A/N: If you don't like long A/N's, then skip the iralics. Anyway, this upcoming chapter is a smashing one with some lovely acting. But I probably won't be able to update for a while. 'Mon Dieu, Nikki!' you might say, 'but you're usually super at updating! What's going on?' Well, you see, someone has been tugging at my sleeve. He's quite a rude, ignorant fellow, who could, at best, be described as domineering and bratty. His name? Well, he hasn't really got one. But for now, we'll call him Poison. He is quite anxious to be out of the sticky situations I've got him in (currently, I have left him traveling to a dinner party with his evil grandfather, soon to find out his doom is forever sealed.
If you'd like to read a bit more about Poison, PM me and I'll send you the link to it.
If you have a problem with this situation, feel free to contact me via PM, and address it to Poison. Express all your grief and woe and anger and frustration at him, because it's really his fault for having such a damn good story. Yes, blame Poison, not me. Anyway, this story will still be continued, simply at a slower rate. Just bear with me, all right? I'm planning on dedicating this story to a teacher of mine, and I need to finish it before school's out. I hope you understand, and if you get bored, read some of my other, finished stories. Thank you for reading (and reviewing, for those of you who bother).
-WhirledPeace.
The priest had asked them to all stay at least ten feet back, and had shouted "You're married, but don't kiss in my church!" Nobody really cared. It was better than exchanging vows and having the full ceremony, because half the audience had a desperately short attention span. As they all headed off to the bar, hurried introductions were made from one side of the family to the other.
"Ok, these are my two brothers, Kankuro and Gaara, and this is my best friend, Shikamaru Nara," Temari was saying, gesturing to each of the men.
"You've already met all of my men," Konan said, shrugging. Deidara was, for some unknown reason, trying not to be seen. Unfortunately, as he tried to hide behind Sasori, his redhead didn't help in the least.
"What's up?" Hidan whispered.
"I picked a fight with that Gaara kid, un," Deidara replied. "Beat him up pretty bad, yeah." Hidan snickered.
"Maybe this'll teach you to be more careful about who you beat up," he replied.
"The kid was asking for it, hmm," Deidara replied, wrinkling his nose. Sasori glanced back at him.
"Caution is something that evades Deidara," he said lazily.
"Whose side are you on, anyway, yeah?" Deidara cried.
"Logic's side," Sasori replied. Deidara stuck out his tongue.
"But anyway, the kid's a pushover, so if he picks something he's going to get his ass handed to him, un. So that's why I'm hiding, Konan will slaughter me if I get in a fight at her wedding, yeah." Temari's friend was now staring at them weirdly. Deidara stopped hiding behind Sasori, simply opting for walking behind Kakuzu. Shikramaru didn't seem interested anymore, and continued his conversation with Kankuro.
"That guy gives me the creeps," Hidan whispered to Kakuzu. Kakuzu said nothing, but he evidently felt the same by the stiffness in his posture. There was something definitely off about the man.
Deidara, by way of uke-eyes, managed to get Sasori to buy him a drink. Begrudgingly, Konan, Sasori, and Kakuzu all volunteered to be the designated drivers. The main argument was that Deidara driving was enough to make anyone sober, Temari was likely to get extremely drunk in her endeavors to drink everyone under the table, and Hidan didn't have a driver's license. Tobi happily volunteered to abstain on alcohol, and Zetsu did as well. They would probably end up taking home anyone who happened to get drunk and not have a ride.
"…and I'd like to congratulate the newly wed couple. Two greater women couldn't be found in a million years," Kankuro finished. Everyone applauded and Konan and Temari had to share a kiss.
"Damn, he knows how to draw out a speech, un," Deidara muttered.
"I heard he didn't want their other brother to have too much time to drink," Hidan replied. Deidara sighed.
"It's not very often someone buys me a drink-" he started.
"Bull shit, Deidara! I even bought you a drink!" Kisame interrupted. Deidara glanced fearfully at Itachi.
"Like, a long, long time ago, yeah!" he tried. Itachi sighed.
"I won't bother picking a fight with you, Deidara. In the end, I have a stick and you don't," he replied. Hidan looked up from the impending argument to find that Shikamaru guy staring at him. Resisting the urge to flick the man off, Hidan maintained eye contact. Shikamaru stared back lazily, Hidan growing slightly agitated. Kakuzu looked up and back at Shikamaru, giving him a look that made him back down. Then Kakuzu turned his gaze to Hidan, quirking an eyebrow. Hidan shrugged and mouthed 'creep'. Kakuzu nodded slightly, understanding.
"Aah! I'm sorry, Itachi-sama, un!" Deidara cried, trying to get his ponytail free from Itachi's grip. Itachi looked livid, but Kisame was oddly amused.
"What did he say?" Hidan asked Sasori. Sasori sighed and shook his head.
"He said: 'I never thought I'd be saying this, but you need to get the stick out of your ass.' I'd say he deserves what he's got." Sasori sipped his drink calmly as Deidara groveled. Hidan snickered. Again, he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looked up, angrily, to meet Shikamaru's eyes. Trying to keep his cool, Hidan tried to deal with the situation civilly. He leaned over the table to be able to speak to the other man.
