David had spent nearly an hour poring over some of the more obscure contingency plans that Athlum had at hand. While there wasn't quite anything designed for this situation, there were certainly some plans that could be adapted.
The soldiers and servants were, of course, under oaths of secrecy. That didn't guarantee their discretion, but it would surely help. The Union of the Golden Chalice was to be flooded with new tasks, ones with generous rewards but that would require extended journeys. Rumours would soon spring up in the Warrior's Honour of opportunities around Melphina to help clear out the remaining monster nests in Crookfen and Berechevaltelle. The Ring of the Labyrinth's office would shut down, temporarily relocating to Celepalais. David didn't dare enquire too deeply into the methods Torgal intended to employ to accomplish that feat.
David scowled faintly at the list of names he'd assembled. Rush was memorable; even if the most of the usual mercenaries were distracted elsewhere, there were simply too many possibilities for Rush to encounter others who might recognise him in Athlum. They couldn't expect Rush to stay confined to the castle for long. Maybe they could alter Rush's appearance somehow?
This was all terribly inconvenient timing, no matter how excited he was to see Rush again. He really shouldn't be spending so much time trying to cushion the shocks that Rush's return would cause. Events in Unterwalt were reaching crisis point, and Ghor was pressuring David for any solutions he could propose. Closer to home, David needed to finalise border arrangements that had been in flux for a year or so. That was becoming quite urgent, and he had a meeting about it scheduled in a matter of hours.
He set aside the list of names with a sigh, and diligently turned his attention to the border maps, matching them against the survey reports he'd requested. The sea coast to the north of Athlum was now largely free of major fiend nests. While it was neither particularly fertile nor profitable for trade, it was nevertheless an area he was unwilling to sacrifice--and he certainly wasn't going to relinquish as much towards the northeast. He eyed the map thoughtfully. Perhaps Qubine would be willing to offer his advice--and perhaps also cede some land to this project, more importantly. If Qubine knew what David was concealing from him, on the other hand, he would be far less inclined to assist Athlum.
Rush again. It was really very hard not to let his thoughts drift back to that. His reappearance made the past decade feel oddly distant and unreal; how could it possibly be so long? He stared down at the papers in front of him. He tried to recall the various borders as they had looked a decade ago, and could only recall Athlum's own changes. Time had rendered so many things unrecognisable.
David sighed, and felt his own jawline ruefully. The stubble Rush had laughed at would be a problem for him too soon enough, but for now--if it weren't Rush, David would feel rather foolish for letting his eye even linger on someone that much younger. Was it ridiculous to hope that a relationship could survive that sort of disparity?
But, well, it was Rush, and that would make it work if anything would.
David set down his pen, sighing. This was ludicrous. He wasn't a teenager any more, and he should be able to concentrate. Still, he'd spent nearly a decade trying not to let himself think about Rush too often. Perhaps he should spare himself a moment to just drift in idle memory.
The first thing he'd noticed, when he'd first seen Rush, was that Rush was quite the most attractive man David had encountered in a while. He'd felt rather guilty about being so shallow, even as he'd expressed his pleasure that Emma was safe. He'd done rather a spectacularly bad job of disguising his intense curiosity about the young man with her, or so Emma had tartly informed him later on. Rush's complete inability to be appropriately formal had served both to startle and charm David. He'd let that influence his decisions and actions to a degree that wasn't entirely justifiable by Rush's family connections.
Torgal, peculiarly, had been both amused and supportive when he'd confessed. He'd finally accepted that his judgment was far from impartial when it came to Rush, and somehow telling Emma about it had seemed.. awkward. Torgal, after some thought, asserted that David was sensible and old enough not to be unduly ruled by his desires, and to trust in his own judgment. After extracting a promise that Torgal would inform him if he thought David was being foolhardy, David had felt far less torn about offering to aid Rush in his search.
And Rush had proved to be a invaluable ally--and a friend.
Rush was easy to befriend, in all honesty. Rush assumed everyone was fundamentally decent and interesting, and people seemed to want to live up to his expectations; even the ragtag gang of mercenaries Rush hired had turned out to be absurdly loyal and steadfast. Inspiring that sort of sentiment so offhandedly was a rare gift. David had been trained to lead all his life, and was fully aware of how much effort went into asserting his own authority without being heavyhanded. He'd envied Rush's apparently natural ability as soon as it became apparent how compelling--and skillful--he was as a commander.
