(January 11, 1935 – James' house)
Lindsay stumbled through the doorway almost falling over as she set the bag onto the floor. She heard a small chuckle escape James' lips as he followed her inside. "What's so funny?" she asked.
"I told you I could carry the bag, it's only a sprain you know."
"Well I don't care what it is, the doctor said you need to take it easy for a few days and I'm going to make sure of that." Lindsay said as she followed James over to the couch.
James sat down on the couch, a pained expression appeared on his face as he sat down, practically collapsing onto the couch. A small groan escaped his lips as he situated himself until he was comfortable.
"Are you alright?" Lindsay asked, worry apparent in her voice.
"Yeah I'm fine, just sore," he said quietly as Lindsay sat down beside him.
She began stroking his hair as she gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry," she said, almost in a whisper.
A small smile spread across James' lips as he took her hand into his, "I've already told you there's nothing you need to be sorry about, Lindsay."
Lindsay averted her eyes so she didn't look into his, it was hard enough seeing him hurting at the moment. Just then James reached over, brushing some hair out of her face. He placed his hand behind her head, slowly pulling her close, his lips crashing into hers. Lindsay felt her heart leap within her chest as he kissed her passionately. It'd been so long since they'd been alone, unafraid of wandering eyes. Chills ran through her spine as James' other arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer. She smiled slightly as the two of them pulled apart, gently she laid her head upon his shoulder. James wrapped his arm around her as she cuddled up close to him. He placed a kiss upon her forehead as the two of them sat there in the silence. "I love you," he whispered, only to discover that Lindsay had fallen asleep. James smiled slightly as he massaged her arm a bit as he stared off into space, dozens of thoughts running through his mind.
The two of them made their way upstairs, making their way through the dark. They'd just woken up only moments ago after falling asleep together downstairs that afternoon. After they walked into the bedroom, James sat down on the end of the bed. Lindsay crawled up onto the bed behind him, gently wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed his neck lightly before resting her chin upon his shoulder. "Are you tired?" she whispered.
James shook his head, "No," he said with a sigh.
"What's wrong?"
"It's nothing," James said quietly.
A frown spread across Lindsay's lips, "Okay," she said, trying to hide the disappointment. James hadn't spoken a word to her about the accident, besides to tell her it wasn't her fault when she'd apologize. Lindsay swallowed hard before pulling away, "I'm going to go take a shower." She got up off the bed and made her way into the bathroom.
James frowned as Lindsay walked off, he'd known he was being distant the past few days, but all he had wanted was to forget about the accident; at least to make it easier for Lindsay, but it only seemed to upset her that he wasn't talking to her. He stared down at the ground as he breathed in deeply. He'd been considering whether or not he should tell her about the dream he had, but he was afraid it would only make things worse than they already were. He sighed before he stood up and walked into the bathroom.
Lindsay turned around as she heard the shower door slide open, "James what are you-" she began to ask before his arms wrapped around her and his lips came crashing into hers. Startled a bit she pulled away, their lips only inches away. Lindsay wasn't sure if she was ready to go back to the way they were quite yet, but her temptation got the best of her. She breathed in deeply before wrapping her arms around his neck, her lips crashing into his as she pulled him close.
The two of them laid quietly in the dark, their bodies tangled under the cold sheets. Neither of them knew what to say, but they both knew what was on each others' minds. Breathing in deeply, Lindsay hesitated before lifting her head so she was looking at James. "James?" she whispered quietly, breaking the silence.
"Yeah?" he asked as he looked down so he was looking at her.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it but- what happened?" she asked. "We haven't really talked about what happened the past few days."
James sighed, "I didn't want to bring it up, and I thought it'd be best if I didn't, for your sake. I know it has been hard for you and I just didn't want to mention anything about."
Lindsay swallowed hard as a pained expression crossed her face, "I haven't really wanted to, but we can't keep running from it. With what happened...I just don't think we can forget about it. There are still some things that are unsaid."
"Like what?" James asked, though he already had a good idea of what she'd ask about.
"Well you haven't said a word about your accident. And I'm just worried," she said. "It isn't me is it? I didn't do anything to make you not want to talk to me, did I?"
"No, that's not it. It's just-" James let out a sigh, "I don't know what to say. There really isn't much else to say."
"Was it because of me?" Lindsay asked sadness apparent in her voice.
James swallowed hard as he looked away from her, staring over at the wall for no apparent reason.
Lindsay felt the tears fill her eyes as he looked away from her. Her lip began to quiver a bit as they lie there in the silence.
The truth was that James had only been thinking of her and what had happened between them. But he didn't want her to think it was her fault. He felt her try to pull herself away a bit from his grasp. James put his hand under her chin and moved her head so she was facing him. Looking at the hurt on her face he felt a pang in his heart. "Lindsay it's not your fault okay? I just-"
"Yes it is..." she said as she pulled away. "If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have had to do that to Adam. He was your friend and you had to go as far as killing him because of me." Her voice quivered as she spoke.
"But I-" James began to say.
