Chapter 14
Whatever It Takes
(The next morning – Lindsay's apartment)
Lindsay's eyes fluttered open as the sunlight streamed in through her bedroom window. She closed her eyes again sleepily, her eyes adjusting to the brightness. Groggily Lindsay wiped her eyes; she stopped after she heard a tiny groan from beside her. As Lindsay peered down she found Royal lying beside her. She groaned as she realized she hadn't put him back in his crib last night.
Just then a small yawn escaped his lips as he wiped his eyes. He whimpered quietly before he opened his eyes, meeting Lindsay's gaze. Royal smiled up at her as the sleep finally wore off.
"Good morning sweetheart," Lindsay said quietly as she leaned down and kissed the top of his head. She reached over and tickled his stomach lightly.
Royal coughed a laugh as he tried to push Lindsay's hands away.
Lindsay giggled as she leaned down and placed a kiss to his cheek. "I suppose it's a good thing you're up now too, we've got somewhere important we need to be soon."
Lindsay walked out into the kitchen with Royal in her arms. She set him down before going to find something to eat quickly.
Jonathan's eyed followed her as she moved about the kitchen. An air of urgency radiated off of her as she quickly put something together for herself. Jonathan took one more sip of his coffee before he looked back up at her with wary eyes. "Is everything all right Lindsay?" He asked with a slight bit of curiosity.
Lindsay seemed to jump a bit at the sound of his voice, as if she'd forgotten he was even there. "Oh. Yeah I'm fine, just in a little bit of a hurry." She said without looking up at him.
"I can see that." Jonathan hesitated for a moment, waiting for her to reach his gaze. "Where are you off to?" He finally asked.
"I just promised a friend I would meet them this morning," Lindsay felt her voice break a bit as the words left her mouth. She cleared her throat, "I woke up a bit later than I'd wanted."
Jonathan inhaled deeply; he could sense that something was wrong. He hated prying, but Lindsay wasn't exactly open either. "What happened to you last night? I came home and you didn't come out of your room at all."
"I was a bit tired; I haven't gotten as much sleep lately." Lindsay lied, biting her lip as she waited for his response.
"Hmm," he said thoughtfully as he still waited for her to face him. "That wasn't because of your situation with what's his name – James, was it?" As soon as the name left his mouth, Jonathan noticed Lindsay's body tense up slightly.
"Uh no, it has nothing to do with him." Lindsay lied again, she hated lying to Jonathan, but she had no other choice.
"Has he stopped by at all, I know it's been a few days since he last came here?"
"No he hasn't come over at all; I'm guessing he won't be coming back." Lindsay took a deep breath before she turned to look at him. As she did this, she noticed that his eyes were full of suspicion.
"Really? Because I sort of had the impression that he wasn't going to leave you alone until you talked to him again." Jonathan took another sip of his coffee as he waited, his patience wearing thin at this point.
Lindsay swallowed hard as she stared down at the ground, "He didn't come yesterday; I met him."
Jonathan felt the anger start to build up inside of him; he quickly tried to compose himself. "Did you tell him that you can't be with him?"
"Yes," Lindsay said quietly.
"So is he leaving now?" Jonathan asked.
"I don't know," Lindsay said as she shrugged.
"He doesn't happen to be this friend you're meeting this morning, is he?" Jonathan asked.
Lindsay looked up at him through anxious eyes, "Yes, he is."
Jonathan felt his hand ball up into a fist as the anger continued to grow. "Lindsay I told you needed to tell him so he'd leave you alone."
"It isn't like that, Jonathan. I told him yesterday, we're just friends now." Lindsay said quickly.
"Is that such a good idea?" Jonathan asked as he tried to calm himself down.
"He's just a friend of mine, Jonathan. Now that he knows about the baby he wants to be there for me as much as he can."
"Lindsay –" Jonathan began to say.
"Its fine Jonathan, stopping worry so much."
"Fine," Jonathan said through gritted teeth. He sighed, "Just promise me one thing."
"What's that?" Lindsay asked warily.
"Just be careful, okay? I don't want to see you get hurt."
Lindsay nodded slightly, "Okay."
(At the park)
Lindsay sat down on the bench; her eyes scanned the rest of the park quickly. She still hadn't seen any sign of James since she'd arrived at the park. Soon enough she began worrying that he hadn't gotten her message, they'd tell him, wouldn't they?
Just as soon as the thought crossed her mind, a feeling of uneasiness settled in. Lindsay had felt the knots in her stomach all morning, try as she might, the feeling wouldn't go way. She couldn't help but feel nervous, even though she'd told James she would tell him whether or not she'd allow them to be together, she still didn't know what to say. There was only one thing she could do, and she just hoped that was enough for him.
