A/N: Ok so this is the chapter that goes with the major title of losing my mind (by Maroon 5).... Carlisle's pov again... and thanks to my Beta Missy... Read. Enjoy. Review....

Chapter Sixteen: Losing My Mind

January

I rode right down to Bella's house that afternoon and sat outside her house desperately trying to call her. When my phone was starting to die I texted her, begging her forgiveness, and asking her to just listen to me for a few minutes, but there was no answer. My phone finally died at about one, and I was debating whether or not to knock on the door. If her parents knew, her dad would kill me on sight, and if they didn't I woke them up at one in the morning. I was almost positive Bella wasn't home, but I didn't know where else to go.

It was almost two when I resolved to leave and come back the next morning. I was about to kick my bike back to life when her dad came out of the door. I thought about running, but I figured I'd stay, if he hit me I deserved it.

"Carlisle," He said as he walked up, "What're you doing here?"

"Just looking for Bella," I replied, he didn't seem hostile, they hadn't told him how much of a moron I was.

"She's at Alice's tonight," said Charlie, "Did you two have a fight? Wasn't she supposed to spend the night with you and Emmett?"

"Yeah," I said sadly, "And yeah, you could say we had a fight."

"Well I'll tell her you were here... all day," said Charlie and I nodded, "Now go home and get some sleep, you look like you need some… have you been crying?"

"Yes, sir," I said, momentarily forgetting how much he hated being called 'sir' but he didn't say anything.

"Relax, Carlisle. I know how much you love her, and so does she," said Charlie, "You two'll figure it out."

"Thank-you, sir," I said, "But I think I really screwed this one."

"I don't want to hear it, Carlisle. It's between you two," He said kindly, "just say goodnight, I'll be seeing you."

"Good night, Mr. Swan," I said as I started up my bike and he went back inside as I rode off.

I hadn't ridden for long before I had to stop because I couldn't see. I had gotten a steady influx of tears as I pulled away from Bella's house. I was stunned, all those years without a single tear and now so many. In total I had to stop five times on the short ride home, and when I finally did get to the condo my eyes were still far from dry.

"Where've you been?!" called an angry voice and I looked up to see that it had come from Emmett, who was standing in some sort of formation with Micah and Jasper flanking his sides.

"I was sitting outside Bella's house," I said.

"How dare you," sneered Emmett, "You're going to leave her the hell alone now, got it?"

"No I'm not," I said immediately, "I love her."

"You have a hell of a way of showing it," Micah growled, and I noticed that Jasper, my oldest friend hadn't said anything yet.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't murder you where you stand," Emmett said, pushing his sleeves up. Getting ready for a fight."

"Guys," I said, "I would never do that to her. It's disgusting. I don't now how to convince you, you seem so hell bent on me being the bad guy here. And I am, but not to that extent."

"Damn right we have no reason to believe you," said Emmett, and I thought I was going to die as Emmett took another step towards me, I wouldn't fight back. I hurt Bella, deserved to die.

"Wait," said Jasper, grabbing Emmett and pulling him back, "Give him a chance to explain. The Carlisle we know wouldn't do this, I know he hasn't been himself lately, but this way too far out of character."

"I love her," I pleaded, "And other than this incident I've never given any of you any reason to doubt that. James and Victoria set me up. James saw Bella and decided he had to have her, Victoria's been trying to get to me for the past few weeks. They collaborated and set me up. I had nothing to do with what happened earlier. I would never hurt Bella on purpose. I wouldn't… I couldn't…"

"I believe him," said Jasper, scrutinizing my face, Micah was too, "Look, he's even been crying. I've never seen the guy cry, and he wouldn't waste it unless he really didn't do anything."

"And it's not like this is something any of us would put past James and Victoria," said Micah and Emmett rolled his eyes, "I believe you, Carlisle."

"Ok, say I believe you too," said Emmett, he still sounded livid, "But why the hell were you hanging around with them anyways?"

"Mom and Steve are engaged," I said dejectedly, and Jasper's jaw dropped, he had always been on my side on the issue of Steve.

"No!" Jasper said in outrage.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" Micah asked, "You didn't have to go around with them if you wanted to wallow around and have a self-loathing spree. We would have let you…"

"We would have helped you, man," said Jasper and I shrugged.

