I'll Be Seeing You
Rated: T
Title taken from "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday
Chapter title taken from "Until The Real Thing Comes Along" by Sandy Denny
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, etc. You know the drill.
A week has passed since Blair told Serena about her purging incident, which is, so far, the only evidence Blair has to link herself to life before the accident. As she walks with Chuck through Central Park on this particularly frigid November day, Blair chatters about the impending holiday season. "I can't wait for Thanksgiving, Chuck! I think Daddy's going to be there. You're coming, right?"
"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Chuck replies, gently running a hand up and down Blair's back.
Blair smirks, a habit most certainly learned from her cunning boyfriend, and pinches his backside playfully. "Good answer, Bass, or else you'd be on the dinner menu!"
Chuck watches as Blair's heels click rapidly on the pavement ahead of him. He looks at the snow-covered ground and hesitates momentarily before reaching down and packing a handful of snow into a tight ball. "No one threatens Chuck Bass!" he murmurs under his breath, amused, as he launches the snowball at Blair's back.
His aim ends up being a little too high and all of sudden, Blair's naturally dark curls are covered in powdery white snow. She turns around, stunned, before haughtily placing her hands on her hips. "Oh you are going to regret that. In case you haven't heard, I've got quite the pitcher's arm!"
"Please, Blair. Your aim is about as good as a blind huntsman's," Chuck taunts teasingly.
"That's it!" Blair huffs, balling up some snow in her mitten-covered hands. "I was going to take it easy on you, Bass, but I'm suddenly not feeling so magnanimous." She throws the snowball and almost doubles over in laughter upon watching the white snow explode in Chuck's face. "You know, I could be a jerk and dole out one of your dirty Chuck Bass jokes right now but I feel I've humiliated you enough," Blair says casually, a playful smile gracing her face.
Chuck dusts the snow from his face. "Fine, Waldorf. Let's call a truce. It wouldn't be professional of me to walk into my board meeting looking like the Abominable Snowman," he extends a hand in mock diplomacy.
Blair pretends to meet his outstretched hand but instead responds, "Waldorfs don't compromise!" before tossing another snowball in Chuck's direction. She runs as quickly and carefully as her Louboutins permit, brown curls bouncing up and down and reminding Chuck of a small child. This is a side of Blair Waldorf few have ever seen, especially before she lost her memory.
Chuck is not in the mood to engage in physical activity but he takes off running behind her, grimacing at the damage that is most likely being done to his newly-purchased Berluti shoes. Two thousand bucks down the drain. Not that he is upset of course, as two grand is pocket change for the likes of Chuck Bass.
Chuck suddenly breaks from his train of thought and brings his attention back to the giggling Blair, who has slowed to a stop in order to accommodate Chuck's sluggish pace. Chuck soon catches up to her and they both collapse on a nearby bench, chests heaving and faces red. "You never cease to surprise me," Chuck says between gasping breaths.
Blair smiles and replies, "I try." The pair stand up and begin walking out of the park hand in hand. After walking in tranquil silence for a few minutes, Blair abruptly removes her hand from Chuck's and crosses her arms over her chest. Chuck thinks nothing of the gesture and the couple continues walking for another minute or two when, out of the blue, Blair asks, "Are you happy with me, Chuck?"
Chuck looks at Blair, bewildered. "Of course I am, Waldorf," he answers her earnestly, "Why? What's wrong?"
She remains silent.
Chuck furrows his brow and a feeling of uneasiness settles in the pit of his stomach. "Blair, what is it? Tell me."
Stopping in her tracks, Blair's dark eyes met Chuck's. She looks down at her feet and shrugs. "I just… I have a feeling, Chuck."
"A feeling? What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asks, suddenly incensed that she could possibly think that there is something wrong in their relationship.
Blair hesitates. "It's… It's just, I feel like there is no way that we can be this… this perfect," Blair answers quietly.
"Who says we can't? I don't get why all of a sudden you're thinking about this," Chuck responds, sounding angrier than he intends
"You don't get it," she mutters.
"No, I don't, Blair! Enlighten me! I thought we were having a good time today and out of nowhere you do an emotional one-eighty!"
"Stop yelling at me, Chuck!" Blair raises her voice, tears threatening to fall from her watering eyes. "Listen to me. I've been thinking about this for the past couple days, okay? Not just right now. I love you so much that it hurts. Please don't doubt my feelings for you. I just don't understand how I can be so head-over-heels in love with you when I haven't really 'known' you for that long. We have to have a history in order for me to feel this way, Chuck. All I know is that there is more to us than you are letting on. I have this constant, nagging feeling that whatever it is that you're hiding from me might help me understand you – and us– better." She takes in a deep, urgent breath and wiped a single traitorous tear from her porcelain cheek. "And you know my intuition is never wrong, so what is it, Chuck? What haven't you told me?"
