Gah, sorry this took so long. I got that job I mentioned, so most of my time has been consumed by that. BUT HEY LONG CHAPTER MAKES UP FOR IT RIGHT?
Enjoy the daddy issues.
For the first time in his life, N felt refreshed and happy when he woke up in the morning. In such a short amount of time, life had become completely different for him, and it was enough to make him greet the day with a smile once he awoke.
Once his morning activities such as cleaning his room and showering were out of the way, he was allowed out of his room. Even with this new freedom at his expense, it was still limited. Places such as the kitchen and pretty much anywhere downstairs from his room, he was allowed to wander around at his leisure. Upstairs where the throne was and outside the castle were restricted. Ghetsis made it clear if he so much as thought about opening the door and wandering around outside, he would regret it.
He felt selfish that it made him a little sad, but at the same time, happy, because it meant Anthea hadn't told Ghetsis about him sneaking to the front door and looking outside. N didn't even want to think of the amount of trouble he would have gotten into had it been Ghetsis and not Anthea who pulled him back inside. And despite everything, he really wanted to run, but did that make him selfish? Freedom had been given to him, though limited as it was, it was still freedom, and yet he craved the trees and the grass more than the kitchen.
Even so, he would come out of his room, feeling empowered as he got to walk down the hallway, and go his own pace, walk as slow or as fast as he wanted. It felt great, just to walk that way, to know he had at least an ounce of power or freedom.
Most days, N found himself helping out in the kitchen, because honestly, there wasn't much else to do. Plasma members would sometimes challenge him to pokemon battles, but he was always too nervous to send Zorua out like that, especially because of her scars. Battles were always politely declined, but he would rather help out in the kitchen anyway. Thanks to Team Plasma, they always had a lot of mouths to feed. The food was never fancy, but it still took a lot of effort to make the amount they had in order to keep everyone fed.
The women in the kitchen, along with Concordia and Anthea, were always nice to him. Even though he couldn't really help with the cooking since he kept burning everything or not cooking it long enough, they still welcomed him with open arms and let him help anyway he could. Normally, his job was doing dishes, but he was okay with that. Anything he could do to help, he would do it. It beat staying in his room all the time by a long shot.
It felt wonderful to spend the day away from his room, to see the light shining from the windows, to watch it change color as the day waned on. For once, he felt productive. Just doing dishes and knowing he was helping out made him feel a little less insignificant.
Life had changed so much, and he could smile during the day because of it.
Nights were the same as they'd always been. Some nights, he would go to bed knowing he'd done a good job helping around the castle that day, Zorua would curl up beside him, and everything would be warm and comforting. Other nights, nights that were a lot less frequent than they used to be, his father would come into his room. Most nights, the really bad ones, he would flip N's covers back, tear his clothes off, and tell him to shut up while N bit the blood out of his lips so he wouldn't scream. The nice nights, if they could even be considered that, his father would come in, but instead of pulling the covers off him, he would seat himself at the end of N's bed and sit and sit for what seemed like hours at a time. N was always too afraid to sit up and confront him about it, so he lay there, pretending to be asleep until his daddy got up and left.
Nights were not allowed to interfere with his days. No matter what happened the night before, or what he knew may or may not happen that next night, N could wake up with a smile, because working in the kitchen was a nice distraction. While he washed dishes and chatted with the ladies, he could forget about everything bad that had happened.
The next time N awoke with Zorua huddled under the sheets with him, he patted her until she awoke, stretching and yawning. One quick glance at his calendar told him today was his birthday.
When he was little, birthdays usually meant toys and more toys, and then they meant books. The older he got, the less happy they felt, until his daddy felt like it was necessary to visit his room every birthday. Normally, he wouldn't smile, because he knew without a doubt, Ghetsis would come in. But lately, it was becoming more and more the norm. It would hurt, but-he didn't dare let it get to him the next day when he worked in the kitchen. So as he crawled out of bed, stretching alongside Zorua, N smiled and set to work with what had become his everyday schedule.
As he made his bed and proceeded to take a shower, his door opened and someone he'd never seen before strolled in, smiling at him. N smiled awkwardly, trying not to stare at the man's strange hairstyle. He had to wonder how he even managed to make his bangs swirl around his head like that.
After closing the door, the man extended his hand for N to shake, which he did, still trying to avert his eyes from the man's hair. "I am pleased to meet you, Lord N. My name is Colress. I'm your father's doctor."
Doctor?
Still not sure what to say or do, N continued smiling, even after Colress made himself at home and settled on his bed which he just finished smoothing out. Flipping through a clipboard in his hands, Colress kept the smile he had while not looking at N. "I have a few questions for you. Is that alright?"
N could feel Zorua's tail brush against him as she moved in and out between his legs. "Sure. I-I guess." He felt stupid just standing around, but he would've felt even more awkward if he had sat on the bed next to Colress, so he chose to stand.
"I'm going to bring these up in as professional a manner as I can, so I apologize if any of these make you uncomfortable, but I need your honest answer for my records."
Still confused, N nodded slowly, not knowing what to expect. If his daddy was seeing a doctor, did that mean he was sick? And why was he being asked questions? Shouldn't these be for Ghetsis?
"For the past couple of months or so, have you noticed any changes in your father's behavior? Such as, has he been a lot calmer?"
It suddenly felt like a cord was wrapping around his chest, and N was starting to get nervous. What was he supposed to say? This was-he didn't know what to say. Would daddy get mad at him if-
"Lord N, please don't worry about answering. I promise you our discussion will remain between just the two of us. These are merely for my research and are only to help me. I promise I won't tell your father."
