Chapter 1: Introductions, mid- June 2008
A/N: PSG is no longer held in Ohio but the festival has continued at a new site while the Ohio site now has its own gathering during the same week. My husband and I have fond memories of both sites, and we have sat in on the meet and greet.
The drive from North Eastern Illinois to Southern Ohio was made in considerably less time than the AAA trip-tik said it would take. Bella gave up asking me to slow down and tucked her pillow against the window and went to sleep before we had even crossed over into Indiana. I had to practically carry her out of our Arlington Heights loft to the car at four AM. It was about a thirty minute drive until the downtown skyline came into view, a slight glow of the sun in the east lightened the sky.
After years of talking about it, and several months of online discussions with other attendees, Bella and I were finally on our way to Pagan Spirit Gathering. Alice and Jasper left last night as they are council members and will be assisting with the community setup. They took our tent with them and are saving us a space next to theirs so that we will have friends close by.
It took several weeks after Alice kissed Bella for our friendship to find solid ground again. So many emotions had gone through me, lust from watching them kiss, jealousy that someone else was kissing my wife, wonder that their could be a different way than we were used to, and pure happiness when I saw the sparkle in Bella's eyes. Jasper had cleared his throat from behind me, breaking the girls' staring contest, and he had shook his head at Alice before leaving the room.
"They're not like us, Alice. It wasn't right for you to kiss her like that."
Alice, who had followed after her husband, let out a sigh. "I know; I'm sorry, Jazzy. I just... You know that it has been building over the past year. When she leaned over to blow out the last of the Imbolc candles, I just had to. She met me half-way; I was not the only one in the kiss."
My eyes drifted to the mirror where I could watch him sit down on the couch. Jasper's fingernail was toying with the lip of his wine glass. He was deep in thought.
"Alice, do you remember our first time with others?" He paused and I am assuming she nodded as he continued, "Mark was a lot like Edward but Tanya was much more experienced than Bella. I am fairly certain that Bella is out there, confused as all hell over her first kiss from a woman." Their voices dropped to whispers after that before Jasper called my name.
"Edward, why don't you and Bella come out here. I believe we need to talk."
We had spent the rest of the evening, and another bottle of wine, discussing Alice and Jasper's relationship. The four of us were already good friends. I had assumed it would be easy to fall in love with them, to take our relationship to a deeper level.
Time however, showed that we were only ever going to be friends. Alice and I had grown up just a few houses apart and saw one another as the sibling we always wanted. Kissing her had felt wrong, despite how beautiful she was and how wonderful I found her on the inside. Jasper and Bella on the other hand, had plenty of chemistry and I'd allowed them a degree of freedom to be together.
Bella, much like me, did not feel comfortable being with someone else when I was not a part of it. It was together or not at all. Our next attempt at a relationship had been after meeting Tanya and Mark at a polyamory meet and greet in Chicago. We had gone to a karaoke night, which wasn't really our scene, but we had tried it for Jasper and Alice's sake. They had wanted us to meet some of their friends and see if there were any couples that we would want to spend time with on our own.
Few of the couples had anything in common with us, although most envied that we had three months of the year together to do nothing but revel in our love. Bella worked one day a week at the library during the summer months, helping with new books coming in, and I had a few dedicated students whose parents paid for continuing music lessons. I worked out of our piano room at home teaching both piano and voice, occasionally guitar, for extra money to tide us over until fall classes resumed.
The four of us, Tanya, Mark, Bella, and myself, had ended up in bed together. We had not progressed anywhere beneath the belt; I was not ready for that. Mark was not willing to have relations with Bella unless I did with Tanya. Bella, however, did not want to watch me sleep with Tanya but had seemed defensive when I asked her if she was okay with Tanya and I making love.
I had grown to love Tanya, to a degree, but she was not my Bella. Bella always came first; loving another did not diminish my love for my wife. While Tanya and I were making an attempt at sexual intercourse, Mark drew Bella downstairs for some privacy, with a promise of a massage and some playtime of their own.
