A silence hung over the office as Kakuzu, Hidan, and Deidara arrived Monday. Deidara managed to stumble to his office before collapsing. He wasn't expected to do work, simply stay there. Konan called a meeting, and Akatsuki assembled silently. Konan cleared her throat, licking her lips nervously. "Saturday," she said. "Saturday at three-thirty." Everyone stood with heads bowed.

"Sasori left a will, of sorts," Kakuzu said. "He left a letter to each of us, and one to all of us." Kakuzu handed Konan the letter to Akatsuki. She quickly unfolded it and commenced reading.

Dear Akatsuki,

You're all so special to me. But most of you are bat-shit crazy. Sorry, no offense, but honestly, you know it's true. And it's because of that I trust you will take good care of Deidara. You'll make sure he doesn't go off the deep end, right? Sorry to say, but he has never been exactly sane. So he'll be in good hands. I'm sure you all have questions surrounding my dead, I know Kakuzu has probably been completely turned upside-down. But I've explained it all in my letters to you all, in terms you can comprehend. Keep Akatsuki going, will you? I'm glad we've made it big.

-Sasori.

"That bastard," Konan muttered, hands shaking as tears dripped down her face. Kakuzu handed everyone their letters, and found himself with only his own and Deidara's and… he cried at the sight. Slowly, he walked to Deidara's office, gently placing the letter and the lollipop on the desk. He then retreated to the dark room to read his own.

Dear Kakuzu,

Oh, old friend, we've been through so much. But there was so much about me you didn't know. The truth was, I went to Japan because it was easier to obtain heroin. I've been addicted since I was fifteen. My grandmother didn't know, there was a lot she didn't know. I went through a lot to be able to get my fix, and after twenty years I was just starting to loose feeling altogether. I was getting angry at myself for being addicted and that I wouldn't be able to feel my dear Deidara. I could barely live with myself. We fought, Deidara and I. Fought about stupid things, like why I would want to be alone all the time, and if he slept with anyone else while I was locked up in my room. I hit him. That time, when he told everyone he walked into a wall, it was me who hit him. I just can't explain my anger towards him. I'm sorry I had to die, but it's too late now, what's done is done.

Please, as a last request, I ask this: tell Deidara three things. Tell him I was addicted to heroin, and that I never really wanted to fight with him. And tell him I love him, and I always will, to the second I die (or died, by the time you read this) and nothing can ever change that. And please, you're the only one I trust to watch over him. It's my last request, just watch out for him, all right? That way he'll have Akatsuki on earth, and me from Heaven, if they'll let me in. But I have a feeling God doesn't like me. So take care of him, please.

Oh Kakuzu, we've known each other for forever. This has probably come to a shock to even you. But I love you, and I consider you my dearest friend. I would leave you something if Deidara wasn't dirt poor. Tell you what, you can have that old radio of mine. Oh, wait, that was originally yours, wasn't it? Oh well. Take whatever was yours before I stole it from you. You've earned it.

Well, unless you believe in afterlife, this goodbye is for good. Take care, dear friend.

-Sasori

"You fucking bastard," Kakuzu muttered, tears running down his face. These papers weren't his will, they were suicide letters.

Dear Konan,

I don't have much to say to you. Honestly. I guess I was always so open with you. Oh, but there is one thing I've always wanted to say to you: You're a dominatrix bitch slave-driver. I know in time, my position will need to be filled. Give it to Deidara. That way you can hire a real woman for his column. Got it, dominatrix? Besides, he has such great views on art that will attract young people. Have you ever heard him explain what causes an explosion? He can be scientific. Anyway, I hope I don't have to see you anytime soon.

-Sasori.

Konan sighed, letting the letter rest on his desk. He had to be as ass, right up into his suicide letters.

The church was large and dark, clouds covering the sun on that particular Saturday. Hidan sat next to Deidara, holding the blond as he cried silently. He was actually doing a pretty good job of keeping himself together. Kakuzu was crying as well, for he had known Sasori longer than anyone else, and better than his grandmother. When it came time for Deidara to give his eulogy, Konan went up with him in case he couldn't finish. Hands shaking, lips stammering, Deidara began.