Placing Rush in charge of some of Athlum's troops had been as self-serving as it was generous. It aligned Rush visibly with Athlum's interests and often allowed David to utilise the assorted skills of Rush's hired mercenaries to boot. That it also allowed him to spend so much time in Rush's company--inside and outside battle--was a delightful bonus.
David, despite his attraction, had just assumed that Rush preferred women--there'd been little evidence to support any theories to the contrary. It had been a strange thrill, one quiet evening in David's rooms, to realise that he'd taken Rush's hand when explaining some point of magickal theory, and that Rush's fingers had eagerly interlaced with his own as if--well, as if he'd hoped for such a chance to occur. David's explanation had stuttered into wordlessness, and Rush released his hand after a long moment. They'd resumed the conversation easily enough at the time, but David had spent a while privately reassessing what he knew of Rush's interest in women. It had been only mildly surprising, a few evenings later, when Rush had claimed exhaustion and slumped against David's side on the couch. He offhandedly excused himself with a comment that Dave's shoulder made an 'awesome' pillow to rest his head on. Closing his eyes and resting his head against Rush's, David took Rush's hand again, tentatively. When Rush merely sighed and curled up closer, David grew bolder, dragging his thumb in slow patterns on Rush's palm.
They had stayed like that, Rush's breath slow and warm against David's neck, until David had mapped every callus on Rush's hand. When he had finally dared turn his head to look at Rush, Rush had kissed him. It had been somewhat clumsy, as kisses went--both of them were nervous and rather inexperienced, after all--but it had felt right.
The generals had reacted much as David had expected when--a few days later--he had informed them of the budding relationship. Emma had snorted, told him it was about time, and scolded him for thinking any of them would think ill of him. Blocter had been cheerfully delighted, announcing that anyone who made the young master happy was just fine by him. Torgal had rested a hand wordlessly on David's shoulder, but his lack of objection was approval enough. Pagus had been the lone voice of caution--while he liked Rush a great deal, there would inevitably be significant repercussions if David intended to make the partnership permanent in the future.
Emma had talked about adoption and surrogacy and branch lines of the Nassau family until Pagus had agreed that none of the immediate obstacles were insurmountable. There was, however, a consensus that the relationship could not be made public, at least not for some time. Athlum's people were, by world standards, generous and loyal and tolerant--or so David liked to think. Still, even he conceded that there would be some disaffection if he were to openly flout convention by romancing a man, and he'd also heard the sneering comments at Congress when there'd been suspicion of Hermeien's tastes being similarly counter to the norm.
David would certainly hate to be compared to Hermeien.
Rush, when David asked, admitted that he'd expected to have to keep things secret; he might have been politically naive but he wasn't stupid. He'd seemed amenable enough, after some initial uncertainty on where their public boundaries should be. David rather thought that he had a harder time dealing with the secrecy than Rush did.
They'd managed to be relatively discreet, at the expense of spending quite as much time together as either would have liked. Certain of the castle staff had to have been aware of what was going on, and Rush's family had definitely known--Rush's father had given David a rather knowing look even at their first meeting, and Marina seemed to regard him as part of their extended family. David had been a little embarrassed that the relationship had been that transparent to them, but relieved that they seemed so tolerant.
Lord, Rush's family. They would surely have to be alerted of their son's return, but telling them would raise a whole new sheaf of issues. David made a mental note to ask Rush what his wishes were. He would rather not try to hide anything from the Sykes, and certainly Irina would object to not telling her parents the truth. David did not relish the thought of the inevitable delicate conversation they would begin about the relationships involved, however. What would Rush want him to say?
He dismissed the thought. There was little point in dwelling on that now, when the situation was so new. He'd wager Rush was doing enough navel-gazing for both of them right now. Not that he begrudged that; Rush had a lot to deal with right now.
As did Athlum, and he had a duty to attend to. Enough indulgence. He forced his attention back to the border maps again, sparing only a moment's further thought to wonder what Rush was doing.
---
Rush really didn't remember David having to spend so much time occupied with meetings and paperwork. He wondered if there was more bureacracy involved these days--Athlum seemed busier and larger than Rush recalled, so it would sort of make sense for it to take more management. Whatever the reason, it looked as though Rush was going to have to spend his first full day in Athlum without David around to keep him company.
Rush stayed out of the way, as he'd promised. He sparred with Blocter for a while in the early morning; later on he accompanied the castle steward down to the storage rooms to see what of his old possessions might be worth retrieving. In the end, the steward suggested they just send up to his room anything that had been marked with his name.