"No," she said as she shook her head. Her breathing was jagged as she breathed in deeply, tears began to fall as a small sob escaped her lips. She sat up so she was looking down at him, "You would be perfectly fine if it wasn't for me, James." She sniffled as she looked away. Lindsay pursed her lips as she shut her eyes tight, trying to hold the tears back. "I'm sorry," she breathed out before getting up. Reaching through the darkness she grabbed James' shirt before quickly putting it on and heading to the door.
"Lindsay…" James said as he sat up a bit.
She turned around as she grabbed onto the door frame. "Don't. I just-" a sob escaped her lips once more, "I need to be alone."
James looked at her for a second feeling defeated, quickly he turned onto his side so his back was to her.
Lindsay felt a pang in her heart as he turned his back on her. She shut her eyes for a moment as tears streamed down her cheeks. A lump grew in her throat and she swallowed hard. Turning quickly on her heels she walked out, the door slamming shut behind her.
James turned to see an empty space beside him, he sighed as he sat up. He swung his legs over the side of the bed before he tried to wipe the sleep away from his eyes. Walking into the closet he threw on some clothes and then made his way downstairs. There he found Lindsay curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her. A pained look crossed his face as he thought about what happened the previous night. Standing there he debated whether or not he should wake her. Afraid that she may not want to talk to him still he decided against it. She would talk to him when she was ready. He put on some shoes and walked over to the door. Opening the door he came face to face with Amber on the porch. "Amber…what are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you," she said. "Are you busy?"
Looking back inside at Lindsay he frowned before turning Amber, "No, not at all."
Amber stepped aside as he walked out, shutting the door behind him. They walked away from the house and over to a swing just off to the side of the yard. There was silence for a moment as they sat down. "I heard about what happened. Are you okay?" Amber asked in concern.
James stared at her for as he thought about the dream he'd had. "Uhhh...yeah." he said as he looked away.
"I'm glad to hear that." Amber said with a sympathetic smile. "Listen, I know you've been through a lot lately, but I wanted to talk to you about what happened to Adam."
James tensed up a bit, "Oh? What about it?"
"I just find it odd that it happened so abruptly. I mean, Adam and Lindsay were just starting to have problems, too."
"If you're suggesting Lindsay did it you're wrong." James said defensively. "I mean, I don't believe she did it at all. She'd never do anything like that." He looked back over at her, "I know it seems odd, but I've known Lindsay since we were kids and I just know she couldn't possibly do anything like that."
"People can surprise you sometimes," Amber said with a hint of hatred in her voice.
"Lindsay and I have always been friends, I think I know her well enough to say it's impossible." James quickly said.
"Okay." Amber said, not wanting to upset him in any way. "I didn't really come here to just talk about that."
"What else did you want to talk about?" James asked.
"Us." Amber said quietly. "What happened to us, I mean we were in love at some point right?" she asked hopefully.
"Yeah." James looked down at his hands, not sure if that were really true or not. He'd been wondering the same thing. "Things just didn't work out in the end I guess."
Amber nodded, the two of them sat there quietly for a few minutes before she spoke up. "Was it me?" she asked quietly, sadness apparent in her voice.
"No." James said looking back up at her.
Lindsay slowly opened her eyes; she sat up and looked up at the clock. Out of the corner of her eye she saw someone outside. Walking over to the window she pushed the curtains away. Her brow furrowed as she saw James and Amber together.
Just then Amber pulled James to her and her lips went crashing into his. James was startled at what was going on, but for some reason he didn't feel like pulling away, at least not yet.
A gasp escaped Lindsay's lips as she saw the couple in a lip lock. Why isn't he pulling away?! she thought as she continued to watch. She brought her hand to her mouth as a choked sob left her lips. Quickly she shut her eyes, unable to bear seeing the two kiss any longer. Turning on her heals she rushed to the stairs.
James pulled away, pushing Amber away from him. "I can't do this. I shouldn't be doing this." James shook his head as he realized what he'd done.
"What? Why?" Amber asked.
"I just can't. I have to go." James quickly said as he stood up to leave.
"Didn't you feeling anything?" Amber called after him. James continued to walk across the lawn. "So you felt nothing?"
James stopped dead in his tracks; he wasn't so sure about Amber now. Did he still have feelings for her?
Amber watched as he walked off and back into his house. A smirk spread across her lips as she stood up to leave.
Lindsay ran into the room, slamming the door shut behind her. She leaned against the door, tears streaming down her cheeks. Holding her head in her hands another sob escaped her lips. Wiping away tears she walked over to the dresser and began pulling out her clothes, tossing them upon the bed during the process. Grabbing her bag she began stuffing some into it. Quickly she pulled off the shirt and threw it onto the floor before getting dressed. After grabbing more clothes from the closet she brought them over to her bag. Just then the door opened and James walked in. "Lindsay…what are you doing?"
Without even acknowledging him she continued packing.
"Lindsay..?" James asked, worry apparent in his voice.
"I'm packing, what does it look like?" Lindsay asked somewhat coldly.
"Why?" James walked over beside her.
"I think its best that I go. After what has happened, and especially after last night, I think I should leave." Without even looking at him she walked over to the dresser where she pinned her hair up into a bun. As she looked into the mirror she saw the hurt look on his face. It made her heart break to see him like that, but at the same time she felt so angry. James had never done anything to hurt her before, she'd never felt so betrayed.
"Why are you taking everything?"