"Please stop staring at me," he said pointedly. Shikamaru blinked and shook his head.
"Sorry, what?"
"You heard me."
"Sorry, I was spacing. Terribly sorry to have offended you." Hidan bit back a sharp reply and leaned back. Kakuzu again quirked the inquisitive eyebrow. Hidan shook his head, motion discreet. Kakuzu understood. Itachi had finally let go of Deidara's hair, settling back. Deidara, whimpering, retreated to Sasori.
"Sasori, Itachi hurt me, un!" he whined cutely. Sasori shrugged.
"You had it coming." Hidan winced. He knew Sasori would be in for the most painful seduction tonight for that remark.
At the other end of the table, Temari excused herself to use the restroom. Shikamaru's eyes followed her, and he likewise excused himself and followed her. Hidan didn't have much sense, but he did have intuition. And intuition told him that something bad was going to happen. "I'm gonna go take a piss," he muttered, following Shikamaru. Kakuzu watched him go and sighed. "I hope he values his life," he muttered. "Konan would kill him if he shed blood at her wedding."
Hidan arrived to find that Shikamaru had cornered Temari. Temari had the sweetest kind of smile. It was awkward but confident, the kind you just couldn't help but let slip to your face. But, it was slowly fading.
"Look, I didn't want to tell you this here, now, or ruin your wedding or anything…" Shikamaru was saying. Temari was looking apprehensive and a bit worried, but she let her friend continue. But he didn't say the fateful three words. Quick as lightning, he leaned forward and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Temari's eyes went wide, but before she could react Hidan was there. He grabbed Shikamaru's shoulder and pulled him off of the blond woman.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Hidan growled, glaring at Shikamaru. "Why sexually harass a woman on her wedding night?" Shikamaru jerked out of Hidan's hold.
'This isn't any of your business, fag," he spat. "I hate you and your homosexual faggots." Hidan just sort of stared at him for a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened. "Oh? You want to make something of it?" Shikamaru raised his fists. Hidan considered it for a moment. He could easily completely murder this Shikamaru, no sweat. But… Kakuzu deserved a lover with testicles, and alive.
"I'd never start a fight at a friend's wedding," Hidan sighed. Shikamaru stared at him. Hidan felt rather accomplished, and was about to compliment himself for keeping his head, when a fist landed a punch right in Shikamaru's nose. Shikamaru clutched his now bleeding nose and backed against the wall. Bewildered, Hidan looked around for the embodiment of his bloodlust. Temari was wiping her hand on her shirt.
"You bastard!" she cried. "For God's sake, could you hold in your disgusting sexual fantasies for one night? You perverted, spineless, gutless, pig of a creature! I'd never even call you a man! I suggest you leave, Shikamaru, before I really hit you!" Shikamaru just stared at her. Temari then addressed them both. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have to take a piss." She turned her back on them and entered the women's bathroom. Hidan stared after her. He suddenly remembered a piece of advice his father had given him, before he died: 'Son, never hit a lady, because she'll hit you back twice as hard.' He smiled to himself and glanced at Shikamaru.
"You know, if you value your ability to procreate, you'd better shag a lot of women tonight, before Konan gets her hands on you." Turning, he left the strange man there. With a slight spring in his step, he sat back down at the table. Kakuzu glanced at him, then decided he probably didn't want to know. A minute later, Temari returned from the toilet, sitting back down next to Konan and hurriedly beginning a whispered conversation. Numerous times Konan threw looks over at Hidan. Kakuzu decided he might just want to know what was going on. He glanced at Hidan, who was grinning. So he didn't fear for his life. That was probably a good sign. Konan finally cleared her throat and walked over to Hidan.
"I would like to fully thank you for your display of bravery and self-control." Kakuzu's curiosity was aroused. This was certainly an odd situation.
"Aw, Konan-chan, I couldn't have done anything less," Hidan replied modestly, grinning ear to ear. Konan wrinkled her nose at the nickname, but let it slide this time. Once she returned to her seat, Kakuzu made eye contact with Hidan. "Shikamaru decided to kiss Temari, and I pulled him off her. He tried to pick a fight, but I backed down. Then Temari broke his nose." Kakuzu smiled. Of course.
"Kakuzu, my office, please," Konan said. Before she disappeared into her office, however, Kakuzu caught sight of the papers in her hands: medical records. He looked at Hidan, who looked back nervously.
"Well, you'd better go," he said. Kakuzu sighed and turned to follow Konan to her office. He had been discriminated against in many job opportunities because of his impending death. But this job meant the world to him, and he wasn't sure he could handle losing it.
Konan was seated on her desk, as always, the papers by her side. Her lips were pursed, and she looked angry to the point of disgust. "So," she said, trying to keep her voice neutral, "you need a heart transplant."