Most of the remainder of Rush's day was spent, well, brooding. After David's reassurances the previous day, it had all seemed straightforward enough--they were in love, they weren't deceiving Irina. And it had felt so comfortable to just be with David again. After a full night's sleep, however, Rush's concerns had returned in force. David had seemed to assume that if Irina didn't object, then that was the end of the entire problem. Except it couldn't actually be as simple as all that. There was a kid to consider; Aethan might be too young to understand now, but what about when he was older? And wouldn't there still be issues politically?
Besides, Rush had been rather content being what he was to David before. Lover, companion, friend, advisor, warrior. Now he was also the guy that David was cheating on his wife with. He was the guy that his sister's husband was in love with. How were you supposed to deal with a change like that?
Eager for a distraction, Rush sorted through the motley stacks of objects that had been stored away for him, now heaped untidily on his table and chairs. It looked like someone with a fair streak of sentimentality had assembled the bulk of this collection--Blocter, perhaps, or David himself--when he'd vanished. For instance, here was that sword he'd first found in Blackdale with Emma. It was almost unrecognisable, having been upgraded so often that it probably didn't really qualify as the same sword any more. Strange to find it here. Here, too, was the first coat David had given him, the collar and straps somewhat tattered around the edges. The flag attached to it was still clearly identifiable, and Rush stroked it gently. Eulam's flag.
"You were not of Athlum, and I didn't wish to offend you by suggesting you were beholden to us," David had said when Rush asked about it, several months later. "In retrospect, perhaps I should have been bolder in staking my claim."
That was when he'd first told David that Athlum had become his home. He would have gladly worn Athlum's colours if David had just asked him to.
Rush folded the coat carefully. He couldn't wear this--or the one he'd been wearing on his return, which was in even worse condition--without being easily recognised, but he wasn't going to throw them out. He dug around in the pile again, and found a small, plain box he didn't remember owning.
Sitting on the couch, he opened it. A single dried flower lay inside atop a small bundle of papers.
Oh, man. Dave, you kept these?
This was every message he'd ever written to David, as far as Rush could tell. There weren't many, since they'd rarely been apart long enough to need to write to one another.
David had used the term 'plausibly deniable' years before, after the first couple of times they'd kissed. Rush had been worried about how people would react if they realised what was going on. He had suggested that perhaps they shouldn't spend too much time together in front of other people, since he figured they were probably pretty obvious. David was of the opinion that, on the contrary, people would be more suspicious if they suddenly stopped being as conspicuously friendly. 'People notice when things change, Rush. And we were rather affectionate merely as friends. Unless you wish us to feign an argument--but then we'd have to explain why you're staying here in Athlum.' He'd smiled, amused. 'It will be far easier to tell people that they are merely reading too much into what they see, as long as we don't do anything too blatant or unusual.
'No holding hands in public, check. No obviously checking out your ass where other people might see, also check.'
'No kissing me in the audience chamber,' David had said archly.
'Man, you spoil all my fun.'
Rush had thought that anything written down was way too risky, all the same. And so, David's letters to him were affectionate and relaxed, while Rush's tended to be either very formal or vague to the point of meaninglessness. Now, seeing how David had hung onto them for so long, Rush wished he'd been a bit less careful. David had even kept one letter that amounted to little more than a request for accommodation for Rush's parents. Not one of these notes said how much David actually meant to him. He'd never even signed them with anything less formal than his full name.
Rush carefully replaced everything back in the box, wondering exactly when David had sent these down to storage. Before the wedding? When Aethan was born? He set the box on a side table for later--perhaps David would like to see them again--and returned to sorting through the piles.
More of his clothes, more of his weapons. Visistones from his parents and Irina, and one that showed Eulam's western cliffs. Various orbs and gewgaws and trinkets. And then, an unmarked visistone, carefully stowed inside a leather pouch.
Curious, Rush set it up and watched the recording. It was just part of a strategy conference for a skirmish--him and the generals and a map, with David just on the edge of the field of vision. The battle was near Balterossa somewhere, from the sound of it. Rush didn't recall the event particularly well, so it must have been relatively routine. They'd recorded some of their strategy meetings in lieu of keeping paper notes; the visistones were usually wiped after the battle so they could be reused.