Lindsay was brought out of her thoughts at the sound of Royal's whimpering. She pulled the stroller closer to her and took one of his tiny hands into hers. "Hey baby, its okay," she whispered as she stroked his hair.
Royal continued to whimper slightly, his lips in the form a pout.
Lindsay picked him up and held him close to her. "Shhhh, you're okay," she reassured him again, trying to calm him down. She gently placed a kiss to his head as he laid his head down on her shoulder. Slowly she began to sway back and forth as he began to quiet down.
She could hear the sound of someone approaching soon enough.
"Hey," James said quietly as he walked up behind her.
Lindsay could feel her body tense up at the sound of his voice. She swallowed hard before she turned to face him, "Hi," she said almost in a whisper. James didn't say anything at first so Lindsay used this time to lay Royal back down into the stroller.
James watched her with anxious eyes. He had no idea what to say or do at this point; mainly because he'd prepared himself for the worst. Lindsay hadn't seemed too thrilled about them getting back together before, so he figured she'd just shoot him down again. He told himself if she did, this time, he wouldn't protest and he'd leave immediately if she asked him to. There wasn't much else he could do if she didn't want him back at all.
Lindsay stared up at him for a moment as tried to find the right words to say, "Thanks for coming." She finally said, it wasn't what she'd wanted, but it was the best she could think of. The longer she could put off telling him the better.
James nodded slightly as he glanced down at the ground, "Not a problem."
To Lindsay's disappointment, James didn't seem to have anything to say either. She sighed before she looked up at him again, "So I know you expect me to just say yes or no, but –" Lindsay hesitated for a moment, she pursed her lips together as she tried to think of what to say next. James looked down with waiting eyes, "I don't really know what to say. And I know that's not fair to you, but I just don't know what to do."
A strangled smile fell from your face
What kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
James stood there for a moment, reluctantly, waiting for Lindsay to say something else but she didn't. He realized she was just as nervous as he was; James took in a deep breath. "Well I suppose it's a lot to ask of you. I realize I ruined everything between us." James sighed as he watched Lindsay's reaction. "You know how much I want you Lindsay, but if you don't want me around I'll leave if you want me to. I won't bother you again."
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay
Lindsay frowned slightly as she contemplated what to say, "But that's just it..." Lindsay began to say. She swallowed hard as a lump grew in her throat, "I don't want you to go, James." Her voice broke slightly as the words left her lips. Lindsay watched as an array of emotions swept over James' face, she could only pick out two: hope and confusion. "As hard as it is for me to have you here again, I don't want you to leave. In a way, I feel better that you came here. It's sort of a relief to think that I still mean that much to you. I sort of gave up on us a while ago, mainly because I didn't think I'd ever see you again. And believe me, I started to hate myself for leaving and not giving you a chance at all, but I thought it wouldn't help if I went back; for your sake and mine."
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together
I know you deserve much better
"What do you mean? You know I would have loved to have you come back, especially after I realized it was probably because of me that you left. I felt completely guilty when I found out – the fact that I had forced you to leave your friends and family because of the stupid things I had done to you – hurt Lindsay. I knew I'd hurt you, and believe me, I won't ever be able to forgive myself for that."
"I know, but I thought it was best if I stayed away. You could move on and forget about me."
"Lindsay I don't think there's any way I could ever forget you. You mean everything to me." James swallowed hard as he shook his head slightly, "I don't think I could ever love anyone else Linds."
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over
Lindsay felt her eyes begin to well up with tears; she couldn't find the right words to say. As much as she wanted to tell him the same thing, that fear of getting hurt again by him overshadowed that desire. Lindsay quickly shook off the feeling, contemplating whether or not she wanted to tell him. She sighed in defeat, "Part of the reason why I don't know what to say is that I feel the same way James. As much as I'd like to say that I was able to move on - I haven't. I can't. Trust me, I want all the same things you want, being away has made me realize that. I'm just – afraid of being vulnerable James. But I don't want to agree to it and see our relationship fall apart again."
"Lindsay you know I wouldn't let that happen." James tried to reassure her.
Lindsay shook her head slightly as she shut her eyes, trying to hold back the tears. She finally looked back up at him through wary eyes, "You can't promise that James. We thought things were going to be okay before and look what happened."
James sighed, "But I –" James pursed his lips for a second before he began again. "I can assure you that there's nothing more I want in this world than to be with you, to be with you and our son. I'd do anything to keep us together Lindsay, if you'd give me the chance to do that." James said pleadingly, he knew he only had a small chance of opportunity to win Lindsay over. To try and reassure her that he wouldn't allow anything to get between them again.
