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As usual – not ours…

Chapter 27 Screw 'em All

A Woman in Your Condition - B

Edward sat up, looking confused.

"What do you mean, Mom?"

I couldn't hear the conversation on the other end of the phone, but his expression scared me.

"WHAT?" Edward launched off the couch, and was halfway down the hallway before I registered the anger in his voice.

"No! Of course not! Do you really think…?" The silence was punctuated by clicking on a keyboard.

"No mom, it's not true…I don't care what it says, it's not true, okay? Just…just give me a few minutes, and we'll call you back, okay? No, of course not! Why would you even believe this?"

There was a moment of silence before Edward started speaking again.

"I know that, Mom, but come on; do you really think that I wouldn't tell you about something big like this? You know me better than that, especially given all the attention lately."

There was another stretch of silence. I sat, unmoving. At some point I had started holding my breath.

"Let me show Bella, and then we will call you back." He sounded absolutely livid. I'd heard him upset, heard him sad, but never truly angry.

It was quiet for a moment, and then I heard a slam.

"Edward?"

I was up off the couch and running down the hallway.

He sat in his office chair, head resting in his hands. A book lay on the floor in front of the door.

"What's wrong?"

He pulled in a long breath. "You need to see this. Just please remember what you said about not having anywhere to live, okay?"

His tone was one of total defeat.

I walked around to stand by his chair. On the screen was that obnoxious pink background that I had come to dread. The photo was one of us standing arm and arm at the Met:

Canoodling at the ballgame on Saturday. Buying pregnancy tests on Tuesday. Lease terminations and baseball themed silver baby spoons that come in a blue box on Wednesday. Looks like both Cullen boys have been 'busy' lately.

My hand instinctively flew up to my mouth. I couldn't help it, but I laughed.

"Sorry, I should have told you. So what do you think, boy or girl?"

It was probably bad to joke, but the whole situation was so ridiculous, I couldn't think of anything else to do.

Edward's eyes went wide for a second.

"Oh come on, give me a little credit…" I teased.

"You have the most inappropriate sense of humor."

He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. His head rested against my torso.

"My mom was about to rip my head off. I told her we'd call her back so that you can give some context?"

I ran my hands through his hair. "That's fine. I can only imagine what she must be thinking."

"Why are you so calm about all this?"

"Honestly? I know it's not true, but I can't do anything to change what's out there. And as upsetting as it might be, it's no where near as hurtful as what came out today regarding Emmett and Tanya."

I paused, something just registering. I turned my head to take in the type again.

"Fuck."

"What?" Edward was immediately on the alert.

"Only two people know about me buying the baby spoon for Alice. The clerk at Tiffany's…" I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to admit it, "And Jane."

Edward let out a long sigh.

"I didn't want to believe it, but I couldn't help but wonder today. She brought up Bree after the whole Emmett thing. It was just too much of a coincidence."

I continued to run my hands through his hair, trying to think through what to do next.

"Okay, first things first, let's call your mom back. I am going to have to tell her about Alice and JW to explain the baby spoon purchase, but we'll set that straight. Then I need to call Alice and give her the heads up that I told someone and why. That is assuming she doesn't know about the article already."

Edward sat up to look me in the eye.

"Why are you taking this so well? Why aren't you more upset?"

It was a good question. Not to long ago I would have been freaking out. And in a way, internally, I was. I just knew that it wouldn't accomplish anything.

"I only have two options; laugh or cry. And candidly, I am tired of crying. We know what's real and not real. We'll figure out a way to set the record straight."

Edward pulled me in tighter, and leaned down to kiss my abdomen.

"Soon enough." He murmured against my skin before straightening up to the hands free button on the desk phone and dial his parent's number.

"Edward?" Esme sounded panicked.

"Hi Esme." I greeted her. "Don't worry; there is no holy terror part two on the way. I think one Edward is all we can handle for a while."

"So it's not true?"

"It's twisted. I did buy pregnancy tests on Tuesday, but it was for a friend, not for me. The baby spoon is for them as well."

"A friend?" Esme asked pointedly. It almost sounded as though she was questioning the honesty of my statement.

I looked to Edward and shrugged my shoulders. He nodded.

