Is This What It Feels Like To Really Cry?

BPOV

I got to Rosalie's apartment and knocked on the door.

She lived in a huge townhouse where half of the building belonged to her and half belonged to her neighbors.

Rosalie got to the door in only a few seconds. She flung it open and I saw there was a big, burly man behind her. He was the football type, with big muscles and short dark hair. He was a good number of inches taller than Rosalie, which is hard because Rosalie is quite tall herself… tall, blonde and perfect.

Rosalie turned around and grabbed the arm of the man behind her, throwing him out the door.

"Okay time for you to go!" She said to the man.

"Aw come on Rosie!" The man groaned, holding onto the doorframe with his fingers.

"No Emmett! I will see you later!" Rosalie said, taking his fingers off of the doorframe and grabbing my wrist while pulling me into her apartment.

Rosalie slammed the door and whipped around to look at me. Her blonde hair was all a mess and she was wearing a white tank top and Juicy sweats rolled up to her knees.

"Rose, I'm so sorry. If you were in the middle of something I can just go to Alice's or something…"

"Nonsense! Don't be silly! Don't worry about Emmett; he's just a big brute." She giggles.

Rosalie sighed and her cheery demeanor dropped.

"Come on" She said softly taking my hand, "I know exactly what you need."

She pulled me through the high ceilinged hallways of her apartment until we got to her bedroom. It was a light pink color with a huge ivory sleigh bed with gold designs, covered in pillows. The bed frame must have cost thousands of dollars. There was a large mirror in one corner, whose gold designs matched those of the bed. I looked up and saw a chandelier above her bed. I don't think I had ever felt a softer carpet underneath my feet. I hate to use the phrase, but it fits; Rosalie is so money.

Rosalie towed me to the left side of the room and threw open a set of double doors leading into a huge walk in closet. It had a tile floor with small gold flowers in between the tiles and another chandelier on the ceiling. The only thing I could see was floor to ceiling shoes. The closet turned to the left and I couldn't see anything else in it.

Although I'm surprised to say that my very un-girly self wanted to.

Rosalie sat me down in a pink and gold cushioned chair.

"Just wait here. I'll be right back." She said, rushing off around the corner into the rest of the closet.

I sank down in the chair and threw my legs out in front of me. I stare at the ceiling and think about Edward. The last I saw of him that tramp Tanya was sitting on his lap.

I hate to be the person to come to conclusions without much factual evidence, but she was talking about the night that he left. The night he beat up Jake. And most importantly, the night that we had sex for the first time.

The more I think about it, the bigger headache I get and the more my heart aches.

Rosalie comes out before my thoughts can go too far, holding some pink sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Here" She says placing them in my lap. "Put these on. You can just put your dress and shoes on the chair in the bedroom. I'll be in the kitchen." She says softly, kissing the top of my head before closing the doors to let me change.

I walked out of the closet after changing, holding my dress and my heels, clad in a white v-neck t-shirt and pink sweats that declared that my butt was 'juicy'. I placed my stuff on the chair in the bedroom and walked out into the hall.

Now which doorway goes into the kitchen…?

I peeked into almost every doorway until I found the kitchen on the right. It had three chandeliers and moldings on the ceiling with ivory cabinets and marble counter tops. I sat down on one of the ivory chairs with lime green cushions that matched the walls. Rosalie had her back to me, but turned around when she heard the chair scoot out. She was mixing some things in a bowl.

"I'm making chocolate chip pancakes. I thought maybe you could use some comfort food."

"Thanks Rose" I say with a smile.

I never expected that Rose would be so…accommodating. I know that's not really the right word though. I mean Rosalie and I are friends from work and she always said that if I ever needed anything I shouldn't hesitate to come over, but I thought that maybe she would let me cry on her shoulder or something. But I never expected her to give me sweats and make me pancakes so late at night. I work she's always the person who has a rock hard demeanor and gives the hardest criticism. She was always so nice when we went out to get lunch and stuff and I always felt totally comfortable talking to her, but I never expected this for some reason.

"You want some help?" I ask, scooting off of my chair.