Despite the little voice in his head telling him to keep his mouth shut, N relaxed a little. If this was his daddy's doctor, then would this be helping? "...Yes."
Colress scribbled something on his clipboard. "Does your father still get angry a lot?"
"...Yes."
"What does he do when he is calm?"
N stared at his feet, at Zorua who zigzagged in and out of his legs. "What do you mean?"
"During the times he is calm, does he do anything in particular? Or does he do nothing?"
N shook his head, still confused. "Nothing...particular. He doesn't talk to me much or do anything."
Colress sighed, leaning back on N's bed, staring down at the clouds on his floor. "These responses are really important, but for me to get what I need, I guess I should tell you what exactly I need them for." They sat in silence for a few moments. It seemed like Colress wasn't going to speak at all at first, but he finally opened his mouth after sighing again. "You cannot tell your father I told you this, do you understand, my lord? I'm not even supposed to be in here interrogating you like this, but Zinzolin lies for him and I cannot have lies if I want to help him."
N nodded, the feeling of being suffocating hitting him again.
"Your father is really sick. But it's not a sickness you've ever experienced like having a fever and being fed soup. His sickness has more to do with his mind. I know what he does to you, Lord N."
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't-
"I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but what he does to you isn't right. Maybe you've figured that out for yourself. I'm not going to sugar coat this for you, because it's too important. I'm trying to help him so that he won't hurt you anymore. If you can help me, then I can help him, do you understand?"
N's fingers were pulling at his shorts until his nails were dug into the fabric. The clouds on his floor were the only things in his vision and he couldn't think straight. They knew? Everyone knew? And-they never helped him? "Wh-why." His voice cracked.
"Honestly, I don't know. Some people just do things nobody can explain. All I know is that Zinzolin forced him to come to me for therapy and I'm no therapist, but I've been trying really hard to help him. Your father is respected, and the sages want to help him. Nobody but me and Zinzolin knows how sick he really is right now. As far as everyone else in this damn castle is concerned, he just has anger issues. Zinzolin thought he was getting better, and Ghetsis lies during his sessions with me, so I can't trust either of them. But Zinzolin told me he saw him force himself on you in the throne room and we knew then that we weren't making progress at all."
N could feel his face burn with embarrassment and shame. He wanted to be angry, because they knew, they knew, they knew Ghetsis came into his room and hurt him, but they didn't do anything about it. Tears formed from anger, but mostly shame.
"I have Ghetsis on medication right now. It won't fix the problem right away, but I've been giving him a higher dosage for the past few months."
Fixing the problem...Fixing the problem would be taking N away from this awful place and saving him. Every damn thing Colress said made him angrier and more ashamed of himself. It also proved the fact that nobody in this castle gave a shit about him. The tears fell. Nobody loved him, not Anthea, not Concordia, certainly not daddy. To them, N was just a scapegoat, just a piece of trash that was going to be thrown away one way or another. He had nobody.
He couldn't help it. Sinking to the floor, N put his face in his hands and cried. Zorua nuzzled against him, but he pushed her away. A pokemon, an animal was the only damn thing that ever loved him, and he couldn't even accept her right now, because it hurt too much. "Why." Anger fell with his tears and he started sobbing. "Why won't you just take me away? Why won't you save me? I don't want to be here!" He removed his hands, tears now stuck to his face and his eyes bloodshot. "I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! WHY-WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME?!" His voice cracked and broke as he yelled.
Even through his tears, N could see Colress's face clearly as he stared at the floor in silence until he sighed again. "I am...sorry. When I was first asked to work here, you were very little and Ghetsis was talking about making you king. That was all Zinzolin's idea. It was meant as a distraction for your father so that he wouldn't get any sicker. But it failed."
N knew that. He already knew the entire reasoning behind that stupid story was all a big, fake lie. That didn't surprise him at all. But to be told more than one person knew what his daddy did to him sometimes and blindly looked the other way, he felt betrayed almost. And for him to ask-beg Colress for help, to please, PLEASE SAVE HIM-and be denied, he felt a weight on his chest like he'd never felt before. It hurt so much, it felt like he couldn't breathe. Because being alone never felt this horrible before, but knowing he was on his own, knowing no one would be helping him, it hurt. And he cried.
"My lord, I'm sorry. Really, I am. But this is all I can do." No it wasn't. No it fucking wasn't. "When was the last time your father hurt you?"
N couldn't count how many times he'd given up in his life. Before, he was prepared to spend his life this way, he had accepted it so many times, and every time it looked like a new opportunity would arise, he tried to take it. He wanted to take it, and leave, but he never could. Something always held him back. He wanted to give up, so that it would stop hurting him so much to have his hopes crushed like this, but hope always fucking won and he hated having it smashed to pieces like this. Everything had been fine, just fine before, even when daddy raped him, because he got to work in the kitchen with the nice ladies who smiled at him and told him gossip. But this. Knowing people knew and knowing they weren't going to help him, it made him angry that he'd had such faith in others to help someone when they were in trouble and having it slapped in the face like this. He was angry, so mad, so fucking mad, he could only cry in anger. He wanted to cross the room and punch Colress in the face. He wanted to break his glasses and shake him and ask him why? Why? Why was he leaving him in the hands of his father when he knew he was sick and hurting him? Why wouldn't he save him?
