Author's Note: Hello again! I am not now nor have I ever been Stephanie Meyer therefore Twilight and all of its awesomeness isnt mine.....but fear not because Jade and Ana are!!! Anyways, I want to thank everyone for reading and reviewing, serioulsy its so awesome! So as a gift to you, and since I have no cookies handy, here is Chapter 45. As always, Read/Enjoy/Review!
Chapter 45: Battlefield
" Some hearts are broken and mended. Others are shattered or torn. Although it was never intended because love is eternally sworn. I have cried, prayed, and pleaded for that love to hold its ground. Hope was all I needed, pain was all I found."-Unknown.
You know how usually when something like a big trip is coming the time seems to go so slow? Why is it that when your dreading said trip all of the preparation time seems to hit fast forward? I sit looking through my clothes trying to pick out clothes that wont give anything away. Though part of me knows that I am going to have to tell my Mom, the small, scared part of me is hoping I can just keep the secret. I could just show up on in about six months with a baby, but that might give her a hear attack. I groan inwardly, dreading this whole blasted trip.
" Hey you, almost done?" Jade asks, coming to sit next to me.
" Yeah almost. None of my clothes are going to fit me anymore soon, damn it Jade, how am I going to tell her?" I ask, throwing a pair of jeans into my suitcase.
" I don't know honey, but you'll have me, Edward, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie there to help you," she says, hugging me.
" I cant believe he isn't coming Jade," I say, closing my eyes. I have been very careful about saying his name. " I thought that everything would be perfect. I would finally have my happily ever after. We got married Jade. I never thought I would get married, not after seeing what my parents went through, but with Jas-, with him it just seemed so right. Like fate was guiding every step we took to get there. Now here I am, probably getting divorced, pregnant, and not even finished with my freshman year of college."
" Ana, he's going to come around, he always does. Jasper's just, slow on the emotional uptake, which is strange all things considered," she says, sitting on my suitcase so I can zip it up.
" Yeah, when? After I have the baby, or after he comes back from that stupid internship?" I ask, leaving her to contemplate the questions as I drag my suitcase downstairs.
" You need any help with that?" someone asks, and I jump slightly turning to see Jasper standing against his bedroom door, a suitcase at his feet.
" Where are you going? To check out London early?" I ask, turning back to pick up my suitcase.
" No, I'm coming to California," he says, and I stare at him for a minute.
" Why?" I ask, looking at him in shock.
" Because, I owe it to you, and to our baby," he says, walking downstairs with both of our bags. I feel my heart give a small tug and I try and ignore it, but one thing Jasper is always good at is making up for the stupid things he does. Then again he has had plenty of practice at apologizing.
" Emmett, please pull over somewhere, anywhere, I don't care if I have to pee in a bush, I'm serious," I say, squirming uncomfortably in my seat.
" Ana, we are almost to the next town, just be patient," Emmett says, apparent annoyance in his voice. I close my mouth and eyes praying that my bladder doesn't burst on the way. I open my eyes and see the sign for the gas station. I get out of the car, rushing to find the bathroom. I come out of the bathroom, relieved that I didn't embarrass myself, and find that I'm hungry. I walk up and down the aisles, my mouth watering at just about everything that I see.
" Hey woman, how are you feeling?" Jade asks, her hair slightly ruffled, evidence that she was sleeping.
" Hungry," I say, picking up a package of starbursts.
" Mmm. Going to have to get used to that, now that you have a bun in the oven," she says playfully rubbing my still flat stomach.
" I know, mmm cheetos," I say, grabbing a big bag of the snack food. I continue walking the aisles, Jade sleepily trudging behind me. "Ooo, an Aba-Zaba. Haven't had one of these in years." I smile as I add the candy to my ever growing pile of food.
" Ana, I think you have enough food there to put even Emmett to shame," she says, and I look at my full hands. I blush slightly as I make a beeline for the cashier. I walk out of the store, smiling as I get back into the car.
" Damn half-pint. Enough food don't you think?" Emmett asks, his voice teasing. I glare at him, pulling out a bag of sour gummy worms.
" And to think, I bought these for you. Guess I'll have to eat them now," I say, shoving the candy back into the bag.