Lindsay sniffled, "I don't think I'm ready for that, for us, just yet. Believe me I don't want you to miss out on being with Royal, but –" Lindsay couldn't finish the rest as a small sob escaped her lips.
James stepped forward slightly; he hated seeing Lindsay in so much pain. Especially since he was the cause of all her pain. He fought as hard as he could to not just throw his arms around her and pull her close; never letting her go again.
Lindsay looked up at him apprehensively, "I know I'm not ready for a relationship just yet but –" Lindsay bit her lip as she considered what she was about to say. "Would you wait for me? Wait until I'd be ready…?" Lindsay whispered, still unsure if that was the best choice.
James looked down at her, stunned, he hadn't expected that. "If you'd want that, then yes. I mean, of course I'd wait for you."
"Really? You'd do that?" Lindsay asked reluctantly.
James nodded slightly, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
Lindsay let out an exasperated sigh, she'd felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her. Though she couldn't stop the tears from falling at this point. However she knew these weren't tears of desperation, or of sadness.
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
James stepped closer to her hesitantly; he wanted so badly to just pull her into his arms now. To be able to feel that she was his again, but he didn't know if she'd be comfortable with them being so close just yet. He was somewhat surprised when Lindsay did the same though; he held his arms out for her at this point. Just as soon as he'd done this he found her pulling herself close to him, burying her face into his shirt. James put his arms around her, wishing he could just stay there forever with her, to never have to let go ever again. He gently kissed her hair as the two of them stood there silently for a moment.
Lindsay pulled away slightly so she could look up at his face, "Thank you," she said quietly as she stared into his eyes. She couldn't help but melt in his arms at this point; it had been so long since she'd been this close to him. And looking into his eyes - now full of joy - made her feel weak in the knees. Lindsay never thought it possible for her to feel this way again. It was kind of childish in a way, but she couldn't help it. She felt as if she could breathe again now that she was in his arms. And she couldn't help but love that feeling that she was completely safe here, in his arms, again.
James smiled down at her before he reached up and brushed his fingers across her cheek. He then pushed a few stray strands of hair behind her ear before he placed his hand on her cheek. He stared down at her eyes as he held her face in his hand. James didn't know how long they stood there, but he knew it had been a long while. He heard Royal begin to stir in his stroller so he quickly kissed her on the forehead before she turned her attention to Royal.
(Later that night)
Jonathan walked into the door; he walked into the kitchen where he found Lindsay dressing Royal after giving him a bath. He noticed that she seemed much happier than usually, smiling down at her son brightly. "Hi."
Lindsay looked up at him, as if she'd just realized he was there. "Oh. Hey Jonathan," she said quietly. She then reached down and picked Royal up, "How was your day?"
"Fine," he said as he set his suitcase down. "How was yours?" He asked curiously.
"Just fine," Lindsay said contentedly as she placed a kiss on her son's cheek.
"Nothing bad happened?" Jonathan asked.
Lindsay shook her head, the same smile still on her face, "Nope." She walked towards her room, "I'm gonna go put Royal to bed," she said over her shoulder.
"Okay," Jonathan said somberly as he watched her with questioning eyes.
(The next morning – August 28, 1935)
Lindsay quickly went to open the door; she hadn't realized that Jonathan had already left for work. She was surprised to find James at the door, "James. What are you doing here?"
"Am I not allowed to come here now?" James asked reluctantly.
"Oh, no. No, I just – didn't expect you, that's all." Lindsay said quickly, a smile spreading across her lips in reassurance.
James nodded slightly, "I was just hoping maybe we could go out to lunch maybe? We haven't really had much to talk about besides the obvious."
"Um, I suppose so, its just that –" Lindsay pursed her lips, "Now's not the best time."
James' face fell slightly, "Oh."
"It's not that I wouldn't want to, it's just…I woke up later than usual today and haven't had a chance to get cleaned up. And Jonathan's already gone, so there's no one to watch Royal."
"I could watch him." James said quickly, he took in Lindsay's reaction. "I mean…if you want me to."
"I guess that'd be fine, do you think you can handle it?" Lindsay said, a grin growing on her face.
"Um I think so. Shouldn't be too hard, right?" James asked; the hesitation apparent in his voice.
Lindsay just shrugged, "I don't think it's that hard." Her smile widened as she leaned against the door. "I think it might be nice for you to be alone with him for a bit."
James took in a deep breath before he nodded apprehensively, "Maybe."
"Why don't you come in then?" Lindsay asked with a raised eyebrow.
James nodded, "That'd probably be good." He walked into the living room, stopping there as he waited for Lindsay to meet him there.