Hope had been crushed so much, N was surprised there was any left, if he could even consider it hope anymore, if it was even something to consider. Why have any ounce of it when it was constantly ripped away from him? Why couldn't he just-let daddy hurt him and live his life this way?
"My lord-"
"The night before last, now get out of my room." And N didn't care if he was being rude, or that Colress stared at him in complete shock before he gathered his clipboard and walked out. N deserved to be angry.
After Colress left, N slammed his door shut, making Zorua jump and hide under his bed. Now alone, he turned to everything in his room, everything his life had been composed of for the past several years. A bed, books, his little lamp, and a calendar. The books were piled neatly on shelves and in corners and he made his way over to them, picking them up and slamming them on the ground in anger. No book was left on the shelf, he picked them all up and threw them across the room, some hitting the walls, and others flopping open. No, it wasn't enough. It wasn't god damn enough. Bending down, he picked up a red book at his feet. It was a Math book. He liked Math, but he tore the pages out, crumbling them and tearing them into even smaller pieces of paper before throwing them on the ground.
"Fuck." He didn't care anymore. "Fuck, fuck." When he got tired of tearing pages out, he ran to the calendar hanging on the wall and ripped it in half, throwing it behind him. "Why won't anyone help me?" Tears blinded him as he picked up another book, ripping more pages out of it. He didn't even know which one it was. Paper littered his floor, but he didn't care. The ripped pages weren't enough, it was never enough, so he picked up more books and threw them at the wall. "I don't want to be here! I-I!" Now at his closet, he pulled shirts from their hangers and threw some on the ground, tearing the fabric of others. "I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!"
Who cared if daddy got mad at him for his dirty room? He didn't care anymore. What was the point if he knew he would never be saved? He was going to be hurt again and again anyway, so there was no point in trying anymore.
With dozens of books littering the ground, paper everywhere, and shirts torn at his feet, N sank to the ground, not even having the energy to cry anymore. The bottom of his comforter quivered before Zorua popped her head out, her legs and head shaking in fear.
"I'm sorry." N bunched his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. "I'm sorry." He was sorry for scaring Zorua, but he didn't care about his room. He was still mad. No more tears formed, because he was too exhausted to cry anymore.
Zorua approached him, rubbing her head against him until he pet her.
The only thing who ever loved him and who ever would love him, was a pokemon. Zorua cared about him, she comforted him, and he was sorry for scaring her. He didn't want her scared.
Lifting her in his arms, N held her close, patting her back as she nuzzled his neck. "I'm sorry. I love you."
It had gotten colder. The longer N stayed huddled with Zorua in the corner, the more goosebumps formed on his arms, and the more he held her close to him to share her heat. Zorua never struggled away from him. As always, she stayed in his arms, letting him pet her, hug her, love on her, without so much as pushing away from him.
When he thought about it, she hadn't 'talked' in so long, he had to wonder if what he had been hearing before was even her speaking, or just his over active imagination getting the better of him. Maybe he had been alone so long, that his mind was creating conversations to have, and Zorua, being the only one there, was the object he pretended to converse with.
Maybe that's all it was.
But, he didn't want to think about it. It felt like he'd been seated in the corner for hours (which was probably true), before his bedroom door opened. He didn't even look up to see who it was. If it was daddy, then he would be yelled at for his dirty room, but N didn't care.
Instead of his father's voice, he heard an elderly lady's, the head cook's. "What's the matter, honey?"
And it was asked in such a sweet, caring tone that N felt his throat tighten at it. Lies. All of it. He hated it. Unlike them, N was honest, so he answered honestly. "I got angry, and I threw things."
The woman paused, uncomfortable silence filling the room once more, like she didn't know what to say. As she seated herself on N's bed, facing him, she finally spoke again, her tone a lot more sympathetic like she was trying to comfort a child who'd had a terrible nightmare. "You didn't come down today, and we got worried. We-we made you a cake for your birthday. Have you ever had cake before?"
Refusing to speak, N chose to shake his head instead.
"You'll love my cakes, honey. They're nice and sweet, but I put fruit in them so they'll be naturally sweet too. Would you like to come down and try some?"
Another shake of his head.
The woman seemed to be getting desperate. Inching forward on his bed, N heard the springs underneath squeak as she leaned closer to him, but still kept her distance. "Will you tell me why you're upset, honey? You don't have to. I don't want you sad. It's your birthday, so it should be a happy day."
Happy. Hah. N almost laughed at that one. Daddy always made sure his birthdays were nothing special. And it wasn't like they were anything special to begin with. As far as N was concerned, another birthday meant another year living here, another year of confinement, another year with daddy. It was absolutely nothing to celebrate.
"...Honey?" The woman seemed to be struggling with her words now. Her voice was strained and hesitant. "There-have you ever heard of Nimbasa City?"
Of course he hadn't. He shook his head.
"Well." Now she was sitting up straighter, not that N was paying attention to her. The whole time the woman spoke and moved, he pet Zorua, keeping his eyes on the patches of fur missing from the top of her head. "They have carnival rides there. Like a ferris wheel, and roller coasters, and things like snacks stands where you can go and buy sweets and food. It isn't even too far away from here. We're a subway ride away. Would you like to go to there for your birthday?"
N had ceased petting Zorua's head. Lifting his head, he looked up at the woman seated on his bed, leaning forward as close as she could to him, and smiling genuinely.
"I-" It couldn't be real, though.