He watched it over again, and this time noticed why this one might have been retained. About halfway through, Rush had placed his hand on David's arm at a mention of the Gae Bolg, and he'd smiled at David in a way that was--in intent, anyway--both reassuring and protective. David had covered Rush's hand with his own, and smiled back fondly for a moment. A matter of a few seconds contact, really. Nothing that could be considered hard evidence of a physical relationship, but it was about as overt as they got in front of other people.
The visistone came to an end, and Rush pushed it back into the pouch, thinking hard.
He'd been vaguely wondering, in the back of his head, if the honourable thing to do would be to leave Athlum entirely. It wasn't like it was appealing, but it seemed like an option that made sense. He wasn't stupid enough to think that he could stay here and not want to be with David, even assuming that David would permit that. Rush could earn enough money as a mercenary to get along okay if he really had to, and if he stayed out of the main cities and moved often then it would be hard to track him down.
Running away really didn't feel like an honourable choice when he thought about David rewatching this visistone and re-reading those letters. Even if he'd sent everything down to storage straight after that final battle with the Conqueror, the idea that he'd kept them at all made Rush's heart ache a little.
Right then. Time to split up the problems here--thinking about this as a choice between David and Irina's happiness was getting him nowhere.
The first issue was how he felt about David being married at all. If his wife had not been Irina, just some random politically-suitable woman who'd apparently given her okay, would Rush still be dithering?
Probably not. David wasn't the type to do this sort of thing lightly. David had been pretty certain that she wouldn't object even before he'd spoken to her about it, and he probably knew Irina better than Rush did these days. Besides, Rush wasn't used to thinking of himself as more ethical than David; honestly, he'd generally have assumed David's justification for anything was likely to be pretty decent in the past. If it hadn't been Irina, Rush thought he would have reconciled himself to the situation already.
So that left the second point. Irina.
If Rush had discovered that Irina's husband was cheating on her--assuming that the husband wasn't David and he wasn't cheating with Rush--how would he have reacted?
With horror; he'd have itched to punch the man, probably. And if Irina had said that she didn't mind, and that it was with another guy, and that their relationship had only ever been a convenience? He'd have told her she was mad, complained bitterly--to David, probably--about the situation, and quietly hated his new brother-in-law. No matter what justifications he heard.
Rush sighed. Well, he really needed to talk to Irina, since that was the issue here. There wasn't much point in putting it off any longer.
He was halfway to her rooms when the messenger caught up with him.
"Your presence is requested in the library, Sir Rush. Urgently, sir."
---
"Rush! There you are."
Rush lifted his hand in greeting, confused. David and Irina and the four Generals were sitting around one of the large tables, papers scattered across the surface as if they'd been flung there in anger. Emmy beckoned him over.
David looked up from the letter he was reading, and set it down carefully. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully before he spoke, and his irritation was clear when he did.
"Lord Qubine appears to have been alerted to your return."
From the silence around the table, Rush knew that he wasn't expected to be glad about that. He asked anyway.
"Is that so bad?"
"He's furious that I didn't inform him myself; he's insistent that we inform Ghor and the rest of the Congress immediately. He insinuates heavily that your reappearance might spark a war between the lords."
Rush sat down with a thud.
Torgal leaned back in his chair, and said, "We are looking into the security breach, I can assure you of that."
"It's a little late for that now." Pagus's eyes narrowed as he turned to Rush. "The only thing I can think of that might mollify him is an explanation of where you've been for the past decade."
Oh, no. "I--I can't."
David stretched across the table, and placed his hand over Rush's. "Anything you can tell us might be of use, Rush."
Rush stared at David's hand, the wedding bands glinting slightly from beneath the edge of the glove. There was an awkward silence in the room. Rush fought down the urge to tug his hand out from under David's, but something must have shown on his face nevertheless: David pulled his hand away abruptly, flushing a little.
"You were in the Sacred Lands, you said," said Irina, with a determined edge to her voice.
"You really wanna know? Fine," Rush snapped. "It looked like the Sacred Lands. The ones under Unterwalt, at any rate."
"Like?"
"Yeah. It was kinda dark though, and hot, and there were all these voices yelling."
He was expecting interruptions and requests to be clearer. Instead, he sat there, staring at his own hands, as he tried to explain what he remembered. Once he'd started, it wasn't as hard as he'd expected it to be. The events he remembered were very disjointed, missing vital connections and explanations.
He remembered a conversation, and making a decision to return. He remembered a blinding flash, and a dull aching pain, and then.. he had been alone.
