A/N: I know, I bet all of you are thinking 'Mon Dieu! Where has WhirledPeace gone? And why the fuck hasn't this story been updated?' Well, the answer is quite long and complicated, because I was writing this back when I was also writing 'Read My Mind', and then I wrote 'The Luckless Liars'. I realised it was easier to write things WITHOUT songs. So I ditched the song, and changed everything up. Here's the new summary:
SUMMARY: The Akatsuki are not only an organisation in Naruto world, but whenever they're reborn, they have to find each other. Au warning.
I watched the flames of our fire and listened to Kakuzu's breathing. 'You're flawed. No one can be perfect.' His words rang over in my head, my reply was merely asking him if he was perfect. What was perfection? I had achieved perfection years ago, and by it I received my immortality. If immortality wasn't perfection, what was? I looked down at the rosary I clutched in my hands, almost desperately. Perhaps there was a flaw in my logic. But how could I be flawed? I, the one Jashin had blessed with immortality, I, who he protected and loved? I kicked the fire angrily, and he opened an eye. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice sending shivers down my spine. I glared at him.
"I am perfect!" I snarled. Kakuzu sat up, watching me lazily.
"Oh?"
"I've achieved immortality! I'm perfect!" I looked down at Kakuzu, our eyes meeting in a deadly glare that would leave any weaker person sobbing.
"Who said that?" Kakuzu asked. "Who said immortality was perfection?"
"I say!"
"So why bother telling me if you've achieved perfection in your own eyes?" I looked at Kakuzu. I got the message. 'Isn't your own opinion worth more than mine?'. I leaned down, looking into Kakuzu's eyes. Maybe he couldn't feel it. Maybe this tension, like my life was incomplete, like my very existence was off. Like everything was moved three centimeters to the left. Maybe he didn't feel like that. Maybe he hadn't ever known what having things the right way was like. But for some reason, this had only started recently. I had been happy before. I had been devouted to my god and prayers, killing mindlessly and being happy and free. Now he had come along, and everything was wrong. I couldn't place it. A continual aggravation in the core of my being. It was all his fault.
The silence was suffocating. Kakuzu was silent by nature, but now neither of us even breathed. For a flash of a second, I thought he might be feeling the same as me. Now was the moment of truth. If I could throw all caution, I might be able to right this wrong. Our faces were close now, unblinking eyes just staring at each other. What would I have to do to right this? What did my body need?
I grabbed his mask and pulled it down, our lips gently touching. He stayed still for a moment, before grabbing me and pushing me away. A stone dropped in my stomach as he glared at me.
"What the fuck are you playing at?" he growled.
"What the hell do you mean?" I shrieked. He pushed me back further, standing up to loom over me. His mask was already pulled back up. I couldn't even see what I had kissed. He glared down at me with such venom I found myself fearing for my immediate safety.
"What was that for?" he asked, voice low, dark, and dangerous. I couldn't read his emotions. I got up, glaring at him as well. So he didn't feel as I did.
"I'm not allowed to indulge myself a little?" I cried. I felt as if I had been town in two. Why? What was with all these feelings? It was like a me who wasn't me was calling out to him, begging for something.
"I didn't even think you would stoop as low as to take advantage like that," he growled. I blinked at him.
"What do you mean?" He stepped closer.
"You know exactly what I mean, Hidan," he said.
"So you don't feel the same way as me!" I screamed. "So you hate me, like you always say! So we fucking aren't meant! So?" I looked away from him, not exactly wanting him to see my weakness. Nobody said a word, not even a sound, and not even a move. Everything was still. I was the first to move. I looked up at him, facing him. He was staring at me, arms crossed over his chest. But I saw it in his eyes. He wanted to, oh so badly. He wanted to believe I wasn't being my usual stupid self and fucking with his emotions. He wanted to, but he couldn't allow himself. But most importantly, it was there. I knew that he at least didn't hate me. On a gamble, I stood on my toes, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Prove me wrong?" I whispered before crushing our lips together. He punched me.