"So." Lindsay said as she walked up behind him and over to the basinet. "He's already fed so you won't have to worry about that. And he should wake up soon." She began as she gently stroked his hair. "Shouldn't be too hard, right?" Lindsay said mockingly, a smirk on her lips.
"Ha ha," James said.
Lindsay giggled, "I'm only kidding." She started to walk over to her bedroom, "I'm going to go take a shower real quick, I'll be out shortly." Lindsay called over her shoulder, pausing to give him one last sidelong glance before she walked into her room and shut the door.
James stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He walked over to the basinet to look inside, "Guess it's just you and me, Bud." He whispered as he peered down at the sleeping infant. A small smile formed on his lips as he stared down at his son.
Lindsay couldn't even believe what had come over her a few minutes ago. She didn't think she'd have the guts to even open up that much to him. Before she thought it was going to be so hard being around him, even if she knew they'd be together again eventually. Maybe being around him when they were on better terms was easier than she thought.
She laughed to herself as she thought about what might be happening that exact moment if Royal had waken up. Though there was a slight chance James could handle it, but she had a feeling it was harder than he thought it would be.
Lindsay shook her head, a smile growing on her face. She had to admit, she was curious to see how he'd be with Royal. Every time she thought about it she only hoped things would work out just fine so they could be a family together.
Lindsay finally shut the water off and went to grab a towel. She wrapped it around herself before she grabbed another to dry her hair off some.
James sat on the couch with his head in his hands, he had no idea how Lindsay did it. Royal woke up and hadn't stopped screaming since. He didn't know if something was truly wrong or if it was the fact that he had woken up without Lindsay there.
He let out an exasperated sigh, he'd tried everything he could think of, but nothing worked. Who knew taking care of a baby was so hard?
James sat there defeated, unsure of what to do. He huffed before he stood up and picked up Royal. The baby squirmed around in his arms as he walked over to Lindsay's room. James hesitated for a moment before he opened the door and walked in. As soon as he did this Lindsay walked out of the bathroom.
"James!" She said somewhat startled, yet there was a hint of anger in her voice.
He took in her appearance for a moment before he shook off the feeling, "I'm sorry Linds, but he won't stop crying."
"Couldn't you wait a minute until I came out?" Lindsay asked as she walked over to her closet to get some clothes.
"He woke up right after you left, he's been screaming the whole time."
Lindsay rolled her eyes as she searched for something to wear. "Give me a minute –" she began to say.
Just then Royal spit up on James shirt, James pulled him away immediately. He winced as he saw the stain running down his shirt. Royal began screaming louder at this point.
Lindsay couldn't help but giggle at the look on James' face.
James looked up at her, his lips pursed together. "This isn't funny." He said as he narrowed his eyes slightly. James huffed before he mumbled something about it being disgusting.
"Sorry," Lindsay said, a smile still on her face. "Here let me take him," she said as she walked over to him. She took Royal from his hands, "Aw whatsa' matter?" she whispered as she cradled Royal in her arms.
James continued to stare down at the stain on his shirt in disgust.
Lindsay tried to suppress a giggle, "Why don't you go clean up."
"Are you sure?" James asked as his eyes flickered to Royal.
Lindsay nodded, "Yeah I think he's hungry again. Give me a little bit and then we can go."
James nodded, still frowning down at his shirt. "Okay."
Lindsay walked out into the living room to find James lost in thought. She walked over and sat down beside him on the couch, "You really like to push your luck don't cha?"
James shook his head before he looked over at her as if he hadn't realized she was there. "Huh? What?" He asked in a daze.
Lindsay shook her head, "Never mind."
James sighed, "Sorry I was kind of out of it." He apologized as his eyes fell to the floor.
"I could see that," Lindsay said with a smile. "What were you thinking about?"
"Um…" James began fidgeting a bit, "Nothing."
Lindsay raised her eyebrow at him, "Okay, now I want to know."
James shrugged, "It was nothing," he said, sounding indifferent.
Lindsay tilted her head slightly, "James..." she prodded him.
James stared at her for a moment before he sighed in defeat. He knew she was too stubborn to just let it go now. "I was just thinking about that day, before you know…"
Lindsay looked at him in confusion, "No, I don't know what you're talking about."
James let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm talking about that day I came over…and the night after that." He looked up, though at nothing in particular, "I was just thinking about well that day, wasn't one of my proudest moments, but also how things used to be."
Lindsay nodded slightly, "Wasn't my favorite moment either, probably my most embarrassing."
James smiled, "That bad, huh?"
Lindsay looked at him in mock disbelief, "It isn't every day that the man you're in love with just walks in on you getting out of the shower."
James shrugged, trying to stifle a laugh, "I suppose so, but come on. You can't tell me you didn't like it…"
Lindsay narrowed her eyes slightly, "My favorite part was you tripping down the stairs." She grinned at the thought of how bewildered James was that afternoon.