"Oh no! Please just sit down and relax, okay?" She said pointing back to the chair with a batter covered whisk.

"Rose please! I don't want to sit. I want to do something… anything." I say.

The doorbell rang. Rosalie smiled and handed me the bowl.

"The skillet on the stove is pretty hot already. The spatula is in the top drawer on the left side of the stove." She says.

Rosalie ran out of the kitchen to get the door.

I was thankful that Rosalie understood my need to do something and not just sit. There were too many thoughts going through my mind. I needed to focus on something besides Edward and what he may or may not have done.

Unfortunately I knew that I probably wouldn't get the same understanding from our new guest.

Alice walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist as I poured some batter onto the hot skillet.

"Oh Bella!" She sighed, letting go of me. I turned around to look at Alice, still clad in her blue stilettos and skinny jeans.

"Edward is so dumb." She says rolling her eyes.

"Alice, if it's okay with you, I would rather we not talk about it for a little bit." I say softly, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Are you sure?" She asked. I knew that she was going to try and make me change my mind.

"Yes I'm sure. Later. We can talk about it later." I say, convincing her that we will talk, just not while I am dealing with a hot stove.

Then I heard my phone buzz. I reached into the pocket on my sweatpants. Edward. Edward's calling. I rejected the call and slid the phone onto the island.

We finished the pancakes and sat down together at the island. I was pouring my syrup with my phone buzzed again. All three of our heads snapped up to look over at my phone on the island.

Edward again.

I just stared at the phone as Alice and Rosalie both started at me. I quickly reached over and grabbed my phone before it rang a third time, rejecting the call before either of them could say anything. I put the phone down and looked back down at my plate. I noticed Alice and Rosalie exchange a glance before looking back down at their plates again.

We ate our pancakes in silence. I mean you could seriously hear a pin drop. I'm not sure if it was because we didn't know what to say, or if it was because the pancakes were so good.

And they were seriously good.

We were cleaning our plates in the sink when we heard my phone ring again. There was no doubt that it was Edward.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want to…?"Alice starts.

I didn't let her finish before I angrily grabbed my phone and rejected the call. Rosalie and Alice just stared at me. I threw my phone back on the counter and stomped off into the bedroom.

I threw myself down onto Rosalie's bed, smashing my face into one of the throw pillows on her bed.

I wanted to cry. I really wanted to cry. I knew it would make me feel better but as hard as I tried, I couldn't get myself to cry. I was too confused. My head was throbbing so, so much. My mind was bombarded with images of Edward, and not all good ones.

I can't help but come up with the worst scenarios in my mind regarding Tanya and Edward. I imagined them kissing, holding, making out. When my mind imagined them actually having sex I stopped myself. Edward would never do any of that. Or at least Edward wouldn't go that far.

Would he?

I hated to imagine her touching him. Or even worse, him touching her. Suddenly I felt like our making love was tainted. That it wasn't as meaningful as I once thought it was.

And that was when I started crying.

I must have fallen asleep because I opened my eyes again to feel a damp pillow beneath my face and Rosalie's head three inches away from mine.

"Alice!" She yelled in a harsh whisper, "She's awake!"

I felt Alice's small body flop onto the bed and her face pop up next to mine. They both just looked at me.

"Do you guys need something?" I asked sarcastically. I immediately felt bad for snapping at them. I guess I was a little cranky from my impromptu nap. Rosalie flashed me a light, understanding smile.

"Sooo…" Alice said, drawing out the word. "Do you wanna know what happened with Edward and Tanya?" She asked quietly as though she was afraid that I would snap at her again.

"No." I pouted, wrapping both arms around the throw pillow and gripping it tightly against my head.

Alice looked at me from underneath her eyelashes suspiciously and Rosalie looked down at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yes." I say quietly, looking down at the sheets.

"Okay then." Alice says.

Rosalie and Alice moved up on the bed, therefore forcing me to shift so that I was in between them on the bed and we were lying with our heads on the bunches of pillows. I kept the pillow I had hugged to my stomach for comfort.

