Despite all the news and stuff that's popping out about bw2, I'm saying for this fic that Ghetsis and N are related. Which means N has a mommy. Somewhere.
Everything hurt.
When N awoke the next time, it was all he could do to keep from crying out. His arm-his body, everything hurt. His eyes slowly opened to view the ceiling from above, staring at the patterns on it. He didn't want to move. He couldn't move. Even breathing hurt to a degree. There was a dull ache around his bottom and it made him cringe when he shifted in bed. N didn't want to be awake right now, not in so much pain like he was. Why had he woken? It felt like he'd only been asleep for a few hours.
There was a chill in the air and it took N a few moments to remember he was naked from the waist down. His blanket had been thrown to the floor. The room was cold, but N couldn't force himself to move, not like this. Everything was uncomfortable. His arm ached horribly, his bottom hurt, and when he looked down, he saw bruises and scratches on his arms and legs from where daddy hit him. He couldn't imagine what his face looked like.
His mind was too shot to really think anymore. N just wanted to sleep, but he knew it wouldn't come. Something, anything to take his mind away for awhile where he wouldn't think about last night, N wanted to black out and never wake up, but knowing it wouldn't happen made him want to cry. But that would only make him hurt worse.
While he stared at the ceiling, wishing for nothing but sleep, he heard the hinges on his door creak as it opened. N didn't turn to see who it was. It couldn't have been daddy, so he didn't worry. The shifting of clothing, then someone came into his view. It was a person he'd never seen before. An older man with a beard. Faintly, N could make out some sort of suitcase in his hand.
N was completely out of energy, and he was glad when the man explained himself so he didn't have to ask. "Your father asked me to come in here and...attend to a broken ar...?" The last part trailed off and N realized the man had noticed he was partially naked. It made N feel ashamed, but he was so tired. Had it been any other time, he would have reached for his blankets, rushed to hide himself. But he didn't care right now. He just nodded at the man's question, and lifted his right arm to point at his aching left one.
Nodding, the man moved to the other side of N's bed before popping open the suitcase and pulling out a bag of what looked like ice. "This will numb your arm. It should help with the pain. Here." Before that, the man reached down and nabbed N's blanket off the floor, tossing it over his bottom half. "It's chilly in this room. Boy, why aren't you dressed properly?"
N grimaced at the question. He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to be put out of his misery. But. The man was here to help, he supposed he could at least try and speak. "I-I d...on't know." Even his own voice made him sick to his stomach. It cracked and sounded like he'd eaten sand paper. "Hurts...t-too much."
The ice bag was wrapped around him and N whimpered when the man had to move his arm up to wrap it all the way around. "I apologize. I know it hurts, but this will make it better. How on earth did you break your arm?"
N knew the man's intentions were good, but-he just wanted to be left alone. It hurt to talk, or even move. The questions made him antsy. N stayed silent this time, knowing it was rude, but just not caring anymore. He wanted his arm better, he wanted everything to stop hurting. He wanted sleep.
Silence set in, the man having stopped his questions after he realized N wasn't going to be answering anymore, which N was thankful for. After the ice bag had been pressed against his arm for quite some time, it was finally removed. Digging into his bag, the man brought out a splint. "This doesn't look terrible. If you're lucky, it will heal in just a few weeks. But once I wrap you up in this, you need to keep it dry, okay?" Not waiting for a response, the man set to work. The ice had definitely helped a considerable amount, but N could still feel the dull aching pain as he was wrapped up like a mummy. He couldn't look, or wanted to look. Sleep just wouldn't come, no matter how much he wished for it.
N didn't know how long he spent staring at the ceiling as he was wrapped, but finally, the man stood up, clicking his suitcase closed. His entire left arm was suffocated underneath the splint, but if it would help, he didn't care. It didn't hurt all that much if he stayed still.
"You'll be good as new in a few weeks. Here, you should take this." A water bottle and a small bottle that rattled with pills was set on N's nightstand. "If you're ever in a great deal of pain, take one of those. But only when you're in pain. I wouldn't recommend taking more than 2 a day, though. Remember not to get your arm wet or move it around if you can help it." Grabbing his suitcase, the man headed toward N's door, stopping before he turned the handle. "And...I hope you feel better, Lord N. Broken arms hurt, I know, but it will get better. I promise." From N's position, he heard the door creak open, shut, and lock before silence set in again.
