Author's Note: Hey Everyone, Amber here, not Stephanie Meyer so I still, much to my dismay, do not own Twilight or its Beautiful characters. But because I am Amber, and not Stephanie Meyer, I do have full ownership on Ana and Jade :D Anyways, i enjoyed writing this chapter, and showing and letting Jade's emotional side really come out. I hope you all like it. AS always Read, Review, & Enjoy Chapter 19!!!!!
p.s thank you all SOOO much for the AMAZING reviews seriously they make my day whenever I get one!!! I love you guys :D
Chapter 19: Because of You
Jade's POV
I lay on my bed curled in the darkness, staring at my phone waiting for it to ring. I close my eyes against the tears as I will my phone to just ring already. It's been two days since Ana left, two days that I have gone through walking in a haze, barely able to function. I haven't spoken to anyone, not even Edward. I sigh at the thought of him. He has been nothing but nice the last two days. Bringing me my meals, offering a shoulder to cry on, though I refuse to take it. I roll over thinking about the fact that I just need to get up and function. I roll over just about to get out of bed when my phone starts buzzing. I pick it up quickly and see that it is Ana. Her smiling face flashes across my screen.
" Ana," I say into the phone, my heart aches at her voice.
" Hey Jade," she says, her voice sounding hallow and empty. I pace the room as I listen to her cry.
" Are you okay?" I ask, sitting down on her bed playing with the end of her blanket.
" Yeah, I have been sitting in my room for the last day, just thinking about everything," she says, and I can tell that what she has been thinking has been anything but good. " Jade, I don't know if I can come back to Washington. It's just that so much has happened, and things just wont be the same, not now. I don't even know why I am so upset by all of this, you would think that Ja- he and I have been dating forever or something. I am so pathetic." I listen to her vent and cringe inside at the way she avoids saying his name.
" Ana, you are far from pathetic. You are just such an emotional person, and I wouldn't change that about you for a million years, because it makes you who you are! I don't know what is going on with Jasper," I say, my voice becoming steely and angry as his name tumbles out of my mouth. " All that I know is that YOU CANNOT let his stupid male ego, or self denial, or whatever it is stand in the way of your dreams. You cant honestly give up college because of him."
" I know, I just don't know how I can come back and look at him everyday you know?" she asks, and I can hear the pain in her voice, and I cringe and my fingers itch to hit something. Preferably Jasper.
" You can do it Ana, you are strong enough. Besides I need my best friend. You aren't even going to be here for my birthday tomorrow," I say, and my voice breaks slightly. Since the time that we have met we have spent every birthday together. " You know, I was looking forward to you waking me up by jumping up and down on my bed singing Happy Birthday at the top of your lungs."
" I know, Jade I'm so sorry. Look my mom is on her way home, so I will text you soon, I promise," she says, her voice is filled with tears and my hand tightens instinctively on the blanket.
" Okay, we aren't done talking about this Ana, you know that. I love you, say hi to Momma B for me," I say, clicking my phone off setting it on the bed. I lay back for a while staring at the ceiling when my stomach finally starts rumbling at me. I haven eaten much in the last two days, so I drag my feet as I walk to my door. I walk slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen where Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper are eating together, talking in hushed voices. They all look up at me and Emmett tries a soft smile but it doesn't quite make it to his eyes. Mostly I read sympathy on their faces, all except for Jasper, whose eyes don't even meet mine. 'That's right don't even look at me, if you do I will break your face,' I think to myself, my hand tightening into a fist.
" You hungry?" Rosalie asks, standing up and moving to the stove where fod was sitting still hot, filling the kitchen with an intoxicating scent that made my stomach rumble and my mouth water, despite my dark mood. I nod and she smiles slightly as she begins filling a plate for me.
" I have to say Jade, I am glad that you finally came down, I was afraid that you were going to end up going catatonic," Rosalie says, as she sets the plate down on the table as far away from where Jasper is sitting. Good idea, I might stab him with my fork,' I think to myself, fighting the dark smile that tries to spread across my face. I don't say anything back to her I just look down at my food and push it around.
" You look like hell Jade," Emmett says after some time and Rosalie immediately elbows him in the side. " What she does?" I cringe at that. They just don't understand. No one has ever been able to understand the relationship Ana and I have.
" I talked to Ana just before I came down," I say in a whisper. Emmett and Rosalie turn their attention to me and I notice Jasper's head snaps up making eye contact with me for the first time since I walked into the kitchen.
