November 10
Jace has been getting better, somewhat. It seems like it, at least. He reacts now. He smiles and frowns and smirks and doesn't stop reacting. He's becoming more human. I mean, it's not as if I didn't think he was human before. Quite obviously I stated in my other note that I do believe he is only human. But now he's acting like one, you know? He's becoming more Jace.
Jace is coming back.
I know it.
-Clary
November 15
I don't know why I did it I don't know I don't know I don't know. I. Don't. Know. I don't know why nobody cares about me and I don't know why I hate myself so much and I don't know why my parents won't accept me and I don't know what it feels like to be happy anymore. I want to die. I want to leave and never come back, or go to sleep and never wake up, or escape into an alternate universe. But I can't. So I've decided to leave this house and never return. My family can continue without me; Jace might as well be dead, and Max is actually fucking dead and Isabelle is strong. She'll be alright. She doesn't notice me much at home, and she has Simon to help her with things any way, right? Anyhow, it won't make a difference when I'm gone. I have a plan. I'm a legal adult, you know. Well, in Shadowhunter terms at least. I can stay over at Luke's for a while; he's nice to me. And, maybe after that I'll go to Alicante. I'll stay in Idris, maybe? I don't know. I'll see what happens and I'll start from there.
I don't know anymore. I don't know what's happening to me. I wish I could start over.
I wish I could just not do anything, actually.
Is it too much to ask for a break?
-Alec
So I went to Magnus's—
Wait, I should put the date, right. Um, I think it's like the 20th or something, 21, 22 or something? I don't know.
So anyway, as I was saying, I went over to Magnus's because Isabelle asked me to, and I found out some... stuff. I asked Magnus to help with Jace, but obviously he said no. He said—I quote— 'I'm tired of being your pet warlock. Stop asking me to do things for you.'
Then he made me leave the apartment and told me to never go back to him again. So basically he's got an immense amount of hatred built up towards Alec, and he doesn't want anything to do with the Shadowhunters or this issue ever again.
There goes our most helpful resource.
-Simon
December 2
I think I'm imagining things. I can't fucking believe this! He said my name. He said it. He said hi. He focused on me and, yeah, he told me to fuck off, but he talked to me. He made a connection and he was thinking. If he could say my name, he realized it was me. If he told me to fuck off, he noticed that I wasn't Clary. And if he told me to fuck off, that means that tiny brain in Jace Lightwood's head was turning. He was trying to form a sarcastic remark.
Jace is back.
He's a bit slow, but I know he's back.
Also, I haven't heard from Alec for a long time. I think I'll call him later. I've been meaning to call him for so long, but I keep forgetting. I hope Alec is okay. He's my brother. Nobody means more to me than him.
Except Simon.
-Isabelle
December 8
Isabelle wasn't screwing with me when she said Jace was back. I think it's true. Today when I came into his room, he smiled at me. He reached his hand up and took mine. Cheesy, I know.
I almost bawled.
-Clary
Xxx
Xx
x
December 9 3am
He woke up screaming.
Nightmares.
Jace.
Death.
Pain.
Oh god, the pain.
It was unbearable, starting in Alec's chest and spreading through him like wildfire. He ran to the bathroom, vomiting everything he ate in the past week, it seemed, into the toilet. He was shuddering, hugging himself and trying to ignore the excruciating pain in his abdomen and shoulder. A moment later, Luke threw open the door, kneeling down beside the boy.
"Angel, Alec, I thought you were being murdered—" he was muttering, "what happened?"
Alec shook his head. "Like I know."
And then Clary came in, bursting into the bathroom in a swirl of red. Maybe it was her nightgown, Alec thought absentmindedly, or maybe he was just seeing red. "Clary, go back to bed." Luke replied, not harshly but forceful enough.
Alec's hands had begun to shake. The pain hadn't gotten any better, and any noise was beginning to give him a headache. "Shut up." He muttered. "Shut up, shut up, shut up."
Luke was rubbing his back, telling Alec, It's okay, you're going to be okay.
By the angel, what's happening?
Alec clawed at his throat, suddenly dry and hurting. It was as if somebody had ran it through with a knife a thousand times, then sprayed salt all over the wounds. He felt weak. He wasn't usually like this; he'd had worse before. But it wasn't the physical pain, it was the emotional pain. It was as if his heart was being torn, as if his mind was being invaded by a black darkness that wouldn't let him be. It was like a hand was closing around him, tightening the grip until Alec couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but hope for a breath that would never come. As if depression itself had swallowed him up.
X
Alec was hyperventilating, shivering and whispering something that Clary couldn't decipher. Luke had left her to take over Alec, stating that he was going to find some Advil, and now she was sitting on the cold bathroom floor with black haired boy.
"Alec, can you hear me?" She whispered, "talk to me, Alec."
He did not reply. Any sign of Alec still being humanely conscious had disappeared. He was still mumbling in that broken language of his, hugging himself and burying his face between his knees.
It was then when Clary noticed the bleeding.
It wasn't much, only a little blood, coming from Alec's shoulder, soaking through the black fabric of his shirt. Laying a gentle hand on Alec, cringing when he flinched away, she moved his shirt collar aside.
Clary wasn't surprised when she saw the rune. She had known it was there, because she had drawn an iratze there before, seeing this rune as she helped Alec recover.
But when Clary had seen it last, it hadn't been in this condition, no, it hadn't been bleeding, slowly fading away from black to silver to grey. It was jagged looking, as if it didn't belong on skin. Like a dead weight on water, it was sinking. It was shining, too, as if there were a light hidden inside a dark abyss and as the rune vanished, the light was released.
It was beautiful, in an ugly way. Beautiful, because of the light it produced and the way it had left a soft scar on Alec's skin, and had also taken away the sickness Alec had felt, Clary noticed as he stopped mumbling and slowly lifted his head. But it was ugly, because it had caused more darkness than light. Ugly because it had left behind something more than a mere scar. Ugly because it left Clary one thing to think about.
Till death part thee and me.
The rune was the parabatai rune, and it had died out.
Which meant Jace had, too.
Awesome, I finally updated. Yay. Review and tell me what you think. Thoughts on Jace, Alec, Isabelle, Simon, Clary, etc. Anything works. Or you can send me hate over what just happened that's fine as well.
Anywho, review! :)