"I felt like a failure, I feel like a failure," I said and Jasper scoffed.

"What? Why would you ever think about yourself like that?" said Jasper, shocked by what I said, "You are the luckiest guy I know. You're the definitely the smartest. You have – had- the most beautiful girlfriend, who loves you more than anything else. What about that says failure? You must've been doing something right."

"You know what one of the last things my dad said to me was?" I asked rhetorically, they had no idea, I had never told anyone, "'Take care of your mother for me' I failed. I wasn't good enough."

February

I laid in bed that morning staring at my ceiling with no ambition to get up. I had driven down to Bella's house and sat outside every day since the incident, but she still wouldn't talk to me. I didn't blame her for not wanting too. She wouldn't even look at me. She wouldn't come out of the house.

I knew that I had to let go, and I didn't want to. This was going to be the first day that I wasn't going. Alice knew I was innocent, Jasper had spoken to her, but Bella still wouldn't believe it. My heart was in pieces, and I felt like a ghost. It was like I was bleeding out, all the time. I couldn't handle it. I realized that no matter how much I had tried not to let Bella be the only thing that was keeping me together, she had been.

So, I just laid there, Bella-leas and in tears. The pain was horrific, and the guys stopped trying to cheer me up. James and his crew had tried to call a few times and I ignored them, I think they got the hint because they didn't call again. Micah and Jasper usually came over around noon and tried anything they could think of to get me out of bed, but nothing worked.

Emmett brought me food at the proper times and forced me to eat some of it. I didn't want to eat anything. Jasper and Micah took the meals that Emmett had classes during, and all three of them woke me up for my classes, but I didn't want those either. I just wanted Bella. My life at that point consisted of class, my bed, and mere dreams of Bella. I loved the ones where we were happy again, ones that went back in time. I revisited all the places that we had made love in my dreams, the cove in particular. In my dreams we were always together, and I hated waking up.

March

"C'mon Carlisle," said Jasper as he set a bowl of cereal on my nightstand, and poured a glass of cold water over my head, "It's time to wake up."

"What the hell?!" I yelled as I shot out of bed and out of the puddle.

"Good you're up," He said pleasantly and I snorted, "C'mon we're not going to let you just lie around and mope anymore, or we're going to call your mom."

"Yeah, that'd help," I snapped sarcastically, "She doesn't even know we broke up."

"How did you know you two broke up?"

"I got the hint," I said sadly as I picked up the bowl of cereal off the nightstand, "What day is it?"

"Saturday, and good now we can help you move on," Jasper said, way to cheerful for me.

"I don't want to move on," I replied and Jasper smiled.

"Excellent, than we can help you do something about what's going on here," said Jasper, "But first things first, shower and shave dude, you reek. Seriously? Did something dye in here?"

Yeah, I did.

"Don't think so," I said and Jasper rolled his eyes, throwing towels at me.

"Shower," He directed me, "You might remember it, it's the big white thing with the water and soap in the bathroom."

I rolled my eyes again as I walked over into the bathroom. As I walked through my bedroom all I could ever think about was Bella giggling as she waited for me in bed while I took a shower. That was the true reason why I had avoided getting out of bed for so long, the whole condo was filled with memories of Bella and I, and just plain Bella.

I finally emerged into the living room to see Rosalie and the guys sitting on the couch discussing something. My suspicions that it had something to do with me were confirmed when they stopped the minute I entered the room.

"Look who's up," said Rosalie as I shook my head to get the water out of the hair that I didn't bothered to comb, I hadn't shaved as Jasper requested either, but no one commented. Miraculously I had remembered to brush my teeth though, "We've decided to do whatever you want today."

Rosalie was being nicer than usual, something was up.

"I want to see Bella," I said sadly and they all exchanged a spectrum of sad glances.

"Anything else we could do?" Rosalie asked nervously, she was watching me like I was a bomb that she was waiting to go off.

"What's going on?" I asked, eye brows furrowed, "I'm not blind, I saw all that."

"Be-" started Emmett but Jasper cut him off.

"Don't tell him, I just got him out of bed!" He said angrily.

"Just tell him, I'd want to know," said Micah and I just looked at Emmett to continue.

