Author's Note: No Im not Stephanie Meyer, obviously, but I am Amber, so I do own ICFY :D SO here it is the long awaited aftermath Chapter! I hope I dont disappoint and I hope you all enjoy it. Please let me know what you think! Anyways as always Read, Enjoy, and Review :)
Chapter 39: Sometime's They Come Back
" Sometimes when you're young, you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match. The one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize its not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you want to believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe that you you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered," -Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill.
Jasper's POV
" I'm sorry. They were all down there for so long, its almost an impossibility to know what long term damage there will be. Jade and Alice came around quickly, the are resting comfortably. We have them on oxygen, and under heating blankets to raise their body temperatures. We have given them medications in hopes of warding off pneumonia," the doctor says, looking at us all so soberly.
" Uhm Ana, what about Ana?" Rosalie asks, her voice shaky with tears. I watch the doctor and I know that he is dreading what he is about to say, and the fact that he has to be the one to say it. My heart sinks slowly into my stomach as he takes a deep breath.
" I am not going to lie to you, it doesn't look good. It took longer to get her back, and even though she came back, we're having to breathe for her," he says, and I get up to pace away.
" What does that mean? She'll be okay, wont she?" I ask, turning to look at the doctor.
" There are no guarantees in medi-," he starts saying but I cut him off.
" Oh cut the crap, I don't care what guarantees there are or aren't in medicine, I want to know if she is going to be okay," I growl out at him.
" Listen son, I know that what you have all been through hell, but you need to stay calm. I will make a deal with you, I will be completely upfront with you all about everything, if you can stay calm for me. We are doing the best that we can for her. The ball is in her court now," the doctor says, pushing to his feet. " I am going to check in on them, and I will send a nurse out when you can come see them."
I replay the conversation with the doctor over, and over in my head, dissecting every sentence, every emotion. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is in fact, doing everything that he can for them, and for Ana. Yet, I feel completely helpless. I haven't seen her yet, instead I have been sitting in this waiting room, alone.
" Hey," Emmett says, sitting next to me heavily.
" Hey," I answer back.
" Jazz, you should really go see her," he says, leaning forward in his chair bracing his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. I can feel the pain and exhaustion radiating off of him, and I wish that I had the energy to ease it for him, just take the edge off.
" I can't, not until her mother gets here," I say, closing my eyes and shaking my head. " She should be the one to decide if I should see her."
" What are you talking about Jasper?" he asks me, bewilderment dripping from his words.
" I told her no Em. She offered me her heart, and I said no," I say my throat thickening, eyes burning fiercely. " That's why she didn't want me to ride with her, that why this all happened, because I was stupid and God, if I could just take it all back, I swear, I swear I would change it," I say my voice growing louder, even as I grow breathless. I get up and start pacing before everything inside of me snaps. I start throwing things and punching the wall before Emmett grabs me and drags me out of the hospital. Air rushes in and out of my lungs and I wish that I could be in Ana's spot, I would give anything if it meant that she would be okay, even my own life. Emmett grabs me into a tight hug, holding me while I run off the rest of the anger and pain. He holds me at arms length, his usually smiling eyes serious.
" You have to listen to me Jasper, you were the first one in the water looking for her, looking for all of them. You can't keep beating yourself up over this. You wont do her any good if you surround yourself in guilt," he says as I take a deep calming breath.
" Thanks Em," I say and a small voice comes from behind me.
" Jasper," a soft female voice asks. I turn and see Ana's mom standing. A small duffel bag in hand, her eyes puffy and red rimmed. The pain, and fear that rushes off of her is staggering, like a tidal wave.
" Miss. Benson," I say stepping towards her. I work off of instinct, hugging her. She holds onto me as the tears wrack her body.
" How is she?" she asks pulling away to look at me with tears streaming down her face.
" Miss. Benson, please just come in and Emmett will take you to her," I say, nudging her towards the door. She complies silently, wiping her eyes. I watch as Emmett walks Ana's mother to the elevators, before she turns to look at me. She says nothing just holds her hand out to me. I take it and she wraps my hand in hers, and the warmth of it washes me in fresh guilt, and I pray for a way out even as the elevator doors slide closed.
Jade's POV
It's so cold, and I'm sure that my teeth would be chattering if I wasn't so tired. It feels like I'm floating, somewhere between sleep and awake. The only warmth I feel is on my hand, so I will my fingers to move.
" Jade," the familiar voice says my name as warm breath washes over my face. " Jade, love, can you open your eyes for me?" I groan inwardly at the request. I slide my eyes open slowly, blinking them clear.
" Edward," I whisper out my throat hurts, raw and burning. I watch as a tear slides down his cheek even as he smiles slightly.