"Alice and JW. Please don't say anything yet, as it's not my news to be giving out."

She let out a long sigh. I couldn't tell if it was relief or sadness.

"Well it makes you two moving in together look anti-climactic now, doesn't it?"

"Come on, Mom, that's a low blow." Edward interjected.

"I'm sorry. It's just that, when I heard about the clip…well after what else happened today, I guess I just reacted. I should have known better."

"Mom, it happens. I guess I just hoped by now that you'd know how everything gets twisted."

"Some things do, Edward. Some things don't. I believe that is why we met Bella in the first place."

There was a pregnant pause as we considered her statement. It wasn't far off, but it was still a reminder of the fishbowl that we lived in.

"I'll let you go. When you speak to Alice and Jasper, please give them my best and tell them that I wish them well."

We said our goodbyes and hung up.

"I'm going to go get my phone and call Alice to give her a heads up on the article; I think she was staying home tonight. Can you call JW? We probably need to let them know what's going on before we figure out how to address it."

I started out of the office, pausing in the doorway.

"Edward, what are you going to do about Jane? It seems like this about more than a baby spoon."

"I'll figure it out; don't worry about it, okay? We don't want you stressing Junior." He reached out to jab at my stomach.

"Smart ass." I taunted him as I went to find my cell phone.

Honesty from Old Friends - E

One more phone call; one more important conversation. It was becoming a full time job. Sometimes, it felt I'd been dropped in a war zone. The attacks were coming from all angles.

What made it all particularly difficult was that I hadn't been in combat for so long. I'd been living in détente with regards to my father. All the years I was gone, and even the months until I met Bella, I kept to myself. I let my relationships stagnate.

It became obvious that picking sides in this war had been challenging for everyone at times. Allegiances weren't as clear as they once were. But maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Maybe there were too many conflicts festering below the surface, and it had simply been time.

I began my own re-birth over a year ago, and no one noticed, not my family, not my best friend.

Only in the past couple of months had I been given any credit. It had me doubting the adage "actions speak louder than words." It left me nervous every time I talked with people who usually put me at ease.

Jasper was no exception.

"Hey man," he answered. "What's up?"

"I've got a problem that involves you."

"I already talked with Tanya today. She was really torn up. What can I do to help??"

"Actually, this is different."

"Another one?" I didn't doubt that people were sick of it; I was too, but it wasn't as if I were asking for it.

"Well, I guess you could say this one is more . . . about you."

"What do you mean?"

"It's been a red letter day for the Cullen's in the news, but the most recent is that Bella bought a pregnancy test and a baby gift."

"And?"

"And they are saying she's pregnant."

He laughed. "That cracks me up."

"Jasper, it's not really funny to my family. They've been put through the ringer."

"But everyone knows it isn't true, so what's the problem? In a few months, it'll be clear to everyone."

"I don't think I can take a few more months of this. Imagine what it will do to Bella. They'll be trying to take pictures of her from every angle to analyze a potential baby bump. My father and I are trying to repair our relationship, but with when we're constantly battling rumor and innuendo, it doesn't leave much time for anything else. It doesn't matter what we know to be true; they aren't going to let this rest. My family has been through enough. Bella has had more than her share, and I'm just done. We need a break."

"So, what do you want?"

"Come clean. Let everyone know who's really pregnant."

"Edward, it's awfully early for that."

"I know, but you've already told your family. Maybe we could get some peace."

"It's not just about that; there are other things that could happen. We were kind of planning to wait until she gets to the second trimester."

I hadn't considered that perspective. I didn't know much about pregnancy or babies, but I did remember Rosalie and Emmett being on pins and needles until they reached what they considered a magic number . . . 12 weeks.

I didn't have time to come up with an argument because he moved on.

"Plus, you know why I stay out of the public eye, Edward. Do you know how easy it would be for people to start putting things together?"

"Don't you think it's inevitable at this point anyway? Someone will eventually link you to Bella."

"You want me to turn my entire life upside down so you don't have to face a rumor?"

"Jasper, I have to face a rumor regardless. I want you to stop hiding and to step up as my friend. And even if you won't do it for me, I would think you'd be willing to help Bella."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Let's not pretend our friendship is what it used to be. Where have you been all this time?"