" How is she? Did she make it there safe?" Emmett asks in a rushed tone. I nod in answer, because other than me I know that Emmett is the most affected by Ana leaving without saying goodbye. They connected from the moment that they met, and I internally applaud Emmett's obvious self control since I knew from the moment he found out Ana was gone, he has wanted nothing more than to beat Jasper into a bloody pulp. " Well maybe the next time you talk to her you can tell her that I miss her, and that I need my half-pint back." It falls silent again and I can sense that everyone is holding their breath waiting for me to snap, or fall apart. I get up and take my half empty plate to the sink tossing out the food I wont be eating. Rosalie and Emmett start talking again and I'm comforted by the noise.
" Did Ana say when she is going to be back?" Jasper's voice rings quietly through the kitchen. Rosalie and Emmett sit in stunned silence as the plate I am holding slips through my fingers and crashes into the sink. I turn slowly to look at him and I fight the animalistic urge to jump across the counter and attack him.
" She said she doesn't know if she is going to be coming back," I whisper out harshly and I see him shrink back in his seat, guilt written all over his face.
" She has to come back," Rosalie says her beautiful eyes clouding with tears.
" I know that, but she doesn't, not yet," I say, toying with the silver ring I wear on my pinky. I look down as I twirl around my finger, it's twin is on the finger of my best friend who is two states away all because of him.
" Maybe I should call her or something, I have to talk to her, to make this right again," Jasper says and my vision hazes over and all I can see is red. I pick up the closest thing to me and throw it across the room missing his head just barely. The glass shatters against the wall. Rosalie rushes to me pushing me out of the room but I push back. Jasper stands up running a shaky hand through his hair.
" You did this. You made her leave, you broke her down so much that she left. My best friend, my sister, and you are going to sit here and pretend that you have feelings, that you actually care? You saw Ana as nothing more than a convenience, and you used her in hopes of making Alice get so jealous that she would leave Mike and crawl back to you. You will not call Ana, you will not make any of this worse. I hate you Jasper, I hated you from the moment that you made Ana cry the first time, but I was stupid and I gave you someone to talk to when no one else would. I believed you when you told me how sorry you were, when all along not only have you been playing her, but you have been playing me. I cant believe that you would even suggest, that you could possibly be the one to convince her to come back. I will convince her to come back and when she does I can promise you that the only way you will get close to her again is if you step over my dead body," I scream at him angrily all of my feelings of malice and pure hatred pouring from my soul.
" Jade that's enough," Rosalie says pulling my arm trying to get me to step away from him. I tear my arm from her grasp.
" No, it wont ever be enough, ever! I figure you would stand by him because he is your brother, but Ana is my SISTER! It may not be by blood, but I would die for that girl. You guys call yourselves her friends and yet through all of this you guys have stood by Jasper like he has done nothing wrong and its pathetic," I say, angry tears roll down my cheeks and I swipe at them quickly ashamed and embarrassed that I am crying in front of them.
" Do you honestly believe so little of us Jade, to think that we don't care about Ana?" Rosalie asks in a wounded voice. I look at her squarely in the face.
" I don't know you tell me. How many times have you, or Emmett, or Edward held her while she cried over him? How many times have you guys watched her beat herself up internally and struggle with the idea that she just isn't good enough? I can tell you, none. None of you have! Not once, its always rush to Jasper, comfort Jasper, and its BULLSHIT! He has been the cause of all of this and never once have I heard one of you stick up for Ana. Did you ever stop to think that if maybe just once you guys were there for her that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have left. She wouldn't think that you guys are all secretly laughing at her behind her back for being a girl who let herself fall in love," I say my voice growing weary from my tirade. I look from face to face and the looks on their faces vary so greatly that I am slightly taken aback. Rosalie looks wounded and lost as she fiddles with the heavy necklace hanging around her neck. Jasper's eyes gleam with tears and I am secretly smug and wish that he would cry, just once. Emmett's look is what shocks me though. He looks almost amused a smile flirting on his lips.
" What could you possibly be smiling at?" I ask, my voice hoarse from yelling.
" I am just glad that you finally got that out of your system. I know that has been building up for a while now," he says, as he leans down to pick up the remnants of the glass that I had thrown.
" You aren't the least bit hurt by what I said, are you?" I ask in amazement.
" No," he says shaking his head from side to side. " I care about Ana, she is like another little sister to me. And besides your right." I hear Rosalie gasp lightly at his answer, and I cant help but to be curious by what he means by that.
