Hello there everyone! Okay you can shoot me for being late.... But here is the 5th chapter… (It was difficult to write so I hope you forgive me for the lateness…) And I have bad news…. I don't know when the next update would be….It normally took me 1 week but the next chapter….Well I'm not sure if I update it very late….Who knows maybe tomorrow inspiration will pay me a visit and write it… So don't be disappointed and I hope you'll understand ^^
Ok nothing else I'll let you read it….
Disclaimer: I don't own Mai-HiME
Oh I forgot…here in this chapter the you can see only Natsuki's thoughs…
Shizuru walked over to where Natsuki stood frozen. When she reached her, she leaned forward and planted a welcoming kiss on Natsuki's blushing cheek, which made her face go tomato-red.
"Ara, that's not fair…" she leaned close and reached the biker's ear. With a low, seductive voice she whispered: "If you blush all the way from the beginning, at the end of our date, my Natsuki will suffer major blood loss," she blew softly into the bluenette's ear.
The navy-blue haired girl immediately felt dizzy with the words Shizuru said and the hot air caressing her ear wasn't much of a help. She leaned her back to the wall so she could stay on her feet.
This was exactly what she was afraid of…
She looked up at Shizuru's crimson orbs. Natsuki gathered the courage and leaned over to the brunette and gave her a kiss on the cheek, too. She blushed, as she wasn't expecting it.
"Really, Shizuru. You shouldn't get into so much trouble for all that...Just the movie was fine…" she said and looked around the room. It was like there were neon signs saying "ROMANTIC DATE" all around the room. The candles all over the place, the table…everything had a romantic mood.
"Mou, ikezu Natsuki…It's our first date…I believe that all these still aren't enough," Natsuki looked at her and gave her a weak smile. She was smiling too… That smile… Natsuki kept staring at her. Every little detail...
'She is the person that, with just a simple smile makes my heart tremble...' The navy-blue haired biker made a small step toward Shizuru. 'She is the one that came to me when I was unable to believe in anyone,' she took one more step. 'She is the one that became a demon for my sake...' Natsuki felt some tears traveling down her cheek. 'She is the one...'
"Natsuki?" Shizuru spoke and Natsuki saw her beautiful crimson eyes become filled with pain.
'I don't want to see them like that!'
Without warning, Natsuki wrapped her arms around Shizuru and cuddled up to her. The brunette was startled but Natsuki soon felt her arms wrap themselves around her and Shizuru's chestnut-haired head rest against the crook of her neck.
Just that simple action put Natsuki's pain-filled heart at ease. It was the same warm feeling she had every time she was with her.
'But why? Why is my heart so messed up? It's the same feeling I had with Nao too. How can I love BOTH of them? Love…I know now that it's love, what I feel for both of them...the girl that has always been with me...and the girl that unexpectedly came into my life. I hate my self so much...' Natsuki backed away to see Shizuru's face. 'God! I'm so stupid. I don't deserve this...Yes, I DO deserve this pain but I...I don't deserve THEM! I don't…'
Natsuki leaned forward and captured the brunette's lips.
'This...this worth to us...so much...'
Moments after, Shizuru broke the kiss; her taste still lingering on the bluenette's lips. Natsuki opened her eyes and looked at her. Her eyes were filled with tears. Shizuru raised her hand and wiped the tears away before doing the same to her own tears. Natsuki gave her a weak smile and moved her gaze from her face to look down at how tightly hugged they were.
"I'm pathetic aren't I...? I'm sorry," Shizuru didn't respond.
"D-Do you...still...love me?" Natsuki whispered. It was now hard to give voice to her thoughts. Shizuru smiled widely, leaned forward and gave the bluenette a kiss on the forehead.
"Of course I do still love you, my Natsuki. Nothing can make my love for you disappear," she said with a calm voice, squeezing Natsuki. Natsuki buried her head in her chest.
"But...I'm not worth it…I'm not worthy of your love…" Natsuki felt more tears coming.
"You deserve this love…I know that you think I'm not the right person to give it to you…" 'What?!' "...but I'm sure you'll find the right person."
What?! What is she talking about?
