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Chapter 23
Visser Three was still alive. That one fact suddenly seemed to be all that mattered, all that defined my existence. Because as long as the Visser lived Alloran would never leave Earth.
Tirdellan landed The Jahar in the clearing. She had been watching us and brought the ship down as soon as the Yeerks had retreated. It was incredibly foolish, as we might well have lost the ship if a second Yeerk army had emerged from the pool entrance, but I left Arbat to admonish her and stumbled into the cockpit.
Visser Three was still alive.
I'd embraced my son again, and touched tails with Lortif. We'd ran them through the Gleet Biofilters to check they were not infested, and they'd come back clean. They appeared scared but unharmed. As Alloran lifted The Jahar off the ground with all of us assembled uncomfortably in the main cockpit I listened in a daze to the arisths as they told Medrar about their adventures. Visser Three had fitted all of his Bug Fighters with tracking beacons, which were activated the instant one was unaccounted for. An unusual precaution, but one the Visser had adopted because of his problems with the Andalite bandits. Alloran had been unable to warn us until it was too late – by the time he had told Arbat they'd already received the transmission from Visser Three. The arisths had been involved in a brief fire fight with the Blade Ship, before a hole was torn in the side of the fighter. As it tumbled to the ground the Blade Ship had snagged it in a tractor beam, zipping it up into a main hanger. A Bug Fighter was a snug fit for two Andalites, designed as it was for a Hork bajir and a Taxxon, and the Visser had simply ordered his Hork Bajir to approach the hole he had torn in the fighter's side and fire on stun. There was nowhere to run and Lortif and Farling didn't have any morphs small enough to hide with. They were knocked out instantly.
Visser Three was still alive.
We flew halfway around the world, travelling through the atmosphere. Cold clouds streaked past the viewing screen, as Alloran piloted us.
Does everyone have a human morph? he asked and I nodded silently whilst the others gave confirmation.
Where are you taking us brother? Arbat asked tiredly. We were all worn out, all struggling forwards on our very last nerves. I suppose Tirdellan was the most rested, but she just stood in abject misery, probably still upset by Kipsing's death which was, to be brutally honest, her fault. Somehow I had managed to push Kipsing to the back of my mind, to ignore that particular aspect of the horror this journey had turned into. Alloran's back, I whispered to myself, but it was not enough.
A shuddering in the ship told us we were descending. I have always wanted to visit this place on Earth, Alloran said, replying to Arbat's question. It is so very unlike our home planet. An archipelago of islands, surrounded by warm seas. They are called the Caribbean Islands, and these ones are more specifically the Windward Islands. The Jahar touched down gently and Alloran stretched. There is the added advantage of limited human habitation on this particular one compared to the cities in America. But it might be best if we maintain shields, as the Yeerks will no doubt be looking for us and there are indigenous people.
Shields on at 100%, Medrar reported quietly. Alloran turned to us, his face calm.
Although the sun may blaze outside it would be best if we rested. We will consider our position in five hours, assembling here in the cockpit. The immediate area lacks human habitation so you are welcome to explore outside. I ask only that you use the ship's scanners to check for sentient life in the surrounding area before you leave the ship.
Who died and made him Hak Bajeesh? Arbat wondered privately to me, but I was too tired to manage a reply. Instead I mentioned something about sleeping and left them, heading for my quarters. I hoped desperately Alloran would not join me, and to my relief he didn't follow.
Visser Three was still alive, and he walked my dreams, a dark malevolent force still bearing my husband's face, still holding my husband in his grasp. I awoke shaking, and feeling unrefreshed two hours later, but it had been enough to allow me to gather some energy back, and I was hungry enough to want to explore the where we had landed. I scanned the immediate area from the empty cockpit and saw that it was almost as private as we could ever have hoped. We were on an island named Grenada, on a volcanic beach with black sand. A road passed along the top of the beach, although the computer reported that in the two hours I had slept only one human car had driven along it.