" Hi pretty girl," Edward says, lifting my hand brushing a kiss over my knuckles.
" Hi," I whisper. I fight against the sluggish feeling coursing through me my mind floating off remembering what happened. I lost control of the car, and we went in. The water was so cold, and Ana. My eyes flash open.
" Ana, where's Ana? And Alice? Are they okay?" I whisper out hurriedly.
" Alice is fine, she is going to be okay. Ana isn't," he starts saying his voice breaking on the words, "She isn't doing good, but I don't want you to worry okay Jade, you need to sleep," he says, brushing a finger down my cheek.
" I need, I need to see Ana," I say, trying to sit up. Edward easily pushes me back against the hospital bed. " Damn it Edward move."
" You can see her after you rest," he says, and I cant fight him anymore. I close my eyes and pray that she is okay as I drop into darkness.
Alice's POV
" How are you feeling Alice," Rosalie asks, and I look over at her. I wince as I clear my throat.
" I'm okay. Scared, for Ana," I whisper out turning to look back at the window. They told me Jade would be okay, but Ana still wasn't awake, and they didn't know if she was ever going to wake up.
" We all are, especially Jasper. He isn't doing good," Emmett says and I look over at my big brother. He looks tired as he runs a hand over his hair.
" I never saw it coming Em, how is that possible? I should have seen it coming," I say, tears clouding my eyes.
" Don't think about that right now Alice, just rest," Rosalie says, and I close my eyes in mock sleep. I play everything that happened over and over again in my head. The sound of the metal scraping against the guard rail, and the screaming for help. My body got so cold, and I ran out of air and I thought for sure I was going to die, and then there was peace, and quite. No sound, no cold, nothing. I knew I was dead, in my head and in my heart, and then I was back. I don't know how, and I don't know why, all I know is that right now my thoughts are on Ana and Jasper. She has to come back, she has too.
Jasper's POV
I stand in the door way of Ana's hospital room and I cant bring myself to step into the room. Ana's mother walks slowly to her daughters bedside, leaning down brushing a kiss over her forehead, and the heartbreak radiates off of her. I cringe against it, closing my eyes tightly.
" You know, when she was a little girl, I was so protective of her. My worst fear was that something would happen to my little girl, and now look at her. I can't, I cant wrap my head around all of this," Miss. Benson says, and I can feel the guilt drop into my stomach like a ball of fire. " She has to wake up and be okay Jasper. She has big dreams. She was always so worried about me, about something happening to me. After her dad left, I taught her what to do you know? If something happened to me, or if the house caught on fire, or if someone tried grabbing her. No one, no one ever told me what to do if something happened to my ltlle girl."
I watch on as she weeps into Ana's hair, and I take as much energy as I can muster to ease some of her pain and grief, though it isnt much, its the least that I can do seeing as how her daughter being this close to death is all my fault.
" Miss. Benson," I start saying, but she just looks at me.
" Please, call me Jennifer," she says sitting in the chair near Ana's bed.
" Jennifer, I should leave you alone, give you some privacy," I say, running my hands nervously through my hair.
" You haven't seen her yet have you?" she asks, never taking her eyes off of Ana.
" No," I whisper out, even now, standing in the door way the curtain is closed just far enough so that I don't see her.
" Can I ask you why?" she asks, and I take a deep breath.
" I broke your daughter's heart. She played it off over Thanksgiving, making it seem that everything was okay, but the truth is, that over the last few months I have been horrible to her. I have made so many mistakes with her, and last night was the worst of them all. I don't deserve to see her," I say tears clouding my eyes. What happens next is surprising.
" Jasper," she says, getting to her feet walking towards me. She wraps me in a warm hug and holds me close, and I lose whatever slippery hold on control I had. I cry hard into her shoulder while she strokes my hair. She pulls away from me, putting a finger under my chin forcing me to look at her.
" You listen to me Jasper. I know that my daughter is in love with you, and that you are in love with her. Do not hold yourself back, especially now," she says, taking my hand softly pulling me into the room. I take a deep breath before coming around the curtain. She's beautiful. Peaceful. If it weren't for the tube coming from her mouth breathing for her, I would swear she was asleep. I walk to her bedside, staring down at her.
" If you don't mind, I am going to check on Jade. Will you stay with her?" Jennifer asks, and I nod. She brushes a hand down my shoulder before stepping out of the room. I sit next to Ana, staring at her, willing her to show me some sign that she is still here.
" Ana," I whisper, taking her hand in mine. " Listen, I know that I have messed up a lot with you, and you deserve so much more. And if you will just wake up and open your eyes, I promise you I will give you what you deserve, I promise. Just, you have to come back, please come back," I cry into her hand wishing that she would tighten her grip on mine in some show of life, but there's nothing. Only the sound of the heart monitor surrounds us as I pray.