Knowing that Bella was not completely on board with what could happen, my body was not responding, despite Tanya's best abilities. We had the condom on, she even managed to keep me hard enough to get inside her, but I could not stay up. It did not feel right without my wife being part of the experience. Making love had turned into fucking, something I was not willing to do. It felt too close to cheating under the guise of polyamory.
After a frustrating conversation, or lack their of, with accusations being tossed around, Mark and Tanya left. Tanya's call in tears to Jasper sent him over to us and we were up until two or three in the morning having a discussion about open communication. Some days, his training as a relationship counselor really pisses me off. Most of the time, however, his advice has been invaluable. It is as if he can read Bella and I better than we can ourselves, and then offers us ways of coping with our problems but does not tell us how to directly solve them.
"What do you think the workshop will be like, Edward?" Bella had woken up a few minutes ago and was sipping on the McDonald's sweet tea I had picked up for her about thirty miles back. She had not even stirred as I placed an order for our lunch. It was only as I finished my own food and drink, the sound of air being drawn up through the straw, that woke her.
Jasper and Alice are holding a "poly meet and greet" at PSG this year during a workshop slot. He has not said too much more about it other than the other poly attendees will have various makeups. Bisexuals as well as hetero and homosexuals will be in attendance, and that does not even go into the V's, W's, line-marriages, non-fidelity based relationships, triads, quads, and more.
Alice did tell Bella that primarily at PSG you see triads from the groups practicing poly-fidelity, much like the relationship she and Jasper have with Maria. Maria is currently stationed in Iraq on her third tour and it is incredibly difficult for them to be apart from her. They met and fell for her, hard, last year at a Many Loves conference out on the West coast. Weekly email exchanges turned into daily phone calls. They drove up to Great Lakes to see her as often as possible, and Maria would bring a bus or train down to their house as well. After our failed attempt with Alice and Jasper, we were so incredibly happy to see them find someone.
When she gave them the news they had been dreading, we were there to hold all three of them as they cried. We are also the first they call each time Jasper or Alice gets a call from Maria, and they always forward on any emails. It is a blessing to be here and help them through a difficult separation, and to be the physical labor for Alice as she plans a welcome home party for Maria.
I think in this, however, I understand Maria better. We'd had a conversation late one night about how she would rather just come home, walk barefoot across the carpet and then onto the cold tile of the kitchen floor. She said that there is nothing like making yourself a simple egg and cheese sandwich after months on duty. Alice of course, will not listen, and Jasper is too worried to care about any particulars until his and Alice's third is back in their arms.
Bella repeated her question, seeing that I'd become lost in thought.
"I think that having a week to camp with like-minded individuals is more than enough for me. Having a two hour time slot to meet others who practice polyamory will be more than my mind can handle. I hope that if nothing else, we can make more friends to keep in contact with." Our own conversations regarding our relationship and preferences have taken place so many times since that first kiss that we know each other inside and out, at least where loving others is concerned.
Bella nodded and smiled, offering me one of her fries. In my peripheral vision, I watched her carefully dip the fry into the opened packet of ketchup and then press it against my lips. A small giggle made me turn my head.
"You have some ketchup on your face. It makes you look like a messy vampire."
I rolled my eyes and used my fingertip to wipe up the ketchup before reaching over and dabbing it on her nose. Bella's squeal was worth the honk the driver behind us gave as I swerved slightly onto the shoulder.
The rest of our drive, four hours until we reached Athens, was spent playing an improvised version of Name That Tune on my iPod. Bella would queue up a song, play the first five seconds, and I had to tell her which song and the artist. After I picked out a song by the Decemberists, Bella gave up trying to best me.
She flipped through the stations we could get in, wrinkling her nose up at the numerous NPR shows she came across. Eventually, we settled on a station playing music from the eighties and early nineties, singing along as we simply enjoyed being with one another. Moments like these made the long hours during the school year worthwhile.
