Everyone was already there when Kakuzu and Sasori arrived. The television was on, and people were setting up snacks. "Hey!" Hidan greeted. He was dressed in a lazy pair of jeans, his shirt unbuttoned to expose his tasty chest. Kakuzu sighed, he shouldn't have thoughts like that about his co-workers. It was just wrong. Konan brought out a bowl of chips and plopped herself down in the middle of the couch. Kakuzu was, frankly, surprised. She wore a pair of baggy jeans that looks sort of like a man's, with a large, baggy t-shirt. At work she usually wore a tad of makeup, just to make her look a bit more professional, but today she had none, and still looked striking. She seemed completely comfortable hanging out with a bunch of guys and watching football for the afternoon. Kisame came out then, wearing a casual pair of pants and shirt. Itachi was on his arm, stick in his other hand. He was dressed a bit more uptight, but still nothing special. Tobi was bouncing around somewhere, no one really caring what he did as long as he didn't go into Konan's bedroom. Zetsu was sitting in some chair in the corner, not wanting to associate much with mortals. Deidara was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a tad more eyeliner than he usually did. He gave Sasori a radiant smile, then sat down next to Itachi, an end table between them.

Kisame sat down on the couch to the left of Konan, and Kakuzu sat to her right. Hidan, seeing no chairs available as Sasori grabbed one, pulling up close to Deidara and Itachi, he lay down with his head in Kisame's lap. Tobi eventually settled at the foot of the couch, sitting happily. As the game began, Deidara shuffled the cards and dealt them out. Itachi and Deidara were the only two not particularly interested in football, so they just played cards and ate chips.

"I heard Sasuke called you," Itachi said. Deidara sighed.

"So? He has an obsession with verbal abuse, un."

"He's straight."

"Exactly! I never bothered him, un! He called me, not the other way around, un."

"Your sluttish behaviour is getting in the way this time. If you didn't sleep with anyone who was willing then you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Look, I don't know where he got my number, un! Don't blame me for your stupid little brother, un!"

"What did he say?"

"Just some shit about sexuality, how he really was straight so he didn't even enjoy it, you know, shit like that, un."

"Hn."

"What?"

"That wasn't very nice of him."

"Yeah, the closet homos are always like that, un," Deidara replied. "Oh, I forgot, he was probably mad at me because I turned around and fucked his best friend, un."

"You what?" Itachi cried, slamming his cards down.

"Oh, ok, fine, I didn't fuck him, I got fucked, all right, un?"

"Oh, that makes everything all right," Itachi said, picking up his cards. "And what makes you think he's a closet homo? It's not like you've ever been one."

"Oh please, he gets drunk and sleeps with a man, and has to keep telling himself he's straight, un."

"Hn."

"All right, I'm sorry, un! Your brother is perfectly straight and can't get enough of boobs, un!"

"I'm still going to win," Itachi stated. Deidara sighed.

"Well damn, it was worth a shot though, wasn't it, un?"

"No, it wasn't. Play again?"

"Gah! You're on, un!" Sasori chuckled. Suddenly, the home team made a touchdown.

"Yes!" Konan, Kisame, and Kakuzu all leapt to their feet, throwing their arms into the air. Hidan was pitched off the couch and onto Tobi.

"Ow! You guys suck!" Hidan cried, picking himself up and laying back down on them. Tobi looked quite flattened, and decided to move over to sit by Zetsu.

Towards the end of the game, a woman came into the apartment, a few bags on her arms. She took one look at the group and rolled her eyes. She set the bags down and draped herself over Konan, resting her chin on the top of the other woman's head. "I hope you're having fun," she said.

"We are. Ok, that on the ground is Tobi, over there is Sasori, and this is Kakuzu. They're new," Konan introduced. "This is my girlfriend, Temari."

"Well, I'm going back out, a friend of mine invited me shopping." Temari kissed Konan's cheek and left again.

"How long have you two been together, un?" Deidara asked.

"A few years now," Konan answered.

"That's a pretty long relationship," Deidara said.

"You can't hold anything steady for more than a night, Deidara," Itachi pointed out.

"Yes I can, un!" Deidara looked around the room. "Let's see… Kisame- nope, only once, un. Zetsu- ah, no, only once, un. Hidan! I went out with him for six months, un!" Everyone stared at him. Kisame and Zetsu looked away ashamedly.

"You slept with Deidara?" Itachi asked.

"Yup," Kisame said. "Not that I'm proud of it."

"No, I suppose I wouldn't like to bring it up either, un," Deidara said. "You don't mind, do you, un?"

"No, I don't really," Itachi sighed. "But Zetsu? Really now, have you no shame?" Deidara laughed.

"Come on, Zetsu, tell them, un!" Zetsu sighed and looked over at them.

