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Chapter 02 of this story. I hope you like it.

It was loud, crowded, full of different, unfamiliar smells; incomparable to a usual day at the house, yet at the same time similar to the daily hustle and bustle downstairs in the kitchen. She took a deep breath to inhale all the smells deeply. The sugary food, spiced drinks, fresh cider, roasted meat. It all brought back so many memories, good and bad ones. In her childhood she had been to many a country fair where the boys from the village would ask her for a dance and invite her for a drink. Often the reels went on throughout the night until the wee hours of the morning. On a country fair such as this she had received her first kiss, from Joe and on a different one, only a few years ago, before the war, her last kiss. From the same man.

When Beryl had suggested that they'd all go she had smiled, almost grinned with delight, and agreed immediately of course. Only later, alone in her sitting room, did she think about this spontaneous decision properly: what visiting this fair would mean, that a lot of emotions and long forgotten moments would inevitably surface again, causing her more pain than joy.

Maybe this fear of revisiting her past memories was one of the reasons why she had insisted that he accompanied them, her in particular. Although she instinctively knew he would not agree. He could not leave the house alone, with only Mr. Branson to take care of it. But she had to try, needed to tell herself that she at least had asked him, negotiated a bit and took the chance to take the next step in their peculiar relationship. With him at her side the country fair would have had a new meaning, replace all the old (though often fond) memories with new ones, She had longed to walk close at his side, maybe he would have offered her his arm, buy her a drink, share a meal with her. Instead she left the house without him, could understand his decision but at the same time hated it that he had been right when he had said, "They would not have fun."

When it came to the boys, Jimmy and Alfred, this might be true. Being chaperoned by the butler on a day off was something she also would not have looked forward to as a footman or housemaid. But she would have had fun, more than she had now. She would have been just a woman enjoying herself, not the stern housekeeper.

From some distance she observed them, all of them. Beryl and this unsympathetic oaf of a man who could not keep his eyes, and even worse, his hands off other women. Daisy and Ivy, the youngest in their group, enjoying themselves at silly games The girls deserved the fun and Elsie did see no need to chaperone them, despite the fact that it should be Beryl's task to do so. What worried her most, even more than the cook's new relationship, was Mr. Branson's unawareness of Edna's flirting and advances. She had seen things like these before, too many times. Jane, Ethel and now Edna. Usually she reprimanded the girls, had done so with this new housemaid already on several occasions, but Edna would not stop. Though this time more was a stake than just a silly affair. Lady Sybil had died only a year ago. They all still mourned her, this brave young woman who did not care about propriety or her status. As much as Tom smiled today, joined the others in games, tug of war or shared drinks with Thomas and Jimmy, she knew he was not well. It was all a façade, something he put on to hide his sadness and his broken heart. He would most definitely believe her if she had told him that she knew exactly how he felt, heartbroken, alone, longing for some happiness.

So she only observed him, every move he made, every forced smile he offered Edna. If she could not keep this girl away from him, she would at least make sure she did not hurt him even more. "Be careful my lad, or you end up with no job and a broken heart." The words came back to her now. They were at the garden party, seven years ago, where she had warned him. Well, it had more been an advice than a warning because she knew already back then, that Lady Sybil would never give this lad up and that he, stubborn, headstrong like he was, would not take her advice seriously. But at least she had tried.

Elsie took a deep breath, this time to forget about her position for a moment, to let go of the responsibility and the worry. She was neither his mother nor that of the other young folk working for the family. She was the housekeeper and today she wanted to be Elsie. But it was not as easy as she wished and wanted it to be. Again her thoughts wandered back to their departure earlier, how he had wished them goodbye, with that sad smile on his face. She had wanted to turn around, once out of the house, return to him, take his hand and take him to the country fair. He deserved this, to be himself for a few hours, to let go of his butler persona. Still, she knew that he would never admit this in front of her directly.

Absentmindedly she sipped her cider while never taking her eyes off Tom Branson who had just won this silly game, along with Thomas, Jimmy and Alfred. Well, sometimes men needed to display their strength. Joe also had taken his chance and won her that small straw doll. She had kept it until after the war. As a reminder of a happy time, a life so different from the one they lived now, but also as a reminder of her old life, that long forgotten childhood in Scotland. But then her illness and the fear of a too early death had changed her, she had learned to let go, had thrown away the doll, and buried her past. She allowed herself to be more open, with the people around her and especially when being in his presence. Life was too short to ignore ones own emotions forever.

And now this fair! Her mind went round in circles again and she needed distraction. Elsie finished her cider and bought a ride on the carousel. This was what he had liked best, aside from the dancing, as a young girl. All around her the world started to spin, got blurred. She closed her eyes to enjoy the sensation, the freedom, this moment of breaking decorum, the fun she allowed herself to have. When she opened her eyes again, they where sitting almost in front of her, and he reached out, tentatively, to hold Edna. Elsie frowned, this had to end! Soon. It was too much and impossible for her to ignore anymore. There was no strength left within her to mend this broken heart once again.

TBC