We spent the night in Athens, although I constantly felt as if my brain was on overload. The Athens Asylum, now part of the college campus, has been listed as one of the most haunted places in the Midwest. I would believe it. All night long, I was imagining whispers on the wind, voices calling out to me that only I could hear.
At dawn, the earliest acceptable time, I bolted for the shower and then down to get us a tray from the breakfast buffet. Bella showered quickly, eating as she packed up our overnight bag. I cranked up the air conditioning so that we could enjoy being too cold for a few moments before heading out into the already warming morning.
The drive to the campgrounds was down several country roads, and if it wasn't for the hand drawn map that the organizers send out, we'd have been lost. Our cellphones stopped working within ten minutes once we left the highway and I suddenly felt all of my stress leave me. We had a week away from Mundania. My parents along with Esme and Carlisle had the campground's emergency number, but that was it. We were technology free for seven days.
We had been some of the first to arrive and had to wait behind an old metal gate, more rust than anything else at this point. At half past seven, a gate attendant made his way up from the security building, dressed with a sarong about his hips and his pentacle clearly on display.
"Welcome home, my friends."
The rest of the morning went much the same. We went through check in, the few awake people greeting us with one hand, the other firmly holding onto their mugs of coffee, a smile, and the greeting of 'welcome home.' Bella and I dropped our gear off by our tent after Alice came running out to the Trailblazer Bella had insisted on us getting.
She was undressed, a simple silver chain with a red metal rosebud hanging about her hips. Her only other covering were the hard soled shoes upon her feet, no heels, and they stood out sharply against her thin legs. I blushed and fought to keep my eyes on her face, promptly making her smirk.
"They're just tits, Edward; it isn't like you haven't seen them before. You'd better get used to it, sky clad is the norm back where we're camping. Come on- we're down the path into the woods."
She hadn't been kidding. It took us five minutes to dump our gear on the side of the path, thirty to run it back into the woods to our tent, and then we drove down to the parking area past Rainbow Camp. It was at least eighty five degrees by this point, so I took off my shirt and left it in the car. Bella was in a white simple smocked sleeveless dress that floated around making her look like a fey creature.
We passed the childcare area as we were turning the bend back into the wooded camping, and I saw him. He was tall, probably had three or four inches on me, easily half again my weight, and was built. He was wearing a white tank top and a pair of khaki shorts, well-worn sandals were caked in mud upon his feet. I stood there, watching him swing a small boy up with one arm and promptly flipped him upside down over his back.
"Daddy-eee!" The child's yelp went on for a while, tiny fists pounding into his father's back.
"Emmett McCarty, put Chase down now!"
A striking blonde, as beautiful as a super model, came out of a pop-up camper, a box of juice pouches under one arm. She stared him down until the boy was set upon his feet, face red from laughter and mock-indignation.
"Mommy! Can I have a juice?"
They were together, which made him- or rather them- even better in my mind. He was a family man. Bella tugged on my hand, pulling me from my sudden ogling of the man. I had never been interested in Jasper or even in Mark. They had kissed me, but I had not felt anything beyond lips touching. With them, my eyes had never drifted to the zipper placket and wondered what was hidden beneath, yet with this mountain of a man, I found myself wanting not only to see but to taste. I had long since identified myself as bisexual, but had not found the right real-life man.
I stuck my hands into my pockets to adjust myself as we turned onto our path into the woods. Bella looked at me oddly and then smiled. In our time together, she had learned the meaning behind each small movement I make.
"The blonde?"
I shook my head.
"I thought she was pretty." Bella's voice had taken on a sing-song tone as she walked backwards so that she could face me. "Who were you looking at who caused this?" As Bella spoke, her hand drifted down to rest upon my crotch, giving me a gentle squeeze which caused my knees to go weak. She giggled and danced away as I stalked towards her.