It was the most beautiful piece of writing anyone had ever heard. But towards the end Deidara choked and handed the paper to Konan. Konan, biting back her own tears. "I won't lie, he was an ass. But that's not what counted about him. He was my reason, my life, my joy, my sorrow. He was my midnight craving… for a cherry lollipop." Deidara removed his wedding ring, laying it on the coffin as Sasori had asked him to in his letter. Kakuzu couldn't stand it, he hunched over sobbing into his hands. Leave it to Deidara to make sorrow nostalgic and beautiful.

In Sasori's letter to Kisame, he had asked that one of his best quotes be put on his headstone: "I do not ridicule those who think they have found true love. I ridicule those who think they have found it more than once." It was pure Sasori. Once Sasori was buried, Deidara seemed a little more stable. It was then Kakuzu chose to tell Deidara.

"Deidara…"

"Hmm?" Deidara was holding himself insecurely, as if he had lost whatever had been holding him up.

"Sasori wrote me a letter."

"Mm-hmm…"

"He wanted me to tell you a few things." Deidara gulped, before nodding. "He never really wanted to fight with you. He was… addicted to heroin." Deidara turned his back on his friend. "Please, I know this is hard, but he wanted you to know."

"Shut up, yeah."

"It's true, I'll show you-"

"I know, un!" Deidara turned back around to glare at Kakuzu. Kakuzu was taken aback. Even Sasori had thought Deidara didn't know.

"What…?"

"Oh, please, you think I'm mentally disabled, un?" Deidara shrieked. "He spent hours in his room with a towel shoved under the door, hmm! What about that doesn't scream drug addiction, un?" Deidara had angry tears streaming down his face. "I'm not some innocent kid, un. I grew up on the streets of New York, do you think I have no idea what a drug addiction looks like, yeah?" Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. "And he hit me, un. A little punch to the eye, yeah."

"Deidara-"

"I hit him back ten times harder, yeah! I knocked the fucking wind out of him, yeah!" Deidara's face was blotched and tearstained. "Please, don't tarnish his image, yeah. He's gone, don't speak ill of the dead, yeah." Deidara hung his head, and Kakuzu drew him close. The poor thing was a widower at age nineteen, within months of his marriage.

Two weeks after Sasori's death, Deidara went back to his apartment, only to move. "I can't afford to live here, un," Deidara explained with a sigh. "And it's time to move on, yeah."

He still had breakdowns, and always someone would be there for him. Hidan had spied him even crying on Zetsu's shoulder. But one day, by chance, Hidan caught Deidara leaning against Tobi. Tobi, for once, wasn't being an annoying shit, and being comforting. Hidan shook his head. Deidara would reach out for anyone, he told himself. Anyone, even a retarded copy boy.

After that, however, Deidara stopped having his meltdowns, and even stopped crying himself to sleep. He steadily pieced his life together. But he was never the same. He was like when Kisame had found him: dark, arrogant, cynical, and bitter. But he was keeping his mind together, which is what mattered. Akatsuki saw his recovery, and could only marvel and hope they could be half that strong.

Deidara turned around to stare at the person who had just walked into his office. Tobi had made it a ritual to just come and sit in his office whenever he had a spare moment. Deidara had begun leaving the door ajar for him, letting him know it was all right. Tobi now stood awkwardly before him. "Hi, Sempai," he said.

"Hi," Deidara grunted.

"Sempai, you don't smile a lot anymore," Tobi said slowly. Deidara sighed, turning his back to his coworker.

"You wouldn't understand, yeah." Tobi gulped.

"Maybe. But I might. I lost someone close to me as well."

"It's not the same, yeah!" Deidara cried. "You didn't live for that person, did you? I'll bet they weren't the reason you got up in the morning, or your only reason to even bother keeping your head above water, un." Tobi sighed.