"I fucked him in the bathroom three months ago," he confirmed. Everyone burst out laughing. Everyone, that is, except Sasori.

"I don't see what's so funny about that," he stated.

"Zetsu has been trying to keep up the pretense that he's asexual. You know, like a plant? It just sort of makes sense that the slut should be the one to prove otherwise," Kisame explained.

"I see." Deidara and Sasori were looking intensely at each other. Neither blinked. A silence fell, the tele not even breaking it. Deidara coughed, smirking.

"You have a bit of sauce, right there," he said, gesturing to his own face. Sasori blushed and licked his finger, wiping his face.

"Touchdown!"

"Aah!" Hidan was thrown on the floor, again.

Kisame and Itachi walked into their house. "You're mad," Kisame stated. He had learned not to beat around the bush with Itachi.

"No. I'm not mad."

"Yes you are."

"Perhaps I am, but not at any particular person."

"So what's bothering you?"

"The fact you've gone farther with Deidara than you have with me."

"What? We've gone way farther! We're living together, and sharing a life."

"But we haven't…"

"Physically, maybe I've done a few more things with other people, but I didn't love them."

"What about Deidara?"

"It was right when he got here, before we found you. Deidara's like a dog that way. When he gets somewhere new, he just has sex to get to know people. Anyway, it was his first day, I indulged him, and we haven't said anything since."

"I see." Itachi sat down on the couch. Kisame sat down next to him.

"You're still bothered."

"I'm sorry I keep saying no."

"Don't be. I'm sorry if I've ever pushed it."

"But you haven't had sex since then."

"And proud of it. Itachi, I don't run on sex like someone we know. I'd rather not have sex than push it before you're ready." Itachi leaned his head on Kisame's shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"I'll make dinner, I guess," Kakuzu said, walking into the kitchen. Sasori followed him, leaning against the doorway.

"That was pretty interesting," he said. Kakuzu grunted. "Hey, I know he was staring at Deidara. Don't let it get to you."

"You were staring at Deidara too." Sasori blushed.

"Maybe a little. I was wondering how Itachi played cards."

"Whatever you say."

"Don't let it get to you. I mean, what, we've known him like, a month? Can't get too attached, right?"

"Sure." Kakuzu got out some lettuce and began chopping it up.

"Have you met his girlfriend?"

"No, but I think I will tomorrow for a picture."

"Scope her out then. See if he's going to break it off. If you can time it right, directly after the breakup, you might be able to catch him."

"Sasori, this is not about sex or having a short-lived relationship. If I wanted sex, I'm sure Deidara would be more than willing." Sasori said nothing. Finally, though, he sighed.

"Then what is it about?"

"I'm not quite sure. And I won't do anything until I am."

Another month passed before Hidan's relationship snapped. They were, for some reason, standing in the bedroom, Ino in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Fuck me," she stated. Hidan just stared at her.

"You know, I just have a bit of work to finish up-"

"No you don't. It's every guy's dream to have a woman crawling all over them."

"How about we have dinner?" Hidan suggested, his heart beating quickly. Ino shook her head.

"You already used that excuse tonight, remember? You were going to eat dinner at the office."

"Oh, yeah. That wasn't a lot of food, if you're hungry I can cook you something-"

"No. This is what I want, Hidan. Fuck me, right now." Hidan sighed. He couldn't find a way out. So he might as well put his all into this. Grabbing her waist, he kissed Ino fiercely and threw her on the bed, climbing on top of her. Ino sighed happily as Hidan kissed her harshly, leaving a hickey on her neck as he trailed his mouth down to her collar. His hands slowly unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off her shoulders as he kissed her newly exposed skin. They stopped for breath, Hidan undoing her bra while they both panted. Then they were kissing again, Hidan's right hand cupping Ino's breast. Soon he lowered his mouth to the nipple, sucking lightly. He then continued kissing down her thin stomach. Then he had her jeans off, and was grappling with her panties. Ino lifted her hips helpfully, and soon she was naked before him. Sitting back, Hidan decided it couldn't be helped. He took off his shirt, making his motions take as long as possible. Ino sat up, hands flying to the fly of Hidan's jeans. She slowly slipped her hands in, pulling the pants down. She bit her lip, hoping her suspicions were incorrect. Unfortunately, as his boxers came off, her fears were confirmed. Hidan blushed deeply, looking away. Ino wasn't giving up yet. Firmly, she wrapped her fingers around Hidan's flaccid length, pumping him vigorously. Nothing happened. Ino looked up, Hidan looking away.

"I-it's my new medication-"

"Bullshit, Hidan," Ino growled. "So that's what's been going on? I'm not beautiful enough for you?"