"I'm not going back to the house." Lindsay said as she walked over to the bed, still not looking him in the face.
"Lindsay if this is about last night I am so sorry. I didn't want things to end like that." James said, panic creeping into his voice.
"On some level you did, because you hesitated for a long time before answering my question. And to tell you the truth, I'd never felt so hurt before. Not even after I thought you were going to die." Lindsay said bitterly. "There's nothing you can say to excuse any of it. I'm leaving and that's that." She quickly grabbed her bag and headed toward the door.
"Lindsay don't do this…" James pleaded.
For the first time she looked at him and in that moment she didn't feel hurt at all when she saw his face. The only thing she felt was hatred at that point, she couldn't believe he'd go off and see Amber behind her back. Everything he'd said to her was a lie and she couldn't help but feel angry. She swallowed hard before she looked away. "I'm sorry," she breathed out before walking out of the room.
James heard the front door slam shut. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. As he looked up he saw something shining out of the corner of his eye. Lying upon the night stand was the ring he'd given to Lindsay only a few days ago. In that moment he knew she must've seen him and Amber outside. Not even what had happened the night before would tear them apart so fast. He grabbed a picture frame from the night stand and threw it across the room in anger. It collided with the mirror causing it to shatter as it came crashing to the floor. James crouched down and sat upon the cold floor, holding his head in his hands.
Lindsay stormed into the foyer, the sound of the door slamming shut echoed through the entire house. "Lindsay?" Mandy called as she walked out of the kitchen, "What's all the commotion about?"
Lindsay shook her head as she headed to the stairs, "I don't want to talk about it right now Mandy."
"Lindsay…what happened?" Mandy asked comfortingly.
Sighing deeply Lindsay stopped dead in her tracks before turning on her heels to face Mandy. "It's just this stupid thing with Amber."
"You mean what happened with James last weekend?" Mandy asked, rather confused.
Lindsay shook her head, "No, I ran into her while I was out."
Mandy frowned as she looked up at Lindsay before walking up the stairs to where Lindsay was. "You okay?" she asked as she placed her hand on Lindsay's arm.
Lindsay looked down at the floor, "Not really."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mandy asked. Lindsay stood there silent, "I made cookies, maybe that'll make you feel better." Mandy said with a smirk.
"Wait, you baked?" Lindsay asked.
Mandy laughed, "I'm trying okay…"
"Hmmm do I want to be the first victim?" Lindsay said with an arched eyebrow.
Mandy slapped her arm playfully, "Hey!"
Lindsay laughed, "I'm only kidding. Let's go." She linked her arm with Mandy's before they headed to the kitchen.
"Mmm, they look good." Lindsay said as she sat down at the table.
"Are you serious or joking?" Mandy asked.
"I'm serious." Lindsay said with laughter in her voice. "You know it hurts that you doubt me so much…" Lindsay said as she clasped her hand to her chest.
"Oh shut up!" Mandy said with a laugh. Lindsay laughed as she picked up a cookie and took a bite from it. "So, what happened with Amber?" Mandy asked silently after a few minutes.
Lindsay sighed, "I went to see James." She said in almost a whisper.
"You did? What happened? What did he say?" Mandy asked.
"We didn't talk- he was with Amber. I suppose she saw me because she walked out after me when I walked off."
"Oh." Mandy said quietly.
Lindsay swallowed hard as a clump grew in her throat, she thought back to what had happened earlier that day.
Lindsay walked off down the street as fast as she could, now wishing she hadn't gone to James' house. Before she could turn the corner Amber came up behind her. Lindsay turned around and glared at her as Amber walked up to her. "What do you want Amber?"
"I just want to know what you're doing here."
"Why would that matter to you?" Lindsay asked.
"Why? Because James has been hurting the last few days since you left him, but don't worry I've been taking good care of him for you."
Lindsay couldn't help but feel hurt, but she wasn't going to allow Amber to get what she wanted. "Why do you even bother? You know he doesn't have any feelings for you."
"Really, because that's not what he said to me last night when I asked him. Did you ever think maybe he doesn't have feelings for you? I mean you are the reason he almost died, he just won't admit it."
Lindsay pursed her lips as she looked down at the ground, "You really think I'm going to believe you?"
"Oh I think you do, deep down you know it's true. If it wasn't for you James wouldn't have almost lost his life and Adam wouldn't be dead. Isn't that what you told him the last time you saw him?"
Lindsay glared up at Amber, even though she didn't want to admit it, that's exactly how she'd felt the past few days. She just wanted to get away from Amber now, "Well I guess there's no reason for me to stay here then, right? You have James again, so there really is no reason for you to worry about me anymore." Lindsay said as she turned on her heels and walked off.
A smirk grew on Amber's lips as she watched Lindsay walk off; she turned and walked back to the house.
"I'm sorry Lindsay." Mandy said comfortingly after Lindsay finished explaining what had happened. "She really has no right to do this you know, and none of that is true and you know it. Maybe you should try and talk to James…it might help."
Lindsay shook her head, "I don't think so Mandy, it's too late for that. I don't think I could even let him back in again. I just wish we could take it all back…Adam wouldn't be dead and things would've been okay between us, even if we were just friends." Lindsay felt tears well up in her eyes as she spoke.