I woke up with a groan, looking up and finding his green eyes trained on me. "You hit me," I said. He nodded.
"Yes. Yes I did."
"Why?"
"Because you touched me."
"But- but you liked it, didn't you?" I cried. He nodded, slowly. Assured, I lay back. "So you hit me because…?"
"You touched me." I looked at him. He smirked ever so slightly. "You can't expect me to be that easy, Hidan. It doesn't matter if it's true love."
"What?" I cried, sitting up and staring at him. "But if we both liked it-" He glared at me.
"I'm not that easy, Hidan. You can't expect to say a few words, confess a few feelings, and then be able to touch me." Oh yes, the little bastard was smirking. I was a man of action, not waiting around to build up trust and shit! I wanted everything, right now! I got up, walking over to him. He stood up, facing me.
"Do you hate me?" I demanded. He nodded. "Do you love me?" He nodded. My brow furrowed, his deep concepts making my brain hurt. I wasn't meant for thinking very much. "So what do you want?" He shrugged, just looking at me.
"I know what I would like, and I know you would like it as well, but not now. Not here."
"Why the fuck not?" I demanded.
"I'm still not convinced. If there's anything in your blackened heart besides lust, time will tell."
"So a heartfelt confession wouldn't do?" He laughed.
"Hidan, you've never done anything heartfelt in your stupid life. You're a manipulative bastard who doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself and your stupid god." I'd heard this all before. He'd always say it. But now, it stung.
"So you don't trust me?" I screamed. Kakuzu sighed.
"If ever I were in trouble in battle, I'd never doubt you'd help me out. But I only have one heart-" Kakuzu glared as I made to say some snide remark, "-metaphorically speaking. That takes trust of a different kind." I sighed. Of course I would pass his little test. I was damn sure all this stupid emotion would still be here even when I was a hundred years old. Kakuzu noticed my dejection. "I may not be convinced, but I'm still convincible."
I lay in the grave that stupid bastard had dug for me. I lay, my body strewn in a million shards. I lay, in immense pain, facing my eminent demise. I lay, thinking of him. It wasn't fair I should die. It just wasn't. And I knew he was going to die as well. It wasn't fair. Only last night had we made love. Only last night had he finally admitted he trusted me. Only last night had we exchanged confessions of undying love. After all this time, all this bonding and trusting and absolute shit, we were doomed to die alone. It just wasn't fair! I was in the most agony of my immortal life, and all I could fucking think about was Kakuzu! Damn that Shikamaru bastard, damn Konoha, damn Akatsuki, and damn Kakuzu! If I could scream, I would've. 'Hidan.' I sighed. It was the familiar and benevolent voice of Jashin.
"Hai, Jashin-sama," I said meekly.
'He is dead.'
"I fucking know that."
'You cannot complete rituals incapacitated like this. You, too, will soon die.'
"I fucking know that! Why did it have to happen like this? We finally… last night…"
'I wouldn't let it bother you.'
"Bother me? I'm about to die, and I shouldn't let it bother me?!"
'Things will turn out better next time.'
"What the fuck do you mean 'next time'?!" Jashin only chuckled.
'You'll see…'
Hidan woke up and groaned. With a sigh he rolled over to see his beautiful lover, still asleep beside him. He smiled at her, but then his expression faltered, and he leapt out of bed. He ran into the bathroom and was promptly sick into the toilet. The noise aroused his girlfriend, and she slipped out of bed, coming to Hidan's side.
"What's wrong, baby?" she asked, concerned. Hidan brushed her off.