Extend visibility shields to a radius of 100m, I ordered. There was a hum as the computer complied, extending the visibility shields over the road and to the vegetation on the other side. Any humans entering the area would not feel the difference, but they would be briefly invisible. However the cars were sufficiently infrequent that I was willing to believe they would never notice the difference, and I was hungry enough to take the risk. I would have to bear in mind that any humans entering the shielded area would be able to see me, but the ship's main shields would keep it hidden, even from those in the 100m zone. Satisfied with my work I opened the main doors and stepped down onto the volcanic black sand.
The Atlantic ocean roared in, swept onto the beach by far reaching currents, under the brilliant sun. The computer had offered human media reports of hurricanes on this island, and staring out at the foaming sea I could understand why. The air was warm and smelt heavily of the salty ocean, with a strong breeze fanning my face. It is the Windward Islands after all, I muttered to myself. The sand beneath my hooves was inedible, but it was strewn here and there with large patches of some sort of vegetation that seemed to have been thrown up by the sea. I trotted over some of them, and although they crackled unnervingly I could feel that they were refreshing me. The vegetation on the other side of the road looked more appetising, and I crossed the strip of tarmac to it. On the edge of a lush jungle of trees were patches of dryish grass, dusty but perfectly edible, and I cantered by the roadside over the grass, enjoying the feeling of the breeze and the sunshine.
A rustle in the jungle brought me up short, but a second later a pair of blue forms emerged and I relaxed to see it was other Andalites. Farling and Lortif were laughing, stumbling out from between the trees, but stopped short when they saw me.
It is good to see the two of you happy again, I said, smiling. Farling turned and gestured at the trees.
Isn't it beautiful, mother!
Not much underfoot to eat in there though, Lortif added. He glanced down and scuffed his hoof across the dry grass. Give me a lush meadow any day.
I like it here, Farling said, a bit defensively. Besides, we won't be here for long. We'll be going home soon, won't we mother?
I certainly hope so, I replied, keeping my uncertainty of my face. Now that your father is free there's nothing to keep him here. By the way, have you spoken to him?
Yes, Farling replied. He took Tirdellan and me into the jungle and talked to us. He told us that he was grateful that we had come for him. He is still with her in there. My son inclined his head back to indicate the way they had come. My hearts lifted at the thought of our family being knit together again.
Good. I am glad you had the chance to talk.
We'll talk more when we go home, I'm sure, Farling said seriously.
We'll leave as soon as possible, I agreed. There's nothing left for us to do here.
But Visser Three was still alive.
I turned into the forest, hoping vaguely to run into either Tirdellan or Alloran. My hearts beat harder at the thought. I had spent so long missing him, loving him in absentia, wanting him. Would he ever live up to my expectations? Would he be as I hoped or were those niggling doubts which had been spawned by his cool reception thus far correct? What was I to my husband that after reuniting after a fourteen year separation we had not even kissed?
As I pushed through the dense foliage I realised Lortif had been right. My hooves were muffled by a leafy carpet, inedible and soft. I used my tail to clear draping creepers and struck out East, curious to explore this jungle. There seemed to be limited animal life, although the screech of birds filtered down from the green canopy. A splash of dark turquoise caught my attention, and I thought for a second that it was an Andalite, but was quickly undeceived. Squatting on a large rock at knee level off the ground was a small creature, reptilian with the standard Earth compliment of two eyes and four limbs. Its tail lay along the rock to keep it steady, and a spiny crest ran down its back, complimented by another under its chin. Fascinated I reached out with my tail blade to stroke it, in case it was poisonous to the touch, and ran the tip gently over the scaly skin. It extended a clawed arm and batted my blade away. I was still staring as a fly buzzed too close and, quick as a flash, a pink tongue zipped out of the creature, caught the insect and whipped it into its mouth.
Very impressive, I told it. But I prefer grass.