"Yes, Konan-san." Konan looked like she was biting back something terrible. She picked up the papers and looked at them for a long moment. Then she sighed, putting them down.
"It's not very often I lose my temper. Not very often at all. But this morning I received an e-mail that was greatly distressing. Your old employers decided to send along your medical record. If this wasn't enough, they sent along a 'personal note' about how I should feel about this." Konan gritted her teeth. "To think, someone would actually tell me to let go of you while I could, before things got worse. It's disgusting, barbaric, and inhuman!" Konan clenched her fists, took a deep breath, and relaxed. "I've averaged that they've broken at least three laws, but there could be more if I did some research. You do know that they fired you because of your condition, correct?" Kakuzu gave a curt nod. "Right. They have no right to do that, and it violates your rights. I've informed them acutely of their misconduct, but haven't made any threats yet. What are your thoughts of my next step?" Kakuzu sighed.
"Konan-san, I have no doubt you'd fight tooth and nail against these people, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'm here." Konan gave a wry smile.
"Of course, Kakuzu. I'm not sure how we'd manage without you." Konan looked around the dark office. "How much does your insurance pay for?" she asked suddenly.
"Most of it."
"So what portion are you paying for out of your own pocket?"
"Some of it."
"How much financial aid do you need?"
"Not any."
"If you're sure. Don't be afraid to ask for help." They were silent for a long moment. "What's your blood type?"
"O positive." Konan hummed.
"Universal receiver," she murmured. "I'm not a doctor, I don't know what the likelihood of you getting a heart would be. But I do know that I will do everything in my power to make sure we leave no stone unturned. There is nothing I wouldn't do, inside the law, to make sure we don't have to lose you." Konan's determined expression almost made Kakuzu believe. He could almost believe she could take care of him and fix everything. But there was no way to beat the system. There was no way to move up on The List. Though, he was sure, if there was a way, Konan would throw herself into it.
"Thank you, Konan-san," he said. "I knew I could count on you."
"What did Konan want?" Hidan asked anxiously.
"To rant at me about my last employers," he replied smoothly. "What do we have to photograph today?"
"Can we chat?" Sasori asked. Kakuzu was standing in his cubicle, leaning against the wall.
"Sure," Kakuzu replied.
"I'm thinking of proposing to Deidara," Sasori said. Kakuzu's eyes widened and his mouth fell open in shock. Sasori rolled his eyes.
"You-" Kakuzu started, but Sasori gave him a withering look.
"Hear me out, all right?" he said sternly. "It's a perfectly plausible legal arrangement. Deidara is young, and has not legal guardian. He has to act as a guardian to his cousin, and it might take some of the stress off if he was legally under someone's care. Plus, if… if this is forever, then I'm likely to die before him. If so, I'd like him to be taken care of. Not to mention it's now legal and he'd say yes." Kakuzu stayed silent for a long moment.
"What does this do for you?" he finally asked.
"Peace of mind. I'm a stable person, I like commitment and stability. This will give me the peace of mind I need. Sort of like a stress reliever." Kakuzu smirked.
"But you two can fuck without being married, you know." Sasori sighed.
"Not that kind of stress reliever, Kuzu," he said. "I just… I want to feel that happiness. You saw Konan and Temari, right? I want to just seal our relationship like that." Sasori's eyes shone with emotion, as if he was begging Kakuzu to understand. Kakuzu shrugged.
"Sure. It doesn't really matter he's just nineteen, he's an adult." Sasori nodded. "But you have to do it tactfully. If you don't, Deidara just might write an article on how to propose."
"Deidara, there's something I want to talk to you about," Sasori said, walking into the dining room. Deidara looked up from his book.
"Sure," he said. Sasori walked over to him and took his hand, getting down on one knee. He gently brought Deidara's hand to his lips.
"Since I've met you, my life has seemed worth living. Since you brashly, noisily made your appearance, you've made me see that there is love in this world, and that it can happen to an ordinary guy like me. I've never felt this before, and among the things you've shown me, the most important is what true love is. So, Deidara, will you marry me?" Sasori looked up tentatively. Deidara was looking at him amusedly.
"You've gotten down on one knee, Sasori, but can you get up, un?" he said. Sasori blinked, looking much like a fish out of water. Deidara laughed and leaned forward, kissing the top of Sasori's head. "I know it's all for show, yeah. You knew my answer before you even thought about it, hmm." Deidara smirked at Sasori, who was grinning, relieved, up at him. With a bit of wiggling, Sasori settled himself between Deidara's legs, holding the blonde's hips and resting his head on his thighs.
"I love you," Sasori mumbled, just glad he was blessed enough to kneel here and hold his lover close. Deidara chuckled and pet his hair lovingly.
"Love you too, yeah," Deidara said.
That was before 'Danna' had just slipped into his vocabulary. When asked, Deidara would reply it was a perfectly suitable pet name. But Kakuzu knew better. He knew Sasori, perhaps in the throes of passion, had asked Deidara to call him that. He knew, from the discreet smirk that came to Sasori's face anytime Deidara used it.