"I promise, I won't go back to bed… today," I said and Jasper shrugged.

"Go ahead," He told Emmett and Emmett took a deep breath.

"Bella's seeing someone," Emmett said, and I knew he was trying to go easy on me.

"What? Who?" I said, as what was left of my heart, the pieces I had been nursing back together shattered once more, "How long?"

"Edward," said Jasper and the rest of the world seemed to crash down and cave in around me.

"How long?" I asked again and Jasper shook his head, so I demanded, "How long!"

"Beginning of February," said Micah.

"Two weeks after you two broke up," Emmett supplied and I thought I was going to collapse.

"Is she happy?" I asked, after a few moments and Emmett shook his head.

"But she still won't talk to you," said Jasper unhelpfully, "We've been trying to get her to call you. She won't. She stopped letting us talk about you around her."

"Why is she with that creep? That's not Bella," I said and they shrugged.

Maybe I didn't know her as well as I thought.

May

"Picked up your tux when I got mine," said Jasper as he walked into the condo the day of Bella's prom.

"Thanks," I said as I stood over the kitchen sink, shaving, Emmett was in the bathroom, "You sure this is going to work?"

"No," said Jasper, "But it's the best plan we have. Besides, you bursting into prom, looking super fly in a tux, professing your love, fresh off your bike, she won't be able to resist."

"But what if she loves Edward?" I asked and Jasper shook his head.

"The guy repulses her, you should see her face when he's next to her," said Jasper.

"I should see her face period," I said, I made no secret of how much I missed her, "Why's she with him anyways? Plenty of guys were checking her out at that party she brought me to."

"My guess?" Jasper asked, "Because she knows he's the one guy that will completely piss you off."

"If that's the reason it's working," I said and Jasper shrugged.

"Remember to text me when you're close so I can let you in the back," said Jasper and I nodded as he set my tux down on the table and left.

I spent most of the day going back and forth of whether I was actually going to go. I wanted to, but I was afraid to. Afraid of what I might see, what might happen. Finally at like three Emmett hit me over the head and told me that I was going or not going, and to stop moping around.

I got in the shower at around eight, knowing that I had to get there about two hours after it started so that Jasper would be able to sneak me in the back. Everyone would be done eating and would be dancing so I could just blend in.

I stopped in front of the mirror on the way out the door. I dropped my jacket and helmet on the ground to fix my ridiculous looking bow tie, it was crooked. It felt a little surreal as I fixed a my hair and scrutinized my appearance. This was ridiculous; I hadn't even gone to my own prom.

"Carlisle, stop," said Rosalie as she walked into the room, "You look smokin'."

"Thanks Rose," I said as Emmett walked in.

"You're shaking in your boots," Emmett commented and I nodded, "Relax, confidence is key my friend."

"Not for Bella," I said and Rosalie nodded.

"Dude, you have to relax," said Emmett, "She won't talk to you because she's being stubborn. If you show up she'll…"

"Absolutely hate me more," I said and he shook his head.

"She's miserable, man," said Emmett. "Go, make her happy."

"I'll try," I said and Emmett nodded.

"He looks like he's going to be sick," said Rosalie worriedly and I swallowed.

"No, I'm good," I said.

"Did you get her a corsage?" Emmett asked and I panicked.

"No, should I pick one up?" I asked, completely freaking out.

"You don't need one, Carlisle," said Rosalie, "It's unnecessary in this case. Emmett's just being a jerk. Now stop shaking and go get her back."

"Thanks," I said, slipping on my jacket and grabbing my helmet, "See you later."

I walked out of the condo and got right on my bike, ignoring all the girls watching from the surrounding condos as I pulled down my helmet and started it up. I was still a little shaky, but I was on the bike and that in and of itself was calming to me. I loved feeling of the wind.

I sped right down the highway, thankful for the good conditions, otherwise I would be stuck going much slower. I hit traffic halfway there and was getting impatient if I was too late she might leave early. Somehow I was convinced that this wasn't going to work, and I was right.

The traffic started to move again in my lane and somebody cut me off in a huge SUV. I slammed on my brakes and the car behind me hit the back of my bike. It all happened so fast and I was on the ground within milliseconds. I felt my helmet bounce of the pavement as my body slammed onto the ground, and then there was nothing.