"I'm not the one who left, Edward." We were both still guarded in our tone, but the tension as mounting.

"I came back, though. You didn't."

"That's not fair. I've always been here. I've been trying to help you all these months." I don't know what it was about that statement, but it set me off.

"Have you? Or have you been supporting Bella? And I'm okay with that because she needed it as much if not more than I did. But please don't fool yourself into thinking it was about me."

"What would have led me to believe you wanted my support, Edward? When's the last time we hung out? Talked about something other than the problems in your life? I'm dating Alice, Bella's best friend, and have you called to invite us over?"

"We've been a little busy." I wasn't shouting, but the strain was there. He met my tone and raised it.

"Fighting fires. I know, but we can't get close enough to help put them out if you put up a barricade."

I wanted to hang up, but that would have been the old me. So, I took a deep breath and looked out the window briefly. It was enough to calm me.

"I don't want to fight with you, Jasper."

"Could have fooled me."

"I mean it. I know this is all very complicated, and I hate that we're all in this position. I didn't ask for it any more than you did. But I've been running and hiding for a long time, and it doesn't work. You just end up isolated. "

It was his turn to ponder for moment. When he spoke, his hesitation clung to each syllable.

"Let me think about it, okay?"

"I won't out you. It's your story to tell."

"Thanks. I appreciate that. I'm just not sure I'm ready."

"And Jasper, I do miss hanging out with you. I'm sorry I haven't made it more of a priority."

I heard him inhale and exhale slowly.

"I know. And maybe you're right. I have been thinking more about helping Bella through all of this than you. I just figured you'd have it under control."

"Not entirely."

"You've got to let people see that, Edward."

"I'm learning, Jasper. It all comes back to not hiding doesn't it?"

The conversation ended with plans to get together, just the two of us. We needed to reconnect. I had a lot more of that to do than I'd realized.

I walked out to the living room to see Bella lounging on the couch flipping through channels. I walked over and sat down next to her. I reclined back on the arm, and she put the remote down.

"Hey, nothing's on. How was JW?"

I filled her in on the conversation. Alice had been less hesitant to reveal their secret, and even offered to call the tabloids herself. They ended up talking more about Tanya and what they could do to lift her spirits. Bella hadn't expected that reaction from "JW," so she was a little taken aback by my altercation with him, but she figured Alice was working her magic at that moment. I could only imagine the conversation they were having right now. I almost felt sorry for Jasper.

"What a day," Bella yawned.

"What a week," I laughed.

"It's been a heck of a month for that matter," she retorted. I pulled myself to sitting position.

"But it's been the best year of my life so far," I replied before I lay back down on the couch, pulling her on top of me.

"The year is only beginning," she sighed, and I began running my hands down her back.

"The day certainly isn't over for that matter," I answered. And then the words stopped.

Parents - B

"So help me, Cullen, if you give me a hickey, you will never hear the end of it!"

"It's not my fault. I just like this spot." Edward murmured against my neck. His hand traced down the side of my body, tracing the outline of my breast. I pulled in a sharp breath in reaction.

"You are way too easy," He teased.

"I'm not easy!"

He repeated the circuit, a bit more pressure this time. Same reaction.

"See? Easy."

"You are evil."

He laughed at my half hearted declaration. "Yes, and you love it."

"No, I love you. This is just a fringe benefit."

Another repeat of the circuit. Oh my god that felt good. He was hardly touching me, and I felt like I was going to combust.

"You would think I'd be immune to this by now," I gasped as I arched further into his hand.

"You'll never be. We don't work that way." His hand dropped to slide up under my shirt, repeating the pattern.

"God, Edward…"

He nuzzled into my neck. I could feel his breath as he spoke.

"I think my mom's right, it's a Cullen thing. Rosalie and Emmett are disgusting. They can't keep their hands off each other. And honestly, my parents are just as bad. You don't want to know some of the things I've walked in on."

He paused for a second, and then started laughing. Full out belly laughs.

"One night, when I was maybe twelve, I couldn't sleep. It was summer time, so we were out at the beach. I decided to go down to the library and get a book. I'm halfway into the room, and I realize that my parents are in there. I had been so focused on the stacks that I didn't even think to look around."