It's called an iguana, a voice behind me said, and I turned guiltily, caught off guard with all four eyes staring ahead. Alloran stood under the trees, the dappled green light filtering through the canopy and splashing across his back. He stepped forward and joined me in admiring the iguana. I don't believe it's dangerous to the touch. He reached out a gentle finger and stroked the frilled back. The Visser didn't bother learning much about Earth wildlife though, so I'm not totally sure. I didn't know what to say, so kept silent. He lifted his head to me. Does it bother you to hear me mention him? I can avoid it if you want.
Alloran, I am more concerned about what bothers you, I said softly. You were the one who went through the ordeal, so you have the right to decide what is said and what is not. He nodded sadly.
An answer which is totally empty of anything but politeness, Jahar. He straightened up and turned to me. I assume you imagined our meeting again differently.
A little, I admitted. I risked a smile. I rather thought there'd be more sex involved. He laughed at that, unexpectedly, and reached out and stroked my face affectionately. I giggled nervously too, and eagerly returned the kiss. The sensation of being touched tenderly again was shockingly powerful.
Forgive me love, and I will start this all over again, Alloran said. He stepped back and executed a formal bow as if just meeting me. Thank you so much for freeing me, my wife. His hands flew back to my face, and I reached up and held them there, leaning forwards into him. Thank you, he whispered, repeating the words again and again. You have no idea what it means to see you, to see my family.
I have missed you for so long, I breathed, intoxicated by his proximity. He stepped close and laid his head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around his back, holding him tight. You're safe. You're with me.
You came so far. You ran so many dangers, he whispered. I sighed and squeezed him.
I love you, you fool. I felt him relax, the tension dissipating from his body.
You have no idea what it is to take my own breaths, to feel the wind and run as I want, he murmured. You have no idea how much I love you, and how grateful I am.
We stood there in the jungle long after the iguana had lost interest in us and run off. Somehow it wasn't the moment for breathless passion, and I sensed that I was growing older and softer, we both were, and it was enough just to be together without having to gallop madly and pant exhilarated gasps with each other. I was content just to stand there and breathe in each breath. I smelt his warm male scent, felt his soft fur under my hands as I stroked his face, bathed in the spots of sunshine, and felt immeasurably at peace.
But Visser Three was still alive.
Shall we explore this jungle? Alloran asked, after a while. Humans call this form of vegetation a 'rainforest'. Not very imaginative, but rather apt. We held hands and pushed through trees and bushes, the air heavy with tropical scents which were not too dissimilar from those of the equatorial regions of our home planet.
It reminds me of home, I said quietly.
You must be looking forward to returning, Alloran said. How long has it been since you left?
I really don't know, I said, surprised. Not too long I think. But I am getting too old for all this travelling and fighting. I gave him a meaningful look. We both are. Alloran stopped and stood there for a minute, his head turned away from me.
I wasn't planning to discuss this until the meeting, he said softly. I pulled on his hand gently, as if I could draw him closer to me forever.
Alloran, come home with me. I came all this way for you.
Jahar, I am immeasurably grateful for what you have done. You have no idea how much it means to me to actually be glad to be alive again. He turned to me, his large green eyes shimmering.
Then come home, I begged. We can be a family again. We can be happy.
Jahar, I am a warrior, he whispered. I've seen the horror of what is happening, here on this planet. Now that I am free I can not turn my back on this world. I can not leave it to the fate I have escaped.
The Andalite bandits are here, I pleaded. And the fleet will come. You can't do anything on your own. Nothing but be killed. I felt like crying.
I won't be alone, Alloran said softly. You and our friends need to go home. This is not your war. I will stay and find the bandits and fight with them.
It's not your war either! I shouted, horrified at the prospect of leaving him again, of more years of agonised waiting and not knowing.
It has been from the beginning, he replied in a voice of infuriating calm.
It's not your world then, I said, still angry.
Nevertheless, this world needs my help, he said.
The world can wait! I screamed, feeling like the ground was falling away under my feet. I waited fourteen years!
Jahar, please control yourself, Alloran said awkwardly.