James shook his head, "I didn't like that part."
Lindsay laughed, before her smile softened a bit, "Why were you thinking about how things used to be?"
James looked away from her again, "I don't know, I guess I just wish things could be like that again."
"You don't want us to be together?" Lindsay asked, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.
James shook his head, "No I meant that night we were together. Things seemed so perfect, almost simple, that night. I just wish we hadn't let everything else get in the way. Not that there was much we could do about it."
Lindsay nodded. "Yeah," she almost whispered.
James hesitated for a moment before he reached out and took her hand into his. She looked up at him, a bit surprised, but he only squeezed her hand lightly to reassure her.
Lindsay stared up into his eyes for a moment, she couldn't help it. Every time she did, all of her feelings for him came rushing back.
James smiled down at her, "Do you still want to go out?"
"Oh," Lindsay said as she shook her head, trying to shake off the feeling. "Yeah," she said before getting up.
Lindsay couldn't help but feel completely free again as she and James walked back to her apartment. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been so happy, let alone laughed. Being with him, she almost forgot about all the troubles outside of their own. Almost. Though she tried to push any of the bad thoughts out, the thought that she'd have to face reality again still loomed overhead.
Reality finally did come crashing down as she looked up ahead of them. Her smile faded as she saw one of the last people she wanted to at that moment.
"Lindsay?" James asked as he looked at her anxious expression. He finally followed her eyes to see what she was looking at. Though he wasn't sure at first, he had a feeling it had to do with one of the girls walking toward him.
Lindsay quickly moved out of his grasp as the girls neared them. She forced a smile onto her face as one of them looked up at her.
The blonde one's smile faltered slightly as the three of them slowed their walk. Her eyes shifted between James and Lindsay as they neared the couple.
"Hey, Jessica." Lindsay said as enthusiastically as she could.
"Hi, Lindsay." Jessica responded with the same tone. Her eyes still suspicious of James' presence.
"How've you been? It's been a few weeks since you've stopped by at the apartment." Lindsay asked.
"I've been really good actually, thanks." Jessica said as she turned her attention back to Lindsay. "What about you?" She asked curiously.
"I've been just fine." Lindsay said, her smile widening slightly.
"The baby?" Jessica asked courteously.
"Good," Lindsay said quickly.
"That's good," Jessica said. "Who's your friend?" She asked, turning to look at James again.
James turned to look down at Lindsay for a moment, confusion and worry apparent in his eyes.
Lindsay gave him a knowing look before she turned back to Jessica, "This is James." She said as she pointed to him, she looked back at James. "This is Jessica," Lindsay said tilting her head in Jessica's direction, "Jonathan's girlfriend." She said as her jaw tightened slightly.
Realization finally dawned on James; he quickly turned to Jessica, extending his hand. "Hi." He said politely before stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"Hi," Jessica said as she looked back at Lindsay.
"Well I should be going now, see you soon?" She asked as she looked at her friends.
Lindsay nodded, "Yeah."
"Good, bye Lindsay." She and her friends walked around the couple. "Oh and it was nice meeting you, James." Jessica said as she peered at him for a moment.
"You too." James said as he turned back to Lindsay.
"Is that bad?" He asked reluctantly as he heard the girls' laughter fading away.
"I don't know," Lindsay said nervously as she looked away.
"Great," James mumbled as the two of them started to walk again.
Lindsay heard the front door open, she felt her stomach turn into knots again, knowing it was Jonathan. She sighed before she got up and walked out of her room. "Hi," she said brightly as he turned around.
"Hi," he said as he walked into the kitchen.
"So how was your day?" Lindsay asked as she did the same.
"Good," he said, still not looking at her. He leaned against the counter as he turned to look at her, "What about yours?"
"Um, fine." Lindsay said quietly as she went to get a glass from the cabinet.
"Anything interesting happen today?" He prodded her.
"No, why?" Lindsay asked, immediately regretting it.
"I heard you were out with James today." Jonathan said before his lips formed a hard line.
Jessica. Lindsay thought angrily, she knew Jessica would say something. Most likely blow it out of proportions. "He took me out to lunch." Lindsay said indifferently as she went to get some water.
"He took you on a date?" Jonathan asked in disbelief.
"It wasn't a date Jonathan. I told you we are just friends." Lindsay made sure to emphasize the word as it left her lips. She couldn't afford for Jonathan to jump to any conclusions at this point.
"It doesn't seem like it, Lindsay." Jonathan narrowed his eyes at her, "Last I heard you two seemed pretty close." he said coldly.