He was laughing so hard he could hardly speak. "You know those leather chairs by the windows? Well there were my parents, totally naked."

The laughter was infectious, and I had started giggling with him. The thought of Carlisle and Esme going at it in the library had me in tears.

"So what did you do?"

"I left as quickly and quietly as possible, and then wished for bleach for my eyes. I was so freaked out by it the next morning, that I said something to Emmett. He told me I got off easy. He has apparently walked in on them multiple times, even once in the music room."

Tears were running down both our faces now, we were laughing so hard.

"No! Oh man, I don't even want to know…"

"Yeah. Took me a long time to ever look at that chaise the same way again."

We continued to laugh as he told stories of how grossed out he and Emmett were over their parents when they were younger.

"I have to give them credit; they set a great example for what marriage can be." Edward shifted a bit, pulling me in a bit closer to him. "I think that's the way we'll be in thirty years. We'll just be smarter about not getting caught."

We continued to laugh and tease each other. Just at the point that my shirt was coming off, my cell phone rang.

"Who is calling you at 10 o'clock at night?"

"I don't know, but they are going to get an earful." I reached over to grab my cell phone off the table and flipped it open.

"This better be damn good, I am trying to get laid here!"

"From what I hear, you've already done that Bella. Be careful you don't hurt the baby."

I sat bolt upright.

"What do you want Renee?"

At the mention of her name, Edward sat up as well. His arm immediately went around my shoulders. It was instinctive movement on his part. His way to try and protect me.

"So is it true, am I going to be a grandmother?"

It was always about her. Never a 'how are you' or an 'are you okay.'

"No, Renee. It's not true." There was so much more I wanted to say, but it wouldn't accomplish anything. She wouldn't listen.

"Well, I guess it will happen soon enough. I can only imagine how great that baby shower will be."

I took a long, slow breath, trying to control my anger.

"Is there anything else you wanted, Renee?"

"That's no way to talk to your mother, Bella. I was calling to find out about the baby and your new boyfriend. I need to make sure my little girl is taken care of"

There was always an angle with her. I saw it a mile away.

"Renee, you are not my mother; you relinquished rights to that a long time ago. My life is none of your business. Please do not call me, do not ask people about me, and do not come see me. Just leave me alone."

I heard her start to speak my name, but I flipped the phone shut. Then I stood up and threw it at the wall.

It didn't break, but it left a nice divot.

No More Super Bella - E

She let out a scream, and I let her rant for several minutes. "How dare she!" was interspersed with "I can't fucking believe her!" and "who does she think she is . . . my mother . . .HA!" I couldn't make out everything, but I got enough.

Her second scream was the calming one, indicating her tirade was over. She fell on the couch and sank into it.

"I'm sorry," she began softly. "She just infuriates me so much."

"I gathered. Anything in particular?"

"Everything in particular. It's just her. It's always about her, not about me. She only calls when there is something in it for her. She doesn't ask about me. She knows nothing about my life, other than what she's been able to read in the tabloids lately. She's called me 5 times in the last couple of months. Before that, it had been about eight months. And that was because she needed money wired to her when she got stranded in the Bahamas by some guy."

I was shocked. I had no idea that Renee was in her life at all, let alone had called recently. I wasn't happy she'd kept that news from me, but it wasn't the right time to address it.

I was more concerned with her emotional state. I'd witnessed her rattled before, but I'd been led to believe she had come to terms with her mother and that relationship. The parallel between us had always been there. The one parent who didn't seem to be interested, who didn't care enough. Their indifference didn't manifest itself the same, but it was there.

Renee had taken more from her than my father had from me though. Yes, I knew there was insecurity. I'd already seen that in Washington. She didn't feel good enough for anyone. I understood that. But her parents' divorce and the subsequent lack of any good relationship model left her thinking alone was better.

Hope. Renee packed that in her bags when she left her daughter behind. Her father either never noticed or never knew how to replace it.

I remembering thinking Bella was my hope as well. But it was different; she was the hope of my personal salvation, but I'd never lost hope that love was worth fighting for. My parents had always shown me that. They gave me a reason to wait for someone like Bella.