"I don't believe that for a second Lindsay, I'm sure James wouldn't want to give up these past few months for anything. You two love each other, you both know that, you just need to try and work things out." Mandy said as she took Lindsay's hand into hers.
"It's not that simple anymore, I know he thinks it's my fault Mandy. He just won't say it to my face." Lindsay felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks. "And if I meant anything to him he wouldn't be spending his time with Amber right now. He'd be trying to work things out, so as far as I'm concerned there's no reason for me to talk to him ever again." She said before she stood up and walked out of the room.
Mandy frowned as a sigh escaped her lips, she had to try and fix things for Lindsay. Her friend deserved better than this.
Mandy took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. She waited for a few minutes as no one answered. A frown appeared on her lips, she hesitated for a second before she opened the door herself. Walking inside she noticed all the furniture was upturned and glass strewn across the floor. She sighed before heading up the stairs. Within a few moments she walked into James' bedroom, the first thing she noticed was the shattered mirror that lay upon the floor. Glass had covered the floor before it; she frowned as she picked up a picture that was hidden beneath the glass. Wiping the glass away she realized it was a picture of Lindsay and James. She remembered the day it had been taken because she'd taken it; it was from their trip after they'd graduated. Mandy remembered feeling like a third wheel half the trip since Lindsay and James had seemed rather close that week. "What are you doing here?" Mandy practically jumped as she heard the voice behind her. Turning around she came face to face with a grief stricken James, he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. "James, are you okay?" Mandy asked with a frown upon her face.
"Am I okay?" he asked in disbelief. "I lost the love of my life because I screwed up, how do you think I feel Mandy?"
"You haven't lost her entirely James, you two just need to talk. I'm sure you two can work things out." Mandy said hopefully.
"She doesn't want to talk to me." James said as he looked down at the floor.
Mandy walked over to him, "I know things have been hard for you two these past few days, but you haven't tried talking to her at all James. As much as she doesn't want to admit it, she's been hoping everyday that you'd be the one walking through her door. Things haven't been easy for her James, she's been hurting too. I hate seeing her like that, and I think if you just try talking to her, you two could make things better."
"I don't know, Mandy. I don't think she wants to see me." James said quietly.
"Trust me she does, but if you wait any longer you just might lose her forever. Every day you waste not talking to her, the more she'll give up on you two."
James sighed, "You really think I should?"
Mandy just nodded, "I think it'll help. You two can try and work things out finally, I'm sure you two will be back to normal in no time. She loves you James, you know that, and you the same for her, and I don't see how you two couldn't fix things."
"Okay."
"Okay." Mandy whispered, before she walked past him.
"Mandy?" James called after her.
"Yeah?" she asked as she turned around.
"Thank you." He said quietly as he tried to smile back at her.
"No problem." Mandy said with a smile before walking down the stairs.
Lindsay sat by the window, watching the rain pour down outside. She hated that she hadn't been able to try and move on yet. As much as she didn't want to believe it, she knew that she didn't really mean anything to James anymore. He hadn't even bothered to try and talk to her at all and to top it off he was with Amber the whole time. It was times like these, when she couldn't help but cry when she thought of him and how much he'd hurt her that she really did wish that they hadn't said their feelings that night. They would still be friends at least, and not torn apart like they were now.
Lifting her head she heard steps coming into the room, quickly she wiped away the tears before Mandy walked in. "Hey," she said quietly as she looked up at Mandy.
"Hey, Linds." Mandy said as she walked over and sat beside Lindsay. "You okay?" she asked.
Lindsay nodded, "Yeah," she choked out.
"It's going to be okay Lindsay, I promise." Mandy said comfortingly before Lindsay leaned her head upon Mandy's shoulder. Gently Mandy stroked Lindsay's hair, "Things will get better sooner or later, you'll see."
"I hope so," Lindsay said as she sniffled.
"You know I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Mandy said after there was silence.
"About what?" Lindsay asked.
"Um, I haven't really told anyone this yet, but I thought I could tell you." Mandy said nervously.
Lindsay sat up so she was looking at Mandy, "What is it?"
Mandy gave her a small smile, "I-" Mandy swallowed hard, "I think I'm pregnant."
A smile grew upon Lindsay's lips, "That's great Mandy!" she said excited as she hugged her. After Mandy didn't say anything she pulled away, "It is right?"
Mandy looked down at her lap, "Yeah, I guess so. I just don't know how to tell Jacob. He's been kind of distant lately with what happened to Adam."
Lindsay smiled as she rested her hand upon Mandy's, "I'm sure he'll be very happy to hear that Mandy."
"Yeah. I hope so." Mandy said quietly. "Um I need to go do something real quick, I'll see you later?"
"Yeah," Lindsay said as her brow furrowed. "Everything's okay right?"
Mandy nodded, "Yeah, I just need to go see someone real quick before it gets dark."
"Okay." Lindsay said as Mandy stood up and walked out of the room.
Mandy knocked on the door as she stood outside on the porch. After a few moments Amber answered the door. "Mandy…hey." She said with a smile.
"We need to talk," Mandy said gravely.
"Okay? Come on in." Amber said. "What do you need to talk about?" she asked as she shut the door behind Mandy.
