shane looked around frantically for the gunman...
Splat!
And a third paintball hit him in the chest, knocking him on his butt.
"Where are the shots coming from?" Mikey asked, climbing to his feet.
Splat!
The prankster was hit by another paintball, knocking him down again.
"Mommy!" Victor sobbed, running around in circles.
Splat!
This paintball caught him in the back of the leg. "Gah!" he fell to the ground. "Charlie horse!"
"RUN!" Shane screamed, a paintball skimming the top of his mohawk. The asshole ran down the street, while Mikey and Victor ran (Well, Mikey ran. Victor crawled) to a nearby car.
On a nearby rooftop, Quincey watched this through the scope of a paint rifle, a thin wire tied around his finger. "That's it..." he said, grinning as Mikey and Victor climbed into the car. He gave the wire a sharp tug.
"What the...?" Mikey and Victor asked, staring at what was inside the car. The car was filled with green paint grenades. At that moment, a nearly invisible wire that was tied to each of the grenades went taught, pulling the pins out of them all. Their eyes went wide. "OH SHI-"
Boom!
Quincey grinned wider as he watched the car gave a slight jump, green paint flying out of it's windows.
With Cera...
Cera dove behind a garbage can, nearly being hit by Frankie and Faith's paintballs. Catching her breath, she aimed over the can and shot back at the two Trout girls. They ducked down behind a car, and Cera started to reload.
"Hello!" a voice said next to Cera said cheerfully, startling the loner. She looked to her left to see a certain foreign kid smiling at her.
"Rolf?" she asked. She frowned. "Rolf, go away." a paintball whizzed past her head, and the two gave a yelp and ducked down. "I don't need your help!"
"Not from Rolf's point of view!" Rolf replied, noting the paint splotches on her clothes. He peaked over the garbage can to assess the situation, the ducked back down. "Rolf believes that a uh... How do you say... Kamikira attack would be best."
"You mean 'Kamikazi', Rolf," Cera blind-fired over the can. "And in this situation, that's about the worst thing you could do!"
"Let's go!" Rolf said, not paying attention to Cera. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of their hiding place into the hail of green paintballs. He took aim and screamed, "Rolf will squash you like the ticks on my nana's back hair!"
Frankie and Faith briefly stopped shooting to give each other confused looks. "What did he just say?" Faith asked, arching an eyebrow.
The two were hit by paintballs and turned to shoot at Cera and Rolf.
Confessional Cam - Rolf's words confuse us greatly.
Cera: (she wipes green paint off her face, frowning) Thanks a lot, Rolf. Really!
Rolf: (shrugs) Rolf watched a lot of American movies when he moved to this country. And in all the war movies Rolf's seen, the soldiers always start a battle by charging in head-first. (he thinks about this, then realizes something) Of course, now that Rolf thinks about it, they were always the first to die...
Frankie: (still looks confused) Seriously, what the hell did Rolf say?
With Shane...
Shane stopped and propped himself up against a rusty bus. Panting heavily, he flicked his radio on. "Screaming Beavers, status report."
"We've got our hands full with Christine and Jay!" Kelly screamed into her radio, hiding behind a dumpster. Out in the open, Rusty and Rika were shooting at the machine buff and stoner.
"Trucy, Casey and I are a little busy!" Kayla said, the magician and rockstar frantically running from Indiana and Eric (well, Indiana mostly, since he had the Wawanakwa Typewriter).
"We're fine!" Mikey snapped, he and Victor pulling themselves out of the now-green car. He and the beefcake were nearly covered in paint. "No thanks to you!"
Splat!
A paintball hit Victor in the chest. Mikey groaned. "Not again!"
"We're not doing so hot," Cera groaned from behind a car, glaring at Rolf, who chuckled sheepishly. "Thanks to someone!"
Back at the bus, Shane groaned. "Okay, give me a minute," he climbed aboard the bus to think. "I'll think of a... Plan..." he trailed off when he saw what was inside the bus. His jaw dropped, and he flicked his radio back on.
"Guys, I've got that plan," he said, not taking his eyes off the contents of the bus. "See if you can get away from whoever's chasing you," his lips curled into an evil grin. "But make sure they follow you. Hehehe..."
To Be Continued...
(1) That song is "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath. Kickass song.
The third chapter is complete! Looks like the Screaming Beavers are seriously sucking! Next chapter, will find out if they can make a comeback, and the first camper will be kicked off!
See you next time!
-XXTheCakeIsALieXX