"I know you aren't allowed out of the castle, but." She gave him an encouraging, comforting smile. "I won't tell your father if you won't. I can have my ladies cover for us. We'll only have about an hour or so, but that should be enough for you to see the sights and ride a couple of rides. Would you like that, honey?"
Yes, he-he would. He would, he would absolutely love that. And maybe he was just letting his excitement get the better of him, but he could feel his insides lift at the thought of going out, really, really going out.
"Da-Ghetsis wouldn't know?" Yes, he wanted this. If it was going to be handed to him, he would damn well take it.
The woman smiled. "I will make sure my ladies cover for us. He won't know a thing. Are you sure you want to go?"
Rising to his feet, Zorua finally jumping out of his lap, N now stood taller than the woman sitting on his bed and smiled at her, trying not to let his excitement and happiness break his voice. "Y-yes."
Just as N and the cook were about to leave his room, she turned to him. "It's chilly outside. Don't forget to take a coat with you, honey."
Nodding, N rushed back in, nabbing a black coat from his closet before heading back out the doorway. "Can I take my pokemon? She won't run off or bother anyone."
Hesitant at first, the cook slowly nodded. "I...suppose. Just keep her out of trouble."
Smiling now, N bent down and scooped Zorua up in his arms, closing his bedroom door behind him. He needed to remember to clean it up after they got back. If daddy saw that, he would definitely hit him, but surprisingly, N wasn't all that worried about it. Normally, any form of his father's wrath, be it just a slap on his face, or a full blown rage of kicks, scratches, and punches, would terrify him, but his excitement blocked it out.
Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, they headed into the kitchen where a bunch of cooks greeted him, one lady holding up what looked like chocolate cake. "Deary, you have to try this cake. Anne is the best cook around here. She made it just for you."
Even though he wasn't very hungry, N smiled politely and took a small slice, nipping at it with his fork. His anger had almost completely disappeared from earlier, and things seemed so much warmer and sweeter now. He wasn't even a fan of sweets, nor very hungry to begin with, but N couldn't deny the cake was delicious. Zorua crawled onto his shoulder, wrapping her tail around his neck to support herself while she sniffed at the chocolate and fruit covered cake. "Thank you. It's really good."
Anne, the elderly cook, patted his back. "I'll explain everything to my ladies. Don't you worry, honey, okay?"
N was only able to stomach about half of the cake before he had to decline anymore food offers. The thought of going outside alone was enough to send him into cardiac arrest, but there was also the dark cloud looming over him. What if daddy found out? He would be angry. But.
Anne turned back to him after throwing a white coat around her. "There's a town just outside of the forest from us. We'll take the subway train there. Put your coat on."
Excited and nervous at the same time, N complied, making sure not to knock Zorua off his shoulders as he wriggled his way into the coat. Anne led him to a door in the back of the kitchen which led directly outside, and even though they were in a hurry, it felt like time had slowed. The walk was too long, opening the door took forever, and even crossing the threshold felt like it took hours and not seconds.
But it became clear afterward. It was dark, but N didn't care. He was outside, fully outside for real this time. Just the wind blowing through his hair and tousling it made him smile.
"Honey, not to be rude, but we have to hurry." Grabbing his hand, Anne gave him no chance to ogle everything before they were rushing down a dirt path, the castle disappearing soon behind them. Throughout the jog, N made sure he caught sight of as much as he could. The trees were losing leaves, the wind that blew was chilled, making him thankful for his coat and Zorua wrapped around his neck almost like a scarf. The crunching of the dirt under his shoes made him strangely happy. Just to hear different sounds, and the smell-He couldn't even think with so many sensations at once.
Lights became visible just over a hill in which Anne wasted no time tugging him along to get them to the town as quickly as possible. N's eyes stayed glued to the flickering lights that flashed of all different colors. The closer they got, the more he could see neon signs, windows of office buildings, and lights from houses. Anne never let go of his hand, holding him close to her like he was a child and would wander off. Honestly, he didn't blame her. He tried taking in as much of everything as he could while huddling in his coat. It was colder here.
And the people. N was used to people now that he got to wander around the castle, but these were crowds and crowds of them going in every direction.
He must've looked silly standing there holding Anne's hand with a huge grin on his face, but he didn't care. Everything was so-he couldn't put it into words. It was like a fairytale, like it wasn't really happening, but he was happy because it was, and it felt wonderful to be surrounded by unknown things, to look up at the tall buildings and read the neon signs. It was all strange and new, but it was so wonderful compared to the same old rooms the castle had to offer. N felt like he could stare forever at everything, the buildings, the people running to and from places, and everything.
Anne dragged him to a building where they had to descend a set of stairs at the entrance. N knew they were pressed for time, but he couldn't help being in awe at everything. Even Zorua seemed to be having fun. She had maneuvered herself under his coat, so she was only a head poking out from under his hair.
When the stairs dumped them into an open area underground, N stood dumbstruck by the sight of a train. He didn't know trains ran underground. Anne tugged at his left arm to get him to move. "The train is free, honey. We have to hurry now. Nimbasa is only about a 10 minute ride away."
The subway seats could be considered comfortable. With Anne on his left, still clutching at his arm like he would float away from her if she so much as lifted a finger away from him, N still smiled in his seat. Zorua migrated down to his lap and curled into a ball as the train moved, making them sway in their seats. After a few awkward moments of silence, N turned to Anne in hopes of striking a conversation. "Do you own any pokemon?"