"James and Lindsay." Mandy said simply.
"What about them?" Amber asked.
"You need to stay away from them Amber, you're only making things worse."
"I'm afraid I can't do that." Amber said as she walked into the other room.
"Why not? There's no reason why you should need to bother them, they were okay until you came along last week." Mandy said defensively.
"Maybe I'd like to see if James and I have a chance again. Why do you always defend Lindsay anyways? I've been broken up every since James left me, but you were too worried about Lindsay and her stupid mistakes. Everything was fine until she opened her big mouth." Amber said bitterly.
"For your information, she didn't say anything until James did. He's loved her for awhile now Amber; he was just using you to get over her."
"Oh right, that's why we've been together for the past few days." Amber said with a smirk.
"You know that's a lie. He wants to be with Lindsay and you know it, you just won't let it go. He hurt you and that's the only reason why you're messing things up for them. If anything we were all fine until you and Adam came along." Mandy said harshly.
"Really? Well if Adam hadn't come along then Jacob wouldn't have either." Amber said as Mandy scoffed. "It'd probably be best if he hadn't anyways…"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mandy said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." Amber said stepped closer to Mandy. "You know it'd be a shame if he found out about what you did behind his back."
Mandy swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat, "I don't know what you're talking about…" she said nervously.
"Yes you do, and you know it'd ruin everything if he found out. Stay out of my business and he won't ever find out." Amber said as she glared at Mandy.
Mandy glared at Amber before she rushed out the door, slamming it shut behind her. She walked out onto the walk way, the rain began falling down around her. Mandy walked over to the street trying to get away as fast as she could. After awhile her tears began to mix with the rain drops that pelted down on her face. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked on down the dark street.
Lindsay walked out of the bathroom and over to the vanity. She sat down and started brushing her hair out. Lately she'd been feeling sick and she didn't really know why, she figured it was from stressing out so much. A sigh escaped her lips as she stared back at herself, she looked horrible. She hadn't stopped crying for days and she just couldn't move on yet. It hurt too much to think of him, but it was so hard to forget him. Lindsay held her head in her hands as tears filled her eyes once again. She looked up as she heard footsteps coming into the room. Slowly she turned around in her chair, "James?" she said in almost a whisper.
James tried to force a smile but failed when he looked over at Lindsay. He knew she'd been just as broken up as he'd been, but he couldn't stand to ever see her upset. He looked down to the floor, "Hi," he said quietly, unsure of what else to say.
Lindsay lay on her bed, tears falling down her cheeks as she stared at the wall. She hadn't moved since that afternoon when James had come over. A sob escaped her lips as she thought back to what had happened, it wasn't what she'd expected. Part of her felt relieved when she saw him standing before her, but even then she knew it wouldn't end too well. Too much had come between them and after a while she'd lost any hope of them fixing their relationship. Mandy kept telling her not to give up, but it was too hard not to. Lindsay wiped her eyes with her sleeve and sat up, she headed towards the bathroom, just then she heard the door slam shut downstairs. Ignoring it she walked into the bathroom and washed her face. She frowned as she looked up into the mirror, her eyes were red and her face was all flushed, not to mention the dark circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept in days, her stomach had been in knots wondering if James would ever come to talk to her, and he finally had.
Mandy walked into the house, her clothes were soaked and her hair had stuck to her face. After a while she hadn't cared, all she wanted was to get back home to Jacob. Even though things hadn't gone how she'd planned with Amber, tonight was the night she'd tell him about the baby. She hung up her jacket in the closet then headed upstairs to change. No one was around at the moment which worried her. As she came to the top of the stairs, James nearly knocked her back down. He rushed past her and out the door; she swallowed hard as she headed towards Lindsay's room, already knowing what she might find. Quietly she knocked on the door, "Lindsay, it's me. Open the door, Hun." She heard a muffled sob from inside, "Lindsay…" As Lindsay opened the door, Mandy frowned as she looked at Lindsay's tear stained face. She reached out and wrapped her arms around Lindsay as her friend nearly collapsed into her arms. "I'm so sorry," whispered as Lindsay held onto her now.
"Part of me knew it would happen, I just didn't think it would hurt this much." Lindsay whispered.
"I know." Mandy said quietly as she pulled away. She pushed away some hair that had stuck to Lindsay's face. "I really thought you guys could've worked it," a sigh escaped her lips, "Just goes to show how much I know."
Lindsay tried to smile before she took a deep breath. "I didn't want to believe it would happen like this, but I started to give up when he didn't come. There was just too much going on between us for it to work."
Mandy pulled her over to the bed; they sat down beside one another. She wrapped her arm around Lindsay as her friend laid her head upon her shoulder. "I really wish I was right," Mandy said quietly while she stroked Lindsay's hair.
"Me too," Lindsay said through more tears.
Lindsay looked up into the mirror once more as she heard footsteps coming into the room. She turned around in her chair when she realized who was standing there, "James?" she said in almost a whisper.
James tried to force a smile but failed when he looked over at Lindsay. "Hi," he said quietly.
"Hi." Lindsay said as she looked down at her lap.
"Um, I know I should've come by earlier, but I-" James started to say, "I figured you didn't want to see me just yet."
Lindsay shook her head, "No, I'd been waiting for you to ever since I got here."
