under the same sun
[fairytale]
summary: she thinks that Ondine must have cursed her too, because she's suddenly finding it hard to breath as Obito lies in a pool of his own blood.
characters: Obito, Rin
honorable mentions: Kakashi, Minato
note1: so. it's been a while. ehehe. i wish i could say that i was slaving away on the computer, fussing over getting Rin and Obito to kiss - or get together - but that would be a lie. this was supposed to be my endgame of sorts, but after realizing that i've neglected to post something for a while, i decided to just throw it up. enjoy!
note2: warning: au, Rin-centric (kind of), and obscure references to mythology. particularly toward the fable of Ondine. look her story up - it's brilliant. also, CHEESE. and FLUFF (but just a little). and MAJOR CLICHES. like, everywhere. srsly.
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She thinks of Ondine's Curse.
If she lets her eyes close for one minute to rest, she'll die.
Rin is conscious of every breath that enters and exits her lungs.
Deep breath in; deep breath out…
"Deep breath in; deep breath out…" she mutters quietly, afraid to speak above a whisper.
He's like fragile glass that's already cracked. Any more pressure and he'll shatter into a million tiny pieces that she will never be able to repair. Gently – barely touching him – she cradles his head in her lap and works on the broken tissue and ruined bones.
She can fix him.
She can, she will, she is.
Minato's hands rest on her shoulders. Solemnly, he conveys the words that no one can utter. It's impossible to save him, his actions echo in her head like a frostbite, nipping and scorching her skin. He won't make through the night.
Kakashi's weeping silently. How unfair was this? They just start to rest on the delicate balance of friendship and this happens to them. She wants to scream and cry, and go back and make everything right. They are not separate entities; they're a team. One half of the same whole. If one of them leaves, the rest will follow.
Obito is their orbit. Without him, they will all spiral out of control.
He's gravity.
He's the sun.
They need him.
Chakra burns through her like lava, but she pours it into his wounds. She has to heal him from inside first. It's like a movie on rewind; the credits roll, the end is shown, and then the middle and the beginning, until finally the opening credits zoom across the screen. She watches in rapt concentration as his cells are repaired, tissue is restored, organs are patched up, bones are mended, muscle is reconstructed, and then fresh, pink skin, splintered with angry red lines, sews the body up, keeping everything tucked inside.
Her mind is on replay; over and over again, chunks information play like snippets behind her eyelids. She thinks of Obito, and the smell of medicine, and the taste of pills, and how to properly stop an infection from spreading. It's nonsensical, but it lets her relax and continue. It distracts her from the truth.
The thrumming of his head under her finger tips calms her, too. It's a constant that reminds her that everything is all right. That everything will be okay in the end. It has to. Things like this happen to other people; it's in cliché settings to induce sympathy from the viewers. There are no spectators around. She's not an actor. This can't happen in life.
The universe just doesn't work that way.
(Only, she knows it does, and it kills her.)
"Rin," the name sounds so broken when it passes through his lips. "How-how…"
"Fine," she answers. "He's going to be okay."
She's not sure who she's convincing anymore.
Minato's hands are still on her shoulders. He squeezes lightly before pulling away to join Kakashi and reinforcement team that showed up.
She ignores them all.
Breathe in; breathe out…
She's convinced she's been cursed by Ondine the moment Obito's lungs don't expand and his heart falters under her fingers. The mortal who turned the immortal into a mere human; she broke a promise by falling into another's arms and is paying for it now. Maybe there was some way to reverse it.
Rin bargains with everything she has. Her life, her eyes, her nose, her arms, her fingers, her heart, her torso, her legs, her feet, her toes, her sole, her talent – everything is offered to whomever is listening in exchange for a steady heart beat and lungs that work on their own.
Then she remembers that fickle dreams and fairytales are nothing but exploits of grandeur and faulty human-thinking. There has to be something that can help her. Anything.
"Rin," there's a hand on her shoulder, pulling her away from the boy lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood. "You did the best you could…"
Breathe in; breathe out…
"No," she shakes the hand off her should roughly. "I'm not finished. I can do this – I can…"
"You need to calm down-"
"You don't understand! He's-he…He can't die! I won't let him…!"
