Liquid solution that smells like blood? Check.
200' tall robot who's cockpit feels like a womb? Check.
Agreeing to pilot it after being persuaded by two beautiful women in the same manner he'd get a cookie from a grownup when he was three? Check.
Shinji Ikari is definitely dreaming. Any moment now, he'll wake up, find that he's not in a giant robot being taxied to a very large set of elevators, and look up that Jung book in his teacher's library on dream symbolism.
"...eck, One Two Three. Can you see me?"
Voices in his head? Check.
"Um...okay. I can hear you...but where are you?"
"My image should be in your right eye. Adjust the dial on the left wrist on your plugsuit."
"Plugsuit?"
"What you're wearing, Newb. You ARE wearing a plugsuit, right? What ARE YOU WEARING?"
Shinji pauses. The voice, he has realized, is a girl's. She'd have to be around his age, and it's a reasonable assumption to him that this, being a dream, is going somewhere.
"I'm wearing my school uniform," he says, "What are you wearing?"
There is a long silence on the part of the voice, although he can hear the sound of something smashing in the background, in contrast to the loud banging of the clamps locking to the robot's harness.
"Okay, the good news is that Old Man Ikari has officially lost his last marble and I win the office pool. The bad news is that you're in serious trouble."
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"I'm reading signals in the cockpit," the woman with short-black hair sitting at one of the three consoles says, "The pilot's in contact. She's walking him through it."
Gendo Ikari says nothing in response, stroking his chin as he watches the free-floating holographic display. Taking the cue, the blonde woman next to him nods.
"Thank you, Maya," she says, and turns to her superior, "What do you guess will happen?"
"I don't guess, Doctor Akagi," he responds, and goes silent.
Central Dogma is normally abuzz with activity, and now is no exception. Even if this were the first time the Third Angel showed up, the place would be no more of a madhouse than it already is. They've come to expect this sort of thing.
Some employees joke that you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it makes the time go faster.
"Unit 01 is at the lifts," one of the other technicians, a glasses-wearing man, announces, "Rails are prepped and electrified. Path is clear."
Misato looks up to the highest level of the bridge. Fuyutsuki nods.
"Eva launch!"
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Rails as high as it rise up from the street, prompting the Angel to turn. Alarms blaring, the street shaking, the Angel stands still as the rails electrify and shake in anticipating of the approaching delivery.
Shooting up at speeds high enough to flatten whoever was foolhardy enough to pilot it, the 200' tall giant encased in purple, green-highlighted armor arrives. The restraints keeping it flat against the harness release, the giant lifting its demonic, horned visage, eyes flashing yellow as it slumps forward.
"Okay...I'm here...now what do I do?"
"Alright, alright. I'll walk you through this. You're SURE you have no experience?"
"I'd think I'd remember if I piloted a giant robot..."
"Walk. Get the Eva to walk."
"How do I do that?"
"Controls. In front of you. Grab them. Think, 'WALK.'"
"Okay, okay..."
He grips the two butterfly controls in front of him.
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The giant shudders as it raises one foot, dropping it down in front of it and following with another elongated footstep. Inside Central Dogma, Misato palms her face and turns to Gendo.
"He...doesn't know what he's doing, does he?"
"I never said he knew how to pilot."
"You did recommend him."
"I said he had potential. I never said he was trained."
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"Just walk like you're supposed to! Think of it as a two hundred foot tall version of you! WALK NORMAL!"
"This'd be a lot easier if you weren't screaming at me! And what do I do when I reach that...thing?!"
"Take out your prog knife and HIT THE RED THING!"
"Prog knife?"
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Seat turning, Lieutenant Maya Ibuki turns to her two immediate superiors.
"Unit 01 doesn't have a Progressive Knife."
The co-heads of Project E glare at her. It's not as much Dr. Akagi glaring at her as it is Doctor Ikari. Ikari's glare is the stuff of legend. It's said that he stopped Unit 00's original rampage by staring at it until it calmed down. It's said that if all else fails, they could deploy him against the Angel and have him stare at it until it broke down in tears.
"What do you mean," Akagi says, "It doesn't have a Progressive Knife?"
"It's supposed to be installed on Tuesday."
"Very well," Ikari says, "Deploy the defense shields."
"It doesn't have those either. Tuesday."
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Somewhere between the bickering between Shinji and the voice in his head, and the bickering between two of the most respected scientists on the planet, the Angel noticed Unit 01 and decided to do something about it. In response, Unit 01 followed is orders and punched towards the red globe on the Angel's chest.
Shinji Ikari has many skills. He's an above average cello player. He has, at age 14, become a skilled chess player. He understands heady concepts without much thought.
Unfortunately, he has little skill in hand to hand combat. The Angel promptly grabbed Unit 01's hand, and broke its arm.
Pain shot up Shinji's arm, and releasing the controls he grabbed his left arm at the spot where he feels the bone should have been crushed. Biting back a scream, ignoring the fact that the arm is more or less intact, realization rushes to him.
That was pain. That was severe, horrible pain.
One does not feel pain in a dream.
He is not dreaming.
He is in a giant robot.
He is face to face with a 200 foot tall green monster.
He is about to die.
And so, he does the one thing that is really appropriate in this situation.
He screams.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The Angel doesn't notice the pilot's stark terror. If it did, it pays it no head, as it proceeds to grab the Eva's head in its three-fingered hand and lift it up before slamming it face-first into the Tokyo-3 pavement.
Lifting the limp giant up with ease, a long beam of solid light sprouts out of its elbow, extending to its shoulder before ramming all the way back up its arm and slamming into the Eva's face.