James swallowed hard, "About that night...I didn't want things to happen like that. I don't blame you for anything Lindsay; it's my own fault everything's screwed up."
"Really? Because when I asked you, you seemed to believe it was my fault." Lindsay said a little bit more coldly than she'd anticipated.
"I know and I'm sorry, but that's not what I wanted you to think. It's just-" he took a deep breath, "Right before everything went black, all I could think of was you. And how much I wish I could've changed the things I'd done that night." James gave her a small smile, "And how much I just hoped I'd be okay, and I could see you again."
Lindsay felt tears well up in her eyes, "Why didn't you say that before?"
James shrugged, "I don't know."
Lindsay scoffed, "How long did it take you to think that one up then?"
"What?" James said as his brow furrowed.
"If that's really what you were thinking of, then why didn't you say it? Did you want me to blame myself for everything? Did you just want me to feel the way you did when I asked you to leave that night?"
"No, of course not," James said as he shook his head. The two of them stood there in silence for a moment before James spoke up again. "Why did you leave?"
"I told you why I left."
"Right, because it wasn't the right time for us to be together." James said as he looked back at her, "That wasn't why and you know it."
"And you know why?" Lindsay said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"It's because of what Amber did, isn't it?" James said matter-of-factly. Lindsay looked away from him as he said this. "That is it, isn't it?"
Lindsay clenched her jaw as she continued to stare off at the wall. She looked back up at James, "Yes, that is why." James nodded his head, "How do you think it made me feel to see you kissing someone else?"
"She kissed me Lindsay, it meant nothing." James said defensively.
"Really? So is that why you pulled away right after she did it? You wanted her to and you know it," Lindsay said as she stood up and stepped closer to him. "I just can't believe you'd do that to me, behind my back."
"You think I've been doing that?" James asked in disbelief.
"Why else would you have sat there and let her do it?" Lindsay asked. "I just can't believe you'd tell me all that stuff about how you had feelings for me when you still had feelings for her."
"I don't have feelings for her, Lindsay." James said, his voice rising.
"Okay, so she's just been over at your house every day for no reason."
"We're just friends Lindsay, and unlike you she's been trying to help me through all this."
Lindsay stared at him in disbelief, "Unlike me?" she said with anger in her voice. "You wouldn't talk to me James," she said before she bit her lip, "you wouldn't let me in."
"Maybe I didn't want to just yet Lindsay."
"How can you accuse me of not trying when you didn't want to tell me anything?!" Lindsay said, the anger rising in her voice.
"You just left Lindsay, for no reason. What else should I have done?"
"You could've come and talked to me here instead of talking to her."
"How do you even know I was talking to her?" James challenged.
"Because I came by your house today, okay? I wanted to try and talk to you about what had happened since you hadn't even tried yet. Guess I really didn't matter to you all that much."
"You don't matter? Then why the hell would I be standing here if you didn't Lindsay? You mean the world to me and I mean that."
"How am I supposed to believe that now James? You don't even bother to try and talk to me; instead you just figure I don't want to talk. And on top of that you're with your ex at the same time, what does that say about me?" Lindsay said as her eyes teared up a bit once more.
"Damn it Lindsay. It didn't mean anything! She's just tried to be there for me these past few days okay? That's all it was." He sighed, trying to calm himself down. "She doesn't mean anything to me Lindsay, you're the only one I love, and you know that. If you believe just one thing I say, believe that, because it's the truth."
Lindsay turned away as a tear slid down her cheek, she pursed her lips as she tried to figure out what to say. She took a deep breath before she turned back around, "I just don't think this is a good idea anymore James. There's just too much that's happened between us."
"Lindsay, come on don't do this." James pleaded.
"Well what do you want me to do James? You haven't been the same since the accident; you wouldn't even talk to me. I just don't see how you can't talk to me, but you can go and talk to her."
"I'm sorry Lindsay, okay? And you're right, a lot has happened between us, which is why I just wanted us to be able to forget about everything that had happened. I just wanted us to go back to the way we were."
"I don't know if we can go back to what things were before James." Lindsay took a deep breath as she looked down at the floor. "I don't know if I can do this anymore."
"Do what Lindsay? Adam's gone; we don't have to sneak around anymore." James frowned, "I thought that's what you wanted."
Lindsay looked back up at him, "Haven't you been listening to what I've been saying? Of course I wanted us to be able to be together without worrying about Adam anymore, but not at the cost of him losing his life, James. I didn't want him to die because of me."
James let out a frustrated sigh, "It wasn't your fault Lindsay; I'm the one who killed him. I don't know why you keep blaming yourself."
"It is my fault James, if I hadn't told you how I'd been feeling, let alone invited you over that night, none of this would have happened." Lindsay pursed her lips as the tears blurred her eyes. "Sometimes I just wish none of it had happened, at least we wouldn't be like this right now."
James felt the anger building up inside of him as she said this. "Maybe it would've been best if I hadn't said anything either."
Lindsay looked back up at him, tears streaming down her face now. "James I-"
"What Lindsay? You didn't mean it? If didn't mean it you wouldn't have said it. If you feel that way, why am I even bothering?" James said, anger rising in his voice once more.