"That's not it, I swear-"

"Goddamn it, Hidan, if I can't make you want me, I'll just leave." Ino threw herself off the bed, picking up her scattered clothes and slipping into them. She turned to glare at Hidan. "I'll be back for my stuff. I just need to get out of here for a while." She turned and left, making sure to slam every door on her way out. Hidan sighed, laying back on the bed. So she didn't make him hard. Maybe this was a sign, maybe he was gay. Maybe it just wasn't going to work with women. He sighed. But dear God, he needed something. It had been gnawing at him for a little over a month. Something was missing. There was someone he was supposed to be with. And, picking up his cell phone, Hidan knew exactly who it was.

"Deidara, get your ass over here."

"Hmm? Why, un?"

"Ino just left me. I need you, right now."

"Fine, un. Give me fifteen minutes, un."

Deidara walked through the front door, and was promptly tackled to the floor by Hidan. Hidan had slipped on a pair of pants in his fifteen minutes of waiting, and decided Deidara was far too dressed. Getting up, he grabbed Deidara's arm, hoisting the blond down the hall and into the bedroom. Once they were secured in the bedroom, Hidan threw Deidara down on the bed and promptly pounced on him. Soon Deidara's shirt was thrown behind them. Hidan growled, hating how his body didn't react to Deidara's panting, moaning face. He kissed his way sloppily and harshly down Deidara's neck, leaving a nasty looking hickey as he did so. Deidara arched into his touch and moaned. Something was off in that sound, but Hidan dismissed it. He bit Deidara's shoulder, wondering what was wrong. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? He quickly had Deidara's pants and boxers off, and sighed, sitting back. Deidara looked up at him, a knowing look in his eyes. In a bout of rage, Hidan turned from Deidara, slumping on the edge of the bed. A tense silence followed. Hidan didn't know what to do. He had invited Deidara over in order to relieve this pressure. And now, how could he face him if he couldn't deliver? Maybe he was doomed to live out the rest of his life without sex, trapped in all eternity with a dysfunctional dick-

"You're not hard, are you, un?" Deidara asked softly. Hidan said nothing. "Good. Neither am I." Deidara rolled over and slipped into his boxers, sitting down next to Hidan. "Now then. Mind telling me what this is all about, un?"

"Ino left me. She wanted me to fuck her, but I couldn't…"

"Yeah, un. I know how you feel, un."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I haven't had sex since Sasuke, un."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I tried to, but same problem as you, un. Decided I should just call it quits, yeah." Deidara lay back on the bed with a sigh. "And I haven't wanted to, all that bad, un. Sort of like it wasn't good enough, un." Hidan stared at his friend. That was exactly the way he was feeling!

"So if you knew it wasn't going to work, why'd you come over?" Hidan asked. Deidara closed his eye.

"I was lonely, un." Hidan looked at him. Deidara, lonely? That little slut was never alone at night- because he was lonely. Why did Deidara sleep around? He always wanted someone there. He lived alone, and always had. And now, as Hidan looked at him, his true age stuck out.

"Deidara, how old are you?" he asked slowly. Deidara was quiet for a moment.

"Nineteen, un," he said, almost inaudibly. Hidan stared.

"What?" Hidan cried. "You mean-"

"I was eighteen when I was hired at Akatsuki, un."

"Did you-" Hidan coughed- "Did you finish high school?"

"Yeah, un. But the second I did, I flew out here, un." Hidan sighed, lying back next to his blond friend.

"I don't get it," he sighed. "If I can't get hard around girls, and I can't get hard around guys, who am I fit to sleep with?"

"Dogs, un?" Deidara suggested. Hidan glared at him. "I don't know, yeah. It doesn't make sense to me, but I can't ignore what my body is telling me, un." Deidara sighed. "Nobody can tell you what you want, Hidan. You just have to figure it out and go for it, un." Deidara sat up and stood up, finding his jeans and slipped into them, locating his shirt and putting it on as well. Hidan watched him. That nineteen year old kid was about to go home to an empty, cold apartment knowing he was likely to be alone for a long time. It was so sad, Hidan reached out, pulling Deidara down on the bed next to him.

"Stay the night," he said. Deidara chuckled, planting a soft kiss on Hidan's lips.

"I would, sweetie, but Ino would skin me alive, un. Besides, I'm watching a neighbor's cat, and I have to feed it tonight, un." Hidan sighed.

"Bullshit, Deidara," he said. Deidara stood up and walked to the door, blowing one last kiss back at Hidan before he was gone. Hidan sighed. He might as well just go take a shower. He got up, walking into the bathroom and turning on the water. Once under the steady stream, Hidan wrapped his fingers around his penis. He was going to figure this out, even if it killed him. It didn't take long. A single image appeared in his mind, and his manhood snapped to attention.