Chapter Thirty-Four

Gord was pleased that none of those vile greasers' marks seemed to be on his face anymore. At least he would not have to carry a physical reminder of his mistakes for the rest of his days. Five weeks had stretched by since Valentine's Day. During this time, Vance had made several attempts to speak with Gord, going so far as to stop by his dorm room. Luckily, because of the endless harassment he received from his peers, his door had been locked. He had not had any communication with James. When they passed each other at school, Gord humbly and shamefully averted his eyes. He missed being with the school's king, though not because of any title or standing. That had been the appeal in the very beginning. Well, that and hormones and a minor fight with Vance. He missed the warmth of James' stocky body. He missed complaining about what a mess Jimmy made when he brushed his teeth. He missed his sour, yet somehow alluring, body odor. Most of all, Gord longed for the way he had felt when with Jimmy. Every day there had been giddiness, comfort, and pure simplistic joy.

A very slim part of Gord was realizing that it was just high school. This would only be a fraction of his life, and more loves would surely come. In the years forward he would lose some of the precious memories from their time together. He may forget Jimmy's freckles, his boisterous laugh, or even his name. Father had said that he was acting outrageous, giving up the Harrington House for a crush—Gord had not braved telling him it was a boy on top of everything else. The feelings he harbored toward James had been real though. Why did the world want to diminish their worth just because he was young?

The mirror set into the door of his wardrobe had a permanent layer of dust or grime on it. Gord had scrubbed it numerous times, wanting to get a clearer vision of himself in the new uniforms he purchased a few weeks earlier. Now he was used to the blurry reflection. It rather fit how he felt about the boring colors and poor fits. He sighed, pulling on a sweater with the Bullworth logo on the right side of the chest. It was a dark navy blue and very soft. He twisted around, trying to get a good image of the back. Shame it covers my ass.

Two knocks sounded from the other side of his door. Who could that be? They had been too loud for it to be Troy. It could have been Kowalski or Bif. Both of them had been visiting every few days. It was rather funny. While part of the school hated him for being gay and it seemed that most of the rest hated him for being a cheat, he somehow found himself growing stronger friendships than he ever had before. Two more knocks came. They were so forceful. "Who is it?" Gord called, unsure if he should risk opening the door.

"Open. The. Door. Now!"

Jimmy mulled over the information he had gotten from Vance for some time. After a few days, he took a timeout to track down Johnny V, before resuming his thinking period. Now that most of the scrapes on his knuckles were healed over, he felt that he succeeded in knowing what his plan of action was.

Being the middle of March, the days were getting longer and the weather less biting. It had been a while since it snowed, but a few inches of it still remained. Jimmy was nearly comfortable in his grey t-shirt and jeans. He walked with a determined pace, pushing people out of his way instead of going around. He hesitated only when reaching the main door. Something wasn't right. An idea popped into his head and he marched with the same dive across the way.

Upon seeing Jimmy's approach, Ms. Peabody began squawking at him to go away. Under normal circumstances, he may have had a little fun trying to sneak past or sweet talk her, but there were things to do. He stepped into the garden, crushing a few plants, and began to pull at random flowers. Peabody screeched louder. He had what he stopped by for and let her return to scoping out boys that could be potential hazards to her girls.

This time Jimmy pushed the door right open. Any conversations taking place in the busy common room and hallway stopped. When was the last time he stopped by this place? He looked over to the room that Troy had said was now Gord's. All the other boys present traced his stare. Jimmy gave the dirtiest scowl he could manage. Most of the guys scrammed or at least had the decency to pretend to ignore his presence. He chewed on his lip a little before knocking on the door. The flowers in his half-assed bouquet were already starting to lean in his tight grip. He pounded his fist twice, then heard the collective intake of air from the boys that had remained.

Too much time passed. He was going to feel like a real jackass if Gord wasn't in there. It'd be even worse if the kid was ignoring him. Whispers began to form. What a bunch of girls.

He knocked again. Behind him was his own dorm room. If he and Gord ever worked things out, then maybe he should stay there more often. There was certainly a convenience factor. Troy poked his head out. Jimmy had forgotten that his room was currently on load to the kid. The blonde child eyed the flowers and whispered, "Let him know it's you," before retreating back into privacy. Jimmy could have sworn he heard a girl's giggle after Troy closed the door.

Gord rushed up faster than he thought possible to open that door. He didn't realize that he had been holding his breath until James lightly shoved him out of the way and the air was forced out. He went to close the door, only to pause. Door open or closed? It seemed as though this could be classified as a private moment. At the same time, he didn't want to make the other boy uncomfortable.

"Close it." Question answered. Jimmy made himself at home and plopped down on Gord's bed. That left the slimmer boy to stand awkwardly with his arms loosely crossed. "Here," James thrust a wilting bunch of flowers towards him. Dirt clods were hanging from the still attached roots. The gesture was nice and more than he deserved.

"I do not believe buttering me up is required at this point." He took the poor flowers and set them atop some math homework spread out on his desk. Let the teacher work harder to read it. "I am really sorry," he started, working to keep his eyes on his recent ex. He needed James to hear it without any silly wailing or sobbing. "I understand what I have done to you, and I can only hope you will be able to heal from it. I'm so sorry." He began to get a little watery and gave himself permission to stare at the floor.

"I know you are."

They stayed silent for a while. It was not completely uncomfortable. Gord did wonder what James felt being in the same room again. Nostalgia? Rage? Insecurity? "I miss you."

"Same here." Hopkins closed his eyes and laid back. His head settled into Gord's pillow. The former prep knew he would sleep better that night.

"Why are you here?"

"Booty call," Jimmy calmly said, crushing the mood, and perhaps secretly exciting Gord a tiny bit. He laughed and said he was kidding. "I've been thinking that we should probably talk or something."

"You? Talk?"

"Yeah."

"Are you really the great Hopkins?" Gord laughed at James' irritated frown, which flickered with a smirk. "I really wanted to stop it. I… I was weak and I know that is not an excuse, but—"

Hopkins cut him off. "Vance told me about it."

Gord was floored. He had feared just the slightest bit for the greaser's safety the past few weeks.

"I know about Johnny and everything. And that I should have been nicer and junk, but that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"Oh?"

"I have something I want to say to you."

"What is it?"

"It's just something I think needs to be said."

Gord was thrilled to see Jimmy again, but was growing tired of this roundabout conversation. He could tell James was going over a script in his head. It was sweet. He'd rather actually hear it though. "Just tell me what it is. Whatever it is."

Hopkins took a deep breath and rambled out, "Look, we both like each other and stuff, but I think I need more time. You probably do too. I don't like how we left things off, and I just wanted to let you know that I still… you know." Gord shook his head. "I don't think I want things to be over."

He could feel his lips rise and emotions soar. Gord tried to keep a poker face. "What do you suggest we do?"

"I think we should wait awhile."

"How long?"

"I don't know!"

"A week? A month? A year?"

"How about," he looked a little terrified, being pushed to make a decision. "When the snow melts."

Gord hadn't expected that answer, so whimsical. It was a soft and negotiable date, which was something that he would pick. "Then what?"

"We'll go out somewhere, if we're both still into it."

"Like a date?"

"If you have to call it that… yeah, a date."

He wanted to jump up, do a twirl, and yell about how great life was. Gord did manage to keep his composure. He settled things with a simple agreement. They shared a slightly awkward almost hug that resulted in them basically just patting one another's shoulders. Jimmy then left, leaving Gord wishing that he had a larger hair dryer that he could use to aid the melting process.