" Come on, I was playing with you," he says, reaching for the bag. I give in easily, settling back into my seat, happily snacking on my food.
I wake up slowly, my stomach rolling disgustingly.
" Em," I whisper, sitting up slowly. He doesn't say anything so I groan deeply. " Em, you need to pull over."
" Come on half-pint, not again. We're a half an hour away, cant you hold it?" Emmett asks, annoyance clear in his tired voice. 'Note to self, an overly tired Emmett makes for a grumpy goose,'I think to myself even as my stomach gives another sick roll.
" I am about to throw up," I say hoarsely, covering my mouth with my hand. I hold onto my seat tightly as Emmett screeches to a halt on the side of the road. I open the door quickly barely able to stumble far enough from the car, losing everything in my stomach. I notice the weight of someone's hands holding my hair.
" You okay?" Jasper asks, and I stand up turning to look at him. I take the water bottle he extends to me.
" Just peachy. I was really hoping I would have been able to hide this from my mom, but I'm sure she will catch on, with this whole puking thing," I say, quickly rinsing my mouth out.
" It's going to be okay," he says, running a hand over my shoulder. I shrug off his touch.
" Easy for you to say," I say, walking back to the car. I get in wishing we could turn the car around and go back to Washington. I pull my knees to my chest, resting my head on my legs as I watch the scenery go by through the window. I smile softly as the rising song paints the desert in soft shades of light. I close my eyes, praying with everything inside of me that this wont turn out as bad as I think its going to.
"Ana," my Mom's excited voice is the first thing that greets me, before her arms circle around me pulling me into her warmth.
" Hi Momma," I say, breathing her in. She pulls away holding me an arms length away.
" Sweet girl, you look so much better. All but glowing," she says, sending a warm smile to the everyone standing behind me.
" You guys must be tired. Still cant believe you guys drove the whole way through," Mom says, ushering everyone into the kitchen.
" Tired, no we're all pretty wired from the coffee," Emmett says, easily making himself at home at the table.
" Well, I'm sure you all are pretty hungry. Ana, go show everyone where they will be sleeping," my Mom say, turning to the refrigerator, " I will get breakfast started."
" Oh, okay, yeah" I say, turning to the lead the way to the open living room. I see that my mom pushed the couches back leaving plenty of room for everyone to sleep, sprawled across the floor. I smirk, knowing that while I love my friends, I will be safely tucked away in the comfort of my old room.
" I guess this is where you guys will be sleeping," I say, watching as everyone sets down their bags.
" Works for me," Edward says, stretching out easily on one of the couches.
" Me too," Jade says, snuggling beside him, her eyes already closed.
" Well, I'm just going to go to my room, make yourselves at home," I say, grabbing my own suitcase, heading up the stairs. I open my bedroom door, a feeling of surprising sentiment washing over me. How many nights did I spend in this room with Jade, talking and dreaming of the way our lives would be when we grew up. Now here I am, wondering how it is that I am going to tell my mom that not only did I get married, but I'm pregnant.
" I suppose that if I were to try and stay in the same room as you, your mom would grow suspicious," Jasper's voice comes from the door way pulling me from my own thoughts.
" After tonight, I will be surprised if even I'm sleeping in this room," I say sadly, sitting on the corner of my bed.
" Ana," he says, stepping towards me, but the voice of my Mom calling us to eat interrupts him. I walk to him, taking his hand as we walk down stairs.
" Seriously the best meal I have had in days," Emmett says, leaning back in his chair patting his stomach.
" You would think he is half-starved to death," Rosalie says, bumping me jokingly.
" I know right, poor Emmy, starving to death and wasting away," I say, dumping the dishes into the sink. I start washing, listening the conversation buzzing around me.
" Let me take over for you Ana, go be with your friends," my Mom says, her hand brushing over my soapy left hand. I see her look down at the ring, a look of confusion on her face. " What's this?" I stare at her for a moment, silence falling over the kitchen. I look to the table my eyes locking on Jasper's.
" Well, hey, come on guys, we are going around town," Jade says, pulling Edward and Emmett from the table.