We made it back to our campsite and I finished setting up our cook stove while Bella unrolled our air mattress and filled it with the solar powered pump. After she had jumped onto the bed, giving it the "bounce test," Bella pronounced it ready. While she made up the bed, I sat down in my camp chair, enjoying the first of many bottles of the generic lemon/lime electrolyte replenisher Bella had bought for us. Apparently, buying a new tent and camping gear had taken more of a dent in our budget than we had anticipated and we were determined to make it through the summer without dipping into our savings or accepting my parents' help.
A low moan drew my attention to Alice and Jasper's tent, just feet from ours. Through the open window, I could see Jasper's bare back, the shadows of the trees and his tent hiding the scattering of scars from my view. A few giggles later, they emerged, both looking a little flushed. Alice ran for the outdoor rinse off shower while Jasper just poured a bottle of water over his head.
Jasper looked up at me, a sheepish grin upon his face, and gave me a wink before he tied the shoes he had just barely slipped on. "Edward, are you ready to meet and greet some of the best people I've had the privilege of knowing?"
"Yeah. It can not be any stranger than the Chicago meet ups, probably easier since we at least have religion in common as well as our relationships."
Jasper nodded and then folded up his camp chair. "We're down in Hickory Grove; you will want to spray yourself down with repellant or you'll be eaten alive."
After taking his advice, I grabbed mine and Bella's chairs, shouldering the attached carry straps while she came out with our workshop bag. It contained two notebooks, a handful of pens and pencils, two bottles of water, and the stack of cards we printed with our shared email address and a picture of us.
We followed Jasper down the path leading deeper into the woods, Bella holding onto Alice's arm as she tried to avoid tripping over exposed roots. We made it to the clearing with only one stumble, possibly a record for Bella, and set up our chairs. As Jasper was the facilitator for the workshop, we were the first ones to arrive so we grabbed the best spots; we'd be shaded the entire time instead of finding ourselves in the sun halfway through.
Several others began to file down the path to the Grove. A triad composed of two women and a man, were the first to enter. One of the women had on fairy wings, a layered skirt, and nothing else. They introduced themselves as Oberon, Titania, and Mab, which admittedly caused Bella to fight a fit of giggles.
There was a rather self-assured "doctor" who used the label of polyamory to make his wandering eyes okay with his wife. Given what a douche he was, my guess is that his wife was just glad for him to be away from home more often. He sat next to a couple who looked lost. Josh and Silver Moon were interested in polyamory, to find out about it, and talk with those who practice it.
We were just segueing into the discussion after our introductions when we heard more voices and heavy footfalls echoing through the woods.
"Hey, Jazz-man! Sorry, we're late. Our relief at childcare didn't show and we had to send a runner after two workers."
Jealousy surged through me as I watched Jasper stand up and give Emmett a hug as he walked into the circle of chairs. I have never been the truly jealous type except for when I met Bella and had to deal with a few of the other single teachers hit on her. When my long time best friend turned and hugged Emmett's wife, it was as if red overlaid my vision. I wanted to be the one holding the two of them.
Part of me was responding to the two of them as if they belonged to Bella and me. It went beyond lust; it was more of a recognition or love at first sight. Jasper scooted his chair over, pulling Alice's with him, and indicated for us to scoot the other direction. It was as if he could sense what I was feeling and was trying either to embarrass or help me.
I felt my cheeks heat as Emmett sat down beside me, his legs splaying wide. He just took up space. He turned to me, his hand out in offering, "hey there, I'm Emmett."
His hand was hot as it closed around mine. It took a moment for me to remember my own name. I was lost in his blue eyes.
"Wow, your eyes are really green. Cool. Rosie's," he paused put his other arm around his wife, "are purple, like Elizabeth Taylor's."
Emmett smiled at me, his dimples popping deep into his cheeks. With that, my heart made room for another. Now if my mind could just reconcile with my feelings and lust, we'd be fine.