This is an AU. I'm not a stickler for accuracy in the details of the Neverwinter universe such as gods etc. but I do try my best. This story does have explicit sexual content, 18+. If you are offended by sexual themes don't start reading! There is artwork for this story at my deviantart account under aeltari.
Kyrie had not asked to, so Sand had not pressed her to move on. He was not averse to giving her as much time to recover her memory as was needed before their continuing voyage to the Sword Coast and Crossroad Keep. Sand himself was working through informants trying to glean some more information about Casavir.
It was a bittersweet situation. As long as Kyrie had the visions, she knew her beloved was alive. Despite the severity of the scenes, Kyrie had a deeper sense that told her that he was alright, to use the term loosely. It was uncanny how she would awaken screaming from a vision, then a strange change would overtake her and she would be calm and secure once more. Sand had a feeling that the gods had a part to play. That could be both positive and a negative in nature.
It was slow going through the informants; people were still suspicious so soon after the war, and very few wanted to talk about events inside Luskan's borders. Despite Kyrie's assurances, Sand was growing very concerned for the paladin's safety and survivability. Luskans were known for their cruelty, but eventually they would tire of their prisoner and put him to death.
Kyrie was, or rather seemed, happy enough, and began spending more time with Torio and the children and less time alone in her room, although she still tired easily lately and often had no interest in mealtimes.
The nightmares and visions came and went, although they did not increase in frequency. Sand found himself torn; he hated seeing her suffer but the visions gave him valuable information.
The two ladies came home from the other side of the village one afternoon, arms linked, heads close, laughing as best friends would. Sand cornered Torio in the yard as she picked some beans for dinner.
"The two of you have gotten quite cozy together haven't you, Torio?" he asked. He expected a brazen, snippy response from her, but she continued with her work.
"I really like her, Sand. I love her company, I love talking to her. She is...well...what I imagined a sister would be like. Family, all that good stuff."
"And in your intimation, have you thought about what will happen when Kyrie regains her memory and recalls exactly what you did to her in Neverwinter? How about when she finds out what happened to Casavir, that whole 'captured by the Luskans' thing, that small detail about you being Luskan. How does that factor in to your little fantasy about sisterhood and all that 'good stuff' hmm Torio?"
Sand had hit a nerve, and Torio stood up. She shoved him out of the way, hard.
"Why must you persist in trying to destroy any goodness I have here? Is there no room for redemption and forgiveness in your book? How about Kyrie? She is happy here. She hasn't cried for days. She can actually mention Casavir's name now without it tearing her heart out. You know, Sand, why don't you just go the hells away and leave us all alone?!"
Sand whispered a few words and levitated Torio a few inches off the ground.
"Leave you all alone? If I remember right, it was you who insisted that I help Kyrie find Casavir. It was you who spent the entire night with me convincing me that he is, or was, alive and that I should just run right out there to Luskan and get him out of prison or where ever he is!"
He unwove the levitation field and dropped her down. Torio landed hard, and badly. With a yelp she fell and looked up at him in shock and pain.
Kyrie, who had come out to help with the beans, saw the altercation and ran to her friend's side. Bending over Torio she asked what was hurt. Trying not to show it, Torio rubbed her ankle, refusing to look at Sand.
Kyrie lay one hand over the other on top of the injured spot, and closed her eyes. A blue glow emanated from her hands as she chanted a few short words.
Torio flexed her ankle. The pain had completely gone.
"Thank you, Kyrie!" exclaimed Torio, slowly getting off the ground. Kyrie looked confused and bewildered, looking at her hands, then at her friend.
"I don't...I don't know how I did that...I saw you were hurt and just, just..." she gestured with her hands, speaking to Torio and also completely ignoring Sand.
"I'm a... I can heal, Torio...I'm a healer!" she looked pleased, but Torio's face paled slightly and she looked away.
"Yes, you are. You are a lot of things, Kyrie, a lot of things that you have yet to remember."
She walked back towards the house, forgetting about the beans she had gathered and dropped. Torio just wanted to get as far away from the wizard as she could. He spoke the truth, but that didn't mean she had to be happy about it.
After leaving the Keep, Torio was sure she would never again find a place to call home. Kyrie had shown her compassion and mercy when everyone else had clamored for her head. It was Kyrie who had given her a safe, comfortable room to live in, all the food she could eat. It was Kyrie who would occasionally stop and speak with her, always asking how things were going, and once even if she were happy at the Keep. Torio hoped that day before she had fled down the hallway back to her room in tears that she had given the emphatic 'yes' that her heart had screamed out.