"What are you talking about?!?!" Natsuki snapped and pushed Shizuru away from her and gave her an angry look. "It's not that! IT'S NOT THAT!!!" she fell to her knees. Her whole body started shaking. Why is this happening? If that will make her forget me…why am I yelling?' Shizuru dropped to her knees too in front of the navy-blue haired biker. She raised her hand and cupped her cheek.
"Then...do you love me?" Shizuru asked.
"YES!!! I love you!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!! But-!" the crimson-eyed brunette didn't let her finish. She threw herself at Natsuki and gave her a passionate kiss. Natsuki saw her crimson eyes glowing as she started closing them. She did the same.
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"Damn it, Natsuki! Why is your phone off?!?" Mai cried as she threw her phone at the bed. Mikoto was still looking bewildered at the other girl's behavior. She started pacing around the room thinking how she can tell her about the hickey before anything bad happened.
But it was impossible…Totally impossible…
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Shizuru slowly pushed Natsuki back and pinned her to the floor. She backed away to get a better view of Natsuki's face. She raised her hand and her fingers touched the navy-blue haired girl's lips. Natsuki saw her biting her lower lip as she began trailing her hand downward. The next thing Natsuki felt was Shizuru's hand cupping her right breast. She started massaging it and Natsuki threw her head back from the sensation. The brunette leaned forward and gave Natsuki a kiss on the chin. She started kissing her way down to her neck.
Natsuki felt the brunette's eager tongue lick every place, as much skin as she could. Her whole body had warmed up by her eagerness. She felt Shizuru's teeth nibbling her skin and a loud moan left her throat.
Natsuki felt Shizuru's mouth moving away from her neck. She opened her eyes and saw Shizuru looking at her neck with a cold expression.
"Shi-Shizuru...?" When she heard the blunette's voice she looked up and met her eyes. Her eyes had turned a dark crimson color, something that couldn't possibly exist in this world...it was the same gaze she had when she killed Yukino's child.
But this time, it was different. More tears than ever started to stream down her cheeks. Tears that fell on their own accord, without the permission of their master.
"Shizuru?" Natsuki called her again but the brunette's face remained the same: not a single emotion, only the tears falling from the cold crimson eyes. Natsuki raised her hands to embrace her but Shizuru quickly avoided the contact and got up. She turned her back to Natsuki and left for the bedroom.
'Why?'
Natsuki got up and run toward the bedroom.
Before she opened the door, she heard Shizuru's sobs and her heart ached again. She slowly opened the door and her eyes became moist with tears again at the sight of Shizuru, crying with her face in her hands. Maybe she didn't realize that the bluenette was here because she didn't move. Natsuki walked over to her and got on the bed to hug her from behind. Feeling that someone was on the bed she turned and looked at her. Her heart broke in little pieces when Natsuki saw Shizuru's face. Her previously cold façade was off and a pained expression had taken over her face.
"Shizuru?" Natsuki said her name hoping she would respond. She quickly wiped her tears away and looked at her again.
"What's the matter Natsuki?" she asked with a fake smile.
"W-What happened? W-Why did you leave?" Natsuki asked.
"What happened, you say…" Shizuru grabbed the biker's shoulders and she pushed her hard down to the bed. She straddled her lap and continued. "Why did I leave? Does Natsuki want so badly to have sex with me?"
"E-Eh? W-What are you t-talking about?" blood rose to her cheeks, painting them red.
"Maybe Natsuki's previous lover didn't satisfy her...am I right?" 'Previous lover?!?' "But you know…Natsuki should have told me that she likes it hard," she dove down to Natsuki's lips and gave her a dominant kiss. Natsuki gasped and her tongue entered her mouth, tasting every inch. Not many seconds passed before she broke the kiss, leaned down and and gave Natsuki's neck a hard bite.
"OW!! W-What are you doing?!" Natsuki screamed. Shizuru raised her head from her neck and Natsuki looked her.
"Ara, doesn't Natsuki like that?" She chuckled in an insane way. "But how about that?" she put her finger at a spot in the blunette's neck. "Did the other one do it better?"
"What did better?" Natsuki asked her. But before she replied realization hit her hard. It was the spot that Nao was sucking back then.