Now leaning back in her seat and seeming more relaxed from all the running they had to do, Anne sighed and smile. "No, dear, but my children do. My daughter owns a Skitty a friend gave her from another region and my son got a Tepig from his father a couple of years ago."
"I see." Shifting in his seat a little, N tried not to disturb Zorua too much as he playing with her ears which twitched when he touched them. "Ghetsis gave Zorua to me when I was really little. She's been with me ever since."
Anne looked down at the relaxing pokemon. "She looks happy with you."
"I am happy with her." Now playing with her tail, N looked down when he asked his next question. "Have you ever heard a pokemon talk?"
Even without looking at her, N could hear the skepticism in her voice. "Talk? I don't think they are capable of talking, honey, not like us. If they are, I certainly have never heard one."
Twiddling Zorua's tail fur between his fingers, N stared at the scars on her back. "Oh."
"Why do you ask, dear?"
"Nothing. Just wondering."
The train's wheels squeaked below them as they slowed to a stop. Squeezing his arm tighter, Anne gave him another comforting smile. "We're here, honey."
When they exited the subway station, N stood in awe once again. Unlike the city they took the train from, this one was bustling with people. Every corner, every bench, every building seemed to be swarming with people. Blinking lights from buildings and attractions shown down on everyone, drowning the crowds and ground with color.
"They have an amusement park just down the street." Anne took his hand once again, leading him away from the station and toward the park where he could see something large and circular in the distance, it too blinking different colored lights. Zorua perched herself on his shoulders once again, huddling into his coat when a light breeze blew through, making them all shiver. With her added heat though, he was warm. Warm and able to smile the closer they got to the park.
Once they walked under the brightly lit archway, the first thing N noticed was a giant ballooned Pikachu looming over everyone. It was lit up, the sound of a small air device hissing to keep it blown up, and mostly children were surrounding it, begging their parents to take pictures of it, or trying to climb on it in some way.
N was focused on the giant circular ride in front of them. What looked like large pokeballs were lifted and spun around in a slow circle. "What is that?"
"Would you like to ride it? It's a ferris wheel. It's mostly a relaxing ride, so you can see from high up."
N nodded, smiling. "Can I?"
Anne squeezed his hand in reassurance, giving him a small smile in return. "Of course, honey."
The ferris wheel appeared more and more intimidating as N walked over to it, having finally wriggled his hand out of Anne's hold. She didn't tell him not to run off, not that he would, but he was happy for the small feeling of freedom to go where he pleased.
A tall man stood in front of the entrance to the ferris wheel, looking bored as he picked at his nails and pressed buttons to load people on and off the ride. As N approached, the smile never leaving his face, the man suddenly held up a hand. "No can do, kiddo. You have to ride with someone."
Before N could protest, a woman's voice sounded behind him, "Excuse me, if you need a partner to go up, I could loan you my kids."
As N whirled around, he met the face of a young woman smiling at him, holding in each of her hands her two children's hands. They both stared up at him like seeing the sight of such a tall person appalled them. N hadn't realized it since he didn't pay much attention to it, but he was very tall for his age. He had to look down at the mother just to make eye contact with her.
Still smiling, the woman introduced her two children to him. "Nice to meet you. These are my kids, Black and White. If you want to ride this ride, they can go with you. I'm tired, so I'll enjoy the break if you don't mind."
Feeling a little awkward since the kids were still staring at him, N gave a half-smile. "N-no problem at all." N shot a glance at Anne who gave him a thumbs up before Black and White followed him into the giant pokeball.
As they seated themselves, the kids sitting opposite to him, the little girl who was holding a Pikachu doll stared at him as her brother looked out the glass. "You're really tall, mister. How old are you?"
"I turned 15 today. How old are you?"
White smiled, showing off her missing front teeth. "We're both 10!" She had such a sing-song way of saying it, N couldn't help but laugh.
"Is that so? Did the tooth fairy come give you money for your teeth?"
Black leaned back in his seat and answered for his sister. "The tooth fairy doesn't exist, don't you know that? We stopped believing in that ages ago. Momma just gives us coins and we go buy candy."
N nodded. "I see. I heard about the tooth fairy from books, so I didn't know if people actually believed that or not. I always threw my teeth away."
At that, White looked shocked such a thing could happen. "Your momma didn't keep them?! Momma always kept our teeth! She said it would always remind her of her little babies." Without her two front teeth, he could hear a lisp in her speech and he smiled at it. He could remember when that happened to him and he was embarrassed for it.
Looking out the window, N smiled at the lights that flickered below them. They were so high up, it was incredible. Everyone looked like tiny, little ants from up where they were. "No. I don't have a mom, just a dad."
"Why didn't your dad keep them?"
N shrugged, leaning back in his cushioned seat. "It never occurred to him, I guess. They're just teeth, after all. New ones grow in, so what's the point of keeping the old ones?"
After a few seconds of silence, Black stretched his arms, leaning back in his seat. "This is so boring. When's this ride over? It's too slow."
N looked up out of the glass as the top of the trees could be seen above them again. "I don't know. Anne said it was supposed to be relaxing, so you can see the sights."
"Sights are boring. I want to go ride the roller coaster again."
White cuddled her Pikachu doll. "Momma won't let us. She threw up the first time."
Rolling his eyes, Black leaned his palm against his chin and stared out the window, remaining silent.
N shifted in his seat, biting the inside of his cheek. "I could go with you, if you want to ride it again. I've never ridden one before."
