The Mess that I've made

Author's Note: This fic is written a bit differently than my others. I hope you like it.

Chapter 2: Hurt's so bad

Weeks go by and he can't dispel the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He's tried calling and texting her and all his attempts have fallen on seemingly deaf ears. Dan desperately wants to talk out what happened with Serena. He needs to understand, but he knows that she can't give him the answers that he needs; only he can.

His jittery behaviour does not go unnoticed by Blair; she accuses him of retreating from her of not letting him in. Dan denies it, but he knows she is right. Things haven't been the same since he kissed Serena. All those feelings he thought he had for Blair seem to be slipping away, but he's too busy trying to figure out some way to get Serena to speak to him again.

Blair comes to the loft one day, tears in her eyes. Dan wraps his arms around her and asks what's wrong.

"I think I've really screwed things up."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Serena, she's still not talking to me. I thought our friendship could survive this; survive us."

Dan purses his lips, the gravity of what he's done finally hitting him.

I've destroyed a lifelong friendship

"Just give her time, she'll come around," he says. Dan's not just talking about Serena and Blair. He's in flux and he doesn't know how to fix what he's broken. He doesn't even understand what he's feeling.

Charlie and Serena get settled in their new apartment, each of them adding their touch. Her cousin is easy to live with. She's very laid back and is the opposite of Blair. She misses Blair's constant need for perfection and her innate neediness. Charlie is the least needy person she's ever met, but you can't go back. Blair broke something between them that she's not sure can ever be fixed. Serena knows that she hurt Blair years ago by sleeping with Nate, but she stayed away for years. Blair didn't even try for a day. That's a fact that burns more than the heartbreak that he caused. Things are complicated now because she hasn't spoken to either of them for nearly a month.

Serena picks up her phone and thumbs through her contacts till her finger rests on his name. She thinks about deleting him, but she knows that would only be a temporary solution, to a permanent problem. Her thoughts begin to drift back to an earlier time when she was happy and she wonders if she is simply living in the past.

"Are you still moping?" Charlie asks.

Serena simply smiles. It's hard for her to understand what she feels. She doesn't blame Charlie.

Charlie sits on the bed beside her and wraps her arms around Serena. "Listen, I know they broke your heart, but you have to move on. It's been months."

"It's not that easy. I still love him."

Charlie pushes the hair from Serena's face. "I understand, but you can't live your life under a cloud of darkness. Come out with us tonight. Have a little fun."

Serena reluctantly agrees and she even dresses up. The music and the drinks carry her away for a while. Charlie's friend David is immediately smitten. He's cute and his dark features remind her of Dan. They dance and later he helps her into a taxi. David is a gentleman. He's also sweet and funny and for a moment she feels like she did in high school—alive and hopeful.

David calls her the next day and she agrees to go out with him. They go to dinner and a movie and almost immediately the information is all over Gossip Girl. Nothing is ever private for Serena. It turns out David is learning to be a composer. He writes her a song on their third date and she immediately recalls the story Dan wrote about her and then the scathing version he put in his novel and whatever nostalgia she felt dissipates.

Serena is mildly happy, but she still misses him every day. When David kisses her, she sees Dan's face. She even calls him D because it's easier and makes her forget that she's not dating the love of her life.

Dan punches a wall when he finds out about Serena and what is obviously his replacement. His anger catches him off guard and he blushes when his father asks what happened.

"I lost my temper?"

"Did Blair go back to Chuck?"

"It's not about Blair," he mumbles as he attempts to go back to his writing. Rufus looks right through him and figures it out.

"Why are you still with Blair if you want her back?"

"It's too late. I messed up."

Rufus pats him on the back and says, "Trust me it's never too late."

He leaves Dan to his thoughts and he simply looks at his bruised knuckles and goes back to writing. When he didn't want to think about how he was feeling, he'd just write it out. It was always easier that way, but he reaches a block and shuts his laptop. Dan knows his father is right. He's being unfair to Blair, but how does he do this. She lost her friend because of him and now he's got to find a way to end this.

Dan hums and haws, attempting to start the conversation that would break another girl's heart, but she saves him the trouble.

"I know what you're going to say Humphrey. Don't give me that look. You don't have to feel guilty. We both know this isn't working. We're in love with other people; we never should have done this."

She hugs him and kisses him on the cheek and smiles back at him as she leaves. They came in with a bang and went out with a whimper.

He was free now, but he still didn't have the one thing he wanted more than anything.

It's raining when Dan shows up at her place. His curls stuck to his forehead and his clothes dripping on the floor, she lets him in.

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you."

She gets him a towel and removes his coat. Dan smiles at her and reaches for her hand. She jumps back like his touch burns. The hurt is in his eyes confuses Serena.

"Dan, you can't just come back thinking nothing has changed."

He hangs his head in shame. Dan is keenly aware of the pain he has caused her and just wants to take it all back. "I know. I know that I've hurt you. I'm just asking for another a chance."

Serena let's a tear slip down her face. She's come too far to let him pull her back in. "I can't. You're only here because she dumped you. I'm not going to be anyone's second choice."

"You were never second choice; not to me."

"I wish I could believe that," she says.

Dan hearts breaks a little at her words. He knows he deserves her lack of faith, but it still burns him. He leaves her alone, but not before promising to convince her that he loves her.