Fine, I said, fighting to regain myself. I'll control myself, and you'll stay here, with Visser Three. He stiffened as if I'd hit him and I laughed bitterly. Face it, my love, that's the truth isn't it? Nothing to do with this planet, nothing to do with these people. It's the Visser. He's still got you. And he'll always have you.
Yes, if that's what you want to hear! Alloran shouted, and I saw with grim satisfaction that I'd managed to make him lose his temper finally. I'll stay here because I'd rather have the company of that vile slug than of my own wife. Of course that's the truth!
I'm so glad you could finally admit it! I retorted. He growled something incoherent and suddenly reached and grasped me, pulling him close to me. I could feel his chest heaving. Get off me, Alloran!
Stop fighting me Jahar! he shouted. We always fight! I don't understand how I can love you so much yet we always fight.
Because you would rather stay here on earth than come home with me! I cried. I gave up everything to find you Alloran!
Could you still love me if I ran? He asked desperately. Jahar I am a warrior, I am meant to fight, my place is here.
I couldn't care less if you ran like a coward, I hissed. Then at least I would have a husband. Your obsession with war will be your ruin, Alloran.
Then perhaps you should have married Arbat in the first place, he snapped.
I stared at him in horror, appalled at what he had just said. His eyes widened and his hands fluttered, as if somehow he could claw the words back. We stepped back and stared at each other, and I felt like I was unable to breathe.
Alloran, I love you, I said finally. You. No one else. That is why I was so upset that you would not come home.
I'm sorry, he said miserably. I didn't mean what I said. He hesitated, then sighed. If it matters so much to you, then of course I will come home with you.
No, you are right to want to stay here, I said, equally miserable. I was exhausted from fighting.
Jahar, we keep battling each other, Alloran said softly. Why is it? I shrugged.
I don't know, Alloran. A pause. Silence screaming between us.
Tell me, my love, have you ever forgiven me for failing you? he asked finally. The question caught me offguard, and I didn't know what to say. Alloran took my silence as confirmation. I see, he said quietly.
Alloran, it's not...
No love. You have suffered more than any other Andalite female, and it is only because of your excellence of character that you have not turned against me before.
I'm not turning against you now, I pleaded desperately. Don't do this again, Alloran!
Again? He seemed genuinely confused.
You said you'd kill yourself if I asked once. I was speaking quickly, the words tumbling from my brain. Don't do this! Don't shoulder the blame and shut me out! I can't lose you again!
I'm right here, Jahar.
No, you're stepping away from me. You're distancing yourself using your duty. Why are you so desperate to flee my side? I was so very tired from fighting, but as I spoke I knew that this was the reason that we always fought, the reason behind every bitter word I had ever spoken to him. I didn't care for his shame, his disgrace. Compared to what I had faced I'd have happily added five hundred more Hork Bajir to his death toll if only he had come back to me instead of stepping away, of distancing himself.
Is it not obvious? Alloran asked wonderingly. I step away from you Jahar because I am not worthy to stand by your side. I am flawed and I know it. I am stained and I can not bear to contaminate you with myself. He raised a tentative hand. When I have completed penance for my crimes, then I can return to you, love. It is all I have ever wanted. I took his hand and lifted it carefully to my face again, felt his cool fingertips against my burning cheeks.
Some would consider years of slavery penance enough, Alloran. His eyes widened as I nuzzled his fingertips. Please stay with me. I ask because it is what I want.
The Visser is still a threat, Alloran said weakly. Inside I sighed, suddenly filled with an urge to slap him. In stories this would have been the perfect moment of reconciliation, and yet he was still concerned about the wretched Yeerk!
Then we'll destroy him together, Alloran. We'll take him out, and you'll promise to come home. I fixed him with the expression I used on Tirdellan and Farling to show I was being serious. I saw him waver and then his willpower, battered beyond imagination by years of servitude, crumbled.
Yes Jahar, he said meekly, once again in the thrall of another.