"Really?!" White looked ready to bounce out of her seat, as did Black. "Thank you! You're so nice, mister!"
As he smiled, Black dug his hands in his pockets. "What's your name anyway?"
"N."
"N?" Black chuckled, White elbowing his stomach for it. "What kind of name is that?"
"It's just...my name."
Having remained still for most of the time, Zorua suddenly yawned and stretched herself around N's shoulders, nuzzling the inside of his coat. At the movement, White screeched, pointing at her. "OH MY GOSH, I THOUGHT THAT WAS A SCARF!"
"Is that a pokemon?" Lifting out of his seat, Black moved closer, stopping when Zorua suddenly made eye contact and stared at him. "I've never seen one like that before."
"This is Zorua. Daddy-I mean-" N could feel his face gush with red as the word slipped out. He'd been doing so good lately called daddy by name, and now he fucked it up. Great.
"You still call your dad 'daddy'?" Black frowned and N could feel himself shrink under the scrutinizing stare. God, what was he, a baby?
"N-no, it slipped out, sorry."
He suddenly felt very cold and closed his coat around him, reveling in Zorua's warmth. Just the mention of his father made him depressed again, and he avoided eye contact with the kids as they slowly went around for the second time. Huddling in the coat made him feel a little safer, even if it was a lie, comfort was scarce and he really needed it now.
"Are you okay?" Looking up, he found both kids staring at him. They weren't judging him or belittling him. The stares looked worried, and he could feel himself relax at it. It was nice knowing they cared.
"Yeah, sorry."
Finally, their cart reached the ground again and the tall man let them out, telling them to have a good night. N found Anne and the kids' mother conversing as they made their way over to them, the kids rushing to their mom and attaching themselves to her.
"Momma!" White bounced up and down, her ponytail bobbing with her. "N said he'd ride the roller coaster with us, is that okay?! Pleeeease, momma?"
Their mom gave N an awkward smile before answering. "Well...if it's alright with him, I suppose."
"Yay!" Rushing to his side, White grabbed his hand, pulling him toward a brightly lit building, Black following closely behind him. "The roller coaster is inside. It's really cool! It's lit up and bright and shiny and if you look closely, you can see Elesa walking around and oh my gosh, she's so cool, she's a model and-"
"Wait." As they neared the inside of the building and N could clearly see the flashing lights and carts whizzing around, it became apparent that Zorua couldn't ride on his shoulder anymore. "Hold on, let me give Zorua to Anne."
Black raised his eyebrows as N plucked Zorua from his shoulders. She whimpered a little, like she had gotten comfortable and he was disturbing her. "She your aunt or something?"
"Anne? No." N hurried over to where Anne stood still talking to the kids' mom and handed his pokemon to her. "Sorry, do you mind holding onto her for me?"
Taking the now-shivering Zorua, Anne gave him a comforting smile. "Of course, dear. Go have fun, okay?"
N smiled. "Thank you."
The hour N had seemed like it flew by. One minute he was on the ferris wheel with Black and White, making friends, having fun, riding rides, the next, Anne was telling him it was time to leave. N wanted to whine and plead, he wanted to follow Black and White everywhere and ride every single ride with them, he wanted to talk to them more, he didn't want to leave. He was having so much fun, more fun than he'd ever had in his life, and it was over so quickly. The frown he made couldn't be contained even if he tried, but that was normal. He'd had a lot of fun, and it was cut short like this, of course he would be disappointed.
But Black and White's smiles made him smile, even though he was sad. "Thank you for hanging out with us and riding all the rides momma couldn't."
Anne tugged at his hand, Zorua was huddled back around his neck, and N gave a wave to the two kids and their mom as Anne led him away. "You're welcome."
"I'm sorry, honey." And Anne's apology seemed genuine. She too looked sad the fun had to be cut short, especially since the night was still fairly young. But N couldn't blame her. They had to get back before daddy found out he was gone. Otherwise, N would be punished and Anne-he didn't even know what would happen to her.
Things were much rushed than they had been earlier. They ran to the subway station, they ran up the stairs when it let them off, they ran through the town and back on the dirt path that led to the castle hidden away in the woods. N was given no time to gawk at the sights like he had before, if that could even be considered sight-seeing. Now, his heart was pounding in his chest so hard, it was making him dizzy. It was nerves and the rush of excitement.
But now that they were back on the dirt path, the lights of the town below fading away, until only the dirt below crunched under their feet, N could feel the wave of depression returning. Why?
Why after all this time, he was given something so beautiful like this, absolute freedom, and now he was being dragged right back to the place that held so many bad memories for him? It was insane, and it didn't make the slightest bit of sense to him. Terror reared up, and N snatched his hand out of Anne's grip, receiving a shocked look from her.
"N-no." Why didn't he do this before? He just wasn't thinking straight, that's all. But now, now that it was so obvious and clear to him, he could build up the courage he hadn't before, and find his voice. "No."
"Honey." And Anne's voice and face were absolutely pleading with him. "Please, we can't stall like this. It's just a few minutes away, we have to get back now. I told you, your father will-"
"Anne." N couldn't look at her. His voice felt constricted, like someone was choking him, trying to keep him from talking where he couldn't spill out his worries and terror. "Please. Please, I'm begging you. Don't take me back there."
"Honey, I-"
"Let me leave. I'll turn around and run, and you go wherever you want. Please, don't take me back there." He could finally leave. It had taken so long to work up the courage to do what he was doing now, and he couldn't waste this opportunity. "I hate it there. Let me leave, please."