"The hickey of course what else!!" she shouted and her eyes became even colder than before. It was the first time Natsuki heard her yelling.
'And I did this to her. I'm a jerk. I'm a holy fucking JERK!'
"Shizuru, please! I want you to listen to me…Please, it's important! Just calm down!" The brunette got up from her and sat beside her. Natsuki rose, too and sat properly in front of her.
"I'm listening." She said with a cold voice.
"Shizuru, look. I KNOW how much I've hurt you all this time…And I know how much it's gonna hurt…But before I say anything else, I want you to know that I love you and THAT it's NOT a lie," her eyes softened and a lonely tear made its way down her cheek. "But there's also...another one that I love…But don't think that you failed me! You were my first love…But still…" She couldn't continue talking. She wanted to talk to her more about her feelings…but…the only thing she could do now was lean forward and give Shizuru a soft, gentle kiss. The red-eyed girl just hugged her and they lay down together in the bed in each other's embrace.
Natsuki kissed Shizuru's forehead and whispered to her:
"I'm really sorry, Shizuru…I hope you understand…" Shizuru didn't say anything. Instead, she just cuddled up to Natsuki like a small child and Natsuki held her as tightly as she could.
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Hours had passed.
Natsuki was lying there, holding Shizuru tightly in her arms. She had fallen asleep hours ago but Natsuki lay there, unable to sleep, just looking at her. She could hear her low breathing. She could smell her sweet fragrance. 'How stupid can I be?' She carefully pulled her hands from her body and moved away from her. Natsuki tried not to wake her. She looked at her for one last time and turned her back to her. She walked out the bedroom's door and looked around. Some candles were still lit up. She smothered them and looked around for a piece of paper. When she found one, she settled down and started writing.
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Natsuki now stood at the opened door. She was staring at the table where she had left the paper alongside with her cell-phone. She shifted her gaze and looked at the clock upon the wall. It was still 3:15.
'I don't care…this is the only way…Sorry, Shizuru…' She hefted her bag and closed the door behind her. 'I'm sorry…'
Once she was outside, she took a look back at the apartment building. Sighting, she started off without a particular destination.
She kept walking and walking. Her mind was completely blank. No thoughts, no emotions. She just kept walking. The lights of the town were blinding her. She didn't care. She kept walking. Cars was honking at her as she was passing the road. She didn't care. She just kept walking.
Soon, she found herself at a district she knew very well. Months ago, she was wandering around here for information about the First District. Here all the disreputable people were roaming free. Big deals were taking place in the countless bars here. She walked around and she found a cheap hotel. Not that she didn't had any money but here, no one, and specially Shizuru, would find her. She walked over to the receptionist. It was a creepy old man watching the TV, eating something disgusting that Natsuki couldn't understand what it was. When he noticed her, his eyes glowed. He looked her from head to toe and chuckled.
"Hey there cutie. Can I do something for you?"
"I want a room and quick," Natsuki cut him off giving him a death glare. The guy shrunk back.
"U-Um...O-Ok, don't be mad! Can I hav-?"
"Nothing," Her gaze become more intense. "Just give me a room and quickly. You'll get your money so don't worry and don't. Ask. About. Anything." He quicly looked behind him where the keys for the rooms were. He picked a key with the number 207 engraved on it. He quickly gave it to Natsuki, whose gaze hadn't changed.
"I-I h-hope y-you h-have a nice s-stay," he stammered.
"Tsk. Like that would happen," Natsuki stormed up the stairs to find her room leaving the frightened man behind.
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She closed the door behind her and looked at the room: It was horrible. 'It doesn't matter anymore...'. She put her bag on a chair and lied on the bed. She kept watching the ceiling for minutes...which felt like centuries. She looked outside the small window. It was still dark outside.
"Guh! Will the freaking night ever end?!" she screamed and got off the bed.
She wanted so badly to drink something…To make her forget…For nothing else…Just to forget…
So that was the 5th chapter… I hope you like it….I'm waiting for your reviews you know that… ^_^'
Ok until next time……(I told you I'll try it to write it as soon as possible. That's a promise!)