Thankful to be alone for once, N turned his head toward his nightstand, reaching out for the pills. He was in a great deal of pain. Everything still hurt. He swore through his teeth when his arm wouldn't reach over far enough. If he wanted these things, he was going to have to sit up, and he dreaded it. It would put weight on his bottom and it would hurt, but. The pills would make it all better. Swallowing, N slid his legs over the sheets beneath him, taking a deep breath when he used his good arm to help push himself up into a sitting position. Just like he feared, it ached. But he could tough it out. It was only a dull aching. It didn't even hurt as bad as his arm. Or it could've been his imagination. When he looked down, there was blood on his sheets and he whimpered at the sight of it. Blood, his blood. Seeing it made him sick to his stomach and he wanted to vomit. It wasn't the sight that made him retch, but the thought that it had been ripped from his body. And so cruelly. But, he didn't want to think about anything that happened last night. Sleep, that's what he needed, and wanted so bad. Anything to block out what happened, N would take it.
Biting down his sobs, N reached over to nab the pills, swallowing one with ease. He hoped they would work quickly. There was nothing on the sides that said anything about making him drowsy, so N would have to fall asleep another way. It annoyed him a little that they wouldn't help him sleep, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.
As he shifted, being careful not to make himself hurt worse when he tried getting back into bed, a scratching on his bathroom door stopped him. Zorua was still locked inside, and was whining to get out. N felt guilt stab his stomach. He'd forgotten all about her. And damn it all, even if he did hurt, he couldn't leave her there.
A little faster this time, N bit his lip when he stood up, surprised at himself when nothing hurt that bad. As long as he was careful, his body seemed to be holding up pretty well. It worried him a little bit, especially since everything hurt so much last night until he had screamed, but-he couldn't think of that now. Slowly but surely, N finally made it to his bathroom door, letting out Zorua who instantly ran up to him and stood on her hind legs, her hair standing on end as she pawed at him.
Nothing would have made him happier than to reach down, pull her up into his arms and cuddle her, but he couldn't do that right now. "I'm sorry." It was all he could do. Or say. With Zorua free, N began the slow walk back to his bed. Now that he was moving, it was becoming easier to get used to the uncomfortable feeling. As disgusting as it sounded, and how much it made him want to vomit, N could bear with it. Moving with one arm wasn't that bad, but when he tried to reach down and grab his pants to cover his decency (even if he were the only one to see it), it was difficult to maneuver. He tripped several times before he even managed to get both legs in. Not wanting to sit on the bed was a choice he made in exchange for a little less painful, yet awkward hop.
As he worked himself into his pants, N spied Zorua watching him from the head of his bed. Her head was cocked in curiosity, her bushy tail wagging a little like she thought he was playing some type of game. It was so strange she could be 'speaking' to him one moment like a human would, and then the next she acted like any other pokemon.
It confused him, but he decided not to dwell on it. She was here and she was comfort and it was all he needed right now.
Having finally worked his way into his pants, N grabbed his blanket, smoothing it over the blood stains on his sheets and curling on top, wrapping the blanket around himself and Zorua as best as he could without straining his hurt arm.
With Zorua next to him, it was easier to get comfortable. Her eyes stared at him pitiably, but she didn't speak. That was fine with N. No words needed to be said, because what could they do? Zorua was there, giving him warmth, letting him cuddle her in his one good arm, and it comforted him enough where he could smile again.
Hugging her tight, he whispered, "Thank you," to her before finally falling back asleep.
"Lord N." Something nudged his arm. "My lord, you need to wake up. It's time for lunch."
N wasn't hungry, but the nudging persisted. Opening his eyes, he saw Anthea standing over him, holding a tray of food. But he wasn't hungry. Shifting a little, making Zorua stir and whimper in her sleep, N swallowed before speaking. "No thank you. I'm not hungry right now."