The Sacred Lands had seemed to drift in and out of existence. When they were solid, the paths were often full of fiends. He'd been left for dead a hundred times after battles, beaten and bloodied and torn but somehow still clinging onto life. At times, when the Sacred Lands had... faded, there'd been nothing but light and air around him, lonely and void. Those had been the good times.
In the end, after innumerable dead ends and backtrackings, he'd found a teleporter. It was black and unresponsive, but it was a thread of hope to cling to. He'd tried to fuel it through magick, and then through various objects hacked from the fiends who roamed the area; each time his attempts had failed. In the end, he'd managed to bind his talisman to the device--he still didn't quite know how, but it had provided the spark that set the teleporter moving, before the talisman had shattered. He'd blacked out for a little at that point. When consciousness had returned, he'd stared at the spinning contraption for who knows how long before he'd dared to touch it. The Sacred Lands had started to flicker, as it did before it faded out sometimes. He'd panicked, and triggered the teleporter.
And he'd found himself stumbling out in front of familiar faces in Fornstrand, exhilarated by freedom.
He stopped talking, exhausted. They knew this part already. None of them said anything, though. He glanced up to see--as he'd feared--mingled expressions of concern, horror and pity.
Pagus was the first to speak, a few painful moments later. "Well, that was illuminating. Still, unlikely to go down well with Qubine."
"Sorry," muttered Rush. Without looking across the table, he could feel David's exasperated look.
"Rush, don't apologise. Still, it is true that there's very little which anyone would be happy to hear in there. I do not know what I can say to Qubine at this point."
Blocter scratched his head. "I guess the Remnants ain't coming back ever."
"It does seem possible that theirs were the voices Rush heard. I wonder if it would be possible to reverse that teleporter journey from Fornstrand?"
"How? We ain't got a teleporter this side."
None of them tried to stop Rush as he stood and left the room, leaving them to their discussion. He heard the door open behind him as he took a few deep breaths, and turned to see.. Irina, somewhat to his surprise.
"Rush?"
"Irina, please don't make me talk about it any more, okay?"
"That's okay." She clasped her hands behind her back, and gave him a careful look. "I needed to talk about something else anyway."
Rush stared at Irina, and then sighed. "Are you gonna ask me about Dave?"
She nodded, and Rush scratched at the back of his head, fumbling for words.
"Are you mad at me?"
"What?" Irina seemed to find the question funny, to Rush's surprise. "You think I'd be angry?"
"C'mon, you aren't really okay with.. with me and him?"
She stared at him, still amused. "Sometimes you're such an idiot. Do you need me to write it down or something?"
Rush grabbed her shoulders, just managing to resist the urge to shake her into taking this seriously. "Irina, he's still your husband. If it weren't Dave, I swear I would never--"
"Ah, he was yours first, Rush. Actually, he was yours even when he was mine, if I'm remembering right."
Rush blinked, slightly horrified, and released his grip on her. "Uh, sis, how about you never tell me exactly what you mean by that?"
She grinned. "Deal. And you're not going to do anything stupid?"
"Huh?"
"Like tell him you're not actually in love with him." Irina tilted her head sideways and smiled at Rush, and she must have known how much that resembled David's mannerisms. "Or deciding you should leave Athlum so we can pretend like you never came back."
He ducked his head, and scowled. He'd have thought that, after all this time, she wouldn't be so good at reading him.
"David wasn't the only one who missed you, Rush. Don't think he'd be the only one upset if you did run off." She made as if to turn, and then paused. Reaching into a pocket, she drew out--her talisman? She presented it to Rush. "Here."
Rush took it, confused.
"It's just a copy. Mom made it for me, after--well, so I could remember you."
Rush held it back out to her. "You should keep it, then."
She shook her head. "You're home, Rush. I don't need it to remember you now. But if you do decide to leave, I want it back, ok?"
She grinned and walked away. Rush stared down at the talisman.
Why is it she always knows how to make me feel guilty, even when I haven't done anything wrong? Rush looped the cord over his head, and tucked the talisman into his jacket. I'm still not happy about this situation. But I guess I'm outvoted on it being wrong to take up with Dave again.
He took another deep breath. Okay then. Conscience as clear as I'm going to get here. Now all I have to worry about is everything else in the world, right?
A/N: My apologies for such a long delay between postings, and thank you for all the kind reviews so far. The next chapter should (I hope) be up soon.
