Fang
After we leave the mall Iggy drops Gazzy, Ella and Nudge off at Nudge's house. Then he drives us to Max's house.
"See ya!" Iggy calls as Max gets out of the car.
"Bye Max." I say.
"What? No sweetie pie?" Iggy asks.
"Sweetie pie isn't something you call Max." I say.
"Well then what do you call Max?" Max asks.
"I'm not sure yet." I admit, smiling sheepishly at her.
"Be sure to tell me when you know." Max tells me.
"I'll tell you first." I promise and we share a less than playful stare.
Max drops the stare. Then she smiles at both of us and waves as she walks into her house.
"You're drooling." Iggy reports.
"How can I not?" I ask quietly, knowing I'm just supposed to say enough to play the part but finding myself unable to refrain from saying this.
"What's the situation with you two?" Iggy asks.
I shrug putting on an impassive face. "I'm still figuring that out myself." I admit. This is true.
"What's the story with Dylan?" He asks, nodding at Dylan with his head.
"Dunno. I kinda hate him though." I answer.
"That makes sense considering how he's a jerk." Iggy says, watching Dylan flip us the bird as he crosses the street.
Iggy politely makes the gesture back at him. (Courtesy seems to be Iggy's primary policy.)
"Aren't Dylan and Lissa dating?" Iggy asks.
"Yeah. I don't know why I ever went out with her. We never dated, we just walked around the school holding hands everywhere. It was stupid." I admit.
"Are you sure it wasn't her hotness that convinced you to ask her out?" He asks.
"No, she asked me out. I don't know why I said yes." I reply. "Plus, aren't you just supposed to think Ella's hot?"
"Well, you're with Max now so you're good." Iggy says, wisely changing the subject.
"Yeah." I say quietly.
"See ya later." Iggy says as he drops me off at Ms. Monroe's house.
"See ya." I reply, grabbing my bag on my way out.
I unlock on the door and go up to my room. Ms. Monroe's still at work which is good because I need to think. After I carefully hang Max's dress up, I stare at it, wondering what she will look like in it. I get my sketch pad out and start attempting to draw her. My drawings never seem to give her any justice. Her nose seems too big or her lips look stupid in the pictures, I can never get her smile right or even her death glare.
Twenty failed attempts later, I toss my notebook onto my bed and sit on my balcony, right by where Max always sits. I stare at the chair reserved for her and can't help but wonder what I'm doing. How I can get so hooked on a girl. Why am I putting myself in this position? I've laughed with this girl, I've cried in front of her. I've allowed myself to become weak when I'm around her. Why?
I guess the answer is a simple one: it's because of Max. With any other person, nothing good would happen. It would be completely different if she weren't Max but, I understand her and I think she understands me too. She's the first person to stand up for me since Maya and the first person I've ever completely broke down in front of-not even Maya ever saw me cry. I feel like I can show Max everything I feel-except for my feelings for her. I can't show her them, I just know everything will go wrong. It'll just blow up in my face. It has to. I'm worthless and she's great. I'm weak, she's strong-she's the strongest person I know. I love her but, she can't possibly love me.
I gaze up at the stars and think about Maya, my poor twin sister who died far too young. She used to be the only one I could talk to even after she died, I just stare up at the stars and know that she's smiling down at me. Sometimes I write letters to her instead. Since Max loves writing and I need to talk to Maya about Max, I decide to write a letter to Maya.
Hey Maya,
I miss you sis, I'm sorry I let Mr. Sulivan killed you. How's Heaven like? I hope it's great up there. You deserve the best.
I'm writing you today about whether I should tell Max how I really feel about her. I just...I love her. Can you believe that? I've fallen in love. I sure can't believe it. How'd I get into this mess? Not that Max is a mess...More like I am and I don't want to drag her into it...Even though I sorta already did. She knows about you. I hope you don't mind. She found out about you because she saw my drawing notebook. We sat by each other on the first day of school and we'd both dropped our notebook. Turns out they were identical so Max accidentally took mine and I accidentally took hers. I didn't know it was hers when I got home that day and I opened it to find stories where my drawings should have been. They were short and some were happy but the further into the notebook, the more sad and depressing they became. She looked through my notebook that night too and saw all the drawings. We both realized that night that the other had a very unhappy past.
We started talking after that and it turns out her dad had been abusive and that's why they moved here. He even tried to kidnap her at our bus stop one day. I ran over and tried to help but he knocked me out. I woke up and her dad was gone. Max was leaning over me, looking...worried and concerned. That was the day I knew I was in trouble because of her. I knew from the bginning that I was falling hard. I think it's because she's different than other people I've met. She's kind and funny and weird and fun and intelligent but she can also defend herself, she has a backbone, she always speaks her mind and she's unconditionally herself. Those are just some of the qualities that make her so great.
Then there's this one dude, Dylan, he's a huge quarterback on the football team, and he lives next door to me. He beat me up one day, Max saw the aftermath and if looks could kill then Dylan would have died when he came over to our bus stop to gloat. Then I saw Dylan kissing Max in the hallway that day and I panicked. There's this girl, Lissa who's kinda a snob, she asked me out and I said yes hoping to make Max jealous. Turns out, I didn't stay long enough to see Max punch Dylan in the face. Boy did I feel stupid.