"You were sleeping when I came to give you breakfast, so I decided to leave you alone, but you shouldn't skip lunch." Anthea seated herself at the foot of his bed, forcing him to slide over and make room for her. "My lord, please sit up and at least eat a little."
Honestly, if he did eat, he might've thrown up. But Anthea was never an easy one to win an argument with. And she went through the trouble, he supposed he could eat a little, just to satisfy her. Using his good arm as support, N leaned up in bed, surprised when nothing hurt. It felt nice not to be in pain for once. But he forgot about his broken arm and tried to move it out of instinct, causing searing pain to shoot up his arm, like a knife stabbing him through. N couldn't help it. He cried out, tears in his eyes.
"My lord!" Almost knocking the tray over, Anthea jumped off the bed, kneeling down to his side as he gasped and wheezed.
No no NO, he was so frustrated, it made him sick. Zorua was up jumping around him, yipping and growling at Anthea, probably thinking she had hurt him somehow. What felt like something impaling him earlier was now dulling, and N could breathe a little easier. It was an accident, just a reflex to move both arms, but he was even more limited than he thought. He was so stupid, to forget something like that. Now he'd probably made things worse.
"My lord, are you alright? Please, don't strain yourself." Kneeling down, Anthea wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head into her chest. "I am sorry, my lord. You must be more careful if you want your arm to heal fast."
The sudden hug shocked and confused him. Nobody besides Zorua ever did anything like this. And it...felt nice. Really nice. Anthea was warm, although small, thinner than he was and he was close to being taller than her. But this close to her, where he could smell her perfume (it smelled like peaches), it was overwhelming and he choked on his sobs. Crying is what babies did, that's what daddy said, and N was a fucking baby if he cried, but he couldn't help it. Reaching up, he wrapped his one good arm around her, wanting this moment to last for a long time. To be held by another human, to be comforted and told everything would be okay, because it would be, it would, it made him sick with happiness.
Something so fundamental, just a simple hug, but it struck his core and he felt so starved for it. For a comfort Zorua couldn't give him. Even though Zorua was with him constantly, telling him she loved him and cuddling with him, it wasn't anything like being wrapped in a person's arms. He felt-safe. For the first time. Loved and safe. And it made him tremble uncontrollably because he knew Anthea didn't love him. This was her job, but he would take a false hug over the wrath of his father.
Finally, Anthea pushed away from him, even though he didn't want to let go. It felt like it lasted for hours, but he knew it didn't. "You have pain killers, my lord? You should take one. And then eat something. Your father is coming in tonight."
That made his head shoot up, where he stared her in the face. "...Why." He couldn't ask it as a question, he had to demand it.
"He just told me to tell you he would be returning tonight. That is all, my lord."
After everything that happened last night, Ghetsis still wasn't satisfied? It made him sick with fear, but also exasperated. What would he have to do to make daddy leave him alone? He couldn't take it anymore! No, he didn't want daddy there again, not right after all of that, please, please. Just-leave him alone. He figured daddy wouldn't be back until his arm healed, but this. Just the thought made his heart pound and his throat close where he felt like he couldn't breathe. What would happen if daddy was so rough-his arm was already broken, so why-
The tears returned. And he felt so weak and angry and afraid of everything. Holding his hand over his face, N couldn't help it and cried again. He was so exhausted, from everything. He was tired of fear, of anger, of daddy. He wanted help.
But this was daddy, wasn't it? The man who brought him toys and who loved him and who gave him Zorua and was nice to him, wasn't it? And if N was slapped and scratched and bitten until he bled, then it was N's fault. Not daddy's. That's what daddy told him. And daddy was always right, because he loved N. Even if he broke his arm, it was N's fault.
N was tired of being beaten and slapped around. But it seemed like nothing he could do would satisfy daddy. That's why he wanted to escape so bad, he wanted someone to save him, to help him. Because no matter what he did, he was always wrong, always hit, and always scared.
And he knew. The moment daddy walked through his door again later that night, N would be hit again. Because he was a fucking disgrace of a son and he couldn't make Ghetsis happy.