Lindsay looked down at the ground as he yelled at her; she really wished things hadn't come to this. "If you can actually ask that, then I don't know why you're here."
"You tell me you want me to come here, but now you're telling me you wish we never were together. How do you think that makes me feel Lindsay? Do you see why I didn't come before?" He waited a moment as she didn't answer, "I didn't want things to come to this Lindsay."
"If you don't want us to fight then why are you yelling at me? I'm sorry I regret a few things I've done in my life, like marrying Adam. Like I said, I just wish he hadn't had to die because of me." Lindsay sighed, "It is all my fault, because if I hadn't let my feelings get the best of me we wouldn't be here right now."
"Fine Lindsay, it is all your fault. Us getting together, Adam dieing, my accident, it's all your fault. Is that what you want to hear?!"
"Stop it, just stop it." Lindsay said as tears began to pour again.
"Well isn't that what you want to hear?" James asked, more coldly than he'd wanted. "You seem to want to put the blame on yourself."
Lindsay couldn't help but feel angry as he continued to yell at her. She just wanted it all to end, so she could get on her with her life now. "Well it seems to me that it is my fault, I was selfish. Now look what happened, Adam's gone and I almost lost you. I probably already have."
"Oh right, because I've been going behind your back this whole time with Amber. If it really were like that Lindsay I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting my time with two girls. I haven't spoken to before at all, at least before the accident."
"Why are you all of a sudden then? After everything she's done why are you letting her in. If you claim you love me so much then why can't you let me in? And as much as you don't want to admit it, you sure as hell enjoyed that kiss." Lindsay said with anger in her voice.
James couldn't help but laugh, "Do you really believe that?"
"What else am I supposed to believe James? You kissed her!" Lindsay said angrily.
"Lindsay it meant nothing!" James screamed.
"A kiss always means something James. You can keep saying it doesn't mean anything but you and I both know it meant something to you."
"Fine it did mean something. And maybe I do have feelings for her still, why does it matter?" James said angrily.
"Why does it matter? How can I be with you if you don't even care about me James?! You could have just said you had feelings for her before instead of making us go through all of this!" Lindsay said angrily as she stood before him now.
"Fine, I do have feelings for her. I guess we just wasted those past few months then!" James screamed even though he really didn't mean it.
Before Lindsay could stop herself she slapped James across the face. He looked back down at her in disbelief, barely believing she had actually done it. "Get the hell out." Lindsay spat out.
"Lindsay-" James said, regretting everything that had happened now.
"I said get out!" she screamed at him before pushing him toward the door. "I don't ever want to see you again!" she said with hatred in her voice. By now tears were pouring down her face.
James looked down at her, he could see how much he'd hurt her this time, and he couldn't do anything else but blame himself. He looked at her once more before he turned away and rushed out.
Lindsay brought her hand to her mouth, trying to muffle the sob that escaped her lips.
Mandy finished pinning up her hair before she headed downstairs. She felt bad for leaving Lindsay alone in the state she was in, but Jacob and her had had these plans for weeks now. The two of them were going to go out to dinner; she figured it would be the best time to tell him about the pregnancy. Quickly she put on her shoes then headed downstairs. "Hey," she said as she found Jacob downstairs. "Is everything okay?" she asked, a bit worried. He looked a bit distracted and upset at the moment.
"Yeah," he said quickly as he looked down at the ground. "Yeah, everything's fine," he said as he forced a smile and stood up. "You ready to go?"
"Of course," Mandy said as her smile widened.
Jacob walked over to the door and grabbed his coat before opening the door and walking out.
Mandy stood there for a moment, confused. She didn't know why he was acting like this; hopefully he would be over it before she told him.
The two of them walked into the house, Mandy noticed how quiet it was. She figured Lindsay had fallen asleep early, especially after what had happened earlier that day. Mandy hung up her coat before she followed Jacob into the living room. "Is everything alright Jacob?" she asked as she sat down beside him on the sofa.
"Not really," he finally admitted.
Mandy hadn't told him about the baby yet since he had been acting kind of distant that night. She didn't know why, but she knew it wasn't the right time to say anything quite yet. "What's wrong?" Mandy asked.
"Let's just say I heard something rather interesting today."
"Oh?" Mandy said quietly, a lump grew in her throat as she began to think of it what it might be. "What's that?" she asked, not sure if she really wanted to hear the answer.
"Amber came by this afternoon," he said after a moment.
Jacob walked over to the door when the knocking continued. Quickly he flung it open, not really in the mood to talk to whoever it was at the moment. "Amber. Hi."
"Hey Jacob," Amber said with a grin.
"Um, Mandy's not here right now. Maybe you should come by later," he said quickly.
"Actually I'm here to see you."
"Oh? Okay, well come on in," he said as he stepped aside. Amber walked in and turned back around to face him. "What's up?"
"I just found something out today that I thought you should probably know about." Amber said solemnly.
"What's that?" he said.
"It's about Mandy. Listen I know it was a while ago, but I just thought you should know."
"Know what?" Jacob asked, starting to lose his patience.
"A friend of mine stopped by today looking for her which I found rather odd. He said he knew her a while back."
"So?" Jacob said a bit confused.
"He said the two of them were together before." Amber said quietly.