"Probably just a bug or something," he said. Though he only said it to allay her fears. When she reached out to touch him, he drew back, body almost acting on its own. "I'd hate to get you sick, doll. I'm just going to take a shower and see how I feel after that." She nodded, looking sympathetically at him as she stepped back, allowing him the bathroom to himself. Hidan sighed, closing the bathroom door and stepping into the shower, turning on the cold nozzle. He had to think. Had he eaten something really bad? No, just the takeout Chinese they both had had last night… maybe Ino's stomach was tougher. Hidan snickered to himself. He usually wasn't this hard on her, but today seemed different. He could usually take women with a grain of salt, at least, the women he knew needed to be taken that way. Hidan slapped his face lightly. What was up with him? He loved Ino, she was the best thing that ever happened to him! Well, that, and the fact she looked exactly like his ex-boyfriend- Hidan sighed. He really was in a strange mood today. He stepped out of the shower, not seeing the benefits of his little self-torture ritual this morning. He toweled off, gelled his hair, and decided to get out of the apartment.
Hidan found Ino in the kitchen, sipping her coffee. "I'm heading off to work. See you tonight?"
"Yeah, sweetie." Hidan stepped out of the apartment, hoping the brisk air would clear his head like the cold shower hadn't. It didn't. He walked down the stairs, finding his way to the parking garage, still completely zoned out. Not a smile could grace his face, even when he set eyes and hands upon his baby, his pride and joy. He carefully straddled his motorcycle, strapping on a helmet and heading out to work.
After running two red lights and nearly running over an old lady, Hidan came to the familiar building. Yup, this was his home. Akatsuki Magazine. He walked through the doors, trying his best to calm his nerves. Something was up, he would probably need to see a doctor. He knew when he had endearing thoughts about his ex-boyfriend, something was definitely up. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood for pussy-
"Hidan! Get over here!" Ah, that could only be one person- his boss. He turned around, and- "Hidan, I know you were probably up all last night shagging that girl of yours, but please, don't stare at the newcomer!" Hidan bounded up to the pair, his blue-haired boss standing next to a tall, dark, modestly dressed man. "Kakuzu, I'm sorry, this is our model, Jashin Hidan. I'm truly sorry you'll have to be working closely with him, but we needed a photographer. The timed camera just wasn't working. Hidan, please, no drooling." Hidan quickly wiped at his mouth.
"Sorry. Just not feeling well," he mumbled, doing his best to act like it as well. Weird, he thought, I was feeling bad. Maybe I'll forget that doctor's appointment.
"Hidan, this is Kakuzu, your new photographer. And, please, this man has dignity. Don't reduce him to screaming and balling, like you did the last one."
"Bastard deserved it," Hidan mumbled. Konan rolled her eyes.
"Right. And don't do anything stupid, please. I know it's hard for a male like you, but this one is going to work out." Konan gave him a sharp look before turning on her heel and marching away. Hidan sighed.
"Right. Um, I'm Jashin Hidan," he said, extending his right hand. Kakuzu looked at it for a moment, before shaking it quickly.
"Kakuzu."
"You speak good English. I thought you might be a foreigner."
"I speak English well," Kakuzu corrected. "I just recently moved from Japan."
"I see. Well, come on, I'll introduce you to everyone." Hidan turned and continued down the hall, stopping at the first cubicle. "This is our main male article writer, Hoshigaki Kisame. He writes about outdoorsy stuff like peeing on trees and fishing. Kisame! Oi!" A blue skinned man looked up from his computer, grinning.
"Hey," he said lazily.
"This is Kakuzu, the knew photographer."
"Ah. Hang in there, brave soul," Kisame said, laughing slightly.
"Oh ha ha, Kisame," Hidan shot. "Anyway, be nice, he's new."
"And he's working with you. That's even more reason to be nice." Hidan growled in rage. "Oh, and Itachi's having a bad day, so talk to him at your own risk. You might get a dictionary in the face."
"Will do." Hidan turned around and walked to the next one, and promptly continued. "We'll come back to that one. Here, this one is Itachi's." They came to another cubicle, where a man sat with his back to the door. "Itachi-san, there's a newcomer," Hidan said. The man turned lazily, a pair of dark glasses covering his eyes.