Maybe Anne didn't really give a damn about him. Maybe she was just doing her job and let her sympathetic nature take things too far. She reached out, nabbing his hand again, saying, "I'm so sorry," before pulling him along behind her.
Anne was not very strong. N could easily have snatched himself out of her grip once again, but it was the rejection that stabbed him in the stomach the most. It felt like physical pain, her blatant behavior, like she didn't even give a damn he was raped almost every night by his own father. It made him sick to his stomach that someone, someone like her who seemed so nice, could be this cruel to him and render him almost in tears. Because he hated it! He fucking hated it! He hated the castle, he hated his room, he hated daddy-!
Even Zorua whimpered next to his ear, cuddling him and bringing him warmth. He couldn't let her down, he-
"No!" Snatching his arm out of her grip once more, N stumbled back, almost falling over. "No! I won't go back! I hate it there!"
"N!" Her voice shocked him. "You are acting like a spoiled brat! I took you out here to give you a nice birthday present and this is how you thank me? If you run away from me, I swear I will notify every Team Plasma member to look for you and you can deal with your father once they find you."
For someone who seemed so sweet earlier to be this cruel to him, N couldn't help it and cried. He just wanted to be safe. He just wanted everything to end. Why wouldn't anyone help him? Why wouldn't they just let him leave? He never bothered any of them, he never gave anybody any trouble, but they insisted on keeping him locked up in that place forever for his father to treat him like dirt every opportunity he got.
Why were people this way? Was it just human nature to be cruel? N felt a little of Zorua's pain. She had been abused and tortured by her owners, and they left her for dead. But Ghetsis gave her to him, probably so he would have someone to relate to.
She was all he had.
Snatching his wrist up once again, Anne didn't just tug him along, she yanked him everywhere, almost causing him to fall over. Her fingernails dug into his flesh and he bit his lip to keep from making any noise. She was angry at him. Just because he wanted to be safe, she was mad.
The castle came into view after N managed to dry his face off. The horrible pit in his stomach remained, but the tears finally stopped. It never failed that he felt less than dirt when he cried, but he couldn't help it. Maybe N was just a bad person and everyone was right. Maybe he only cried because everything was his fault and he wasn't man enough to deal with it. He hated himself so much.
"...You should go back to your room." The back door that led to the kitchen was opened and the smell of boiling meat met N when Anne yanked him into the room. Since it was late, not many people were still around, so after Anne shut the door and walked off, N was free to roam wherever he wanted. If this freedom was even his choice anymore.
But, he wanted to go lie down. Even though the other cooks who were still there offered him more cake, he had to politely decline. Even thinking of food made him sick. He just wanted to go sleep for a long time. He wished he could just sleep forever and never have to deal with real life.
Or maybe that was childish of him.
Removing his coat since it was warmer, he wrapped it around Zorua and held her close before making his way out of the kitchen, into the dining area, and into the hall. N never stayed out late like this, so it was kind of unsettling how quiet the castle was. Every time he'd hear indistinct voices, he would flinch, not expecting it. After climbing a flight of stairs, he was soon facing the door to his room and paused before opening it. For a place he hated so much, he felt ashamed he was so submissive like this.
His emotions were constantly in turmoil and it made him physically sick at himself. Because everything was his fault. He let daddy hurt him, he made Anne angry, he made everyone hate him. Everything was his fault.
Turning the knob, N froze in the doorway when he found his father seated on his bed, the light from the hallway adding to the dim lamp and lighting up his messy room from his tantrum earlier.
His father looked angry and he wasted no time. "Where have you been?"
"I-"
"Come in. Close the door."
The pit in his stomach felt heavier, like he had swallowed a bunch of rocks. He was going to vomit from fear, he-he couldn't let this happen again. No. No.
No.
Daddy would hurt him. N couldn't let that happen, no. With his heart pounding against his chest, his stomach coiled in fear, and his mind screaming at him to run, N turned around and raced down the hallway.
Never had N felt anything like this before. It was pure fear, and it was controlling him, keeping him going, the only thing that would save him. No matter what Anne said, no matter what any of them told him, he had to leave now!
He was in tears as he ran, his fear bubbling up and making him whimper, because DADDY WOULD HURT HIM, DADDY WOULD HURT HIM, and NO! N couldn't let that happen! He had to save himself! If nobody else would help him, then N would have to do this on his own. The overwhelming knowledge that his father was right behind him kept him going, and N ran like his life depended on it. And maybe it did. Maybe daddy would get so mad sometime, he would kill him. But wouldn't that be better? A life of pain and misery, or no life at all?
But tonight, with Black and White, it reminded him that there were good things in life, and he could experience them if he just ran.
So N ran, sobbing, crying, because he was scared, and he didn't dare let go of Zorua, keeping her held tightly against him, and he raced down the stairs, almost tripping down them, running past a few confused team plasma members, and trying to find a way out.
The kitchen. If N could make it there, he could run, he could run and run and run and make it to the town and daddy wouldn't find him there. He hoped anyway.
Tearing down the hall, N ran faster than he'd ever run in his life, bursting into the dining area and slamming the door behind him. Hurried footsteps echoed behind him, and N hoped he'd put some distance between himself and his father. But Ghetsis was tall. What if-
N ran to the door that led to the kitchen and jiggled the handle, screaming at himself when he realized it was locked. Why-of all the god damn times-WHY? Was this punishment?
