All At Once

EPOV

God I am so glad that Bella is here I don't even know how to put it into words. And when I walked in the bedroom and saw her in that bra and those panties, I knew that I could now die happily. I didn't mean to stare but I couldn't help it. And Jesus was it kinda embarrassing when she noticed me ogling her butt and all, but what can I say, I'm a butt man personally. And then when she just stood there looking at me, not even saying anything! The way that her cheeks got all pink and she was just looking at me from underneath her eyelashes I just couldn't control myself. I had been trying not to completely ravage her mouth the entire night and seeing her like that just pushed me over the edge. And god it felt good.

I mean I have gotten with my fair share of girls you could say, obviously all before Bella, and it was all pretty good I guess. But getting with someone for just lust, and getting with someone who gives you so many other feelings besides lust…let's just say that the second one is a hell of a lot better than anything I could have ever imagined. I really don't know how to explain it than to just say that being with Bella has shown me that if you really want to feel something physically, the emotion has to be there too.

I have a feeling that there is going to be a lot of physical contact between us for a while, because when we were apart we could always talk to each other but we could never have any physical contact. Every night at 6:00 no matter what we were doing, we would call each other and talk till at least 7:00, sometimes later. So it's not that kind of contact that we miss necessarily. It's being able to touch each other and hold each other and show each other how we feel, not just say it. And she smelled so good. Like strawberries. Always like strawberries. I felt kind of bad when I slammed her against the wall, but she was moaning and tugging my hair so hard I assumed that I hadn't hurt her.

I love it when she pulls my hair

And then when I went over to the bed my conscience yelled at me and I knew I went too far. I know that Bella wants to have sex. She hasn't told me directly, but she's told Alice who told me, and she's the one who is always trying to push us farther. I'm the one that always stops us. It's never her, always me. It's not that I don't want to have that with Bella. I do more than anything. But I don't want our first time to be in the heat of the moment. I don't want to fuck her; I want to make love to her. All the times where I even let us come close to anything like that it was all in the heat of the moment, like in my car or something like that. That's not how I want it to be. I want to have sex so I can show her how much I really do love her. And when we got to the bed I knew it was too far.

I saw a flash of rejection in Bella's eyes and I could hear it in her voice. I hate when she is ever upset by anything, worst of all by me, so did the only thing that I could think to do in my lust filled state, to show her that she was not being rejected; I gave her a huge hickey.

And I when I say huge, I mean huge.

On purpose of course. And Bella was right; I think it was because of that scumbag Mike or whatever his name is. I guess it bugged me more than I thought it did. I just really couldn't stand him looking at her like that, let alone touching her. I guess I also gave her the hickey because I also wanted to prove to myself that she was still mine. The whole long distance thing is really hard and it's not that I don't trust Bella. I do trust her and I know that she loves me and would never do anything to purposely put our relationship in jeopardy. It's that I don't trust them. I always got really protective of Bella whenever we went out when I visited her in Forks. Alice's graduation party really pushed my feelings over the edge, feelings I didn't even know that I had. That kid that kept flirting with her and brushing his hand over her ass when he thought he could get away with it. He even put his arm around her shoulder and looked like he was about to go in for the kiss. That's what ultimately did it I think. I had seen other guys flirt with her before but I had never seen another guy kiss her. And just as he reached a hand out to pull her face around to look at him, I walked over and pulled him off the couch and told him to get the fuck out. I contemplated hitting him, but I knew that Bella wouldn't like that, despite the satisfaction it would have given me. But then Bella yelled at me and told me I was being an ass, that he didn't even do anything.

Well he was about to. I'd be damned if I had to let that happen and have to watch it.

That was when I realized that I never wanted that to happen ever again. I really didn't mean to tell Bella that I liked her in that way, it just came out. I told Bella that I never wanted someone besides me kissing her or touching her ever again. I was really kicking myself, thinking I had gone too far, until she told me that she felt the same way.

That was one of the best nights of my life. Really I should be thanking that kid for pushing me to my breaking point. Otherwise we probably wouldn't be where we are now.

I pull off my boxing gloves and throw them down on the bench to get a drink from my water bottle. I'd been texting Alice all day to just let Bella leave and go back home. I know Bella hates all the shopping and girly stuff that Alice makes her do. Bella just never tells Alice that she doesn't want to do any of it because she knows it would hurt her feelings and Bella wouldn't hurt a fly if she could help it. I just don't understand why Alice always forces Bella to go with her. I mean why can't she just go get the stupid outfits herself and just give them to Bella to try on later or something? I hear my phone vibrate and it's another text from Alice.

Edward don't be such a pussy. Bella will be home when we are done. Just take your anger out on the punching bag. I deserve some quality time with her too. I haven't seen her in as long as you haven't. I love her just as much as you do. –Alice

Like hell she does.

Yea but you took her away from me for a full 17 hours already and put me through hell. And you don't love her as much I do. –Edward

God I really hate my sister sometimes. Seriously how can she say that she loves Bella more than I do? Yea they are best friends forever and all, but Alice loves Bella, and I'm in love with Bella. Can she try to grasp the difference maybe?

Maybe I just need some time alone with Bella for a while. No interruptions and no other people, especially not Alice. Maybe I could get her out of her internship and we could leave and go somewhere else far away. We have never been alone somewhere just us. When I would visit her on my school breaks in Forks, there were always other people around. We were usually at my house but Alice and my parents were always there and if we went to her house her parents were usually there. I don't feel like three months are going to be long enough.

I need more time with her damn it

Alice can't just waltz into every situation and destroy every good moment between us. I still cannot believe what Alice did with the whole airport stunt and then this morning dragging Bella off without so much as a warning. I haven't even had a full 24 hours with her yet. Or added up. I don't think that three months is going to be long enough. I need more time. We need more time.

After our third date I bought an engagement ring. I just knew that I couldn't let her go. I haven't been on the edge of my seat wanting to ask her at every second, I want to wait until the time is right. If we get married in a year or in 20 years, it doesn't matter. I just saw that ring and thought of Bella. When we were at the club and I was yelling at Mike, I didn't want to say 'I'm the boyfriend'. I wanted to make him look at my ring on her finger and say 'I'm the fiancée' or 'I'm the husband'. Putting a ring on her finger is the most tangible thing that I can do to show other people that she belongs to me and me to her. It's been sitting in the top drawer of my desk since I bought it. I hear my phone vibrate again.

Okay I'm taking her home now. God big brother you are so whipped – Alice

Yes! Score! I grab my boxing gloves and throw them in my duffel bag before grabbing my phone and water bottle. I text Alice a huge thank you and run to my car at a parking garage nearby.

I can't wait to get home.

All At Once: The Fray