"Hn," he said without moving his face.
"Kakuzu, this is Uchiha Itachi, famous for relinquishing his family fortune, but most famous around here for being Kisame's bitch." The man promptly threw a book at Hidan with deadly accuracy.
"By the hollow sound, I assume it hit your head," Itachi said.
"Nope, hit my chest," Hidan replied. "Itachi does most of our editing and publishing because he's the only one with sense around here."
"I hate the fact you're right," Itachi sighed. "I'm the only one with brains. Oh, excluding Konan, of course. But she just runs the place. Try not to run this photographer out, I overheard Konan saying she would castrate you if anything else happened." Hidan shivered.
"I don't doubt she would. Anyway, get back to reading." Itachi sighed.
"It's one of Zetsu's articles. He's completely illegible."
"Maybe you're holding it upside down?"
"I, unlike you, have never had this problem. I can read, you know," Itachi said coolly. "But he has so many conflicting viewpoints, it's scary."
"Maybe he forgot to take his medication."
"Who knows. It's either that, or he's high."
"Right. Anyway, I hope that article gets sorted out."
"Thank you. I hope you keep this one with his sanity." Hidan sighed and turned, motioning for Kakuzu to follow him.
"Itachi's completely blind. We print things in brail so he can read it and edit it. It's a bit tedious, but we wouldn't give him up for the world." Kakuzu nodded slowly. "Right. Um, next is Zetsu. He's bipolar, so no telling what he'll be like. Just be prepared for the worst." Hidan walked the rest of the way to the next cubicle and stuck his head in. "Hey, Zetsu. I have someone here for you to meet." A man with dyed green hair and a half pale, half dark complexion looked up lazily.
"Hai, Jashin-san?" he said emotionlessly.
"This is Kakuzu, our new photographer." Zetsu looked him up and down, then went back to his computer.
"Nice to meet you," he mumbled.
"Itachi doesn't like your article."
"Well Itachi needs to get laid."
"He's not the only one," Hida muttered.
"Either you are referring to yourself, or I am to take offense and forcefully reek my revenge."
"All right, all right! I need to get laid." Zetsu said nothing, his fingers flying over the keys. Hidan sighed and they left.
"He's a bit weird, but he gives the political side of our magazine. He's a brilliant man, but a bit insane. He was in a crib fire when he was little, and half his skin had to be surgically replaced."
"I see."
"Well then, that just leaves the one who gives the female side of things. That would be… Deidara." Hidan turned around and marched back up the hall to the cubicle they had skipped. "This would be Deidara." Kakuzu saw a blond lying his head down on the desk, back to the door. "Do you have a hangover, a sore ass, or writer's block?" Hidan asked.
"All three, un," Deidara mumbled.
"I have someone for you to meet." Deidara instantly perked up, swiveling around in his chair to see Kakuzu. He had a metal thing over his left eye that curved down his jaw, ending slightly before his chin.
"Hi, un!" he said happily. "Don't let Hidan scare you, he's a real push over, un."
"Ahem. Right. Kakuzu, this is Deidara, he writes the more feminine articles about clothing, and also has an 'Ask Sarah' column. He's the closest we have to a straight woman. And he's also my ex-boyfriend." Deidara gave Kakuzu a radiant smile.
"But really, give him a nice shove, down a set of stairs preferably, and he goes over like a cow, un." Hidan rolled his eyes.
"Deidara's really a softy. All you have to do is staple his finger and it goes right through." Deidara glared.
"Anyway, don't let him intimidate you, un," Deidara said. "By the way, is Itachi in a good mood, un?"
"He threw a book at me, but he was reading Zetsu's article, so I can't rightly say."
"Oh dear, un."
"Why?"
"I slept with his brother, un." Hidan stared at Deidara for a moment, then burst out laughing.
"You are so busted! Get ready to be castrated!"