He's breathing. His chest is moving – up, down, up, down – and his heart is beating. She can do this; she only need a little more time. If she had just a little bit more chakra left to give, she could – she could…
"I'm sorry, Rin."
There's a sharp pain in the back of her neck, like the bite of a mosquito or the sting of a bee, and then she's feeling woozy. Her vision swims, hazy before her. She gasps and tries to shake it off, but the pull to close her eyes, just rest for a minute, to –
- Obito's eye opens and he grins a little at her. "Thank you," he mumbles. -
- and everything goes black.
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She thinks of Ondine's mortal lover.
Maybe if he'd been faithful and stayed with her instead of seeking out another, younger woman, Ondine wouldn't be thrusting her hands inside Rin's chest and twisting her heart. She wouldn't be digging long talons into Rin's lungs, stopping her from taking a single breath.
It's his fault.
She gave up everything – her life, her immortality – to be with him, and because she aged, he went astray. It's not fair.
Ondine didn't do anything wrong – he was the cause. The stupid human who didn't like her appearance anymore and went to find a replacement; he said he'd love her until his last breath. If he'd kept his promise, Ondine wouldn't plague Rin so much. She would be with her loving husband and their child.
This is a fairytale, though.
Ondine isn't real.
She has to keep reminding herself of this each time she gasps awake, clutching her throat to see if she's still breathing. Nobody says anything to her when the nurses walk past her room. They give her a look – was it pity? Was it sorrow? – and continue on their way. She knows some of them, and calls out their name.
They just move quicker down the hall and leave her gentle plea hanging in the room.
They don't tell her anything about Obito.
He's a tightly kept secret between the walls.
Rin looks down at the clean – whitewhitewhite – floor and wonders if Obito is lying just below her in the morgue. Was his body lying prone on a table with a white sheet covering it? Did his parents come in to see him one last time? Was Kakashi waiting outside the door, thinking about what could've been? Was Minato at home with Kushina, mourning the loss of a teammate? Or was he filling out the paperwork about his death?
Where was he?
She puts her hand over her heart and pretends that their beats match. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump.
So many regrets are splattered all over the walls, painted there for her to see when she opens her eyes. Maybe she should have given him a chance. What if he was the best thing that ever happened to her? She should've asked more about him. What was his favorite color? She didn't know nearly enough about him.
Why didn't she try to get to know him a little better?
The sedatives start to work, like liquid nirvana running through her veins, and she falls into a fitful sleep for the rest of the night.
Ondine and Obito haunt her in her dreams.
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"How is Obito?"
Silence.
Nobody moves.
They avoid her gaze, but she can see the tension in their shoulders.
"Rin, you should rest for a while," Minato's placing his hand on her shoulder, again. It's not comforting; it's scalding. "You've used a lot of chakra, and did the best you could."
"Was it enough?" She chokes on her words.
Breathe in; breathe out…
"Rin…"
Breathe in; breathe out…
"…Obito was crushed by a rock; it had a sever impact on his body…"
Breathe in; breathe out…
Ondine's hands stroke her throat lovingly. It's almost like a caress. She reaches up and presses her fingers against her collarbone. Phantom fingers follow her movements. Any moment now, she's going to press down and cut of the circulation. Rin will suffocate, and nobody will be able to help her.
"…The medical team was amazed at your skill in healing jutsus'…"
"What happened to him? Is he-is he…"
Breathe in; breathe out.
Ondine wasn't real. There were no fingers digging into her neck.
…But why was she finding it hard to breathe? Why was her throat closing in on her?
"…Obito, well, as I said, the damage was-"
"-please," she wheezes out, black spots swim in front of her.
There was a pause.
Then, "Obito-"
"He's alive, Rin, but barely."
Kakashi.
Ondine's fingers turn into Rin's, and she tugs her hand away from her throat. There were no phantom fingers, only her own.
There was no curse.
…Obito.
He's-he-
"Please tell me you're not joking-"
"-Room two-oh-six."
She runs.
Nobody stops her when she opens the door and rushes into the hallway, nearly knocking down several nurses in her haste.
Her lungs work by themselves, without her telling them too. They heave and heave as air – crisp, clean, wonderful – air fills her lungs again and again.
Everything is working right: her lungs, her heart – she's all right. Obito is, too. His lungs are working and his heart is pumping blood. He's alive.