A few weeks later Dylan cornered me and cut my face with a knife. It hurt and it scared the crap out of me because it reminded me of Mr. Sullivan and our dad and all the other caregivers who gave nothing but pain and misery. I was scared Maya, so scared. When it was finally over I put my hood up and walked to the bus stop, trying to act like it was no big deal. Somehow Max could sense that there was something wrong and she gently lifted my hood up and saw all the cuts and the tears in my eyes and my fear-she saw it all. I was shaking and about to start sobbing and I did and I hated every minute of it but she just hugged me and promised to make it better-that I would always be safe as long as she was with me.
Funny enough when we got to school Lissa who was my girlfriend at the time had a very different reaction. She didn't give a crap. Why did my best friend care but not my girlfriend? That question was answered at lunch when we found out that Lissa was cheating on me with Dylan. Was I surprised? Not really, I kinda figured something would happen, and I didn't care too much about it simply because I only dated her to make Max jealous (which didn't work by the way) so my moral compass wasn't exactly pointed North either.
Max came over after school and proposed a plan that would make Lissa and Dylan's blood boil: Max suggested we pretend to date. Of course I loved the idea because now I have a chance to hopefully give her a reason to fall in love with me. I hope it all works out but the thing is, Max was hurt by lots of guys who were supposed to love her or at least care about her. She's only told me about her dad but I kinda think there were others, especially when she said that she isn't used to guys being nice to her.
This was brought up when I offered to buy Max this dress I knew she loved. We'd been at the mall for two hours and I knew she was dying-Max isn't exactly a dress-shopping kind of girl. Her eyes lit up when I showed her this midnight blue and black layered dress but she left the dressing room and said it was too expensive. I offered to pay for it (I make money by doing odd jobs around the house like cleaning out the gutters, helping make Ms. Monroe make posters for her work, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming the whole house, things like that) but Max didn't want me to. She didn't want to tell me and I told her that she can tell me anything and I asked if she knows that. She nodded and I asked what's wrong and she said that she isn't used to guys being nice to her. I told her that I'm not like those guys because I'm not a jerk and she just looked up at me, tears gathering in those chocolate eyes that I love so much. I hugged her and she rested her head on my shoulder. I got these weird feelings in the pit of my stomach that make the closeness between us both exhilarating and terrifying. Anyway, our friend Iggy invaded the scene so we let go then I snuck off to buy the dress. I know Max will look beautiful in it...I just hope she doesn't kill me for it.
Anyway, I really need your advice. I don't know what to do. I love her and she's my best friend. I'm so confused.
Love,
Fang
I look at the letter I've written and can't help but wonder what Maya really would say about this if she were here. She was always a little romantic because of all the Disney movies we saw before everything went wrong.
"Knock knock." Ms. Monroe says.
I look up to see her standing in the doorway. She frowns and looks concerned.
"What's wrong sweetie?" She asks.
I feel my face with my hand-it's wet this is also when I notice that tears have splashed onto the letter. I thought it was rain.
"Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking." I tell her. This is when I notice that it's dark already. "How long have I been out here?" I ask.
"I don't know, I just got home." She tells me.
"It's 6:00PM already?" I ask.
She nods.
"I got back at 4:00 I was out here for two hours." I say.
"What were you doing out here or so long?" She asks.
I tense up, only Max knows about the letters to Maya. I can't tell Ms. Monroe.
"I was just thinking about Max. I really care about her but I'm worried we'll just be friends forever." I say quietly, only telling half of the truth.
"Ah, girl troubles." She says.
I nod.
"You should tell her you know." She says.
"Why?" I whisper. "She probably doesn't feel the same way."
"How do you feel about her?"
"I love her."
"Then you should tell her."
"I can't."
"Why not sweetie?"
"She's Max. She's the strongest, kindest, most fun person I know. She's the best person I know and she's so strong and I can't tell her because I'm none of those things."
"Sweetie you can't say that about yourself, I've seen you two together, you are both crazy about each other. Tell her. At least think about it; okay?"
I nod. "I'll think about it." I say quietly.
"Good. Are you hungry?" She asks.
I nod.
"Let's go get some dinner. We can go to new restaurant that just opened." She suggests.
"Is it the Blazing Steakhouse?" I ask.
"Yes. How did you know?" She asks.
"My friend Iggy, his parents own the restaurant so he's gonas cook there. He's a great cook." I answer.
"Is he the one who you said was really good at creating explosives?" Ms. Monroe asks.
"Yes, he and his brother Gazzy are great with explosives, but Iggy is also a great cook." I answer.
We leave the balcony and Ms. Monroe notices the dress.
"Is this for Max?" She asks.
"Yeah, how did you know?" I ask.
"You said the dance was coming up and you also mentioned that Max doesn't like dresses very much. Also, your outfit matches the dress." She answers.
"You're like Sherlock Holmes." I say.
"Being around children leads to a mastery in the art of deductions." She jokes.
I smile at her, she's cooler than all the other caregivers, but I'm still worried, they were all nice at first too-until I messed up.