We were the perfect fit. A complement of needs. Ever since we left our island, we'd been paddling in a large sea in too small a boat. Despite storms and high winds, we were still afloat.

I held her, feeling her breathing change.

"How are you feeling now?"

"I don't know. I'm mad, but better. It's so typical. I usually blow her off, but maybe I was just emotionally spent today."

"It's okay to get angry. It's a messed up situation." I pulled her a little closer, and I reached up to let my thumb ghost her cheek. "I didn't know she'd been in touch. Will she call again?"

"It's hard to say. One thing about Renee. You can never predict her next move. But my guess would be yes. She won't be able to resist trying to get her piece of the Cullen pie."

"Bella, why didn't you tell me about her?"

She sighed. "I don't know. It's all been so much. I guess I just thought it was a small issue. I was dealing with it, and I figured you didn't the stress."

I looked at her and shook my head slightly. "I don't think it works that way. I've been guilty of it too, but we can't keep things like this from each other. I need to be able to support you, and I can't do that if I don't know what's going on. And I hate to say it, but it sounds like we can't discount what she might do down the road. Just seems like another scandal waiting to happen."

"I know. I'm sorry. Apparently, I'm not as used to all this as I thought. I didn't really think about buying that test for Alice. And I can't even process what kind of damage Renee could do. Do you ever get used to not knowing who you can trust?"

"For the most part, I think trust is instinctual, Bella. You go with your gut. Sure, sometimes you lose, but when you win, it's worth it."

Eventually, she settled into me on the couch, and I let my fingers travel up and down her arms. "Mmm, that feels good" was the last thing I heard. Within minutes the rise of her chest slowed, and she grew heavier in her sleep. It was an incredibly awkward position, and after an hour or so, I carefully slid out from underneath her and carried her to bed. The disruption in her sleep must have prompted the talking. Usually, I only got to hear her in the morning when she was close to waking up.

For a while, she was reciting a grocery list; then she was editing a novel. But the last thing I heard before I went to sleep was, "I like Iowa, Edward."

When the alarm went off, I noticed I was in the same position as when I fell asleep.

Bella wasn't in the bed. I listened for the shower, but the bathroom was quiet. I heard water running in the kitchen though.

She was already dressed and eating a bagel when I got there.

"Morning sleepyhead."

"Why are you up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep, and then I remembered I have an early meeting this morning. I wouldn't have left without saying goodbye though."

"Are you okay?" She seemed too relaxed or chipper or something.

"I'm fine. Really. It was just a momentary vent. I decided long ago not to let her get to me, and I'm not going to go back on that now. But I am going to give her a call today. I don't need that ranting to end up in the tabloids on top of everything else."

"Promise me you won't try to be Super Bella and handle things like this by yourself again."

"Don't tell me you have another fantasy there, Cullen."

I had to admit the thought of Bella with a cape and tight Lycra wasn't exactly unpleasant. One corner of my mouth turned up, and I raised my eyebrows.

"Forget I asked!" She laughed. "My day is pretty crazy. I got sidetracked yesterday, so I'll probably have my phone off quite a bit. What's on your agenda?"

I sighed. "I need to dig a little deeper into the source of last night's baby drama."

She giggled. "Do you have any idea how bad that sounded?"

"Seriously, how you think I'm the one with the dirty mind is beyond me."

"On that note, I've got to go."

She elbowed me, and I pulled her into a hug and whispered, "I love you" before kissing her goodbye.

"Good luck with Jane," she said on her way out. "I don't envy you."

I nodded, but I wasn't going to start with Jane. I had a pit stop to make on the way to work.

Pit stop? Where the heck is he going?

A few housekeeping notes:

- Profmom's new story is hitting this week, it's called Rabbit Hole. Better get her on author alert so you don't miss it!

- thanks for all the momentum on the indies – things are trucking along, and we hope to have the site live in the next week or so. Will keep you posted!

So back to BAT - some of the BATgirls are writing crackfic epi's as we wind down (only 3 full chapters and the epi to go!). We'll share them along with our April fools crackfic soon!

We don't expect you to crackfic, but let's hear those predictions…there is still a lot out there to be addressed!