"Oh. Who's that?" Jacob asked.
"Jonathan Winchester." Amber said quickly.
"I've never heard of him before." Jacob said with concern in his voice.
"That's probably because Mandy didn't want you to know about him. They knew each other when you two first met."
"Oh." Jacob said quietly. "Were together beforehand?"
Amber shook her head as she frowned, "I wasn't supposed to tell you anything, but I felt that you should know by now. Mandy was seeing him when you two first met. I don't know what's going on between the two now, but they were together before."
Jacob stood there in shock; he opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find anything to say.
"I'm sorry Jacob," Amber said apologetically. "It's probably not the best time to say anything, but I thought you should know the truth.
Jacob just nodded his head as he looked down at the ground.
"I should go, I really am sorry Jacob." Amber said as she rested her hand on his arm. With that she walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her. As she stepped onto the porch a smirk grew across her lips.
I heard about your trip.
I heard about your souvenirs.
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,
And the cool guys that you spent them with.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.
"She said a friend of yours stopped by her house today."
"What? Who?" Mandy asked in confusion.
"Does Jonathan ring a bell?" Jacob said a bit coldly.
Mandy felt her breath get caught in her throat as he said the name. "Um not really," she said quickly as she looked away.
"Really? Because as far as I can see you were with him while we were together." Jacob said bitterly.
Mandy pursed her lips as tears welled up in her eyes, "He didn't mean anything to me," she said quietly.
"Must've meant something for you to be able to have a relationship with him behind my back."
"I ended that a long time ago Jacob. I wasn't the same person then." Mandy said as she finally looked up at him.
"Still doesn't explain why you thought it was okay to get in bed with some other guy behind my back. Did I really not mean that much to you?" Jacob said with anger in his voice.
"No," Mandy said as she shook her head. "You mean everything to me Jacob, and I know what I did was wrong. I regret it every day I swear, but he didn't mean anything to me Jacob, I swear. I ended it after I knew we had a relationship." Mandy said as tears blurred her eyes now.
Jacob laughed in amusement, "I guess I know how much I meant to you then. I can't believe you've lied to me for this long."
Mandy put her hand on his arm as she tried to plead with him, "Jacob I know what I did was horrible, but I told you it hasn't happened for a while. I ended it after a month. I wasn't the same person then, I don't like who I was. But when I realized you were the one I wanted to be with I ended it Jacob." A sob escaped her lips as tears slid down her cheeks, "I love you, Jacob."
Jacob pulled away from her grasp and stood up, "I don't believe this," he said in disbelief. "How do I know you haven't been doing it right now, Mandy?" he said angrily.
Don't you see, don't you see, that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.
"I haven't Jacob, I swear. I really am so sorry; I never wanted to hurt you."
"So you decided not to tell me? Don't you think you could have told me then so I could've known what I was getting myself into?" Jacob said as the anger rose in his voice.
"I didn't want to lose you Jacob; I knew I wanted to be with you. That's why I ended it, and I know it was a terrible thing but I really wish I could take it back." Mandy shook her head as she looked down to the floor, "I'm sorry." She said as she looked back up at him.
Jacob shook his head, "I can't do this right now, Mandy." He walked towards the door and grabbed his coat.
Mandy sprang to her feet, "Jacob don't go, please," she pleaded.
"I can't even look at you right now Mandy. I can't be here right now."
"Jacob please," Mandy said as her voice quivered. She grabbed onto his jacket, "I love you." She said as she leaned up and kissed him hard.
Jacob pulled her away from him, his hand resting behind her neck. "I'm sorry," he whispered before he let go of her and walked out.
So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away.
James walked into his bedroom, as he sat upon the edge of his bed he held his head in his hands. He couldn't believe how he'd acted that night, just for Lindsay's sake he wished he could take it back. He sighed as he thought back to everything that had happened that night.
I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of that from you.
I guess I should have heard of that from you.
Lindsay lie on her bed, grasping her pillow. She'd laid there ever since Mandy left, unable to sleep. Every once in a while she'd think of James which brought tears to her eyes again. She hated feeling this way, but she'd never felt so hurt as she had that night when they'd fought. It was now that she really wished nothing had happened between them.
Don't you see, don't you see, that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and the "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.
So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away.
Jacob looked back up at the house once more before he turned on the car. He hated leaving her now, but he didn't want to say anything he'd regret. Reluctantly he turned the car on then drove off down the darkened street.
I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers;
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.
Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing.
I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.
You're calling too late, you're calling too late, you're calling too late.
Tears poured down Mandy's face as the door slammed shut. She couldn't believe Amber told him, but that was just like her. Mandy didn't know why she had expected anything else. Slowly Mandy turned towards the stairs and made her way over to the steps. Mandy grabbed onto the railing as she stood before the stairs. She felt as though her legs would give way, but she'd wanted to get upstairs so she could talk to Lindsay. All of a sudden she felt a sharp pain in her stomach, she grabbed onto her stomach as she cried out in pain. She fell to the floor on her knees, a vase crashing to the floor beside her as she bumped into the table. As another sharp pain went through her she let out a scream once more, "My baby," she breathed out before everything went black. Her body collapsing upon the floor.
Song:
The Best Deceptions by Dashboard Confessional