She could laugh, and scream, and run, and sing, and cry, and punch something – because, because…
Room two-oh-six is suddenly in front of her. The door ajar and she can see nurses bustling in and out, holding clipboards and relieved expressions on their face.
"Can I help you?"
There's a woman standing beside her, holding a stack of papers. "I-I'm…Is he…"
The nurse smiles kindly at her. "Your friend is going to be okay." Her smile drops and her shoulders tense. "But, I'm afraid that the damage to his body was very severe. He might not regain any feeling in the right side of his body ever again. His bones are practically in splinters and – hey!"
Rin moves away from the nurse, walking on autopilot into the room. Her heart is creaking in her chest like the gears in a pulley, and her legs are made out of metal. Sluggishly she walks into the room.
He's lying there.
Pale and…and…
Scarred.
Broken.
Damaged.
…But he's alive.
Barely. The word echoes in her mind and tastes like poison on her tongue. She did the best she could – really. She tried so hard. Was it enough?
Rin drops into the chair beside his bed, hands reaching out to take his limp hand. It's cold in her grasp.
She wants to cry.
"O-Obito-kun…"
He doesn't move. Lying there pale, lifeless – Rin thinks he sort of looks like a broken doll. The bandages wrapping around his body only make things worse. He looks…dead.
"I-I'm so sorry…"
Maybe if she was a little stronger, a little better at what she did, he could've gotten out of that with nothing but a scratch.
"You did the best you could," Kakashi's sitting beside her – when did that happen? – staring at the boy in the bed.
The stark white sheets make him look smaller, frailer, and fragile. She wants to reach out and brush the onyx hair from his forehead. It must be tickling his nose.
The white bandages wrapped around the right side of his head and body is stained with red blotches of blood. It's grotesque and makes her stomach churn, but she can't look away.
"I-I tried, Kakashi-kun," she pleads, her eyes stinging.
His hand moves to grasp hers. "I know."
"Was it enough?" She whispers.
Kakashi doesn't answer.
The rhythmic beating of the heart monitor takes over the terse silence that hung between them.
She tries to find comfort in the sound.
Beep, beep, beep…
Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump…
Ondine's hands are back, squeezing the air from her lungs.
Breathe in; breathe out…
And repeat.
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They force her from his bedside when the elders of his clan come in to make an assessment. She knows what this really means – sees it happen when a patient is brought in on the brink of death and there isn't much they can do to save him.
It's the family's decision to keep them alive or…
She can't think about that, and pours over a medical journal she found in the library.
Going home, seeing all the pictures hanging oblivious on the walls, would only make things worse. The library is a haven for her. She reads until her eyes aren't focused anymore and stumbles home into her bed. The next morning, she wakes up, goes to the hospital and sits beside Obito until it's time to leave and ends up at the library again.
There are methods in the book about how to heal someone's internal and external injuries. She wishes she had this when Obito was first crushed, when there was a chance she could save him.
She finds a book on mythology, too.
Ondine's tale in on page three-sixty-five nestled between water nymphs and mermaids. She reads it again and again until she can recite the story backwards to front.
It's…fascinating. She never indulged herself in folklore passed down through written and oral traditions. The meaning was always lost in translation and the facts skewered by attempts to pretty the story up for urban readers. Still… there was something that drew her to the tale.
Maybe she was becoming delusional.
Stress was a horrible strain mentally and physically.
The library was a distraction from Obito – or, it was supposed to.
Everything, she eventually learned after all the books started to remind her of Obito's doomed fate, came back to him in the end, it seemed.
She wasn't sure if this new revelation was comforting or should make her worry more.
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Three weeks later, when she's beginning to become numb to Obito's plight and accept his fate, he wakes up.
It's not like it was in the movies. There wasn't some sob speech about how she missed him ohso much and how she hated seeing him lying there, crying over his body. He didn't wake up to the kiss of her lips or the warm gaze of a friend.
No.
He woke up to starch white walls and pain.
He was all alone when he opened his eyes.
She came in an hour later after everyone else said their peace and the doctor delivered the same, pre-written words of faux-comfort. It was toned down since none of them were related to him, and the words sounded like a exasperated drawl to their ears, but their shoulders went lax under the words, he'll be okay.
Okay.
Not good. Not great.
He'll be okay.