Ana's POV
I never believed in out of body experiences, then again, I never believed in people having the ability to see the future, read minds, or know and control how people feel. Yet here I am, standing outside of body watching as things happen around me, incapable of saying anything, instead I am forced to listen and watch.
" It's never fair is it kiddo?" someone voice asks, and I turn and see my Nana standing watching me.
" Nana?" I ask, looking at her confused. My Nana died when I was fifteen, and yet here she was, standing in front of me.
" Ana," she says, walking towards me slowly, wrapping me in a warm hug.
" Does this mean I'm dead?" I ask, pulling away to look at her.
" Not necessarily, the choice is up to you," she says, and I feel even more confused.
" I don't understand. I cant really remember what happened," I say, looking back at myself laying in the hospital bed.
" Come with me, I have a lot to show you, and not a lot of time to show it to you in," she says, holding a hand out to me. I take it hesitantly and before I can blink we are standing outside. I should be shuddering from the cold, but I don't feel anything. Instead I watch on as the car Jade, Alice, and I were in falls into the icy river. My breath catches in my throat as it all comes back to me. The frigid water pouring into our car, and the even more frigid fear. I stare, unable to look away as Jasper, Edward, and Emmett jump in after us.
" No, what are they doing? Are they asking to get themselves killed?" I scream out, turning to look at Nana.
" Just watch," she says, and we move closer, just standing on the shore line. I watch on, as Emmett breaks surface with Alice in tow, and shortly after Edward does the same, holding Jade as he swims furiously behind Emmett.
" Thank God, he got Jade. Please tell me Jade is okay," I say, but seeing Jasper break surface with me, takes every thought away from me. He saved me. Before I could say anything or react we are back in the hospital, watching as they fight to bring us all back.
" We have to raise her body temperature, we're losing her," a doctor barks out and I peer in closer realizing that they are talking about me.
" Why are you showing this to me?" I ask, turning furious eyes to my nana.
" Come on," she says, taking my hand pulling me through the hospital. We stand in the corner of the waiting room, where Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper sit. I watch on as Rosalie cries, and Emmett tries his hardest to hold it together for her.
" They all look so lost," I say, sitting down in the chair next to Jasper. I can only catch parts of the conversation passing between him and Rosalie.
" This is all my fault Rose," Jasper says, and my heart breaks inside of me.
" What is the point of showing me all of this. Its because of me that all of this happened. I just couldn't let go of him Nana. I love him so much, and I wouldn't let him go, and now he blames himself, how is this fair?" I ask, looking at Jasper and Rosalie. Wordlessly she takes my hand and walks me to Jade's room. I look at her awake and am thankful at least for that.
" Thank God," I whisper out closing my eyes on a shaky breath. " Alice? What about Alice?"
" She's awake too, worrying about you. Your mother is here too," Nana says and I look at her sadly.
" Mom, she is going to be worried sick," I say, walking back to my room slowly. I stand in the corner, watching as my mother talks to Jasper. There voices are so quiet and I cant hear them no matter how hard I try too. I watch in silence as my mother leaves the room, leaving Jasper to watch over me.
"Say something Jasper, anything," I say out loud watching as he takes my hand.
" You asked me what the point of showing all of you this is. The point is Ana, that you have believed your whole life that you don't really matter. But you do. To your mother, to Jade, to Jasper. He is sitting here with you, willing to give you his heart, now you have to make the choice," Nana says, resting her hand on my shoulder.
" I don't know what to do. If I stay here, like this, my mother, Jade, Jasper will be devastated, but if I go back, I have to live through all of the crap that life throws at me," I say, looking at her.
" Life is hard, no one ever said it was going to be easy, but the funny thing about life is when its over, I mean really over, you don't think so much of the bad times, or the hard times, the things that stay with you are all of the good things. The happy times, and the memories you make. Can you say you have made all of the memories that you wanted to make?" Nana asks, and I shake my head.
" No," I whisper out closing my eyes.
" Its okay Ana, go back, we'll be waiting for you," Nana whispers and then I'm gone. Inside of my body again. It feels alien, like I don't belong here.
" Ana," Jaspers voice surrounds me. " Listen, I know that I have messed up a lot with you, and you deserve so much more. And if you will just wake up and open your eyes, I promise you I will give you what you deserve, I promise. Just, you have to come back, please come back." I fight so hard to move my hand in his but my body feels so sluggish, like its telling me that its not time yet. Silence falls and the only noise I hear is Jasper softly crying into my hand. ' Come on Ana, you have to wake up now, you have to,' I say to myself, even as I fall deeper into the darkness that surrounds me.