Torio had heard Kyrie numerous times chide her friends for their hard hearts. Even the paladin Casavir, as good a man as he was, treated Torio with aloof wariness. The first time Torio had ever entered a church, the Church of Tyr at the Keep, her first awkward prayer was for Tyr to protect the Lady Knight Captain Kyrie. She asked Tyr for a chance someday to repay the only true mercy she had ever been shown. And as fate would have it, here was Kyrie, blissfully ignorant of everything, open and willing and ready to forgive yet again.
But the wizard's words held a frightening truth. If Kyrie's memory returned, would she be as forgiving towards Torio then? Her heart froze at the thought.
Damn you, Sand, she thought unhappily, aggressively peeling the skins from the potatoes. Why you of all people?
Like her, he was Luskan, once a resident of the dreaded Hosttower. When she had been scraping, begging and killing her way through life, when she would dance and sing in the seediest taverns of the city, that wizard was the one who would toss coins at her.
Young, talented Althraion of House Nhaereseer. He was singlehandedly responsible for many nights of her having a safe place to sleep…as safe as Luskan could be. It was the handsome moon elf who had given her not only coins, but pretty trinkets and bits of colorful clothing, even the odd basket of spirits to warm the dreadful winter nights.
Torio cursed herself at this point. She had not wanted to be a consort of a Hosttower mage. It was not good enough for young Torio, she wanted more, she wanted to rise above all of Luskan and make them pay for the years of cruelty they had vested on her.
Althraion wasn't dominant enough, ambitious enough. Then the wizard called Garius appeared, self proclaimed Master of the 5th Tower, with his promises of grandeur. He had all the right words for an angry young woman, the right evidence to prove his power…and Torio fell into his grasp. She remembered the day when Garius had come to take her away. Althraion had simply looked at her in deep sadness and turned away.
Life as Garius' pawn was a version of the nine hells. One did not refuse nor fail him and escape severe punishment. She saw that her use to him lasted only as long as the current order. He had no love for her, no loyalty. She had once sought out the elf Althraion, but discovered he had left the Hosttower with a bounty on his head.
It was the hand of fate that set her against Althraion during the trial of the Ember massacre. His very presence had unbalanced her, knocked her off kilter. She couldn't look in his eyes for fear of what she would see there: anger, disappointment, and worse, sadness. He hadn't even changed, his eyes were still the color of the sky, his beautiful face still carried the expression of quirky amusement.
And everything about him said he hated her.
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Kyrie glared angrily at Sand. "I saw what you did! Why would you do that? Torio has been nothing but kind and hospitable towards both of us since we arrived here! Maybe where you come from kindness isn't a virtue, but to me it is. So is forgiveness. Torio has apologized to me for the wrongs she committed towards me, and I accepted that apology! She has been compassionate, attentive and just plain good to me, and I won't have you threatening or hurting her for any reason!"
Sand said nothing, but his eyes betrayed the sadness he felt. He was afraid to admit even to himself that he had felt…envy…at the growing bond between the women. Both of them he had loved and lost because of his own inability to stand up for his feelings. He turned his gaze downwards, his entire posture signalling defeat.
Eventually he raised his blue eyes to Kyrie's sunset ones, and stood that way for what felt like hours, just looking at her. He felt haunted by Torio's shocked and pained expression when he dropped the levitation field. He had meant only to jolt her a little into considering what he had said. He had most certainly not meant to cause her any pain.
Kyrie's anger and confusion was palpable. There was so much she didn't know, more she didn't remember, and a world of possibilities that once existed to Sand were slowly dwindling down to nothing. With the real chance of Casavir being alive, Sand's hopes were slowly ebbing away.
With a slight displacement of air, Sand vanished.
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Torio wound a flower into Kyrie's plait, then took its mate and did the same to her daughter's hair. The little girl preened in front of the mirror, then wandered off to play with a makeshift cloth doll. She snuggled the toy as a mother snuggles a living child, then pretended to plait the doll's hair too, chattering and twittering as little children do. Torio watched her, a smile on her lips.
"Kyrie, do you think Sand can ever forgive me, for the things I did?"
"He has a very good heart, Torio. But there is a lot between you that neither of you has told me."
"What makes you say that?" Torio looked uncomfortable.
"I just know. I can't tell you how, but I just know. Magda told me it is probably a gift of my Aasimar heritage."