The tray of food was set in his lap, along with the water bottle and a pain killer. "My lord, please."
N didn't want to eat. He didn't even want to take the medicine anymore. What was the point when he knew he was going to be in pain again later that evening?
But.
Wiping at his eyes, he took his pill and nibbled at his sandwich until Anthea left. He didn't want Zorua there right now either, but that made him selfish. N just wanted to be alone, though. Because no amount of comfort would help him, and it was better to accept his fate than lie to himself and pretend he would ever be safe.
Even if it hurt worse, it was better than lies.
The rest of the day was slow. As the hours came and went, N tried his best to stand up and do little things around his room. It wasn't hard to clean with just one arm, but it was certainly awkward when he had to use the bathroom. Only when he was so limited did N realize how much he'd taken for granted. Perhaps he should have thanked Ghetsis for showing him how ungrateful he'd been and how lucky he was. After all, you never realize what you have until it's ripped away from you. Or in this case, twisted until it's broken and painful to even think of wanting to move it.
Still, he tried his best. It was slow, but his room was finally clean. The bloody sheets were removed and replaced with his blanket. He didn't have any more sheets to cover the bed with, so he lay the dirty ones out for Concordia to take. Zorua either watched him as he worked, or followed him around the whole time.
Once he deemed his room acceptable, a bath was the next thing on his mind. Or a scrub. He couldn't fill the tub up or shower with the splint on his arm. Soaking a wash cloth with water and squeezing it onto himself seemed to be the most effective way, although slow. But, all he had was time. And it was nice to be clean again. His limbs ached and stung when the water hit, but he could bear with it.
After his bath, he set to work trying to do something with his long hair. He wished daddy would let him cut it. It was really irritating, even tied back. He never realized his hair could be so thick, and even though it was pretty, it was hell to deal with. It tangled when he ran a brush through it and he always ended up pulling on it more than grooming it. This was one of the things that would have to go when he was let out. Just because daddy had long hair didn't mean N had to.
When the steam cleared from his mirror, N was able to look at his face clearly and noticed he had a black eye, but was otherwise unscathed, least on his face. It clashed so horribly against his pale skin. Scratches and bruises were easily spotted and it disgusted him.
As he fiddled with his hair, trying his best with one hand to dry it and make it presentable, he felt Zorua's tail brush against his leg. Looking down, he spotted the pokemon weaving in and out of his legs, rubbing against him like a cat would. It was silly that it made him smile, but to him, it was just simple affection. Affection was always worth a smile. "Hey." Zorua cocked her head up at him when he spoke, continuing to rub onto his legs. N want to pick her up, but- "Ghetsis is coming back in tonight. You're going to have to be locked up again."
Normally, Zorua would give him some sort of sign that she understood. A hard stare to his face, her ears or tail drooping, but she continued nuzzling him. N wasn't sure how to react. He was so used to those hopeless stares that for her to ignore him was unheard of. So he continued drying his hair, letting her love on him. Her love felt better. It wasn't comforting, because he was scared for when Ghetsis would come in. He never stopped being afraid of pain. And he knew he never would. It was something nobody could get used to. He sort of wished he could-but no, that was insane.
Time seemed to speed up after that. It wasn't long after he dried his hair that he was shutting Zorua up in his bathroom where she whimpered a little, but otherwise stayed put.
Sometimes if N stayed quiet enough, he could hear the faintest of sounds from outside. Like crickets chirping, or rain splattering against the wall. During these moments, he felt content. Not happy, but not afraid or angry either. Rain soothed him, and right now, with Zorua quiet and him sitting on his bed, waiting for the door to open, he could hear it hitting the wall behind him. He knew what it looked like from books and things. But never had he remembered seeing it for himself. Sometimes, he would fantasize about running through it. He imagined it was somewhat like a shower, only you didn't run around in it to get clean. It was just another thing for him to dream about doing once he got out. All of his dreams seemed so-simple. Like cutting his hair, running around smelling the earth and trees, watching rain fall. Those things seemed wonderful to him. But mostly getting away, far away and living on his own. It seemed impossible, but he was determined to make it happen, one way or another. He had his plan all out in his mind and he would go over it constantly. It was so simple, but it seemed so impossible. All that needed to happen was for Ghetsis to let him out. Out of his room, the castle, and N would run. Let Ghetsis keep the throne, N didn't want it, or care about it. Being king was a childhood fantasy, but not anymore. There was no real point to it. He would have no authority over the most important person, so why strive for something completely useless?