Alice turned so that she was lying on her side facing me and Rosalie.

"Okay." She says, pushing her elbow up to rest on the pillows so that her head is resting in her hand.

"The first thing that you need to know is that nothing happened between Edward and Tanya. No sex, no making out, nothing. Understand?" She said softly, pushing some hair out of my face.

"What happened that night was this; Edward was having a drink, as you know, and Tanya came up all drunk and wanting to make out with him and shit. He tried to deny her advances politely, but when she got a little too touchy-feely, he got her a cab and sent her home." Alice finished.

I could feel Alice and Rosalie looking me, but didn't look at either of them.

"If it was nothing then why didn't he tell me?" I asked quietly.

"Ugh because he's stupid! He's my idiot big brother!" Alice sighed.

"I don't know Alice…" I started.

"What don't you know?" Rosalie said quickly, placing a hand on my arm.

"I just…I just don't know. Where does he know her from? How does he know her? Have they done anything in the past? She's a very attractive girl… I can't believe that he didn't think about doing something with her….ugh. My head hurts." I said, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Alice giggled.

Rosalie and I both looked up at her, a little shocked.

"Sorry." she giggled "It's just that you and Edward both do that when you're stressed and stuff."

I looked back down at the sheets.

"Look," Alice said, petting my head in softly, "I can't really answer any of those questions for you because I think that you should ask Edward all of that. But there is something I will tell you. Edward loves you. He loves you more than his own life. Hell, he would cut off his own hand if you asked him to!"

I giggled softly at that.

"I have never seen two people so connected as you two are. I mean are you aware that when you guys are in a group of people, you move around each other? When you move, Edward moves so that he is the same distance away from you, and vice versa. You guys are like magnets, always pulling the other person towards you. And just like magnets, the farther and longer you are apart, the harder you snap back together."

I started to tear up again. I knew what she was saying was true, and it scared me. To know that I needed someone so badly, that I needed him so badly, scared me. In all honesty, I felt as though my happiness; screw it, my life, depended on being with Edward. I had never felt so vulnerable, so open to hurt and pain.

I couldn't hold it back anymore, I openly started sobbing. Alice and Rosalie wrapped their arms around me and let me cry. After a few minutes Alice kicked her shoes off onto the floor and Rosalie grabbed the covers and pulled them over us and we all fell asleep in Rosalie's huge bed.

I woke up the next morning between Alice and Rosalie. Rosalie was snoring.

Ahh! I have found her one fault…

I climbed out of bed and padded into the kitchen. I went into a cabinet and got some cereal and a bowl. I was about to pour the cereal into the bowl but stopped myself.

Rosalie had already helped me so much. Even though it wouldn't seem like a lot, I would feel bad taking her cereal and giving her an extra bowl to clean. I put the cereal and the bowl back in the cabinet. I sat on one of the chairs by the island. My mind kept thinking 'I want to go home, I want to go home'. I was like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz" except instead of ruby slippers I figured I could catch a cab.

I walked back into the bedroom to see Rosalie and Alice still asleep and took my dress and my shoes off of the chair. I changed out of Rosalie's clothes in her closet and put them in a hamper I found in the back.

And yes I did wander through the rest of the closet, and yes it was awesome.

I put my dress and my shoes on and as I grabbed my purse off the chair in the bedroom, I caught a glance of myself in the large mirror in the corner of the bedroom. My hair was a mess and what little makeup I had on was all smudged. I was not very attractive.

Well all the better. Maybe this will deter guys from hitting on me in broad daylight. Alone. Without a guy. Without Edward.

I shivered and decided to write Alice a note to tell her I left and to tell Rosalie how thankful I was for her kindness last night. I placed the note on the table beside that bed. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed my phone, and silently closed the front door of Rosalie's apartment to get a cab home.

Hey guys! I know the last few chapters were rather short so I made this one a little meatier. Pics for this chapter on my profile. If the think the pics are annoying and or you just dont look at them because you really dont care then let me know and ill stop posting them

You know I love me some reviews......

Cry-Kelly Clarkson