" Oh come one Jade, I want to see," Emmett's voice trails off, as Alice and Rosalie follow behind. I stand waiting to even attempt to explain this situation until I hear the front door close.
" Ana, what's going on?" Mom asks, and I sit down next to jasper, grasping my fingers together so tightly that it hurt.
" Mom, I, Jasper, we," I stammer, taking a deep breath.
" Jennifer, Ana and I got married," Jasper blurts out, and I look at him shocked. Well that was short, sweet, and straight to the point wasn't it?
" Right, I get it, this is some sort of joke right?" My mom asks, and I look at her, tears forming slowly. I shake my head slowly.
" No, it's not a joke," I say, watching her every reaction.
" You mean to tell me that my daughter, my twenty one year old daughter got married," she says, looking angrier by the second. " Next thing I know you'll, tell me that your pregnant." I swallow hard, dropping a hand to my stomach.
" I am," I say, and I cringe when she pushes away from the table, pacing back and forth, her face growing red with her apparent rage.
" I, I'm going for a walk," she says, and I get up rushing to her.
" Mom," I say, but she pushes past me.
" I cant even talk to you right now," she says, slamming the front door behind her. I stare at the door, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. Jasper wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly as I sink to the floor crying.
" Knock, knock," Jade says, her head peering around the door. I look up at her through puffy eyes, and sniffle loudly a fresh bout of tears streaming down my face. " Oh Ana." I cry as she hugs me close.
" She is never going to talk to me again Jade, I screwed up my life, and now she hates me," I say, gasping slightly over the tears.
" Ana, stop it. You didn't screw up your life, and your mother doesn't hate you. She was just caught off guard that's all," she says, stroking my hair to reassure me.
" I could really use some ice cream," I say, and I smile a watery smile when Jade chuckles.
" That's the best friend I know and love, tell you what. I am going to run to the store, get some Ben and Jerry's round up Rosalie and Alice and we will sit in your room, eat ice cream, and talk about all of our problems just like the good old days," she says, pressing a kiss to my forehead before leaving the room. A half an hour later all of us girls are scattered around my room eating ice cream, a comforting silence around us.
" I don't know if I can do this you guys," I say, taking a bite from my ice cream.
" Do what?" Alice asks, holding one of my stuffed bears on her lap.
" Have this baby," I say, and the room grows silent. I let out a shaky breath, looking up at everyone.
" Are you thinking about having an," Rosalie asks, looking so hurt by the thought that she cant even get the word out.
" No, no. I don't know," I say, admitting that for once I don't have all of the answers. My eyes dart to the door when there is a soft knock. The door opens and I see my Mom.
" Can you guys give us a minute?" my Mom asks, Jade, Rosalie, and Alice all getting up each one of the lightly touching my shoulder before they leave the room. I pull my knees to my chest, waiting for the fury of the storm to hit me.
" I know that I should probably apologize for the way that I acted earlier, but to be fair, I was completely blindsided. What were you thinking Ana?" she asks, sitting down next to me.
" Mom, I know. I shouldn't have just come here and dumped this all on you, but you had to know. I thought about hiding it from you, but I didn't want to lie to you. Mom, I'm sorry," I say, tears clouding my eyes. " I am sorry that I blindsided you, but I'm not sorry that I married Jasper."
" Ana, your twenty one years old, you have so much time left, so much time to do things like getting married and having a baby," she says, her voice weary. I don't know why, but for some reason I snap.
" I'm so tired of hearing that Mom. Don't do that Ana, your too young. Your too young to be in love Ana. What, is there some sort of age requirement that nobody told me about?" I ask, looking at her incredulously, my voice raising slightly.
" Annalisa Benson, you will not raise your voice at me," she says, her own anger matching mine.
" Mom, I regret keeping this from you, I do. I know that I should have told you, but I will never regret marrying the man that I am in love with, or having this baby," I say, crossing my arms defensively across my chest.
" I just don't want you to make the same mistakes that I made," she admits, and I sit down next to her.
" Was I a mistake Mom? Didn't marrying him, give you me?" I ask, " Do you regret that?"