It made him a little afraid to think of a future where he did manage to run away. Living on his own would be hard at first. No one was going to give him things on a silver platter, but the more pressing matter was whether or not Ghetsis would come after him. He tried to think of it as why would he come looking for him, one little boy in the whole big world, but then this was daddy-of course he wouldn't rest until N was back in his custody.
The more he thought on it, the more it seemed his plan wouldn't work. But then, he had to have hope, at least a little. The world was big. A lot bigger than his room filled with books and clouds on the floor. N would keep traveling until he was sure he was far away enough. Even if it took years, he would be safe.
N's thoughts were interrupted when his door opened, blinding him with the light from outside. In the few seconds his door opened, he always made sure to catch a glimpse of outside. The walls outside were blue and gold, and bright. The floor seemed to sparkle, but one thing that never changed was how much light there always seemed to be. Maybe it was just because his room was lit by a small lamp and everything else seemed much brighter, but he didn't know.
Ghetsis slammed the door shut like he always did when he entered, and N absolutely could not muster the smile he was so used to giving him when he came in. It was scary how routine this was, how almost natural it felt. As much as he hated pulling Ghetsis's pants down and being forced to pull on that thing, he would gladly take that over what happened last night. Maybe it was just another way of Ghetsis showing him how good he had it until it was ripped out from under him. God, N was so stupid.
N knew daddy loved him and wanted what was best for him. Thoughts of escape were just fantasy anyway. Even though he very much wanted them to be reality, really. N wouldn't be able to pull it off.
N bit his tongue when Ghetsis sat down next to him on his left side. He feared he would try to move his arm, but Ghetsis spoke instead. "Do you know why your arm is broken?"
Because it was N's fault. It was always his fault. "Yes sir."
"Why?"
"Because I disobeyed you."
Ghetsis shifted, and N could never look him in the eye. They stayed glued to the gold and purple patterns in Ghetsis's robes. "You realize I don't want to do the things I do, don't you? I'm doing them because it's necessary for you. You need this."
N nodded. "I understand." Even though he didn't.
"Do you really?" Ghetsis then grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at him. "If you understand so much, then why do you constantly disobey me?" B-but-N thought he was doing good- "If you had any semblance of understanding, you wouldn't try and run from me, or scream when I tell you not to. You wouldn't have a broken arm if you really understood anything." No, no! N did everything he was told, he did-he was just scared, and- "Do you even want to be king, N?"
Tears coated his eyes, but N blinked them away. He couldn't-no. He just. It didn't matter. No matter what he did, nothing would satisfy his father. All he could do was soften the blow when he did something wrong. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"Didn't mean to what?"
And he hated it when Ghetsis did this, when he made him fess up to the things he did wrong. Because it didn't make anything better. It only gave Ghetsis more excuses to punish him. "For running. A-and screaming when you told me not to."
"Why did you do it?"
He wished time would speed up, so that this would be over. He wanted to be left alone again, to curl up under the covers with Zorua and sleep for a long time. And let the rain lull him to sleep. "I'm sorry. I was afraid." Everything was the wrong thing to say. It was like stepping in a field of invisible bombs. One wrong step would make everything explode, and talking to daddy was always this way. Treading on thin ice. Never knowing what he would say to cause Ghetsis to snap made him insane.
"If you understand the reason why I do the things I do, then why are you afraid, N? Are you lying to me?"
All his life, N had been trained to tell his father what he wanted to hear, even if it wasn't the truth, and now he felt trapped. There was no right answer. If he said yes, then he would be hit for admitting he was lying. If he said no, then he would be hit anyway for continuing to lie. No matter what he said, N couldn't and wouldn't win. There was no avoiding it, so... "Yes sir."
