Got a lot of reviews about this fic, so I decided that it will be continued. Thanks for the input!
July 8
Jace hasn't been getting any better. He wakes up screaming and sweating from nightmares every day for a whole week, but I hold him and I try to comfort him, because I know the Jace I know so well is still in there, screaming at me to help. Just last night, I woke up to him screaming, and Alec, Simon, and I had to hold him down, because he kept screaming and trying to throw hits at me. Eventually he calmed down and just lay there with tears streaming down his face and he was glaring straight at me, like he was wondering why I would do this to him, hold him down like this. I didn't even realize I was crying too until Isabelle came in and told me it was okay, that Jace would be fine, that I should go back to sleep. I didn't.
I just lay there and helped Jace.
I know he wants my help.
~Clary
July 10
By the Angel. What have I become? Jace had a nightmare again, like last time, but Alec knocked him out. He just took a syringe and jabbed Jace in the arm, and he went out like a light. I started screaming at Alec, how dare he drug Jace, after what he's been through because of Sebastian. I felt like I was losing my sanity. I tried to punch Alec, I remember that, and then my vision went red after Alec told me to calm down. Then I remember Magnus storming in yelling for us to shut up because he was trying to sleep. And then Jace woke up, despite the drug, and I know he was watching us yell at each other, two against one. I felt so helpless. I felt the tears come, and I couldn't hold it back. I stormed out the room, knowing that any more noise would cause Jace to have a terrible headache. I left Alec frustrated with me and Magnus ready to murder me, and I realized I should stay with Jace and I knew he was scared, but I barely cared anymore.
What am I going to do?
~Clary
July 15
Five days have gone by since Alec and I fought. I'm not sorry. He's sorry, but I don't care. Jace has gotten worse since that day. He's completely freaked out by the sight of Alec and I. I can't blame him. He's probably scared we're going to yell again, give him another migraine. I apologized to Jace over and over again, telling him how sorry I was, but he just curled up under the sheets and ignored me. Isabelle said he was acting like Church, and I almost slapped her. How could she make jokes like that? I'm frustrated and angry, but no one notices.
I hate everyone.
~Clary
July 21
Jace let me near him today. He isn't scared of me anymore. I feel like I'm talking about a wild animal, if I go near him, he'll back away and run. I guess it's sort of like that, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm going to help Jace heal, and I'm going to do it, even if Maryes and Isabelle and everyone else are doubting me. I even got Jace to eat something today. He didn't even put up a big fight. I put the spoon up to his lips and he opened his mouth. He chewed, swallowed, looked at me the whole time. I was so happy I gave him a peck on the cheek. I told him that we were making progress. I made a promise to him that we'd get him through this before the year ended.
I intend to keep that promise.
~Clary
July 26
The month is almost over. It's been about two months since we brought Jace home. He's still terrified of Sebastian, because if we bring up the name Sebastian, Jace starts shaking uncontrollably and he starts to cry. Today, Isabelle was in Jace's room with me and she brought out her whip, and Jace flinched so bad I thought he was having a spasm. He started shivering and crying, and I tried to calm him, but he just sobbed harder. It took a few hours, but eventually he fell asleep. Sebastian whipped Jace when he had him captive, didn't he? I know he did. I'm seeing red, because I'm so angry.
The son of a bitch.
~Clary
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