"Pretty close. I'm an amnesia victim, I was found as a teenager by someone and taken to a hospital. There I met a doctor, and she took me in. I called her my aunt, but before long, I was in love with her. She died a little before I came to Akatsuki. She was all I had. I don't have a family, all I had was Rin- my aunt- and Zetsu, her friend and patient. See? I'm alone too." Deidara was quiet for a long moment before formulating his reply.

"I don't have room for sympathy, un," he said softly. "This is just consuming, un." Tobi took a step closer to the blond.

"I know, I've been there. But it does get better, eventually," he replied. Deidara bit his lip before turning around to face Tobi. "You just have to learn to move on. Death is death." Tobi reached out and caressed Deidara's cheek with the back of his hand. "You can't keep yourself as a shrine to Sasori-san." Deidara's mouth had fallen open, and he just looked up at Tobi pleadingly. Gently, Tobi leaned down and kissed Deidara's lips.

"AH! You mother-fucking-son-of-a-bitch, un! Get the fuck away form me, yeah!" A door banged open, and Tobi ran out into the hall, a book flying after him. "I never want to see your fucking dog-ugly face again, hmm! You bastard, I hope you die, un!" Tobi ran down the hall and was hit in the back of the head with a flying book before Deidara slammed his door. Tobi bumped into Hidan as he escaped.

"E-excuse me," he said hurriedly, and went to leave, before Hidan caught his sleeve.

"No, stay, Tobi," he purred venomously. Tobi gulped. "What happened with Deidara?" Tobi gulped.

"Sempai was just looking so lost, I couldn't help myself, I just kissed him and he went nuts." Hidan sighed.

"Tobi, I want to slaughter you," he said casually. "Do you know who the last person to kiss Deidara was?"

"Sasori?"

"Exactly. That's all Deidara has left of him. God, Tobi, Deidara doesn't need this."

"Then what does he need?" Tobi cried. "I'd do anything, honest!" Hidan sighed.

"Deidara needs someone with everything to devote and nothing to lose. He needs someone he can yell and scream at and won't get offended. He needs someone who can understand him and give him time, and as much love as a human being can give." Hidan sight again. "He needs someone the exact opposite of Sasori." Tobi gulped. "But I'm not convinced to let you drive him over the edge of sanity."

"I just want to help him. He seems so… so helpless, so sad…"

"Your nose is starting to bruise."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Look, do you need an icepack? Does your head hurt?"

"No, I think I'll be fine." Hidan sighed.

"Tobi, I can't let you make a move on Deidara. I just can't. You don't know what it's like. Imagine- damn, I'm not here because I can write. But try imagining your entire world is gone. Try imagining you don't consider your life is worth living anymore. Please, Tobi, just leave him be. It's a little crush, you'll get over it." Hidan turned to leave, before pausing and looking back at Tobi. He scrutinized him closely. "Which head do you think with?" he asked.

"I have two heads?" Hidan chuckled.

"Issue thirty. Check it out." With that, Hidan turned and left. Tobi gulped. He didn't really want to know that particular sexual reference. But he'd locate that issue. It could be Hidan was sending him a small lifeline.

Tobi was sitting at the front desk, answering phone calls and going through papers. He almost didn't hear Deidara. The blond walked up silently, simply standing near the desk. Tobi stopped his work and looked up. "Can I help you, Sempai?" he asked. Deidara, slowly, shook his head.

"I'm fine, un," he said softly. And there he stood until he got off work. To Tobi, it was as good as an apology.

'The Perfect Man', the article read. Tobi gulped. He wasn't what he'd find in this article. But it was a small preservation of Deidara's views on life before Sasori entered his world. 'Caring, generous, blah blah blah…' the article began.

Tobi sighed, putting down his glasses. That was an amazing article. But the scary part was that Sasori hadn't met a single one of Deidara's standards.

The two subtly grew closer. No one really wanted to ask, or delve too much, but Hidan caught Tobi giving Deidara a small kiss, and Kakuzu witnessed Deidara with Tobi's head in his lap, but not in a particularly sexual way. And it was after that that Deidara started smiling again, and would go out with the others on the weekends, and he seemed at last to be back in one piece. Not that he'd ever admit it, though.