Instead of a slap to his face, or a punch to his ribs, N felt his father's fingers wrap around his left arm, squeezing it. N's initial reaction was to cry out, but he managed to swallow it, choosing instead to bite on his tongue and bear with it.
"A good king doesn't lie to his father, N."
"Y-yes sir." Talking raised the risk of him crying out, but he had to." I'm sorry."
"Are you really sorry?" His arm was squeezed tighter until he couldn't help it and cried out.
"Y-yes! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" How in the world could daddy be so strong? He was going to ruin N's chances of recovering-or N was. This was all his fault anyway. "You're right, I'm sorry."
"You should be punished for lying."
Please, anything to make it stop. "Yes sir."
"Do you realize what you've done wrong?" He finally released N's arm and N felt like he could breathe again.
Swallowing, N focused his gaze back on the patterns in his father's robes. "I lied." The inevitable sunk in his stomach like a pile of rocks. Daddy would hurt him again.
"You did this to yourself." N's face was scooped up again when Ghetsis kissed him. This never hurt, even when Ghetsis was rough, but N felt gross when his tongue would touch his. He could taste him, he could taste daddy, and it was disgusting. It was hard to concentrate on anything else when daddy kissed him. All he could think of was how gross his mouth felt, especially when daddy licked his lips, like he was eating him. But, he heard a zipper being undone. No, nono-it was just a repeat of last night. It was okay though. N had learned his lesson. N wouldn't run. It would hurt, but he had pain killers. It would be okay.
Then daddy pushed him away, grabbing him by the back of his hair and pulling his face down to his lap. His pants were unzipped, that horrible thing in N's view. Daddy wasn't loosening his grip, instead gripping his hair between his fingers harder, putting enough force on N's head where he couldn't move.
N was scared. "Put your mouth over it." N was scared. "Do it, N."
Out of instinct, N resisted. He couldn't help it. But when he did, Ghetsis made sure to pull his hair, making him wince. "I-I'm sorry." Really. He couldn't do anything right. Slamming his eyes shut, N prepared himself as he put his mouth over it.
"Watch your teeth."
Once the tip was inside, N ceased all movement. He was scared, he couldn't do this-why was daddy making him do this-But then his head was forcibly pushed down further, making the thing hit the back of his throat where he gagged. No, NO, HE DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS!
"Move your head up and down or I'll make you."
N tried to compose himself, but it wasn't working. Slowly, he moved up, then back down. It wasn't far enough. Again, Ghetsis pushed his head down and he gagged. This was much worse than pulling on it. It was...N just wanted to go to sleep. But his stomach was already cramping from gagging and choking so much.
"God, you're so useless."
N felt the sides of his face being grabbed before Ghetsis dug his fingers into him and moved his head up and down, up and down. N grunted in protest, because every time he would go down, he choked on it. It felt like he couldn't breathe, but he knew it was just his body trying to cope. Up down, up down, he choked. And it grew harder and harder.
Ghetsis moaned when it grew hard, his hands still digging into N's face. His nails pierced the flesh, but it could be ignored. N felt like hours had passed as he did the same motions, over and over. Ghetsis had eased off of him, instead letting him move himself. It wasn't any better or comfortable, but N had to deal with it.
Finally Ghetsis grunted and N felt something warm shoot in his mouth. He couldn't handle it. When that happened, he tore away from his daddy, coughing, letting the gooey substance drip down his chin as he gagged and fought to breathe.
It was so disgusting. N was disgusting. He just wanted another bath, he wanted to vomit to purge himself of all feelings of impurity. It all felt so dirty.
Daddy's fingers returned to his hair, running through it, pulling at the thick strands and making N bite his lip to keep from wincing. "You are beautiful."
N didn't understand it, or wanted to. Make daddy leave, just let him leave, that's all he wanted. But he was thankful he wasn't hit.
N's face was pulled up again where Ghetsis kissed him before he left. When the door was shut, leaving N alone, he opened his bathroom door, letting out an excited Zorua before he leaned over the toilet and vomited.
Apparently Ghetsis never wears underwear.
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