They weren't sure that he'd ever walk again. Or if his bones would heal after being splintered in such a way, but it was better than nothing.
It was better than dead.
She sits in the same chair she'd been permanently placed in for the last three weeks, and bites nervously on her lip. Breathing was just starting to get better, too. Ondine went away and her lungs were rejoicing in her absence, but when Kakashi told her that he was awake, she made her appearance again.
It wasn't as bitter, but it was still acidic.
"R-Rin-chan," he mumbles slowly. It sounds smothered and awkward, and he can only use one side of his face, and she doesn't want to look and see him staring at her because his expression might just kill her, and –
"I'm glad you came."
She swallows, and keeps her gaze on his hand clutching hers. "W-why wouldn't I?"
"Its fine, Rin-chan," he says, and the despondency in his voice nearly breaks her into pieces. "If you don't want to be here, I-"
"That's not it!" She finally looks into his eyes when she says this, remorse etched into her face. "I-I wanted to be here, but…"
"You're here now."
When did he become so much stronger than she was? Why could he lie there, broken, scarred, and unable to move one side of his body, while she – with the use of every part – still lingered in the uncertainty and fear? What was she so afraid of?
"I'm sorry," she sobs, and drops her head on his forearm. "I'm so, so sorry, Obito-san…"
"What are you sorry for?"
She cries harder at his words, because it's something he'd say and mean.
"I-I couldn't save you…"
His arms moves away from her – and the absence of his warmth scares her – and wraps it around her shoulders, slowly pulling her head to the crook of his neck. She lies awkward on the bed with her feet on the ground. He soothes her with sweet words and promises that he's all right.
Rin is kind of thankful that he never once said okay, and allows herself to find selfish comfort in his embrace.
Neither of them speaks for the rest of her visit.
When it's time to go, she gently presses her lips to his forehead and leaves without a word.
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They don't bring up the first time she came, and fall into a routine that's anything but easy.
On the outside, she's just a friend visiting her teammate.
On the inside, she's a wreck and looking for forgiveness.
Obito is exasperated by her attempts to squeeze in just one apology with each passing day.
"Stop it, Rin-chan," he finally snaps. "You didn't do anything."
Rin's lip trembles. "I-I know…"
"I forgive you."
"I know…"
"You're my best friend."
"I know…"
"And…I love you."
"I," she stops, eyes wide and stares at him. "…Obito-san?"
Her lungs are being compressed.
He blushes, but doesn't back down from her shocked gaze. "I love you."
She heard his confession when he said it before – when she thought that he was going to die - but didn't want to think about it. How could he still love her after this? "Why?"
"Y-you're not supposed to ask why when someone says they love you, Rin-chan."
Since when did he become the sturdy one in this relationship? "I-I…"
"I know that you probably still love Kakashi, and that you deserve more than a broken ninja who can't – R-Rin-chan…?"
She runs.
It's like the time when Kakashi told her the room number that Obito was staying in – only instead of running to him, she's running away. His words – the expression on his face – break her heart even more than it is, and she can't stand it.
She can't be in the same room as him, can't listen to his words any longer.
As she runs, she thinks of air and being weightless.
She thinks of a life with Obito.
(And for once, Ondine doesn't chase after her.)
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Rin thinks that people assume too much of her as she looks into the furious eye of Kakashi.
He's blocking her door, cutting off her only escape route.
"What are you doing, Rin?" He asks, and crosses his arms over his chest.
Why is he here?
"What are you doing, Kakashi-kun?"
"He loves you."
It's strange hearing these words fall from his lips.
"…I know."
There isn't any point in avoiding it. Obito loves her. For some unfathomable reason, he does. It's scary and new, and she kind of knew all along, but didn't want to push it, didn't want to talk about it. How could he love her after this? How could he stand to be in the same room as her?
The guilt eats away at her.
If only she was stronger. If only she could do more.
She wasn't enough for Obito.
He deserved so much – more than she could ever begin to offer.
"So, why are you hiding here?"
Kakashi surprises her a lot. "I…don't know."
Except she does and it hurts.
"Do you love him?"
Does she?
No.
Yes.
Maybe.
A little.
"…Too much."