" No, I could never regret having you sweet girl. I just never had the same opportunities that you have. What about college Ana? Your future. Your dream of owning your own recording label? Writing, are you ready to give up your dreams so soon?" she asks, taking my hands in hers. I give a watery smile and sigh.
" I wont be giving my dreams up Mom. I can finish college and have this baby. I will have all of the things I have always wanted, plus the things I never thought about wanting," I say, tears slowly falling down my cheeks. We sit in silence for a while, holding hands. My head on her shoulder, and I remember that this is how it used to be. Whenever I had a broken heart, or a bad day, this is exactly how Mom and I would sit. Not needing to say anything, just letting the silence heal whatever might be hurting.
" I can't believe I'm going to be a grandmother," Mom says, expelling a huge breath. A soft knock on the door draws my attention away from my Mom. I watch as Jasper peeks his head into the room.
" Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Jasper says, backing away slowly.
" No, its okay, come in. I want to talk to both of you now," Mom says, and I watch as Jasper confidently walks in, taking a seat right next to me.
" I will apologize for acting the way that I did, but you guys blind sighted me to say the least. I need to know if you guys have a plan," she asks, looking at us seriously.
" Jennifer, I need you to know that I love your daughter very much, and this baby. While I am away in London, I will pick up a second job, send money to her and the baby, and when I come back we will be together," Jasper says, and I look at him dumbfounded. Feeling as if all of the air had been sucked from the room.
" Wait, back up a minute. Your still going? I'm pregnant Jasper, I'm having your child, and your going to traipse of to London for a year, and then come back? You wont be here when I have the baby?" I ask, getting off the bed to pace around the room.
" Ana, I'll come back. When its time for the baby to come, I will be there. I cant pass up an opportunity like this Ana, I just cant," he says, and I stare at him in shock, tears clouding my eyes.
" Jasper, you cant be serious? Ana is going to need you through all of this, you cant just leave," my Mom says as I start shaking from the tears.
" Jennifer, I understand that this doesn't sound good, but I will come back. I love her too much not too," he says, walking towards me, reaching a hand out to me.
" Don't touch me," I say, pulling away from him. " You say you love me too much. If that was the case Jasper you wouldn't even be thinking about just taking off to jolly old London. I don't care what an amazing opportunity it is. This is our child Jasper, ours. Not just mine," I say, looking at him furiously.
" I know that Ana, but you know that I have been waiting to get this internship for so long," he says, and I cut him off with a single withering look.
" And this internship is more important than your wife and child?" I ask, looking at him seriously, studying his emotions.
" Ana," he says, but I cut him off.
" It's a simple question Jasper, is this damn internship more important than me and this child?" I ask, laying a hand over my stomach. The silence is so staggering, it's deafening. " I see. Well go. Just go. Go to London, or go to hell for all I care," I say, sliding my wedding ring from my finger. I walk to him, taking his hand, I place the glinting ring that symbolized everything that I had felt for him in his palm. I close his hand over the ring, my hand wrapped tightly around his. " I love you Jasper, I would have done anything for you. I married you because I thought that what you and I had meant something to you. I'm carrying your child. I will love this child enough for the both of us, he or she will never know you, and that's sad, but I'm done. I cant do this anymore. I waited so long for you to come around, while you played your games. I wont do it anymore, and not just because I'm tired of it, I'm doing it for this baby, my baby, I will not allow this child to go through this, not from anyone, especially their father" I say, bitter tears falling slowly down my cheeks as I step away.
" You can't keep this baby from me Ana," he says, his hands tightening until his knuckles go white.
" How do you know its yours?" I ask, throwing the words that he had used against me just a few days before to burn him. " Get out. Get your bags, and get the hell out. When I get back to Washington, I'm moving out." I watch in bated silence as he walks towards the door, casting one fleeting look over his shoulder, unreadable emotion dancing in his eyes. I wait until the door closes behind him to sink to the floor, wrapping my arms tightly across my chest as if to keep myself from shattering into a million sharp pieces ,and weep.
" Oh baby, oh Ana," my Mom says, rushing to kneel with me. I cry into her shoulder, crying out my shattered heart.
" What did I do mom? What am I going to do?" I ask on a keening whale, rocking back and forth in rhythm with my sobs.