"Shut up, un! I was drunk, un!" Deidara cried, looking like he feared for his life.
"Oh come on, not like you were using your testicles anyway," Hidan said. Deidara glared.
"Well I just won't tell him, un," Deidara resolved. Unfortunately, Itachi had left his cubicle and was standing beside Hidan.
"What was that about my brother?" he asked, raising a single eyebrow.
"Um…" Itachi brandished his stick. Hidan slipped out and dragged Kakuzu down the hall.
"Deidara doesn't think too often, and gets himself in the weirdest predicaments. As for his eye, it was his dad- no, his uncle, maybe- that got him with a knife and cut right through his eye. That thing helps him see."
"You two seem oddly close for exes," Kakuzu noted.
"Oh, yeah. Kind of strange, isn't it? We fought like that even when we were together. But I guess it all had to do with how it ended."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. A few months ago we were kissing one morning, and then suddenly we both ran off to the bathroom and were sick. When we got back, neither of us wanted to be touched, and we just stared at each other. It was like we weren't meant to be together in the first place, just meant to be friends, you know?" Kakuzu shrugged.
"Sort of," he said.
"Yeah. Anyway, let's go to the boss and see what the dominatrix has for us today." Hidan said. A scream emanated through the hall just then.
"Itachi-sama, he looked a lot like that other guy, I swear! And this morning he assured me he was straight, un! Gah, I'm buying you a dog, un!" Hidan chuckled with sadistic pleasure.
"That'll be Deidara getting his hair pulled. He's such a bitch about it." Kakuzu glanced over his shoulder lazily.
"I see."
"Anyway, let's get to Konan's office and see what we'll be doing." Hidan lead the way down the hall to the very end, where an actual office was. He knocked politely on the door, and then opened it. "Konan-san, what's our assignment for today?" he asked. Konan looked up from her papers and glared at Hidan.
"That brat wrote a stupid article on the perfect man. No- scratch that, he just contradicted himself. But it's just some personal notes on love and gushy shit that sounds great if you don't know how sarcastic he is about love."
"So what's the problem?"
"You, Hidan, are our model. Unless Kakuzu is a damn good photographer- which I'm not saying he isn't- how are we going to make you look innocent?"
"What do you mean? Here, give me that article!" Hidan reached over and grabbed the papers. "Caring, generous, blah, blah, blah… keeps his mind off his dick? Thinks with the right head? My God, he must've been having sex while writing this!"
"No matter, it's passed my seal of approval and is off to Itachi for editing. Maybe you don't have to pose for it, if you can find me an equally good picture." Hidan sighed.
"Fine. Our only perfect man is blue, anyway."
"Don't let Itachi hear you say that."
"He won't, he's beating the shit out of Deidara for sleeping with his brother." Konan raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
"Yup. This might be Deidara's last article, I'd better take a good picture. You know, if we had a woman I could pose with, I'm pretty sure it could work." Konan stood up, walking over to Hidan.
"You forget I'm three inches taller than you. If you want to call up your girlfriend, be my guest." Hidan shivered. "Did you two get in a fight?"
"Uh, no, I'm still just feeling a little sick. I'll see what I can do. What else?"
"Kisame wrote an article about fishing."
"Oh joy."
"You only hate it because you're sick of it. I'm sure it's very interesting to normal men, isn't it?" Konan asked, turning to Kakuzu. Kakuzu shrugged.
"I wouldn't know," he replied shortly. Konan shrugged.
"Ok then, ask the next normal man you see, all right?" Hidan sighed.
"So we need fishing, the perfect man, and what else?"
"Zetsu hasn't finished his, Itachi's still proofreading and editing part of it. Kisame's going to do something about ideal places for camping trips and evaluate a few, so you can just tag along and get some pictures. Got it?"
"Yup. Come on, Kakuzu, let's go," Hidan said, leaving the office. Kakuzu bowed to Konan, and followed Hidan.