"Is that where you get those eyes from?"
Kyrie nodded.
Torio moved to a chest sitting on the floor. Curling her legs under her she leaned back on a dusty chaise, opened it and dug through, pulling out bits of clothing, parchment, and other memorabilia.
"'I'm not proud of some of the things I did in my life. In fact I'm really ashamed of most of them."
"I think everyone has things like that. I mean how can you learn if you don't mess things up sometimes? Doesn't seem possible. I bet I have things like that, if I could remember anything."
Torio leafed through a journal, wistfully running her fingers over some of the pages. Kyrie flattened out on the chaise, her chin resting on Torio's shoulder. The auburn haired woman showed off some of her sketches and drawings, a few scribbles of poetry, the odd pressed flower or clover, and even the label from a bottle of spirits of some sort.
"Kyrie, is it weird?"
"Is what weird?"
"Not remembering things, but knowing that you don't remember them. If you didn't remember anything at all, and didn't realize it, that would be sort of like the gods giving you a second chance to do your life over."
"But if you don't know you are missing anything, you wouldn't think to believe that, right? I mean, how do we know that our whole life isn't some case of amnesia gifted to us by the gods?"
Torio's lovely grey eyes looked directly into Kyrie's and the expression in them was filled with sadness.
"I don't consider my life to be a gift in any way. If this is a second chance I shudder to think of the mess the first one was. I would rather think of some alternate dimension where a copy of me didn't ruin everything, where I am loved and…well anyway, at least things are much better now then they once were. I have the children and Grandfather who need me."
"They would be lost without you, you know. I really don't think you are the demon you insinuate you are…or were."
"That's the amnesia talking." Said Torio wryly and proceeded to dig through the chest some more.
Kyrie sat up and stretched, wandering over to the window. She drew aside the curtain and looked outside.
"Torio…I…you know I love my Cassi with all my heart, right?"
Torio looked up and nodded. "Kyrie, everyone could see that. In fact we all saw it before you did. The way he looked at you when you weren't paying attention. The way you watched him when he wasn't. The soldiers used to take bets to see who would cave in first!"
They giggled like schoolgirls for a moment over the situation, then Kyrie grew serious.
"There's a part of me that wonders if it wasn't someone else I should have been with."
"Oh? There was someone else? I never noticed…at least not when I was there."
"I didn't notice either. He did all these things for me, made little comments, gestures of affection…and I didn't see the depth of his feelings until now, until the memories…the memories make me experience the feelings in a way I never could at the time."
Torio caught her lower lip in her teeth. "Althraion?" she asked in barely a whisper.
Kyrie turned suddenly, nodding. "I thought you said you never noticed anyone else…was this one obvious to you then?"
"No. But a lifetime ago, I think he may have loved me too. I was so caught up in wanting vengeance for all the wrongs I suffered that I wouldn't see it, didn't want it until it was too late. It was a bad place and time. Even though you refuse to consider it, I'm not…I'm not a very good person, Kyrie."
Kyrie's mouth dropped open. "You are the dancer! Sand told me about his early years in the Hosttower, how he fell in love with a dancer!"
"He told you he fell in love with her?" Torio's grey eyes were large and luminous as she realized with a deep, wrenching sadness what she had given up.
"Yes. Then when he and I met, I did the same thing to him. Didn't see the obvious. Then I fell in love with my Cassi, and truly my eyes stopped seeing anyone but him…but I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had seen the depth of Sand's feelings. He has so much to give. Do you care for him still, Torio?"
Torio sighed miserably.
"I never stopped, but…too many things, terrible things have gone on between us and…and he just can't forgive me. I can't blame him. I don't deserve his love after the things I have done." The resignation in Torio's voice hung in the air.
Kyrie turned back to the window. "Torio, you have to tell him. What if it really is too late one day, do you want that in your heart? Do you want him to have that in his?"
"He hates me, Kyrie. With good reason too."
"I don't believe that for a minute. Like I said, I just can't see you being the monster you say you are."
Torio chewed her lip and went back to the items in the chest. The women remained that way for some time, picking through the chest, laughing over the little girl's antics, draping odd pieces of clothing over themselves. Torio reached into the bottom of the chest and held up the strangest looking item. It appeared to be a collar of sorts, made of brown leather with a white X pattern adorning the sides. At the front sat a large, smooth, oval turquoise stone.
Grinning, Torio placed it around her neck.
"I can't believe I used to wear some of this garbage, "she said.