(Earlier that day)
Jessica walked into Jonathan's office to find him bent over his desk. She walked up to his desk waiting for him to look up. "Hey, Baby." She said after he didn't look up.
He finally looked up at her, he didn't seem to have noticed she'd walked in like she'd expected. "Hey."
Jessica smiled down at him before she walked over to the other side of the desk.
Jonathan turned toward her slightly, a smile finally appearing on his lips.
Jessica sat down in his lap before she pressed her lips to his.
"Am I missing something?" Jonathan asked as she pulled away.
"No, silly, I just wanted to come by to see you." Jessica said with a smirk.
"I'm going to see you tonight, Babe. There's got to be a reason you stopped by." He saw her smile fade slightly, "Not that I don't mind you stopping by, you know I always enjoy it."
"That's better," Jessica said. She sighed, "You're right though, there is a reason why I came by."
"What's that?" Jonathan asked.
"Well…" Jessica began to say as she looked away from him. "I was out with some friends today, and you couldn't imagine who I ran into." The smirk appeared on her lips again as her eyes met his again.
"Who's that?" Jonathan asked, curiosity creeping into his voice.
"Lindsay," Jessica paused, "She was with some guy I'd never seen before though." She felt Jonathan tense up as she said this, his hands balling up into fists at her waist. "I think his name was James."
"She was with James?" Jonathan asked through gritted teeth as he looked away.
"Yeah," Jessica said with a nod. "Is that bad?"
"She may not think so, but I've been trying to make her realize it." Jonathan said in frustration. He let out an irritated sigh, "What was she like around him?" He asked quickly.
"Well I didn't recognize her at first, but they seemed pretty close. She tried to make it seem like nothing when she realized I saw her though." Jessica said indifferently, she then noticed that Jonathan's eyes blazed with fury at this point. "Is there something I'm missing?"
"She keeps telling me they're just friends; I can see it isn't like that though." Jonathan said angrily.
"I'm sorry Baby; I didn't mean to make you mad." Jessica said innocently.
"Its fine," Jonathan said with a shake of his head. He tried to compose himself, "I'm glad you told me. I'll just have something to deal with before I meet you tonight."
"Is everything okay?" Jessica asked.
Jonathan nodded slightly, "I should get back to work though."
Jessica gave him a small smile, "Okay." She leaned down and pressed her lips to his before she stood up and walked to the door. "See you tonight," she said with one last glance before disappearing out the door.
"What are you talking about?" Lindsay asked as her she clenched her jaw slightly.
"I'm talking about the fact that you've been lying to me this whole time." Jonathan said harshly, "You two are definitely more than friends, and I had a feeling you were. But it makes it harder knowing that you lied to my face this whole time."
Lindsay looked away, "It's nothing Jonathan, I told you that. Now don't get yourself all into a snit." Lindsay said lightly, trying to erase the tension she felt in the room.
Jonathan laughed without humor, "I can't believe you still have the courage to lie to my face when I already know it's more than that."
Lindsay sighed, her smile fading. "It really isn't anything Jonathan, we may seem close, but it's nothing more than as friends."
"You know that he wants it to be more than that Lindsay." Jonathan tried to compose himself, "He's going to want things to change later on." He watched her carefully as she stared up at him unwillingly, "Are you really going to let that happen?"
Lindsay gulped as she stared down at her glass. "I don't think I'm ready for that anyways."
"But you might be?" Jonathan asked in cold disbelief.
Lindsay shrugged, "Well I don't know, I just lost my husband. It's going to take some time to get over it."
"You are actually going to move on and find someone else?" Jonathan asked in shock. He stared at her in disbelief as everything clicked together, "And it will probably be him, won't it?" Jonathan asked through gritted teeth.
"I never said that," Lindsay said a little too quickly, she was sure it showed on her face though. She could see the rage growing in Jonathan's eyes, "I don't know if I'll be able to move on." She said as she looked away from his gaze.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Jonathan said angrily, his voice rising. "You wantto be with him don't you?" He waited impatiently as she continued to stare down at the cup before her. "Answer me!" Jonathan yelled at her.
"Keep your voice down." Lindsay said sternly as she glared up at him.
"Lindsay, how can you even let the happen?" Jonathan asked.
"I never said I would; besides that's none of your business." Lindsay said stubbornly.
Jonathan's hands balled up into fists at his sides, "Of course it is my business!" He yelled. "And I don't want you to see him anymore." Jonathan said angrily.
Lindsay scowled at him, "You can't make me stop seeing him."
"I can and I will." Jonathan said in frustration.
"This is completely ridiculous Jonathan. I don't even see why you're so worried about this." Lindsay said as her brow furrowed.