" What do you mean she is right?" Rosalie asks her eyes lit with a low burning anger.
" Rose, she is right and you know it. We always rush off to Jasper whenever something like this happens. We are all so afraid of him falling apart again like he did after Alice, that we haven't really opened our eyes and realized that in this case Jasper isn't the victim anymore. So how could Jade, let alone Ana, know without a doubt that we care about her as much as we do. We haven't shown it, we may have said it, but sometimes actions speak louder than words," he says, running a hand down her stiff shoulder. Rosalie sighs heavily and turns to look at me.
" I'm sorry Jade, if our actions have shown you and Ana that we don't care, we do. Its just Jasper is my twin and when he hurts its like I feel it inside me. I want you to know that I care, and contrary to what you may believe nine time out of ten I am jumping down his throat for his actions, I just choose to do it privately," she says, running a hand through her hair nervously.
" Listen I know that you guys care, but she needs to know it more than I do," I say, walking out of the kitchen leaving them to think about things on their own.
I sit outside on the porch watching the rain fall and the breeze rustle through the tree's. A part of me feels horrible for going off the way I did, but another part of me knows that the things that were said needed to be said. I lay my head on my knees hold the back of my head wishing that at this very moment Ana was here to do something totally and inexplicably random to lift my spirits. I raise my head at the sound of a car door closing. Edward saunters towards me his shoulder hunched against the rain. He sits down next to me and sighs heavily.
" So I hear you went nuts on everyone, chewed them all out pretty good," he says, clasping his hands together in front of him.
" Yeah, I just kind of lost it there for a second," I say, feeling consumed by guilt for taking my anger out on Rosalie and Emmett the way that I did.
" Its understandable, they don't hold it against you, you know," he says, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I lay my head on my knees again and just start crying. I don't know what has come over me and if its just the lack of having Ana here, or if it's the beginning stages of an emotional breakdown that has me so easily crying but I don't fight it. I don't know what it is about being around Edward, but I feel almost safe showing my emotions to him. Almost. I continue crying in the darkness, and Edward sits with me, not saying a word, just comforting me in silence, the way I need it to be.
I toss and turn in bed unable to drop off to sleep. I sit up and groan as I look at the clock. Three a.m. and still, sleep eludes me. I lay staring into the darkness wondering if Ana is having just as hard as a time sleeping as I am. I smile at the thought of her. Ana has always had this inane ability to drop off to sleep wherever and whenever. I have always been slightly jealous. It takes me forever to sleep and when I do sleep its never that great. I sit up and look around in the darkness before leaving the room. I tip toe down the stairs and find myself standing in front of Edwards door. I knock softly and open the door. I can make out Edward's silhouette in the pale moonlight that streams through his curtains.
" Edward," I whisper and he stirs before sitting up. His hair messy and his eyes half opened.
" What, what's wrong?" he asks, rubbing his eyes. I smile lightly in the darkness.
" Nothing, I just, I uhm cant sleep. Not in my room, can I sleep in here?" I ask, fiddling with the hem of my shirt. He smiles crookedly as he pulls back the blankest exposing the spot next to him. He pats the bed and I walk over and slide into bed next to him. I turn towards him and he warps his arms around me pulling me close to him. I lay my head against his chest and tears start seeping, trailing hotly down my cheeks and onto his chest. His hold on me tightens and he sighs into my hair. He pulls back looking down at me as he lifts his hand to my cheeks wiping the tears from my face.
" Oh Jade, sweet, sweet Jade," he whispers pressing a kiss to my forehead. " I wish that I could make this better for you." I cry harder cursing my stormy emotions.
" I just want her to come back Edward, what if she doesn't come back?" I ask, choking on my tears, my voice hitching loudly.
" She will come back Jade, I promise she will. She just needs time. Its like you have said before, she is stronger than she thinks she is, she'll come around," he whispers, his fingers rubbing the tension from between my shoulder blades.
" How do you know?" I ask meekly, sniffling slightly.
" I just do," he says, stifling a yawn. We lay in silence for a long time and I start thinking that he has fallen asleep because his breathing has become even and deep. I cuddle into him and close my eyes.
" Jade," Edwards voice fills the darkness.
" Yeah," I say looking over at him.
" Happy birthday," he whispers and my heart warms slightly at his words. I turn my head into the crook of his neck and breath deep inhaling his scent. I don't know what is happening between us, but aside from Ana he is the only one that I have no control over my feelings with, and I don't know just yet, how I feel about that.