Trying to control himself, N did the only rational thing he could think of and ducked under the table, concealing himself under the tablecloth. If daddy ran somewhere else, he would come out later and run out the front entrance. It was another flight of stairs down, but he would take it. But what if those doors were locked too? Then he would find a way to open it. Simple.
Because he had to get out, there was no turning back. If daddy caught him now-he couldn't think of it.
So N sat there, curled into a ball under the table and trying to breathe and control his sobbing, Zorua shivering like mad under him. It would be okay, he had to tell himself that, because it would. It would be okay.
The door burst open, slamming back against the wall and N almost screamed, but managed to swallow it and tell himself to shut up, or he would die. Because daddy would probably kill him if he caught him.
Whoever entered stomped toward the table and began knocking chairs over. It had to be his daddy, it had to be, and the tablecloth wrinkled around the area N was hiding. Daddy would find him, DADDY WOULD FIND HIM! His heart was pounding so hard against his chest, N wouldn't be surprised if the whole castle heard it.
The chair in front of him was pulled back and knocked over, the tablecloth flipping up and N felt a hand wrap itself around his ankle, dragging him out. He screamed, because he knew it was daddy, he knew everything was over, that this was it, his only chance, and he completely fucked it up.
Daddy flipped him over, straddling him, and began to slap him, punch him, hit any part of his body he could reach, but N fought back, holding his hands up to protect his face and screaming at his father. "NO, STOP! DADDY, STOP! D-DADDY!"
"DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!" Never had N heard his father scream like he was doing. It wasn't just yelling, it all came out as an icy scream. "YOU THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE YOU LEFT?" More punches to his face, ones N tried to block with his arms, but daddy just hit those too, and it hurt, it stung, N could already feel bruises and scratches forming. His entire skin was on fire, bringing more tears to his eyes.
Pleading, because-because it was all he could do. Anything to make it stop. Just.
Stop.
"DADDY, PLEASE, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"
Ghetsis then wrapped his fingers around his throat, lifting his son's head off the ground and slamming it back down, making N see black for a few seconds. "YOU'RE SO GOD DAMN STUPID! YOU THINK I'M A MORON, IS THAT IT?! IS THAT IT, N, HUH?" Again, N was lifted, just like that time he cried in bed, just like before, and slammed down again.
But he couldn't plead anymore, he couldn't scream. His voice was gone, not just hoarse. He let daddy hurt him, he gave up, he wanted to die, and he hoped once daddy was through, he would be dead.
But when the punches and slaps and scratching stopped, N was pulled up by his hair, letting out a yelp when he didn't expect it, his father bringing him up with him before dragging him out of the room.
"You think you're so fucking smart, don't you? You think I'd let you get away with this? You're so god damn stupid, I'm ashamed to even call you my son." Ghetsis's voice was cracked from screaming, but his harsh grip on N's hair didn't falter. He yanked him up the stairs, ignoring the stares a few wandering Team Plasma members gave him, and literally pushed N into his room once they reached it. "I was going to be lenient with you and let you wander around, but if you're going to be such a fucking disobedient shit, you can just stay in here for the rest of your life."
N writhed on his floor, tears still falling freely from his face and stinging his already bruised and scratched cheeks. He couldn't tell where all daddy had hit him, but he knew the marks would show up eventually.
With daddy standing in his doorway, N could see Zorua jump up behind him, having followed them up the stairs, growling at him, nipping at his robes, and N wanted to scream at her to stop, but he froze when daddy picked her up and, without saying a word, twisted her neck.
Even from where he was sprawled on the floor, N heard the faint crack that came from her and his entire body and mind shut off when Ghetsis threw her at him. His door was slammed shut and N stared at Zorua, at his Zorua, lying motionless in front of him.
Everything was silent then. Everything hurt, his skin stung, it ached, the horrible pit of fear in his stomach was...gone. For once, N felt an overwhelming realization hit him like never before. The thing he loved most, the one thing he vowed to protect and rescue along with himself was gone.
Zorua was gone. She was gone, dead.
But he loved her, she-
Tears fell, N didn't bother stopping them. He didn't feel ashamed. Zorua's small, battered form lay in front of him.
Broken.
N was in complete shock, not even his mind could wrap around what was happening, but he managed to move his body. He reached over, crawling on his hands and knees, and touched her soft fur, her still body, and he picked her up with care, cradling her like she was a baby.
She hung limp in his arms like a rag doll and that's when it hit him. Like he was hit with a freight train, it hit him so hard, he couldn't express it in just emotion alone.
N cried, holding the one creature he ever loved and the one thing that ever loved him back. She was gone. Gone. He couldn't stop repeating those horrible words over and over in his head.
Gone.
He cried. And cried, rocking back and forth on his knees with Zorua's limp body hugged tightly to his chest, and he cried because he knew she would never move again.
"I-I'm sorry." He couldn't protect her, he couldn't keep his promise, he was such a fuck up. And now she was dead because of him, because he was so god damn stupid.
N was alone. For the first time in his life, he was truly alone. And it settled with him physically while he sat there and rocked Zorua over and over for hours, still crying fresh tears that never seemed to stop.
He was alone, and she was broken.
Next chapter may or may not be in Ghetsis's point of view. I'm going to do a detailed flashback that involves N's mommy, so it's either going to get its own chapter, or I'll mash it in with current events somehow. Anyway, just a warning.
Anyway, now that I'm working, it might take awhile like this one, so I apologize. But hey, we're getting closer to the ending. Yay.