Torio looked over at Kyrie who was staring at her, a vacant look in her large sunset eyes. Her stomach clenched in fear when Torio realized that the collar had sparked something in Kyrie's memory. Of course! The trial of Ember! She had worn the cursed thing!
How could I have been so stupid? Her mind screamed. Gods, won't I ever learn? She tore the offending item off her neck and threw it on the floor with a cry. Marian looked frightened and Torio pointed to the door.
"Marian, go! Please, Kyrie isn't well!" The little girl's eyes were large and she crept for the door holding her doll close, slipping out without a sound.
Torio heard her run down the hall calling for her brother.
Torio approached Kyrie slowly, reaching out a hand to her arm. "Ky? Kyrie? Hey…Kyrie, please!"
"Bring in the accused…" Judge Oleff's voice rang out across the judgement hall. Kyrie, wearing full ceremonial armor, walked through the hall to stand before Lord Nasher Alagondar.
"We are gathered here today to determine the truth of the crime committed in the small village of Ember, its people slaughtered to the last man, woman and child."
Kyrie was shaking. Who would do this, accuse her of murdering, in cold blood, an entire village of innocent souls? There had been little children in that village! Mothers with tiny infants in their arms! It was unbelievable, horrifying.
"Is the accuser here?" Judge Oleff's eyes searched the hall.
"I speak for those the accused slaughtered at Ember, and I am here to see that justice is carried out this day"
Kyrie stared at the Ambassador to Luskan, Torio Claven. "As are we all, Ambassador."
"And is the accused here, and her defender?" asked Judge Oleff
Beside her, Sand gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "We are present and eager to bring the truth of this matter into Tyr's sight, Reverend Judge."
Kyrie couldn't catch her breath, the memory, the emotion was tearing her apart. She was feeling such hatred, such fear all directed at her. Underlying that was sadness, confusion, sorrow.
She was vaguely aware of Torio touching her arm…Torio! She was there! It was her, she had accused Kyrie of the most heinous of crimes, something that she would never, could never have done!
Kyrie sank to her knees, trembling uncontrollably, her eyes still seeing the nightmare from so long ago.
"…she has had years of experience in treachery and twisting words…" Sand's gentle voice belied the words he spoke. "If you fail, you are bound for the gallows for certain."
Hollowly, Kyrie turned to him. "I'm glad you are here, Sand, I couldn't do this without you…"
Sand smiled. "No thanks are necessary, this is a labor of love…" He turned hooded eyes towards Torio.
Kyrie reeled under the onslaught of emotion. She saw all the faces of the people who had come to see her be condemned, for something she hadn't done. She turned her vacant eyes and saw her friends…who were they?
Friends for sure? Yes, they were anxious, worried, frightened for her. No names came to her mind but her heart screamed out to them.
Then she saw him.
Casavir. Beautiful Casavir.
He pressed his fingers to his lips and kissed them, briefly indicating her. Those eyes. Those steely blue, intensely passionate eyes.
Casavir, Cassi, save me…
"…the accuser, Ambassador Torio Claven of Luskan may now call witnesses to the stand."
Kyrie stared uncomprehending at Torio. Intense emotions assaulted her soul, emotions that were coming not from herself but from the auburn haired woman. Longing: intense, burning longing.
Pain, heart wrenching pain, so much sorrow and sadness and desire...Torio wanted something, wanted something so badly she would sell her soul for it.
What is it, what is it…Kyrie was slowly sinking into darkness.
Many voices, a cacophony of sound, ripping at her mind.
"…we are all going to hang…"
"..all those people, and they had no weapons…"
"…but the accused slaughtered them all, didn't she?"
"…cut off his head as he begged for his life on his knees…"
"I call the accused as a witness…"
Kyrie stared blindly at Torio, who had backed up against the wall, her face ashen. She was locked into her memory, unable to get out.
"Why did you kill the people of Ember?" Torio's voice rang out in the judgement hall, the crowd gasping collectively.
Kyrie felt her throat closing. She wanted to scream.
Torio's grey eyes were narrowed and she looked smugly at Kyrie, but behind those eyes was that heart wrenching desire again.
"How dare you?!" Torio shouted, rage contorting her face. "Do you think being here in Neverwinter makes you safe from me? It doesn't!"
Rage and fear, rage and fear, wave after wave.
Blissfully, blackness encroached on her vision, enveloping, covering. She sank into darkness.