"I'm worried about you Lindsay, this guy doesn't seem to get that you don't want to be with him. I'm only looking out for you." Jonathan tried to sound sincere, but the anger still overshadowed it.
"You have nothing to be worried about Jonathan." Lindsay said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
Jonathan narrowed his eyes at her, "Of course I do. You don't seem to be able to comprehend how bad this already is. I can see it in your eyes that he means more to you than you'll admit." His voice began to rise again.
"That…..is none of your business." Lindsay said bitterly, her jaw tightening.
The rage began to burn in his eyes again, "So you mean to tell me that the fact that my brother is gone now means nothing to you? And that you'll let James that easily beside the fact that you lost your husband recently?" He began to quiver slightly as the words left his mouth.
Lindsay scoffed, "How can you even suggest that?" She tried to make it seem as if he were wrong, but deep down he was right. It only made it harder now that he practically saw right through her. She couldn't possibly tell him the truth; she knew it would hurt him deeply.
Jonathan stared at her in disbelief, "I still can't see how you can lie to my face Lindsay! It is completely obvious that you have feelings for him." His whole body shook tremendously now as the anger burned inside of him, "As much as you would like to hide it, I can see clearly that you want him too." Jonathan shook his head infinitesimally, "I can't believe you can even do that…!" He said as he turned away, his breathing ragged at this point. He placed his fingers on the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself down. "Did my brother mean anything to you?" He asked as he turned to glare at her.
Lindsay mouth dropped, she couldn't believe he'd even ask that. Of course she hadn't felt anything for Adam, but she couldn't tell Jonathan that. It was obvious neither of them felt any feelings for one another, yet she still had cared for Adam. He'd given her everything she'd wanted up until when James came back into her life. She knew she had messed everything up back in Tree Hill, and even had a hand in his death.
She shook hear head, trying to clear her thoughts. Lindsay gasped for air as she sat there staring down at the table. Jonathan didn't even know it, but he was right on the nose. He was completely right about everything between her and James. She'd only concealed it because she knew it would hurt him to know she'd moved on.
Lindsay took a deep breath before she looked back up at him, her eyes narrow slits now. "Of course he meant a lot to me. I can't believe you'd even suggest that Jonathan! I never said that I had feelings for James, why would you even think that?!" Lindsay practically screamed, unable to control herself now.
"You think I can't see that you're lying Lindsay?!" Jonathan screamed at her, "If my brother meant anything to you, you wouldn't even be seeing James now! Most wives are grieving at this point, and I know you're stronger than that, but still, I haven't seen you shed a tear since you first came. You don't seem to even care that you have lost your husband." Jonathan's lip grew into a hard line for a moment, "You're off gallivanting with another man as if nothing happened!"
"It isn't like that Jonathan! I've told you that he's merely a friend and it's going to stay that way!" Lindsay yelled, her hands now balled up into fists at her sides. "You know I'm not one to let my emotions get the best of me and its crucial now with Royal that I don't dwell in the past. As hard as it is, I need to just move on Jonathan. There's nothing I can do about losing Adam."
"You see that only proves my point! You're so sure that you should move on now. And apparently moving on for you means to be with another man!" Jonathan said angrily. "I know it has been a year since Adam's death, but it's as if he meant nothing to you!"
Lindsay was about to retort but then the sounds of Royal's screams filled the room. She quickly looked to the door of her bedroom before she looked back at Jonathan, her eyes burning with rage, "You don't know what I had to go through in my marriage. If you knew, you wouldn't have any problems with this!" She said before she dashed to her room, slamming the door shut behind her.
Lindsay leaned against her door silently, the tears wanting to spill at that very moment. She let out a choked sob before she walked over to Royal's crib and picked him up. As she cradled the screaming infant in her arms she walked over to her bed to sit down. Lindsay sat still as she rocked him back and forth in her arms until his cries quieted. "I'm sorry, Baby." Lindsay whispered as his eyes finally met hers. Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she stared down at him.
(The next morning)
James walked down the sidewalk to Lindsay's apartment, somewhat distracted. He paused as he neared the apartment building, seeing who was waiting for him. James walked closer, his lips in a hard line, "What do you want?" He asked coldly.
"I want you to stay away from Lindsay." Jonathan said just as bitterly, his arms crossed over his chest.
James chuckled darkly, "That isn't going to happen."
"I was afraid you would say that." Jonathan said as he took a step closer to James. "I'd back off if you know what's good for you." He said as he narrowed his eyes, his face still hard.
James smirked, "You should realize by now that nothing will make me leave." His eyes grew wary for a slight second, "The only thing that would is if Lindsay herself asked me to leave." His face grew hard again, somewhat confident, "And I really don't think that's going to happen."
Jonathan's eyes narrowed slightly, "We'll just have to see about that."