Chuck is shocked. While he is relieved that Blair isn't threatening to end things or something of the like, he can't help but wonder if it was wrong of him to not tell her about what happened just before her accident. At this point, Chuck doesn't know whether the truth would hurt more than a lie, but at the risk of Blair discovering what really happened on her own, he decides to speak the reality of the situation. "Alright, Blair. You win. I'll tell you. But you need to promise me you will listen to everything I say before you react. Deal?"
"Deal," Blair replies anxiously.
"Not long before your accident, you were at a bar with me. You… you wanted to know if I wanted to be with you. If I could put all fear and doubt aside so that I could love you. If how I felt was a game or if how I felt was real."
"And? It was real, right?" Blair's voice quivers, "Tell me it was real!"
Chuck senses the panic in Blair's tone and moves to hold her in his arms. "Shh… Listen to me. I told you to listen to me." Once he feels Blair relax, he continues. "I told you everything was a game to me. I didn't mean it but I couldn't tell you the truth because I... I had issues, okay? You got upset and ran out, and the next time I heard anything about you was when I got the call that you were in the hospital. I never told you because I didn't want you to take it the wrong way."
Blair pushes herself out of Chuck's arms, a hurt expression painfully etched on her face. "Why would you do that, Chuck? Why would you tell me that it was a game if it wasn't?"
Goddamn it, Chuck thinks to himself, panicked. "Look, Blair. I pushed you away because... Well, honestly, I don't have an excuse. I was fucking pussy, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I tell you how I feel all the time now and you're complaining about something that happened months and months ago? Give me a break, Blair. I've changed. The past is the past. Can't we just forget about it?"
"Forget about it? Forget about it? I can't even remember anything happening, and you know why? Because of you! You broke my heart and let me run to who knows where and I ended up like this! None of this would have happened if you wouldn't have lied to me, Chuck! How can you tell me to just forget about it?!" Blair shrieks, tears falling freely now. "This entire relationship is based on a fucking lie and to be honest, Chuck, I don't know what I want to do about this. I can't even look at you right now!"
Blair turns suddenly and begins walking briskly towards Park Avenue. Chuck calls after her, "Blair, wait! Don't do this!" He starts jogging after her.
"Stay the hell away from me, Chuck!" Blair screams angrily, quickening her pace. Thick tears cloud Blair's eyesight as she covers her ears to drown out Chuck's pleas. "Please just stay away," she says quietly, almost as speaking to herself.
Blair doesn't pay attention to her surroundings as she steps off of the curb. She suddenly hears the sound of a loud horn blasting from a car that seems to be mere inches from her and through her surprised daze, she feels a strong arm wrap around her waist and pull her back. She along with her savior collapse on the sidewalk and Blair can feel herself being wrapped in two strong, familiar arms.
"Jesus Christ, Blair." Chuck gasped, his voice shaking. Holding Blair's head against his cheek, Chuck let out a sigh of relief.
Blair looks up at Chuck and says between sobs, "I'm sorry, Chuck, I'm such an idiot"
"Blair, stop saying you're sorry. I'm the jackass here. I hurt you in the first place. Just tell me you're okay."
Despite her trembling body and audible cries, Blair whispers, "I'm okay."
Chuck helps his girlfriend to her feet and lets her lean on him for support. "Good. You better not be lying." Chuck waves down a taxi before continuing. "Blair, the truth of the matter is that I should have told you how much I cared about you instead of carrying on that obviously false façade that you meant nothing. It's painfully obvious to see that you meant everything to me then and you still mean everything to me now," Chuck admits seriously before sliding into the idling cab with Blair.
"I know. And I didn't mean what I said back there, that my losing my memory was your fault. I should have been paying attention to traffic instead of feeling sorry for myself. Your face was the last thing I saw before I got hit," Blair says in a hushed voice.
"You had every reason to –" Chuck pauses, his eyes widening. "Wait. You remember what you were doing before the accident?"
Blair's face lights up. "I... Oh my God, I do! I can't believe this, Chuck! I remember!"
Chuck's lips turn upwards into a wide grin. "This is incredible, baby! Do you remember anything else?"
"Well…" Blair pauses to think, "I don't recall much else yet but I vaguely remember leaving the Russian Tea Room. Is that right?"
Chuck can't think of any other explanation for Blair's sudden recollection but the shock of almost getting in an accident again, but he really doesn't care about the "how's" as long as his Blair is alright again. He reaches a hand behind Blair's head and pulls her in for a deep kiss before responding, "Yes, Blair, that's absolutely right. I… I… Well, fuck, Blair. I just love you. I can't find any other words to say right now."
Blair smiles as a tear falls – this time, it's a happy one. "It's okay, Chuck. Those are the only words I want to hear."
A/N: Annnnnd that was the last chapter! I'm most likely going to do an epilogue just to wrap things up, but I hope that you all enjoyed this one and I hope it lived up to what you readers hoped it would be!