The blast enters the Eva through the eye and comes out the back, the force of it carrying the Eva over Tokyo-3 and slamming into a building. Rubble and wreckage collapse over the giant, pinning it to the ground even if the pilot could control it.
The Angel advances.
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"Damn," Misato growls, "Alright, abort the mission! Arm the conventional batteries and tether the Eva back here!"
Next to her, Gendo scowls. He strokes his chin, glaring at the battle as if staring at it would be enough to change the outcome.
"Pilot's status?"
"No data," Maya yells, "All the interconnects are scrambling! The data stream's flowing backwards!"
Gendo perks an eyebrow, though no one else notices in the panic.
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The Angel grabs Unit 01 by the face and lifts it, chunks of building falling off and smashing into the pavement. The eyes of the Angel, recessed in the skull-face, begin to glow.
The glow ceases when Unit 01's fist smashes it between the eyes.
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"The Eva is REACTIVATING!"
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The Eva stands, single eye glowing brightly as the Angel stumbles back. Locks around its jaw tear, and it glares at the Angel as it rears forward.
In Central Dogma, amidst all the chaos, Gendo grins.
"Berserker."
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Unit 01 rears its head back as its jaw opens, throwing back its head and roaring. The roar is piercing, like a combination of a wild beast and a computerized alarm. Directing a baleful eye at the Angel, the Eva moves.
It moves faster than the Angel can react, in a moment on the creature and slamming it down onto the pavement.
Momentum carries them across the city, Unit 01 pinning the creature's back against one of the larger building before it begins punching the Angel again and again in the face, each punch cracking the concrete and glass all the way to the other side.
A cross-shaped energy blast tosses the Eva off, the Evangelion twisting in mid air to land on its feet with an earth-shaking tremor. It growls, drops to all fours, and disappears, blurring back into visual sight in front of the Angel.
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"I don't believe it," Akagi says, glancing at the screen and the telemetry data, "Did Unit 01 just break the sound barrier?"
Behind her, Gendo's grin only becomes wider.
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Each blow carried a seismic shockwave. Tremors of the punches Unit 01 lays into the Angel could be felt all the way in Okinawa.
Were there anyone left above ground, they would have seen the Eva straddling the Angel as it wailed again and again on the core, both arms of the creature already broken and its face cracked. Victory seemed imminent. Cracks were beginning to appear in the red core.
And then, the strangest thing happened.
The Angel was gone. One moment it was there, about to die, and the next moment the Third Angel was nowhere to be seen.
In response, the Eva stood, sniffing the air, peering about to find its foe. After several minutes with no sign of the enemy, it realized the need for it was over, and collapsed onto one knee, pitching its head forward, and the light in its eye died down.
Tokyo-3 was still and silent. Annihilation had, once more, been averted.
They'd find out the exact price some months later.
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If it wasn't for the fact that he doesn't recognize the ceiling, Shinji would have thought the entire experience was a particularly lucid dream. Unfortunately, his arm is still aching, he feels like someone removed a railroad spike from his skull, and as said before, the ceiling isn't the one in his bedroom.
"About time you woke up."
He turns to the direction of the voice, and after blinking for a few long moments, sits up. He recognizes the voice. It's the same girl who was helping him during the battle, which he still blacked out midway through.
A little taller than him, auburn hair with red clips similar to the things they shoved onto his head before putting him in the Eva, and jaw-droppingly beautiful. For a moment, he's elated that a girl like that actual spoke to him.
Then again, he still got his ass handed to him, but it was by a giant monster, so he doesn't think twice about it.
She walks over to him, and extends her hand.
"I'm Asuka Langely Sohryu, the Second Child. Not bad for your first time out."
"Did I kill the..."
"Nah, it got away. It has a habit of doing that, so don't worry about it."
"Oh," he says, and shakes her hand, "I won't, then. I'm sorry, but I can't really remember anything about the battle."
He rubs his temples, feeling a headache coming on, and in response Asuka ruffles his hair.
"Don't worry about it," she says, "You show promise, anyway. Me and Rei'll have to work on you."
"Who's Rei?"
"First Child, the other pilot," she responds, "When you're settled in, we'll get you introduced to everyone. Misato will be along in a few minutes, so if you excuse me..."
She begins walking to the door, and he can swear he hears knuckles cracking.
"...I need to talk with someone."
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As said, a few minutes later Misato came with his clothes, cleaned of whatever it was they filled the Entry Plug with. It was walking with her that he learned a little about the girl who visited him. She was the daughter of the Commander, and the pilot of the mecha that had fought the Angel on their way to the base.
"She's a bit of an army brat," Misato explains as they walk on the path that presumably leads to the garage, "She's technically the Second Child, but she's been training constantly to be an Eva pilot ever since she was five years old."
"Five years old? That means..."
"Means she had nine years experience driving the thing. So she's not only the semi-official trainer for the Eva pilots, which in itself isn't a lot of people since you're the third pilot so far chosen, but she's also something of a mother hen to the pilots, as well."
They stop at a pair of elevator doors. The doors open, and Shinji finds himself face to face with his father, who for some reason has a prominent bruise under his right eye. Gendo regards him for a moment, grins slightly, and walks past them.
Shinji and Misato walk into the elevator.
"Misato, why does my father have a black eye?"
"I told you Asuka was a sort of mother-hen, right?"
"So, she..."
"Yep. She decked your father."
"I see. Who's idea was it to stick me in the giant robot, by the way?"
"Your dad's."
"Okay. Fine by me, then."
And the doors close.