The smirk appeared on James' lips again, "I wouldn't hold your breath for that."
Jonathan's hands balled up into fists at his sides, "I'm not going to let you hurt her."
"I would never hurt her," James said through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowed even more.
Jonathan nodded slightly, "And you won't get a chance to either."
James' lips grew into a hard line before he spoke, "If you think I'm just going to give in, you've got another thing coming."
"I will find a way to keep you from her," Jonathan said coldly.
James nodded, "Well good luck with that." He walked past Jonathan to the door to the apartment building. "Why don't you let me know how that goes?" Jonathan said sarcastically over his shoulder before walking inside.
Lindsay walked to the door, to open it. A smile spread across her lips for a brief moment before she saw the expression on James' face. "Hey," she said quietly as she eyed him worriedly.
"Hi," James said as he walked inside.
Lindsay shut the door behind him, "Are you okay?" She asked in concern.
"Perfect," James said simply as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her hair before he pulled away and walked over to the couch.
Lindsay stood still for a moment, knowing something was wrong. She sighed before she went and sat beside him. "What's wrong?" Lindsay asked as she placed her hand on his arm.
James shook his head slightly, "Its nothing."
Lindsay frowned, "It doesn't look like nothing."
James sighed, "Don't worry about it, okay?" He took her hand into his and kissed it lightly. James smiled halfheartedly for a second before the frown appeared on his face again. "Now I'm just going to take a guess, but I'm thinking Jonathan has a pretty good idea of what's going on between us."
Lindsay nodded sadly, "He and I got into an argument last night."
James squeezed her hand gently in reassurance, "I'm sorry."
"What are you apologizing for?" Lindsay asked, slightly confused.
"Well its my fault things are this way now." James said dismally as his eyes left hers for a moment.
Lindsay placed her other hand on his cheek, turning his face slightly so he would look at her. "Don't blame yourself for this, please." She said when his eyes met hers. "I got myself into this mess."
"I don't want you to ruin things between you and Jonathan too." James said quietly.
"It's fine, he's just…" Lindsay paused as she tried to find the right words. "Very protective."
James nodded slightly, "I can see that."
Lindsay's brow furrowed, "Don't tell me he talked to you, please."
James looked away again, "Sure, if you want to call it that."
Lindsay groaned, "Ugh." She pursed her lips, "This is completely ridiculous!"
"Don't worry about me," James said as he looked back up at her. There was a short silence between them for a moment. "Listen I was thinking…" James said quietly, breaking the silence.
"About what?" Lindsay asked reluctantly.
"What if you and I go back to Tree Hill for a few weeks?" James said with a small smile.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Lindsay said quietly as a frown spread across her lips.
"You can see all your friends again though. And it might be best for you to get away from all this, if only for a few weeks." James said somewhat pleadingly.
"But what about Jonathan?" Lindsay asked sadly.
"What about him?" James asked, sounding indifferent.
"He will know you're with me. I'm not sure he'll be too happy about that."
James shrugged, "Who cares."
Lindsay gawked at him for a moment, "James!"
"What?! He's exactly the reason you shouldgo." James said sternly.
"It's not going to change anything." Lindsay said in frustration.
"It'd make you happy though." James said quietly.
"I'm happy right here." Lindsay said as she squeezed his hand slightly. "Well I suppose that's half true, I'm happy if you're here." She said with a small smile.
"Why is it any different if we're in Tree Hill together then?" James turned so he was facing her, "You know Mandy will want to see you."
Lindsay's smile faded, "James…" Lindsay choked out as her eyes began to water.
"It's true, Lindsay." James said softly, he kissed her hand lightly. "I really think you should consider going. I know you'd want to." A grin spread across James' lips suddenly, "Besides I think Royal wants to go." James turned to Royal, reaching into his basinet. "Isn't that right Buddy?"
A small smile spread across the infant's lips as he coughed a laugh.
"I think that's a yes," James said as he turned to Lindsay.
Lindsay laughed quietly before she sniffled. "What would we do about Jonathan though?" She asked as she bit her lip.
"We can deal with that later." James said reassuringly.
"But –"
"Lindsay come on, please. I know you want to." James' smile widened as he kissed her hand again, "And I know it'll make you happy – that's all I want."
A smile spread across Lindsay's lips, "Fine."
"So you'll go?" James asked hopefully.
Lindsay nodded, "I suppose so."
James leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "Good."
(That night)
Jonathan watched from the window as James got out of the cab and walked around to help Lindsay put her suitcase in the trunk. He opened the door for her – a smile spread across his lips – as she got into the cab.
Jonathan narrowed his eyes down at the street below as he watched the taxi drive off into the distance.