Kyrie awoke to the sound of sobbing. She opened her eyes slowly. Something, or rather someone, was hanging onto her hand. It wasn't dark, but the light wasn't bright either and Kyrie struggled to move.
She was lying on something soft, the old dusty chaise. The figure holding her hand was sitting on the floor, crying as though her heart would break.
It was Torio.
When she felt Kyrie move, she lifted her tear streaked face, Kyrie's hand held tightly in hers.
"I'm sorry!" she cried. "I'm so sorry Kyrie! It was cruel and stupid and for all the wrong reasons! I want to take it back, but I can't!"
Kyrie stared at her as though seeing her for the first time.
"D…did you, did you kill them?" she whispered haltingly, afraid of the answer.
She saw Torio shake her head quickly several times, sobs still escaping.
"No! I had nothing to do with that! It was Lorne, and Garius. Oh gods Kyrie you have to believe that if nothing else!"
Kyrie sifted through the memories, but the overwhelming emotions were no longer there. They had ebbed to a dull roar inside her, and she understood, knew, what made Torio tick. The burning desire inside her was love. She wanted to know love. She would do anything to feel it.
To Torio, the end always justified the means. The end always had to be love.
Kyrie pulled her hand free and sat up. A painful twinge in her abdomen made her pause a moment, but she slid onto the floor beside Torio.
"I understand, Torio. Everyone deserves a chance at redemption, a second chance. And it's alright. Come back with me and Sand to the Keep. He told me that I always wanted my friends to live with me, that I wouldn't have it any other way. So come home with us, you and your children and your grandfather."
Torio sobbed with relief. "Do you forgive me, Kyrie?"
"Yes, yes I believe I do. It was terrible what you did, but I understand. We are friends, Torio. That was then, this is now, this is...a different place and time...like you said when we first came here. Come home with us."
Through her tears, Torio shook her head sadly.
"I can't, Kyrie. Sand hates me, he would never tolerate my coming with you. He can't forgive what I have done. He just can't, and I really don't think I can blame him for that. I have been a horrible person my whole life, maybe I am past redemption. It is too late for me."
"Don't say that! It's never too late. That's absurd, Torio! It's a miracle you survived the war, the long journey from the Keep…and those years in Luskan…"
She took her friend's hand. "As for Sand, give it time. Give him a second chance to get to know you again. He's pretty smart you know, he will see who you really are if you allow him that."
The look in the golden eyes told Torio volumes. Kyrie was able to forgive her because she had seen, had known things that were never meant to be shared. That must be what it meant to have a friend, someone who would forgive you, care for you no matter what you had done. Maybe Kyrie was right. Perhaps in time Sand also would see that she had changed, that she wanted to be different.
Suddenly proving that to him became the most important thing in her world.
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Darkness.
Oppressive darkness, stifling darkness.
Kyrie stood in that room of horror again, with a few tiny embers burning in a brazier, giving off a very light glow.
Her eyes widened to let in the most light. She was unable to move forward, rooted as if by magic to that one spot.
She turned her head this way and that. Her eyes made out a shape on the floor. There were no sounds in the room, just the darkness and the cold.
She soon found herself able to move and she crawled over to the shape. She did not feel the roughness of the stones beneath her legs and hands, a fact she found odd. It was as though she were floating above the ground.
The shape moved, curling itself tighter against the cold.
"Hello?" Kyrie called out softly. She touched the shape but her hand passed right through it.
"Ky….ree" a hollow, raspy whisper reached her ears.
The shape shifted again, and repeated her name, over and over like a mantra, a chant.
Her breath caught in her throat.
Suddenly the brazier sprang into life, a fire sprouting from its black center.
The shape was illuminated against the black floor, a man, a badly beaten and battered man.
Kyrie felt her insides drop, her heart pound. No, no no…she silently prayed, but to whom she did not know. She tried to touch the figure again, but she was as a spectre, able to see but not touch.
The man stretched out his arm, and Kyrie saw the long jagged slashes. Someone had taken a dagger to him. His back was crisscrossed with whip marks, blood dried in the horrible grooves.
Kyrie felt a sob rise up in her throat. She crawled nearer, and he turned his head. His eyes were closed but she would recognize that face anywhere, as broken as it was.
She ran her hands desperately through empty air, sobbing piteously. Curling up by his head she cried out his name over and over.
"Casavir, Cassi, I'm coming for you, wait for me, wait for me, wait for me…"
She awoke to the echo of an anguished, screaming version of her name.