Somewhere between water nymphs, and curses, and the smell of old, used books, she found that her heart severed itself free from her chest cavity and managed to find its way to Obito's bedside. Ever since, it has refused the pleas from her head to come back home and be reasonable about everything. It's stubborn, but so is she.
Kakashi places his hand on her head and pulls her into his chest. It's the closest she's ever been to him – excluding that time when they thought Obito was going to die and he crushed to his side and refused to let her go, even when Minato and the medics urged him to do so. She was kind of under heavy sedative and didn't really know what was going on.
Sometimes she thinks that it was all a dream, but the memory was so clear and precise, and she can still smell the sweat, the musk, and feel the tears that smeared over her shoulder when he finally did let her go.
"Since when did you become so stupid – so scared – Rin?"
Somewhere in the middle of old stories, and rocks, and bandages stained red, and Obito lying in a pool of his own blood, and her, standing there and not being able to help, she lost all the courage in her body and fear crawled inside the empty spaces that were once filled with light and happiness, and optimism.
"I don't know."
Kakashi's kind of special, she thinks, because under his cold exterior, he somehow manages to chase away all of the fear and uncertainty from her, cementing them in with a sense of strength and certainty. It's odd.
"Go," he says, pulling away from her. "Stop being stupid."
And she does.
Rin doesn't run because there isn't anything chasing her anymore.
She walks, and doesn't think.
She's done enough of it lately.
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She's reminded of the fable about a princess who was locked away in a tower and the courageous prince who had to get past a horrible dragon to save her.
Rin wasn't the princess. She was the tower that held the princess captive.
Obito is the courageous prince.
Her uncertainty and fear is the dragon.
There is no princess in her fairytale.
Room two-oh-six never gave her a sense of relief before. It was strange how just a week ago, this number gave her chills and a sense of regret and foreboding. Obito's lying there, getting ready to leave the hospital for good and under-go surgical treatment to try and repair the damage on his body.
Nobody really believes that he'll be able to do the things he was able to before, but that's all right. he should be dead by now. Anyone else would have been killed.
Maybe he is dead.
Maybe she's insane and this is all a delusion, and after his death they locked her up in an asylum and she's been living in a fairytale ever since.
It hurts too much to think like that, and she's trying to avoid thinking.
She doesn't too much of it anyway.
Clearing her thoughts away, she opens the door and walks inside. He's on the bed – his bandages are not stained with blood anymore and he's looking…better – and her heart stops for a moment, and nearly leaps out of her chest at the sight of him.
Or maybe her heart was finally coming home, reuniting with her stubborn mind to form the semblance of a treaty.
She'll love him and her head will shut up for once.
"Rin-chan…?"
At his words, she breaks.
"I'm stupid, Obito-san; really, really stupid. I shouldn't love you – well, actually, you shouldn't love me. I-I think too much, and I can't cook – like, at all – but, but I know that you like to eat dangos anyway, so we can live off of those until one of us learns how to cook. It's not really a good plan, but Kakashi and sensei were always the planners of the group, weren't they? You're more of the doer, and I'm just the one who helps when I can. So, I know it's probably useless now, but I just wanted you to know that when I'm with you, I can breathe, and-"
"-Ah, I-I don't know what you're talking about, Rin-chan…"
"-I can breathe when I'm with you," she says, and walks to him.
"I can breathe when I'm with you, too, Rin-chan, but I still don't-"
Her lips are against his before he can say anything else.
It's clumsy kissing one side of his face, but she doesn't mind it. Gingerly, she touches the side wrapped in the rough gauze and presses herself closer. Her face is burning when she pulls away.
Obito's is too, and he's blinking at her dumbly.
"I still don't know what's going on…"
"I...love you, Obito-kun."
She thinks of Ondine one last time as her lungs work easier now that she's finally gone –
- No, she wasn't really there to begin with, was she?
Rin says a silent goodbye to whatever was crushing her throat and making it harder to breathe, and listens to Obito's stammering declaration of love, and his promise to get better and never leave her with a big, stupid grin on her face.
She's not scared anymore.
Obito is beside her – alive and well, and breathing.
Air, crisp, clean, refreshing, fills her lungs until they feel like they're about to burst.
Breathe in; breathe out…
…Why did she ever find it hard in the first place?
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note3: hm. i kindofsortof really like this one.
note4: sorry for the late update. happy (late) Hanukkah everyone! =)